11. A real crime
We scarcely spoke on the journey back to Canterlot. We stopped only at the station telegraph office, where Holmes sent a cable informing Mr. F. that the case held no further interest for him and he was returning his retainer. When we arrived at our little flat on Baker Street, Holmes set the fire going in the sitting room stove and put on a pot of water, and then went straight for his violin. I sat in my usual chair and contemplated the events of our journey, while Holmes pranced about the sitting room drawing a cheerful tune from his violin, one more flowery than his usual baroque selections. I believe it was Mozart's Rondo in D major, which Holmes was adapting to the violin as he played. If I had not recognized it, I would have sworn it was composed for that instrument.
The notes he drew forth were bright and brilliant, and his eyes shone with the elemental happiness of a child, which is how I knew it was a lie. Whether the lie was for me or for himself, I could not then say.
"It isn't like you to give up on such an important case so easily," I told him.
Holmes lowered his bow for a moment. "I fail to see the importance of a painting not being stolen."
"You know perfectly well that is not what I am talking about," I said.
"Ah," he said with a chiding whinny, "you are ever the romantic, Watson. But I am not. It is enough for me that there is such a creature in the world." He smiled falsely, and resumed playing.
If Holmes has one chief vice, it is his obsession with justice. Not the justice of the courts, but he must balance the scales within his own mind. Those less-gifted ponies who drift through life in confusion and fall into crime by default, he regards as children, and shows an almost careless mercy. But to those whom he judges should know better, he is far less forgiving. His demands of them are in direct proportion to their intellect.
Holmes would make no rationalizing allowances for the showmare's behavior. I myself would not have called her blameless. I feared Holmes had already judged and condemned her, by standards no pony other than he himself could meet.
"Damn it, Holmes," I said, standing up, "there is no crime standing between you. Swallow your self-righteous pride for once and go to her. For Celestia's sake, go to her!"
But Holmes kept pretending to be absorbed in his fiddling. I studied his face for some trace of emotion, but what showed there bore witness more to the flickering of the gaslight than to anything underneath.
"It was the tea party for three," I said. "She set you a puzzle that you didn't solve."
That made him glance at me, which I took as a confession.
"You're ashamed to face her," I said, my voice rising with conviction. "Your damnable pride can't bear to admit that for once in your life, somepony overestimated you!"
I thought that would crack the varnish on his smile. But he only smiled more broadly. Then, to my amazement, he laughed—a short, barking laugh ending almost in a whine, which I would normally associate with bronchitis or an excess of phlegm. I sat back down and snorted in disgust.
I began going through the stack of mail that had piled up during our absence. I came across an envelope which had no return address, nor even our address, but merely said "To Mr. Fetlock Holmes". I recognized the large, ornate writing. It had not, I think, arrived via the hooves of the Canterlot Postal Service.
I sat staring at it long enough that Holmes noticed. He set down his violin, and came and sniffed at the letter.
"Ah," he said. "Lavender again."
He did not pick up the letter. Instead, he settled back onto one end of the divan, still holding his violin. He looked up at me and smiled. "Tell me, Watson, what do you think is in that letter?"
"I, I think—something private, I should imagine!" I stammered.
"Certainly. Were it not so, you would hardly be tapping your left rear hoof like a drum major beating out a tempo in your eagerness to find out."
I only then became aware of the sound, and that I was making it. I pressed that hoof firmly to the floor and bit my lip. Holmes raised an eyebrow, and I realized that of course he had seen that, too.
"Dammit, Holmes," I said, "Sometimes I wonder why I even bother speaking my thoughts out loud to you."
"Sometimes," he agreed amiably. "But tell me now: What do you deduce this letter contains? An invective? An apology? An invitation?"
"Well, she was quite angry last we saw her… but the letter is scented… addressed most decorously… Not an invective, then." I studied Holmes' face to see how I was doing. He frowned disapprovingly. "The envelope is sized for writing paper, not an invitation… but I should hardly expect Trixie to apologize." The frown deepened.
"I don't know!" I burst out. "It's none of my business!"
His face brightened at last. "Precisely!"
"Ah," I said. Holmes just sat there, still smiling at me. He flicked his gaze to the letter.
"Ah! Of course," I said, and backed out of the room, into mine, shutting the door behind me. It occurred to me as I did so that Holmes might equally as well have taken the letter into his room, had he wanted privacy.
"Done!" I heard Holmes call out a moment later. He could barely have had time to open the envelope. I threw my door open and rushed back into the sitting room, full of a sudden certainty that Holmes had outsmarted me again.
I perceived, first, that the letter was nowhere to be seen, and second, that Holmes, seated on the divan with his violin resting on his lap, was watching the fire behind the stove's smoky glass, which had flared up with a white light.
"Holmes!"
"You would have tried to stop me," he said, without looking away from the glass.
"Are you mad?" I cried. "Now you'll never know what it said!"
He paused and regarded me coolly. "If I inquire into the great, everlasting mysteries—the spark of life, the objectivity of good and evil—you accuse me of an unwise and ungovernable curiousity. But if one letter, whose import is limited to the brief lives of two ponies, promises a dash of sentiment, you cannot resist. You would reach into the fire and pull it out, even though it should burn us both."
He looked back to the stove. Its bright but fading light made his shadow dance against the wall. "I will not. I know when something is better left alone."
I walked over to the stove and stood there, looking into the flames with him.
"Holmes," I said finally. "Sod all that. You're a rare bird, you know. You've been singing your own song two score years now. For once somepony else has called back. This mare may be your last chance at love."
"Do you think I don't know that?!" he cried.
The mask fell away from his face, and for the first and only time I saw his mouth twitch and his eyes bright with despair. He looked at me with such an intent focus and lack of pretense, that I felt that it was the first time I had ever had his full attention—indeed, the first time I had been eye-to-eye with any real stallion in complete openness. It seemed indecent.
"To dilute her remarkable genes with those of an unmagical, tired old Earth pony, and rob the world of her magical lineage—now that would be a crime, Watson."
Then the mask slid back into place, and he raised his violin and resumed playing that music which he had no right to play so well. I slumped in my cushioned chair and stared into the fire, until the incessantly cheerful sound drove me out into the night to seek the refuge of the nearest pub.
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100 deviantart points per story to the first reader who identifies the two stories that large parts of the first two paragraphs are stolen from, and 200 points to the first reader who identifies the one-sentence theft in chapter 3 (not from Doyle).
And 200 points to the first reader who finds all 4 secret messages!
Updates will be every day starting Monday at 9 or 10pm.
If anybody can think of a catchier name and/or description for the story, please suggest it in the comments. A name change is likely, because this is a boring title. A cover picture change is also likely later on, because I haven't got anyplace in the story to put the original cover art. I'll avoid changing both at the same time.
Thanks to Ickhart, GhostOfHeraclitus, and Vimbert the Unimpressive for pre-reading and pointing out many problems!
Luna's Starry Night is by RK-d. atryl designed French Rarity and the gallery setting; BB-Kenobi put them together and re-illustrated them. Brianna Wainwright (DracosDerpyHooves on deviantart.com) did the EqD cover image, and two other drawings that you'll find within the story. Other credits are given with the pictures.
Chapter 11 is the final chapter. I'll post it at 7pm. There are still 500 unclaimed deviantart points from my first comment. 500. Not 300. Hmm.
Thanks to everybody who stuck with the story all the way to the end! Please don't lynch me. If you're near Fairfax VA, send me a PM. I'm going to have a party some Saturday in August. The regulars are mostly geeks, gamers, anime fans, and Asian Meetup group renegades (long story). It would be cool to infiltrate it with bronies. Then we could call it a Twilight Sparkle "Hooray, school is starting again!" party.
912800>>953428>>954281>>955296>>954129>>956979>>957028>>970413>>964256>>975937>>978299>>978257>>988289>>982925>>983246>>986991>>990565>>991376
Thank you. Your comments mean a lot to me. I didn't respond to them individually only because I didn't want to clutter the place up with me saying "Thank you" over and over again.
Instead of self-promotion, let me push some short stories that deserve more love:
How to Do a Sonic Rainboom by bookplayer
The Birthday by NorsePony - read it, it's only about 500 words
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream by Georg
Pinkie's Last Party by Quixotic Mage
Severance by RedSquirrel456
Moonspire Run by titanrising
The Old Stories by Thanqol
Whom the Princesses Would Destroy - bug GhostOfHeraclitus
I'm working on a system to give personalized recommendations based on your favorites list. How can you find out about this when it comes out? It's easy! You go to the top of this page and click "Watch". Try it now. Just to see if it works.
(Did I say "instead of self-promotion"? I lied. It's okay. I'm evil.)
A couple of notes about views, for other authors:
- EqD originally linked to the story main page. Most people, something like 500 out of the first 700, clicked on the EqD link, then got to the fimfiction link, which had exactly the same picture and description, and mysteriously didn't click on the first chapter link. I asked EqD to link directly to chapter 1 instead. This made my view count shoot way up. But it didn't increase readers by much. Before the direct link, 60% of people who read page 1 went on to page 2. After the link went to chapter 1, only 30% of people who read page 1 went on to page 2.
- The strategy of releasing one chapter per day and hoping to get new readers from "Latest Updates"? Backfired. I have 122 views right now of chapter 10. The day I released the first 4 chapters, 134 people read all the way through chapter 4. Everybody who read chapter 2 went through to chapter 4, according to the count anyway. So I might have gotten more readers to finish the story by just releasing the whole thing at once. Doing updates gained 300 more readers, but I lost 300 readers who never came back for updates. (OTH, the story has 128 favorites, so maybe those people will come back later... maybe. Readers, y u give favorite but no thumbs-up? You know who you are.)
My goodness. That was an intense ending. I should point out that the story is still listed as incomplete though. My hopes were up for some sort of reconciliation between the two, but then I saw your comment that said that this was it.
983005
So... were you right? (About Holmes' theory.) I want to know if it was figure-out-able.
993894
Thanks. It's complete. Fixed.
993997
Now, you see, while pre-reading I was told that there's an epilogue to wrap things up but I was never given access to it. And now I hear the story is complete as-is. This, well, this wakes in me the glorious hope that there might be sequel.
880316
"A Scandal in Bohemia"
Is the first I should think, but it has been awhile.
The other I would not even hazard a guess.
I have two guesses for the sentence from chapter three.
I had the odd sensation of having fallen into a parallel universe where some chance circumstance had made him something less than what he ought to be.
-or-
"Regardless," he said slowly, "crime is a terrible profession. The work is unsteady, the risks are high, the payoffs usually disappointing."
(I chose these, not because I recognize them, but by elimination. First identifying important or memorable lines. Second by removing any that had names attached. If I have to choose I pick the second.)
994074
Scandal in Bohemia: Yes, but that's the one that's already been found. Chapter 3: I'm glad you found my sentences memorable, but no. The sentence from chapter 3 is stolen from a Peter Beagle story, and refers to the same person that it did in that story. And there are still 200 points unaccounted for. This is a hint as to where they are hidden.
994062
Apparently I was utterly mistaken about there being an epilogue. I must have misremembered something. Sorry if I've inadvertently raised anyone's hopes up.
994122
It's okay. I'll get over it.
Writing a sequel would at least be a less-reprehensible way of getting into the featured box than ponifying Lolita and calling it "My Little Rarity".
994155
AAaaaaaaah!
I just got that notion out of my head, you know. I used an entire bottle of bleach, too.
...unclean...unclean...
994166
How about "Hugh Hoofner's Little Playmates"? "Crusaders Gone Wild: Uncut Edition!" Wait, I know - "My Little Adolf - A HiE clopfic."
994395
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5634-29394__safe_princess-luna_luna_macro_image-macro.png
Forget bleach. I need a bottle of chlorine trifluoride.
994120
Ah well, gave it a shot.
994395
And I think this is the only solution...
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvvfjucJKE1qzlbt4.gif
Bravo! Quite an appropriate ending. Sad, but appropriate. Poor Watson. Poor Trixie.
994395
There is a wealth - although I hesitate to use that term - of 'controversial' fics that never get featured. I daresay "Crusaders Gone Wild: Uncut Edition!" would never hit the features box, even if it was executed masterfully, because the title would turn away more readers than it intrigued. I am unsure about "Hugh Hoofner's Little Playmates". It might have the right mixture of memetic toxicity that people would read it from grim fascination. I'm also unsure about "My Little Adolf". My instinct is that anyone foolish enough to do it is not smart enough to do it well.
Hm. I do wish I could toy with the feature box just a little bit. If I could lock it to 'Everyone'-rating stories, I would do so, for myself if not others.
994515
Brilliant! I can use that GIF for the story's picture!
994537
Watson is best pony.
Your optimism about humanity is a nice note on which to end this topic. (Unless, of course, I think of something even worse.)
...he thinks things through TOO much sometimes.
...and i just gotta ask, is your name some sort of Dr. Horrible refrence?
994537
Poor Holmes.
alas, this story is at an end, but I felt that it did cater to the Sherlock Holmes that literature portrayed him as. While I am not in Fairfax, I do live in Burke VA, but due to an incredibly long vacation, I'll be anywhere between California and New York. Never the less, I wish you well. Keep goin and stay golden^^
994820 "...and i just gotta ask, is your name some sort of Dr. Horrible refrence?"
Dr. Horrible? The name sounds familiar. I believe I have his application here somewhere...
I give favourites because that is the only way to track now. I don't give thumbs up or down because I don't believe in the current system, I feel I need a scale of at least 1-3 to judge any story fairly. 1-5, as we used to have, would be better.
Fun story, with a somewhat unsatisfying ending. That is no critique, just a statement. I was expecting it, the story was heading there anyway. Poor Trixie.
995604 Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog?
995929
Honestly, you should have expected it because this was a Fetlock Holmes story. I'd have been more dissatisfied with the ending had the author caved to fantasy-fulfillment rather than be true to Doyle's character.
Doesn't mean I didn't want to see them get together happily ever after, though. The reader must share in a variant of Holmes' painful dilemma.
It was the way it was meant to be
. Plus, if you read "A Scandal in Bohemia" or saw "A Scandal in Belgravia" this was a nice twist.
If I remember correctly 'The Vampire LeStat' had a scene in it where he was playing
the violin. The other, I've no idea. Maybe the 'Satanic Verses' by Rushde?
Aw. Look at my poor little story struggling to get into the featured box. How cute.
img441.imageshack.us/img441/4278/dmstoryviews800x250.png
This shit went from crime thriller to fucking depressing, in ten seconds flat.
Poor Trixie. She just wanted to impress a kindred spirit.
I.. I want more though! I really do! I dont want it to end... why? Why?!!?!?
I for one certainly hope that Fetlock Holmes crosses paths with a mysterious unicorn mare yet again. For I do not believe the Great and Powerful Trixie will be spurned so easily, and if she cannot have him for an ally, he shall then become a nemesis, and it shall be the task, neigh the duty of Holmes to track her down and apprehend her regardless of his feelings.
Your Story is Very Well Written!!!!!! I loved the story, though I wish it never ended. Holmes why must you reject happiness!!!! Anyway I love Fetlock Holmes non the less. I love the Sherlock movies and the BBS series. Reading this only made me love the character more. Though I have no idea where I can find such books on Holmes, this has non the less made me a more better fan of him. Bad Horse, if you may, I wonder if you can make another Fetlock Holmes story. Maybe not a sequel because this ship will never happen, but he should take another case. I hope to read more of your fanfictions, you are a definite watch from me.
Bravo on a very well done interpretation of the classic character of Sherlock Holmes. Though I would love for it to continue, you ended it right where I imagine Sir Doyle himself would have.
As for the idea of Trixie and Holmes ever actually coming together, the only possible way that I can see would be for Fetlock Holmes to "die". In order for Holmes to actually change himself enough to allow Trixie into his life, he would need to "kill" his present self. This means cutting all ties to everyone and everything that was associated with him before that point lest he be pulled into the role of "Fetlock Holmes, Mater Sleuth" once again.
The only way I can see that concept happening would be to introduce Holmes' arch-nemesis, Professor Moriarty, and recreate the iconic scene at Reichenbach Falls. And that would take a pretty talented author well versed in Holmes knowledge to successfully pull it off. *hint hint*
1015667
If it helps, every Sherlock Holmes story and novel are all available in one book.
The Official Sherlock Holmes Complete Works
1004442
.
Is that a bad thing? There were a lot of clues, from the very start, that the story was about Holmes, not about the painting.
At least now I, too, have a comment from That_one_guy. Now all I need is for MagnumOpai to first me with a
1014603
An astute observation, which is why I went and read your one-shot and left annoying comments on it.
1015667
>Your Story is Very Well Written!!!!!!
Thank you!
>Bad Horse, if you may, I wonder if you can make another Fetlock Holmes story. Maybe not a sequel because this ship will never happen, but he should take another case.
Not a bad idea. No promises, though. I keep telling myself I'm going to stop writing ponyfiction and do Serious Work, just as soon as I finish the ones I'm working on. But the ponies... the ponies. They will not let me be!
>I hope to read more of your fanfictions, you are a definite watch from me.
And yet, you are not watching me.
1019129
It's far from a bad thing.
It was pretty clear from the start that Trixie was more interested in Holmes, but I figured that she actually stole the painting in order to get close to him. I never suspected that she'd lie about committing a crime, with the way her reputation goes you'd think she'd try not to make herself look bad. Talk about devotion. It's sad because ultimately, nothing good came of it for her.
1019129 I have Astute? Is it curable? Perhaps a creme or lotion....
I use a rough rating scale like this:
1 - Interested enough to look at, fled in horror at the plot/editing/grammar
2 - read. Yeah, its ok.
3- read. Enjoyed. Made a note to read anything else the author shows.
4 - Read and really enjoyed. Favorited and Thumbs Up.
5 - Read and fell on the floor loving it - Left loving comments, favorite, thumbs up, wants to bear their children. (This one, Past Sins, Slice of Life)
May there be many 5's in your future.
"The Detective and the Magician" is the first story on this website that I've liked enough to comment on. I have read most original Holmes stories a long time ago, and as far as I can tell you did an excellent job staying in character for both him and Watson, and their relationship. You sprinkled your tale with a multitude of references, paraphrases and perhaps even direct quotes from the source material - not gratuitously either, but all in service to the narrative.
Making Trixie Holmes' Irene Adler was a good match, not because Irene had feelings for him, but because Trixie is one of the few MLP:FIM characters both talented and duplicitous enough to lead Holmes on a merry chase, earning his professional admiration, which is the only thing that makes Holmes vulnerable to a woman's affections. In the original story, Holmes' - suppressed - romantic feelings were unrequited, but here they are mutual, making the ending doubly sad and frustrating for everyone. We so want Trixie to get a little love, but of course this is a Holmes pastiche, so the chance is small if we want to stay in character. :-)
I admit I puzzled a bit over why you added those slightly jarring bits about Holmes' views on race, and of not wanting to dilute her perfect magical genes, since in "Scandal..." the professional distraction that love would pose for him was reason enough to want to suppress any romantic feelings. But I realized later that this was probably because pony-Holmes needed some additional reason to plausibly not pursue Trixie, as the attraction in this case was mutual, not one-sided, and therefore stronger.
In any case, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. Thanks for writing and for sharing it!
Sad but entirely believable ending *thumbs up*
1042776
When I began the story, I decided Holmes had to be an earth pony, because Doyle's Holmes was a working-class man who worked for, and often looked down on, the social elite. But in a world where having no magic and no wings seems like a serious handicap, I thought Holmes could not dismiss this difference as inconsequential, and it would eat at him, and cause insecurity or even self-loathing that might manifest as racism. Then I decided that would be the endpoint of the story - Holmes revealing this insecurity, in his last line, and letting the reader know that his feelings about unicorns were how he dealt with his feelings about himself.
1044691
I don't know many actors, since I don't watch much TV or movies, but I'm attached to the Sherlock and Watsons of a British TV series from around 1990. Sherlock was played by Jeremy Brett.
static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Technology/Pix/pictures/2012/5/14/1336997849827/Jeremy-Brett-008.jpg
If you are going to change the name, try something like The Magicians Best Show or The Magicians Double Lie
Darn you Bad Horse! You made a story so good all the way through and dangled that tasty carrot out there at the end only to ruthlessly tear it away.
Well, it doesn't change the fact that it was a very good story (actually it probably just made it more memorable and emotionally powerful) so I shall darn you a second time for being a good enough writer not to give us what we wanted...
That being said, give us a sequel where you shamelessly throw aside your writer principles and give us what we want
Are you planning on doing a sequel of this story? Or perhaps another Fetlock Holmes fic then a sequel?
I think the description took something away from the story. I would have preferred to find out on my own that this is "Trixie tries to catch Holmes" instead of "Holmes catches Trixie".
That was one of the reasons I had this on "read later" for eight weeks (?): Romance and Holmes usually does not mix well. I would have read this sooner if there had been no [Romance] tag and a less obvious description.
Anyway, great story, a great (and powerful) Trixie and Holmes. The end was in character for Holmes, he is such a party pooper. I'm a little annoyed by the implied racism he holds against unicorns. That might be ok for the "real" Sherlock but I don't think that's acceptable for a Fetlock Holmes.
1309389 I don't like that the description gives away too much. I've used 4 or 5 different descriptions on this story, and the ones that didn't give anything away, didn't draw in readers. But at this point, most people aren't going to even see the story unless they're looking for it, so I may as well change it back.
His racism is the main clue that the story is about Holmes' insecurity and self-loathing, which I think would be stronger in a world where the natural gifts of the meanest unicorn and pegasus seem to outshine his brilliance. My Holmes doesn't really despise unicorns; he resents them. He looks down on earth ponies, and on himself for being one. Without that, the final lines would come out of the blue. I think the problem is not having more things in the story to help the reader make that connection.
1309753
Then my personal headcanon is to blame. I see earth ponies with a magical connection to their surroundings, in tune not only with plants (what makes them great farmers) but with the whole scene. That's why I completely accepted Holmes as an earth pony.
I was actually more surprised that you made Watson an earth pony too. Everything "medicine" seems to be the domain of unicorns, even if it's for the purely practical reason of fine control of scalpel and needle. But the way you describe Holmes he probably would not have worked with a unicorn-Watson.
Arrg! I'm doing it again! Every time I read one of these crossover stories I end up falling in love with the My Little Pony version and original is never as good as before. This also happened after I read The Three Whooves; now whenever I watch Doctor Who, I just feel kinda bad that Derpy isn't in it and
JennyDinky was only in one episode.But this, this is way better than BBC's Sherlock. How am I ever going to be able to watch that after reading this? Ah well, maybe the Sherlock Holmes books will be even half as well written as this. I should really get to those.
Yes, nice ending. I almost didn't bother reading this fic, though, because the description sounded like it was going to just be a search-and-replace job of a Holmes pastiche.
This is one of the most awesome fanfics I have ever read. As such, I am truly mortified that this does not have the attention that it deserves.
I am also anxiously awaiting a sequel that logic deduces may never happen. EVER.
R.I.P. this amazing beauty.
997102 you missed the joke darl.
Truly incredible, i'm sorry to hear it was so viciously under appreciated.
I believe this is based on A Scandal in Bohemia, correct?
Great Sherlock Holmes story, the introduction of the legendary Irene Adler. It was an interesting choice casting Trixie as Adler, but it's effective.
I've also done a Sherlock-Holmes type crossover, except it's with the show Sherlock on BBC. Do you happen to watch it? Because I do see some elements from Moffat and Gatiss's writing in this.
Or it could be the fact that I've just done six hours of Extension English and I'm overanalysing it. Whatever.
2212055 I haven't seen Sherlock yet, but I'd like to.
1309914
Nurse Redheart is an earth pony, and it seems unlikely that unicorns could dominate medicine. Diagnosticians and family-care physicians would benefit more from earth pony attunement than scalpel control, and it would have applications in every arena. Only surgery would be truly dominated by unicorns.
EDIT: Yes, this is me responding to a 7 month old comment.