- Member Since 30th Aug, 2015
- offline last seen Sep 26th, 2022
averagewriter
Just an average writer writing an average story.
averagewriter
Joined 30th Aug, 2015 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Just reading the first two chapters, I can note a few things that aren't so great
-Oh god, the walls of text: nobody likes reading walls of text (especially not me) so get an editor and get it fixed. The writing's not great either, kinda lacking in good description.
-Short chapters: kinda goes in hand with the sub-par description, but these are really short chapters compared to what I've witnessed in other Fallout stories. Step it up and at least try to get 3,000 per chapter.
-Stasis pod: I was initially gonna write a story with a stasis pod Minotaur, then I did my research and learned that the whole 'awoke after 200 years in stasis' schtick is a rather overused cliche in the FoE universe.
-Edgy name: not only is Dark Eclipse an oxymoron, it's another edgy-sounding name like so many Mary Sues out there. EDIT: I also just realized it's your username, making this look kinda like a self-insert, which typically ends poorly.
-Memory loss: like stasis pods, but for stories in general, writing characters with memory loss is sometimes seen as a writer too lazy to write a decent character. Not always the case, but again: a cliche in fanfiction.
6391844
Mentally noted. Though I did not realize a lot of this stuff is cliche. Thanks for those feedbacks though, I greatly appreciate it.
I really felt something's wrong but I just don't know. Now, at least I know what it is.
Slight grammatical errors, though overall, decent job.
6409045
Thanks for that feedback. Really appreciate it
Yeah, grammatical errors are my main problem right now
Moar
Inspirational.
Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)
6550110
Oh Uhm, wow. Thanks, I guess.
Can I ask one question though: Why? Not sounding rude or anything but I'm just new to this writing stories thing and this happens.
6552002 its a new group. It's what it does. FoE discussion and advertisement. I advertise 2 complete stories and one ongoing story every day. Today I chose your one.
I have my own Fallout Equestria fic, I know how eager we are for views and opinions, as yours was new I figured I'd help if I could. ^-^
Feel free to join us in the group on Facebook. And bring friends. For pics, discussions, advertising yourself and others, anything foe really. Join us. :D
6552311 Ok, Thanks! And I'll check out that group too
Awareness comes under A, but i get your quote.
I like raiders, they die easy and carry cool stuff.
loving it so far.
Well, I like that one.
I find really interesting a story with a pony without memories wandering through the wasteland.
7711527
Hehe, thanks for that
I'll try my best to continue this story, it's really hard sometimes.
7829720
Well, I try my best! Thanks!
8397209
Hehe, thanks!
6904211
DONT QUESTION PINKIE IT DOSENT WORK HER LOGIC IS...what would you call her logic......