Planet Express's Package Pony

by MrAquino

Ass tattoo?

Derpy opened her eyes, seeing the entire Planet Express building was empty. Fry wasn't watching the television, Bender wasn't drinking beer with his fire belches, Amy wasn't around to make herself look cute, the professor wasn't making any new invention, Hermes wasn't documenting anything, Leela wasn't practicing at all and Zoidberg... well, she didn't mind him gone. She was all alone. That is, until she heard a loud whirring noise with a grumble. Not wanting to give her position away, Derpy quickly ducked under the couch she took her nap on, watching as a machine went forward & back on the floor, followed by some large, brown boots. She hid for a while, until some magazine fell on the floor, showing what looked liked a beautiful woman in a... weird position. She couldn't help but stare at the woman, wondering what it was. Derpy grabbed the magazine, just as a pair of hands grabbed the magazine on the other side. The Magazine and the filly were taken from beneath the couch, both held up by the same, middle aged man with the bushy mustache, brown cap, and janitor outfit.

"Who the hell are you!?" Derpy asked

"I'm Scruffy, the Janitor." he replied

"Where'd everyone go?"

"I don't know."

"Can you help me?"

"Nope. On break." He laid on the couch, took the magazine away from Derpy, and began to skim through the pages. Derpy stared at the old man, wondering who he was and what he did around here. She saw the device was bucket, and hanging on it, was a pack of muffins. Her mouth drooled at seeing the pack, as well as her eyes twinkling with happiness.

"Can I have a muffin?"

"...Mm."

I'll take that as a yes. She thought to herself. She flapped her wings and flew to the packet of muffins, taking one out. She took a bite, and, as with any other muffin, she moaned at the taste, landing in total bliss. Unfortunately, her wings stopped flapping, and she quickly fell face first into the bucket. She stood right up, though the bucket was still on her head, and she ran around.

"Hey! Who turned the lights off!?" She ran around blindly, crashing into the walls and tripping over every object in front of her. Scruffy did nothing but look through his magazines. Though muffled, Derpy heard the Planet Express ship land. She ran ahead, only to have her bucket covered head caught in between the railings. She felt herself caught inbetween the railing, lifting all her hooves to be around the bucket, and tried to pull herself out. With the soapy water around, she got out quickly & easily, though she rolled across the floor, crashing against the nearby wall.

"Derpy!" Leela spoke. Derpy looked down (or up, in this case) to see her upside down family. She blushed with an awkward smile.

"Heh, I got my head stuck."

"What is that!?"

"What's what?"

"Why'd you get a tattoo on your ass?" Bender asked

"What!?" Derpy quickly flipped herself over and looked at her flanks; on both flanks were seven bubbles, mirroring each side. "Why the hell do I have bubbles on my ass!?"

"Yeah," Fry agreed "If you wanted a tattoo, you should've got something cool! Like a snake, or a gun!"

"Or my face!" Bender suggested.

"Enough!" Leela yelled at the two, then turned to Derpy "We left you alone for five minutes, and you get a tattoo?"

"I never went to a tattoo parlor!" Derpy spoke "Seriously! All my money is still here!" She pulled out a large wad of cash, along with some random wallet.

"Calm down, everyone." Farnsorth spoke, picking Derpy up. "I'm certain there's a scientific explanation for this."

After a while of testing, Derpy getting tattoos was now invalid, as each bubble turned out to be a part of Derpy's fur, as well as the fact that there would be a very little chance for her to actually get a tattoo that would be exposed through her skin.

"First, flying, next, breathing in space, and now, this!" Farnsworth exclaimed "You must come from the weirdest species in whatever universe and planet you came from."

"Maybe," Derpy replied, looking at her flank's bubbles. "but... this kinda feels natural."

"Normal?" Hermes asked "How is growing a tattoo normal!?"

"I don't know. Call me crazy, but... I think this reveals my special talent, or even destiny."

"Balderdash!" The professor spoke "If that were the case, why don't we all mysteriously get tattoos that reveal our talent and destiny!? What would those bubbles mean? Something about blowing bubbles? And what about your destiny? What does that mean?"

"... I have no idea. I just hope the heads of Major Lazer, Bruno Mars, 2 Chainz, and Tyga Mystic don't see me and perform that one song."

"What song?" Fry asked

"You don't want to know." Unfortunately, at the next visit at the head museum, the heads of said celebrities saw her and laughed as they remembered the song they made together involving bubble butts. They were knocked down by Derpy and told to shut up. As for everyone else, while it was strange, they got use to it, seeing it as a normal thing in life as life. While no one wanted to agree, Derpy and Amy agreed on calling it a cutie mark; Amy for believing that it made Derpy cute, and Derpy because it sounded natural.

Is that hourglass a part of those stallions like me? Derpy thought to herself.

Author's Note:

Okay, all one-on-one chapters are over! Now, I'm just going to focus on the episodes, though they'll be edited for Derpy & other such changes.

Comments

[Kenshinryuu]

Amusing chapter, can't wait to see what comes up next and who Derpy's next mugging victim is.

[Princess Elytra]

"Yeah," Fry agreed "If you wanted a tattoo, you should've got something cool! Like a snake, or a gun!"
"Or my face!" Bender suggested.

Ha! Bender's Big Score.