- Member Since 29th Aug, 2015
- offline last seen Oct 1st, 2017
dracorex01
Bow before me mortals for I love dragons, video games, and MLP : FIM!!!... Yes, I do feel awesome at times.
dracorex01
Joined 29th Aug, 2015 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Uncle Smiles · 13k words · 85 12 · 1.6k views
- Mr Dorito · 2.7k words · 53 22 · 1.2k views
- xavex · 211k words · 124 25 · 3.8k views
- ifuckkids · 11k words · 61 21 · 1.3k views
- DeepBlood · 0 words · 99 32 · 0 views
- Trithtale · 5.1k words · 137 16 · 3k views
- ZephyrStrife · 44k words · 151 14 · 6.4k views
Featured In7
Stats
Page generated in 0.058 seconds
Total duration
769 users online
1,173,243 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This looks good
... I dont get it. Why so much negativ?? It looks veeery promising and something not used often. I sure like it so why is it down voted?
Dude, if we ever meet up, my displace is gonna laugh his ass off. He adopted Tia and Luna as his nieces, and here you are, being a daddy.
Nice and awesome job on the story
Review time:
The Good:
* Decent start:
The Meh:
* The MC abilities. Be careful that you don't make him overpowered. (Immortality is a pretty huge power.... so yeah, maybe 0, 1 or 2 more minor powers)
* The end.
The bad:
* The part where he meets the merchant sucked.
As a displaced fic, there are several things to watch out for. I made a blog post about common mistakes in displaced fics and solutions for them. Hopefully it will help.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/530330/displaced
6417854 There is so much negative because it is a concept that is used often. Incredibly often at that, and you could argue this premise has been done since the very early days of the fandom before Displaced was even a thing. When you're new to reading fics, which I assume you are since you've only had an account since January, HiE fics seem as good as any other fic. There are literally hundreds of fics that are all of equal or greater quality to this fic and have very similar premises and plots. I recommend you go on Browse, sort by Rating, and add the tag Human, so while you can still enjoy HiE you spend it reading good ones.
Plus he is using someone elses' OC, which doesn't reflect well on him.
6419407 i know that displaced fics are used often. i just thought that the idea from this oc was his own - where this character is his own idea. but i can understand why someone wouldnt like it, if what you just said is true.
>>jeray2000 Wait has someone else already invented Necros? If so, then who?
Ok. A pet peeve of mine occurred this chapter.
You had Pinkie Pie and the OC break the fourth wall (and act out of character). Breaking the 4th wall really takes the reader out of the story. What's worse, there was no point to it other than "Lets break the fourth wall!" You could of had Pinkie being Pinkie by having her tell him to check the party she was throwing that night... and then see Twilight fly into town. Which would of been more in line with what we've seen for her character in the show. I've never seen canon Pinkie say anything like "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie and none of us have free will as Faust writes everything we say. Your goal will be at this location at this time because the author says so. See you there!"
Sigh.
Sorry if I ranted a bit, but it really annoys me when someone breaks the fourth wall. I like being immersed in the story and breaking the fourth wall throws the reader out of the pool.
6419864 Well the thing is that Nick is still developing as a character. Also, he's been living on the moon for a long time with only Nyx to keep him company so he's bound to change.
6420392 Ummmm.....
... did you reply to me by accident? 
That has nothing to do with my post or breaking the 4th wall
Edit:
Wait... I think I realized what you were posting about. I meant it was OOC for pinkie.
6420411 Oh. Well its really popular for Pinkie to break the fourth wall sometimes so I chose to do that. Sorry for the mixup.
6420566 Yeah. It still annoys me when it happens.
Great chapter
6420392
MORE PLEASE!
I guess I don´t have a problem with that foul language thing, but do I have to know Nyx story to enjoy this one? I mean I decided to read it later, but I want to know if I can just start with this one, since it is shorter.
6432876 You don't have to, but I would highly recommend reading Past Sins because it is a very good story.
woooooop!!!!!!!!!!
huh...
I have a few questions:
1. How would that work? 3D Shadows?
2. Are you saying that every displaced can do a sonic boom of some kind?
3. "Shade" boom?
4. Was his vehicle a tank or a jeep? I think it was different to what was said in the first chapter.
5. How does he know the missing people were sent to Equestria?
Just being a little critical :P
I do like the idea of the character and your writing is pretty good so far.
6436903 Well first off I wanted to show up Rainbow Dash so I developed the opposite of her Sonic Rainboom.
Second, only the Displaced that can fly at supersonic speeds could create a sonic boom, look to the reason above for why I did that for Nick.
Third, Deathtrap is an unusual type of shapeshifter because he can only shapeshift into land based vehicles.
Finally, he didn't read about them in the news, but rather read about them on this website. Remember, Nick is a brony.
6438968 You move the mouse (or whatever you use to click on stuff) on top of the text that is blacked out.
Your character is already OP. He has 15 powers in the Author's note alone, not only that he's able to gain more powers by drinking blood... Yeah, I could see this being used for so much 'Deus Ex' explanations.
Now, on to the problems I have with the story. You've made your character able to break the fourth wall, and have made him do so repeatedly throughout all three chapters. You then take it a step further and make Pinkie Pie blatantly break the fourth wall... Next problem I see is one that many authors have on this site: When another person or pony starts talking... MAKE IT ANOTHER PARAGRAPH! I cannot stress this enough. Many great stories are viewed as garbage simply because the reader can't tell who's talking, or where the characters are in the world that the author created. Finally to finish this rant off, is Consistency. You had Nightmare Moon appear, Twilight confront her, and after she escapes the characters go back to the Library and THEN Pinkie throws her surprise party...
I want to like this story, I really do, but for now I'm going to Track this. Try to smooth out some of these problems and We'll talk about likes and favorites.
6441298 Okay now forgive me for being defensive, but this is an alternate universe! Meaning, I can do just about whatever I want. Also, I'm not perfect. I'm gonna make some mistakes.
Edit: Now, I 've gotten rid of the Blooddrinker tentacles. But I am NOT going to get rid of anything else, namely because he isn't going to be using them very often.
I am going to think of Necros as a power lotto character using modified rules. Also, Deathtrap has quite a bit of potential if the only limitation is he is a ground bound vehicle. Concept cars and the like opens up a great deal of potential. Also, he should of aimed at RD and let his engine growl. After all, he is a dog, right?
6469259 Thank you for that little tidbit. I will make certain to put it in.
I REALLY REALLY HATE that little bastard rabbit.
No, you called it right first time. That is in fact his proper name to every one but Fluttershy. Freaking devil bunny.
Angel belongs in the top 10 biggest jerks in the whole multiverse
I must say that I am really glad that others share my point of view on "Angel."
Yo! Betoran here! I just wanna tell you that I love the story so far, expecting more chapters on a future time
P.S. Just made it to chapter 3 and so far I'm really loving how the story is going.
P.S.S. Shall the pancakes give you strength!
6469820 Sooooo, where will Deathtrap stay? With Fluttershy and all of her animals? What about Fluttershy freaking out about being inside of a meat eater?
We wonder if Luna would also treat Nick as her father figure? In a way he was a stalwart companion and guardian in a parental role, it would be rather odd with both Nyx and Luna.
Read till the last uploaded chapter. Well the story as I said is pretty good, and I love a story. Yet the problem-the dislikes- come mainly because it moves too fast an have many parts that are just... pretty simple.
For the story to get better you need to explain their actions more, and their appearances. You have to write more about the surroundings and the like. One part that made me frown is that his brother came back, yet you didn't say if his brother continue being human or was turned to stallion. Then there is the part of how Celestia took his words at heart, because lets face it. You wont believe two kidnappers while one even have an demon's voice just from the merry start. You need to add something more... heart touching, like exchanging memories or just forcing Celestia to go with the flow with your dark powers or something. You have to put more action when the brothers are talking too and did they shout or whisper the words cause they where in a party were they not?
Oh well that is my opinion/criticism of the story so far. Love the story anyway, waiting for next update :D
P.S. Seeing as this is your first story just remember to edit chapters later on when you got better.
6491257 Well I was considering doing that, but I am worried about giving Nick too much power. While his abilities do come from the most powerful book in existence, I wanted to at least try to limit his power set so as to avoid putting him in a god-like position. If I really should, then I might. I just want to see where the story goes. Basically, I have no plan for this story or any of the others that I have.
When you said this was your first story, it definitely shows. There's a good idea behind it, but not enough happens in the prologue that really gets the readers invested in the story.
I'll keep my eye on it for now, but it definitely could use a bit of spicing up.
I'm... going to have to agree with FordPrefect on this so far, unless it's done right and used very sparingly, breaking the fourth wall to have the characters acknowledge the author and audience really, REALLY, breaks the reader's suspension of disbelief that is required to keep them engaged in the story and continue reading.
Due to the way the entire chapter was nothing but the characters saying things instead of doing things also found my attention waning away from the story and causes me to be hesitant about continuing along the story due to that fact alone.
I know that some people enjoy 4th wall breaking Pinkie, but I find it tends to shatter my interest in a story when she does that. Even in the show she doesn't do it all that often, displaying foreknowledge about the SETTING instead of the MEDIA used to convey the setting. Even when she did break the fourth wall it was to be reminiscent of actors bowing out at the end of a great performance and thanking the audience for appearing.
Despite all the description that the character has simply said I don't feel that I actually understand how he sees himself in that light since he has only been displayed as a flat image instead of a well-rounded character. The only bit of depth I found was just above the end of the chapter as the main character was teasing his younger brother, before and after that though didn't quite seem to have the same feel to it.
If this comes off as mean, I really am sorry, but this story needs someone to give it a good and thorough critique so that it can be bettered instead of being a "meh..." rated story and I truly want to see this fic get better because there's a bit of interesting potential
Are you canceling the story? 3:>
6679151 HECK NO!!! Fact is I've been busy with life getting in the way of me writing.
6688251 ooooooh thank luna. I got scared for a bit haha!
Whooooooah, this story is, like, so original, creative, clever, and funny! Wow!
No. Just... Why do things like this exist? WHY?!?!?!
At least this is mature for no reason. The children have been spared this horror.
Wow this is just bad... I mean for your first fic, you certainly used almost every trope of bad writing in such a way I could swear you were trying to make this bad on purpose. There is no excuse to make such a ridiculously overpowered OC, and even worse, to use it in a Displaced story. I could stop and take time to point out everything wrong with this, but I'm positive it'd be a waste of time and nothing would change, I'll just down vote and be on my way.
7024996 Well do you have any suggestions to make my OC less overpowered? Please do remember that his abilities come from the Necronomicon, which is viewed as an extremely powerful artifact. I would prefer that his powers do retain a good scare factor.
Fuckin 'el man. OCs can go fuckin suck my cock. Otherwise good story man. I think. I just read the first chapter. It's cool. Hehe. ;^)
Update Please?
Good ta see yah long time no read eh
Excuse me, pardon me, didn't see you over observing and monitoring a dimension for entertainment, whilst everything was going about their lives, like a normal alien, eldritch in nature...
Hmm... this I like.
Pretty good and not op powers equals a thumbs up.
i laugh so much to this chapter your doing a great job keep up a good work update soon