• Member Since 30th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen Dec 22nd, 2018


Just an average writer writing an average story.

Comments ( 21 )

Just reading the first two chapters, I can note a few things that aren't so great

-Oh god, the walls of text: nobody likes reading walls of text (especially not me) so get an editor and get it fixed. The writing's not great either, kinda lacking in good description.

-Short chapters: kinda goes in hand with the sub-par description, but these are really short chapters compared to what I've witnessed in other Fallout stories. Step it up and at least try to get 3,000 per chapter.

-Stasis pod: I was initially gonna write a story with a stasis pod Minotaur, then I did my research and learned that the whole 'awoke after 200 years in stasis' schtick is a rather overused cliche in the FoE universe.

-Edgy name: not only is Dark Eclipse an oxymoron, it's another edgy-sounding name like so many Mary Sues out there. EDIT: I also just realized it's your username, making this look kinda like a self-insert, which typically ends poorly.

-Memory loss: like stasis pods, but for stories in general, writing characters with memory loss is sometimes seen as a writer too lazy to write a decent character. Not always the case, but again: a cliche in fanfiction.


Mentally noted. Though I did not realize a lot of this stuff is cliche. Thanks for those feedbacks though, I greatly appreciate it.

I really felt something's wrong but I just don't know. Now, at least I know what it is.

Slight grammatical errors, though overall, decent job.

Thanks for that feedback. Really appreciate it:pinkiehappy:

Yeah, grammatical errors are my main problem right now:derpytongue2:

these informations


Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)

Oh Uhm, wow. Thanks, I guess.

Can I ask one question though: Why? Not sounding rude or anything but I'm just new to this writing stories thing and this happens.

6552002 its a new group. It's what it does. FoE discussion and advertisement. I advertise 2 complete stories and one ongoing story every day. Today I chose your one.

I have my own Fallout Equestria fic, I know how eager we are for views and opinions, as yours was new I figured I'd help if I could. ^-^

Feel free to join us in the group on Facebook. And bring friends. For pics, discussions, advertising yourself and others, anything foe really. Join us. :D

6552311 Ok, Thanks! And I'll check out that group too:pinkiehappy:

Awareness comes under A, but i get your quote.

I like raiders, they die easy and carry cool stuff.

loving it so far.

Well, I like that one.
I find really interesting a story with a pony without memories wandering through the wasteland.

Heh, while it is not really best written foe story. Its still good to read and that. :ajsmug:
Keep fuckin writing.:twilightsmile:

Hehe, thanks for that :twilightsmile:
I'll try my best to continue this story, it's really hard sometimes.

Good chapters!
Your writting improoving! I think :trixieshiftright:
Keep up!:twilightsmile:

Well, I try my best! Thanks!

Hmm.. Romance.. I like! :twilightsmile:

DONT QUESTION PINKIE IT DOSENT WORK HER LOGIC IS...what would you call her logic......

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