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Fluttershy has a secret. She has developed an obsession with heavy metal music. However, Fluttershy can't let her friends know that a nice, timid pony such as herself loves such aggressive music, no matter what the costs. It simply isn't lady-like.
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Except for a when Switchfoot played at the 100th Anniversary BSA Jamboree I have never actually been to a concert before, so I really have no idea what I'm actually talking about.
I pray that this story has good musical references.
First of all, as I am reading your story I am seeing a lot of mistakes pertaining to sentence structure; some awkward phrasing and run-ons.
Secondly, THIS: " which Fluttershy found to be one of the most idiotic things around,"
Fluttershy would never call anything, much less something one her friends does, idiotic.
792339
This isn't what Fluttershy is saying, it's what she is thinking, more or less. The style I was going for was mostly 3rd Person limited from Fluttershy's perspective, with some 3rd person omniscient mixed in. Anyway, she has broken at times and given rude opinions on her friend's interests (Putting You Hoof Down). If you really want me to pick a different word I could, as well rephrase some other things it's really been a while since I've looked over the opening of the story, and while I was editing I was focusing more on finding hard errors.
792381
I know it is not what Fluttershy was saying. However, she would definitely not call doing athletic things "stupid;" it would be best to use a less harsh word, or just say she wouldn't enjoy it.
You really should go over this and re-work the sentences. There are a lot of noticeable errors in this story.
Also, I see a big "THE END," yet it says this story is incomplete. If it is incomplete get rid of that. Otherwise, set this story to completed.
792414
Sorry, I forgot to fix that. I not sure if I have time to revise the opening right now, but I can change it to complete.
Well, I suppose it could have been worse...
I was thinking of writing a similar concept, but immediately regretted my decision and canceled it...somewhere around...3-400 words I think?
Also...I was hoping I would see bands I like that I would easily recognize, like...Slayer? Morbid Angel? Mushroomhead? FFDP? Bands like that, but I, too, suggest you fix the sentencing and grammar errors in there. Because, I mean, for almost 7,000 words, it could have had more story behind it. Hell, make it longer or separate it into chapters.
We are METALSHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would be a great band name. Love the cover art too.
As a metal fan and a flutter fan I congratulate you on what is a beautifully written and entertaining story and I look forward to reading your future works.
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/002/252/me-gusta.jpg
792487
I've finished reading now; I agree with TehAlphaGamer's bottom statement.
I feel you are trying to rush everything; every scene is very short.
There are no references to any real metal bands. I can't even tell what genre of metal steel filly is (though I would assume it is Thrasher) and I don't know what type of heavier metal it is (Death, Black, Deathcore, Screamo, Metalcore, Mathcore, Progressive etc.). Like TehAlphaGamer, I want to see references to bands I know, like Lamb of God, Carnifex, Underoath, All That Remains, Protest the Hero, SOAD, Slipknot, Slayer,Dream Theater etc.
ok as a fellow metalhead I am now in love with fluttershy even more!!!!
792487
792694
Regarding references to existing metal bands, I never was intending to fill this with pop references. Equestria is Equestria, I don't feel the need to dump in anymore references to English Culture than needed. It might of been a mistake to name the only mentioned band to have been named after Iron Maiden, if that was what gave the impression that I was meaning to make more references to actual metal bands. "Through Tartarus" isn't even based off of anything by Iron Maiden. The story is really about Fluttershy, not Heavy Metal. I wasn't going The most I really went into metal was a bit of theory during the scene at Rainbow Dash's house. I didn't go into more detail about everything Fluttershy listened to as I didn't feel I needed to, it doesn't really matter exactly what bands Fluttershy is listening to only that she is listening to more. If you really want to know Steel Filly is supposed to be tradition heavy metal, like Iron Maiden. Heavier stuff is exactly that, heavier stuff. Thrash metal, death metal, it doesn't really matter. It's not like she is only listening to Technical Blackened Deathcore or something like that.
Regarding length I was actually intending for the story to be shorted by at least couple thousand words, which is why it's only one chapter. And yes, I was a little bit rushed as I was trying to finish this before I move out of this country (I've been packing out for the last week, on Sunday I'm leaving Brasilia for Rio de Janeiro, and afterwards my life will become unstable for another two or three months), but it still took around a month to write. Maybe I'm just a bad writer, my writing often tends to be streamlined like this. Anyway, I guess that if I'm going to through revise so it has more metal and longer scenes it would probably be best just to write an entire new revised version with multiple chapters and such, but I'm not sure how legal that is on fimfiction, and I want to get some of my other stories I'm working on out. That's my opinion on those areas.
One last quick question, do most successful Fimfiction writers have other people to edit and review their work before it is published? I've already read and edited through this one or two times, even more on some sections, and more errors still pop up.
The mental image of that jam at the end, Fluttershy shrieking her little head off, makes me want to make it a reality. If anyone reads this and can play guitar or do vocals, message me.
By the way, I humbly submit this as the theme song for this story.
Reads awesome story...
Plans for additions to The Courageous and Awesome Universe...
Adjusting Headcanon...
Congrats, Fluttershy's a metalhead. You helped in the creation process of my stories. Good Job.
That was pretty fricken metal, I love it. There needs to be more metal in MLp and flutter shy is perfect to be a metal head.
I take it Steel Filly is a parody of Iron Maiden?
Noticed some awkward sentence structure, and some words that look like they were left in by accident during editing. I felt Fluttershy's letter to the princess is longer than it needs to be, with several sentences basically repeating the same idea with different words.
It was interesting, and I could see Fluttershy as a metal head. It's always the shy, quiet ones that hide the most surprising interests.
792539
In the mean time, have you read Learn To Fly yet?
803625
Sounds like a cool idea, unfortunately I can't do anything. I'd also like to see someone make a "cover" of "Through Tartarus". Also, cool song. By the way, this Nuguns PMV was one of my early inspirations for Heavy Metal Fluttershy (it was also what got me into SOAD) as well as this (CoB).
821219
Um...er...yes to all.
822653
Give me the song you based your idea off of, and I'll see what I can do with Guitar Pro for Through Tartarus.
edit:
let me rephrase that slightly. Give me a tune you feel is similar to how Through Tartarus plays in your head and I'll see what I can do.
822666
Idea for "Through Tartarus"? I didn't base it on any specific song, though it's supposed to be traditional heavy metal, and there is a few details about the song in the story.
822772
Alright. I'll see if I can pull something out of my ass.
822778
Well, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to.
Ganodox, you love metalcore music, right? If do, then may i suggest you these bands:
To Speak Of Wolves
Demon Hunter
Underoath
As They Sleep
As Hell Retreats
The Devil Wears Prada
The Chariot
Inhale Exhale
Norma Jean
Blessthefall
Oh Sleeper
Just some suggestion for your music taste.
1675872
I prefer more traditional forms of Heavy Metal over Metalcore. My favorite genres are those on the epic side like Power Metal, Progressive Metal, and Symphonic Metal, and Alternate Metal like Disturbed, Tool, and System of a Down. Even with regards to Extreme Metal I prefer Thrash to Metalcore. To me a lot of Metalcore just sounds like shouting and noise, though there is some I like. Anyway, to each his own.
No worries. One last questions: Does any of your friends love metalcore, too? Just curious...
1675990
I really have no idea.
1676075
Yeah, I appreciate the suggestions, just not my type of thing. If I so happen to learn that any of my friends are into Metalcore I'll tell them.
This story inspired my name, as you can see!
I LOVE Heavy metal. I eat, breath, and sleep on it. I like anything from Hard Rock to Doom Metal; except any of that Screamo, Nu-metal, or any of that "core" music.
1870566
Same, though there is some Hard Rock I don't like, and I like some Nu Metal and some Metalcore. Even in crap genres there are some good songs. I also like Hardcore Punk even though it's not Metal.
1870594
When it comes to music, your mileage my vary. But that's the interesting thing about music, you'll never know if you like it or not. I remember not too long ago when I disliked Slayer, but my tastes have expanded since then.
I grew up on bands like Lynyrd Skynyrd, ZZ Top, Pink Floyd, Van Halen, Boston, Journey...
Fun times.
1872168
Of course I stay away from most Metalcore and Nu Metal, but if a song is recommended somewhere I'll give it a try as you never know until you hear it.
I grew up on an assortment of 80(?)'s Alternate Rock and lots of They Might Be Giants. A lot better than the crap on the radio like Rhianna.
Heil True Nightmare Moonish Black Metal. Fuck Celestia
1950056
2049843
Yes, that is your song.
You haven't listened to true metal unless you've heard Van Canto
2050927
As a matter of fact I have heard Van Canto, your comment is funny because Van Canto doesn't even have guitars.
Being a metal-head myself, I plan on reading this.
I'm sorry, but I couldn't get into this. There were too many grammatical, and punctuation errors for me to enjoy the story. Also I would have love to see some actual humor in this, but overall I did not enjoy this story. I hope this criticism helps you to improve on your next work.
2126962
Any examples of grammatical and punctuation errors? I tried editing my story several times already, editing ones own story is not an easy thing to do, and I am by no means an expert in English conventions. I submitted to to be edited on Ponychan and it was added to a que, but it was never actually edited. Anyway, I've always considered conventions to be secondary, plot is the most important aspect to me. Do you have any problems with the actual plot? With the next point, look at the tags. This is a Slice of Life story, not a Comedy, humor should not be the primary thing you are looking for here and should not be the main thing to grade it on. That being said the typical MLP episodes have more humor than this, but I wasn't trying for humor at all here, I was going for a more introspective, internally and interpersonally driven story here. I suck at writing jokes, the only humor I can write is sarcastic and absurd satire, and even that isn't that good.
If you want to rewrite this story to fit with more of your idea of how a story should go ahead, I'm not a great writer and would like for someone to take my ideas and make the writing good. Just give me credit for concept or whatever.
Metal? Yes.
Ponies? Yes.
Metal ponies? ALL THE YES.
In the story we're working on, we've already made references to Switchfoot, Incubus, Gorillaz, Pink Floyd, Alice in Chains, Linkin Park, Mastodon, multiple shot-outs to KoЯn (first concert), and many referrals plus a running gag/subliminal plot point involving In Flames (whom I've already seen twice). Many more references shall be made to many more bands, and what we've got planned for Rainbow Dash's moment in the spotlight... it's gonna be biblical. So naturally, I find this premise flavored with winsauce.
I like how this story does step up Fluttershy with her own niche of metal that she appreciates; it's not too much a stretch of the imagination to see even a timid, shy little pony like her enjoying more melodic ballads like Iron Maiden, ManoWar, Týr, maybe even Meatloaf, and come to think of it, I could easily see her finding favor with other groups like Nightwish, Lacuna Coil (which I'm going to try and go see next month along with Sevendust), or Apocalyptica. (Hell, even Rarity might like that last one.) Considering such though, she probably wouldn't be too much into bands like Speticflesh, Divine Heresy, of Amon Amarth... which is a pity, because with a mane like her's, she could windmill LIKE A BOSS.
I also do see it as something that she'd almost be embarrassed to admit, too, especially after the spa scene. (Is it just me, or is really easy to write out Rarity to be a bitch?
) Additional props go to you for the scene where Rainbow starts showing Fluttershy how to play; I really got the sense that you know how to play guitar yourself (so do I). But I have to detract a few of those bonus points for making it look easier than it is; last time my youngest brother came out to visit (to see In Flames), I helped buy him some gear and showed him how to play the intro for The Mirror's Truth, and naturally, having never played before, it wasn't coming very easily to him. (Yet oddly enough, he's better at it than I was when I started out.)
Further on the flip-side, it's not as developed out as I'd have liked, and though her progression seems like the path she would take to get into metal, if feels a bit choppy at times, like it brushes over things it be better to extrapolate upon. Something else I should mention is that there are a few errors. I wasn't in full-on editor mode, but a few jumped out at me, like this:
is a run-on sentence, and where Fluttershy says:
I think you meant to say: "That sounds just fine."
(And this needs a question mark)
However, it ends well. A good friendship report always helps it feel more 'pony,' and that last scene has to be a reference to the final thirty seconds of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Either way, not a bad story. Not fantastic, but hey; metal and ponies is sure to satisfy to some extent.
P.S: This, because the lyrics of this song actually reminds me of Fluttershy during her modeling stint.
(I've seen these guys live, too.)
- Christian 'A#FA#D#GC' Harisay
2172277
Story you are working on? Is that the Deception thing on your page? Sounds interesting, but it looks a little bit too long for my liking.
I didn't actually specifically go into what Fluttershy listens to, but yeah, except for that one album it's mainly just the more melodic stuff. In a flopped sequel to this I attempted to write she is the singer of a symphonic metal band, you can accept that as part of this stories canon or reject it. I freaking love Iron Maiden, Nightwish, Lacuna Coil and Apocolyptica (haven't listened to much Manowar or Tyr, but they are probably awesome too.) Heh, Rarity might not even realize Apocolyptica is a metal band.
Anyway, good to know you get to see Lacuna Coil! I still haven't been to concert or anything yet, I want to so bad, at least so I actually know what I'm talking about. I almost go to go see Iron Maiden while they were in Brazil, my dad interviewed them for their visas and they offered him free tickets, but he had to turn them down by federal law (and somehow lobbying is legal...).
Lol, it does seem to be that way with Rarity. The only other character who might be bitchier than Rarity is Rainbow Dash, but she wouldn't really fit as the accidental antagonist as well as Rarity would. Poor Rarity. Anyway, yeah, I play guitar, but I'm not really very good at it, Fluttershy's failure at first is based on my failure, though I have to say playing is a lot easier when your guitar is actually in tune. Anyway, I think an Iron Maiden-esque riff would be easier to play than an In Flame's riff.
Nothing I right is as well developed as it ought to be, and I still find that it goes on for thousands and thousands of words. Anyway, those errors and one more have been located and tactically nuked.
I'm not sure if I was referencing Bill and Ted, it's been awhile since I wrote that, but that is one of my favorite movies ever.
Heh, I never realized what the lyrics were to that song until now. I also just noticed now that the screams in that song aren't any old screams, they are screamo screams, and the rest of the vocals are in accordance with emo as well. Now the title makes even less sense. I'm considering getting that album, my main problem is I didn't get as much iTunes money this christmas as last christmas.
Anyway, thanks for your time!
2177625 Yeah, All those references are in Deception. And I'll admit it's rather long due to my inability to be concise, but it's not like you have to read the whole thing at once, or entire entire chapters in one sitting if it's too long for you. And would it help if I said that it's a hybridization of ponies and Inception?
I could see Fluttershy leading with harmonic, symphony vocals. IMO, not a whole lot of women that I've heard posses the vocal capabilities to have that harsh tone that most heavy metal usually requires, but with a lovely, lovely voice like hers, singing parts like Cristina Scabbla should be right up her alley. And I have set in stone that I'm going to the Sevendust/Lacuna Coil show; I need to make sure I can get that day off from work first.
Manowar and Tyr are two classic metal bands with material that deals mostly with Norse mythology. If you like Iron Maiden as much as you do, they should be right up your alley.
Sucks about missing that opportunity. Brazil probably isn't the best place for the metal scene. Hell, I'm surprised there's any one at all here in Reno, but it's actually not bad. I saw In Flames again last week, and just a few months ago I flew all the way out to San Francisco to see them because I never thought they'd come to a place like this. Still, almost make me wish I was still living in Vegas sometimes; everybody goes there.
I think the deal with Rarity is that her standards and manners walk a fine line between sophistication and snobby, more-fabulous-than-thou condescension. Rainbow Dash on the other hand (other hoof?) has her own moments where I find her dislikable, but her self importance is more akin to brash, sophomoric impertinence.
I dunno; from what I've seen, Iron Maiden has some songs that you've got to have some pretty fast fingers to play... 'Run To The Hills' for instance (Though from looking at this guy cover it, obviously the hard part is the solo, and thankfully it's mostly just hammer-ons/pull-offs.) In Flames actually does have some extremely simple songs like the melody for 'The Quiet Place' and the beautifully depressing 'The Chosen Pessimist,' but they do have their moments where for some reason it's just hard as sh
t to play. All that damn sweep picking for the solo of 'Ordinary Story' for instance, and the same thing goes for 'Leeches' (Kicks my ass every time...) The solo in 'Food For The Gods' also gives me trouble from time to time.
Yes, I think tuning your guitar might be helpful, too. Once you get used to having a general idea what the notes are supposed to sound like (depending on what you have it tuned to), it's a much easier instrument to work with. Practicing scales helps with getting a comprehensive grasp on finger placement as well as understanding how music in general is made, and later you might even just be messing around one day and realize 'hey, this is that one part from this song!'
As long as we're sharing, I sucked something fierce when I first started playing in 2006 while I was still in high school (the 'F' in the F chord means "F
ck you")... and that was with a nylon string, which are pretty much made for beginners/people who suck (or in my case, both). Then my dad got me a Yamaha acoustic steel string, and that kicked my ass even harder. I did start simple with songs from the likes of Yellowcard and Incubus, but I had to retire Threshold (a guitar isn't your guitar unless you name it) in 2009 after the neck broke (Pro Tip: never trust baggage handlers (aka: 'throwers') unless your luggage can take a hammer) and the place I kept taking it to for repairs was only stuffing the crack with wood glue. Then I bought a used electric Squire from some guy off Craig's List in 2010, and shortly afterwords I learned how to play my first song by ear; 'Check My Brain' by Alice in Chains. That required I tune it down half a step though, then near the end of 2011 I started really experimenting with new tunings when I made the decision to learn all of Linkin Park's first album, Hybrid Thoery, which required I tune the whole guitar down to drop C#. That month or so I spent looking up how to play the whole album is actually how that guitar got it's name; 'Phlex,' when I gashed open my index finger on the strings and got blood all over the pickups. Around this time, I learned how to play 'Royal' by Deftones, and shortly after I serendipitously stumbled upon to the main riff for 'Sextape,' but to play it properly I had to tune it down another half step to drop C.
From there I learned a sh
tload of songs by Deftones and even a few by Mastodon (like the previously mentioned 'Blasteroid'). But then one day after saturating myself with enough In Flames, I decided I wanted to learn how to play 'Take This Life,' said "F
ck it," and tuned it down another full step down to drop A#, where I have it now; jamming to In Flames and Amon Amarth. Now now I'm at the point where I can learn to play some songs entirely by ear (like 'Valhall Awaits Me'), play while rocking out (windmill, baby!), and I've even started to play around with riffs of my own.
It's just a matter of progression and learning your way around the instrument. Every song you could ever play is already hidden in the strings; you've got got to learn how to coax it out.
Anyway, enough rambling. I've got my own problems with writing too, namely incessant typos and rambling. And I didn't know whether or not it was supposed to be a reference to Bill and Ted, but it reminded me of that last scene anyway.
And I'll admit that I've come to read along with the lyrical booklet for the first few times that I'll listen to an album with a lot of screaming to memorize the lyrics. (And because I wuv all teh pwetty artworks.) But please; Mastodon (that was what you were talking about, right?) is not screamo OR emo. Does this gold sound like Asking Alexandria, or worse, Dillinger Escape Plan to you? I don't think so. Hell, even In Flames, which I'll admit has a lot of screaming doesn't descend to the depths of screamo. And I would recommend getting The Hunter (assuming you were talking about Mastodon), but if you're scrapped for cash, you could try Amazon.com instead of iTunes. Or just listen to all the songs on YouTube until you can afford it. Hell, that's what I did before I got my hands of all the delicious In Flames albums I own... BECAUSE THE DAMN BEST BUY HAS NO IN FLAMES.
Stupid Best Buy.
- Christian 'Talks Too F
cking Much' Harisay
2178927
Eh, I don't think I've even read a fic with 20,000 words, much less a chapter that long. Anyway, I haven't even watched Inception, so I think I'll pass.
Of course I've heard of Manowar, I just haven't listened to much by them. I'm not sure if I heard of Tyr. I might listen to them some more.
Well I live in Indonesia now, Brazil's metal scene is actually pretty big, a lot bigger than Indonesia's. The only advantage I have here is people actually care about Jakarta, Brasilia is one of those boring capitals in the middle of nowhere. You know that Sepultura, one of the most influential bands on the current metal scene, is Brazilian, they are from Belo Horizonte which isn't too far from Brasilia. The Power Metal band Angra is also from Brazil.
Which is what I was going for here, snobbish, not brash, for the trait of the "antagonist". All of the characters have their character flaws, not just Rarity and Rainbow. I guess part of the reason for Rarity being "bad" more often than the rest is because of all the mane six she is the most manipulative, and she also seems to be the one most bronies relate with the least.
Well, it's not like I said she could play any full songs by Steel Filly, at least not at this point. It was Rainbow how successfully played the main riff in that scene, and that section just ended with Fluttershy playing a single power chord, even though I said she played the guitar for the rest of the jam it doesn't mean she played well. Later she was just playing simple solos.
I'm still learning guitar. Right now my guitar is in the shop, so I can't practice.
I just got into Deftones like a week ago, they're cool.
I don't think I was trying to reference it, but I see the connection and I might have been influenced because Bill and Ted man.
I'm not saying that Mastodon is emo, I said the screams in Blasteriod are in the style of Screamo, I think it's mocking emo if anything. The only reason I even know what Screamo screams sound like is from videos comparing Screamo and Metalcore. Anyway, iTunes is my only means of paying right now, I have been listening to the album on Youtube.
-Ganon "can't think of stupid title" dox
Me Gusta
2379075
Glad you liked it!
2603243
Thank you, though this story has been out for quite awhile.
I was listening to Metallica while reading this