Chapter 2
School was finally over, at least for today. I sighed in relief, placed my bag up on my back, and exited the school. As I did, I saw Sunset Shimmer standing nearby the school with her friends.
Quickly rushing over to her, waving my hands like a maniac, I called ,''Hey Sunset! Since we're partner's, and all-''
''In a second! I have to talk to my friends, just wait here.''
With that, I was cut off from our ‘conversation’. Here I though that this assignment would bring us closer to each other, but now I felt like I didn’t even matter to her. I stood there for few minutes, waiting for their conversation to end. After a while, it was finally over, and Sunset waved goodbye to her friends.
''Sorry, what were you saying?'' She asked, grabbing a book out of her backpack.
''Oh well, since we're partners,'' I paused and blushed for a moment, '' I though we should hang out, and I should get your number, right?''
Sunset chuckled and brought out her phone. ''Sure. I'll write down your number and you’ll write down mine, okay?”
“Yeah, sure!”
After writing down our numbers, I placed my phone back in my pocket, as did Sunset.
"So, what's that book about?" I asked, pointing at the book in Sunset's arms.
"It's, uh, just a book I use with my friend. Nothing special." Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"
"Just curious." I chuckled.
"If you’re not busy," Sunset paused, placing the book back in her bag, "you can come by my house later. Like you said, we can hang out! ...since Cheerilee wants that, of course," Sunset blushed.
"Oh, y-yeah, yes, of course!" I said, filled with joy.
"Alright then, maybe in a hour?"
"Sure."
"Okay, call me then."
Sunset waved her hand to me and went off towards her home. Once she turned away, I jumped in joy. I was so pumped to hang out with her again; she's just so cool and kind.
An hour had already passed, and I quickly took a small bag with me. I had my keys, wallet, and phone. I walked to Sunset Shimmer's apartment, and called her on my phone.
"Yes...?" A voice picked up.
"Hey Sunset! I'm here!" I said.
Without even responding back, she opened the door and smiled at me, beckoning for me to enter her apartment.
"So, what have you been doing this past hour?" I asked, sitting down on her couch.
"Just texting with a friend, not much." Said Sunset. "What about you?"
"Just browsed around the internet, nothing special either."
"Do you want to drink something? I have some water, or juice?"
"Sure, do you have orange juice?"
"Yup!" Sunset replied with a grin. "I'll pour some for each of us."
Sunset went back to the kitchen, meanwhile I sat there on the couch and looked around. I took notice of the book next to me that Sunset had back at school. I wanted to peek in, since it seemed a bit suspicious. It had that Sun thing on the cover, like the one on Sunset Shimmer's shirt. But what if it was personal? Like a diary, or journal? I decided to ask Sunset instead, until it started vibrating. I almost jumped from the sound of it.
"The juice is on the table! I have to go to the bathroom!" Sunset shouted from the kitchen.
"Okay, thanks!" I shouted back.
I decided to ignore it, instead hoping Sunset would notice it. I walked to the kitchen to take the juice. I heard the bathroom door open, and Sunset walked out of it. She stood next to me and took a glass of juice for herself, and started drinking it.
"So, about that book," I said. "Why does it have that mark on it? Like the one on your shirt?" I pointed at the Sun mark that was in the middle of Sunset's shirt.
"Why do you care that much about a stupid book?" Sunset shouted, she seemed upset and had a aggressive tone to her voice. "It's just a book I share with my friend!"
"Okay, alright, sorry Sunset." I said, with my cheeks deeply turning red. "I-I was just wondering."
"Sorry." She whispered. "I didn't mean to yell at you like that."
"No, it's alright. It's your privacy, I shouldn't be asking questions about it."
"Listen, there's something I must explain to you. It's a long and strange story, and the only people who know it are my friends." Sunset grabbed my hands and looked deeply in my eyes.
"Y-Yes...?"
"I'm a unicorn from a another dimension."
With that, I let Sunset's hands go, mouth agape. "Wait, what? You’ve gotta be joking."
Sunset chuckled. “Of course you don’t believe me. Who would?”
"I want to believe you, but a magical unicorn from another world? I don't believe that."
"Let's just sit down."
And we did, I sat down towards Sunset next to the kitchen table.
"Okay, here's the story." Sunset took a deep breath. "The statue in our school has a mirror, or portal, that takes you to another world, a world called Equestria. In equestria live ponies, a bit different then the ones in this world. There are four species of ponies, unicorn, earth, Pegasus, and most rare of them all, an alicorn.
“I was once a student of Princess Celestia's, a princess of equestria. She raised up the sun, while her younger sister Luna raised the moon. I was a student of her's, who wanted power, and I was selfish and though that I was ready to be a princess, but I was clearly wrong. I went through a mirror and started to live here in the human world. I got used to walking on two legs, and using my hands."
“Pfft, you’re kidding, right? There’s no way that’s true!'' I laughed. “If you’re trying to prank me, you’re bad at it.”
''No! This is all real!'' Sunset shouted back. ''I know it sounds crazy, it really does. But please, you gotta believe me!''
''Fine.'' I sighed. "So, wait! So, you were a bully at this school? Like everyone has told me?"
Sunset sighed. "This is where that part comes in. Yes, once I came to this world, I ruled the school. I dated Flash Sentry to become more popular, and everyone feared me. I won the crown for fall formal, every year!" Sunset explained. "Another alicorn from Equestria, by the name Twilight, defeated me with her friends, once I transformed into a demon form-"
"Demon form?"
"Twilight had a magic crown that I stole, and the crown showed who I really was. After being defeated, I learned many things about friendship, and how important it really is. At first, everybody hated me, except my only five friends. But after saving the school from three other evil girls, many students at CH aren't so mad at me anymore."
"Who are these, ‘other evil girls’, you speak of?"
"Adagio Dazzle, Sonata Dusk, and Aria Blaze." Replied Sunset. "They were sirens from Equestria, Twilight came from Equestria to this world to help us defeat them. We defeated them by using some sort of power of music and friendship, I suppose."
"Ah, Okay." I grinned in understatement.
"About that book," Said Sunset, as she walked to the living room and returned with the book in her arms. "Okay, here's the deal. I use the book to contact with Twilight, the girl who defeated me and also helped me. I use this book to talk to her."
"That seems pretty awesome!"
"It kind of is." Sunset chuckled.
"That's why you never explained why you used the book?"
"Yes." Sunset nodded.
"By the way, it was vibrating earlier. What does that mean?"
"It means that Twilight sent me a message back."
"I suppose I should go home now, We'll meet again at school tomorrow."
"Yeah, you're right. I actually still have a lot of homework to do too."
We both chuckled and hugged. I took my bag and said goodbye to Sunset. As I exited her apartment and began heading home, I couldn’t help but wonder if anything she’d been saying was actually true...
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My crush is Sunset. Or rather my waifu. Continue along.
Sunset Shimmer, you are awesome. I also have to say this story is similar to TheNewYorkBrony's Oh Baby! story. You should ask him for permission just in case you get accused of ripping the story off him. And if you already did ask, make sure you put that in your description so people won't accidentally frame you for idea snatching.
It's good so far, but this isn't second person point of view.
This is first person, using "I" and "me." Second-person uses "you" and "your."
Comma in title is unnecessary. If there is a pause, then make it the triple period. Just a tip :D
This is just a suggestion, but I think you should change the title to 'Married (kind of) to your crush' . It's a really good story though!
I think he should still believe this is all an elaborate joke. I wouldn't believe it if my crush told me she was a talking horse with a horn.
This is a bit fast paced and everything seems to be happening way to fast and you kind of just dumped all your exposition all at once and he bought way to fast, I say you need to slow down and add a lot more build up before your pay off
Just like jidbrony said, this seems a little rushed. Other than that the story seems interesting.
6382321 Okay. The story was inspired by a disney show, though.
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Thank you. And Thanks for the tips and advice.
Looking forward to reading more of this, my friend.
this is come along nicely, a little fast paced but that's fine.
6384933 Yes! Somebody Finally got it!
beacontn.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/victory.jpg
6385512 i'm surprised nobody picked up on it. when I first realized it was that episode I automatically that maybe spike would be given out as the child. that would've hilarious in my opinion. and also
I believe it's pronounced "brian surg-eon"
I'm fairly certain that I've been drawn to this story like a moth to a flame, like quite a few others.
I do like the set-up idea, but I agree with some of the others. It'd be a bit more enjoyable if it were paced slower. Give time for details and time to drink in the environment, heheh.
And I noticed a few errors in the chapter, though I'll probably be back to point them out. If you ever want somebody to look them over, I'd be happy to! I tend to do that for people anyway, hyuk.
But hey, I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where this story'll go! fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/336/5/7/13860064636854_by_blknblupanther-d6whl0i.gif
I like the story, but it seems pretty skeptical that the guy is pretty much believing everything Sunset is saying. If my crush told me he was a talking unicorn with a magical butt tattoo, I wouldn't believe it. I think it should go more into him thinking Sunset is a liar, and more afraid to be around her since those rumors are true.
Other than that, the story is pretty good, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
6382472 Uh, such a idiot I am.
Many grammar errors and very rushed.
Otherwise, great job! Here are errors I noticed (red is incorrect):
Expect should be except, and unless this is set in the Friendship Games, it's five friends: Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy.
Nothing much, you just need to turn that comma into a semicolon (;).
Uicorn should be unicorn.
Okay, you have a few other minor ones that I didn't mention in this comment, but I'm going to make this the last one. The comma after "species of ponies" needs to turn into a colon. Also, the u and e in unicorn and earth need to be capitalized because you are referring to them as a proper noun. And lastly, the shameful mistake we all sometimes make, the a before alicorn needs to be an an. (You see what I did there?)
Overall, this is a great story, and I hope I helped! Can't wait to see where this goes!
GREAT SCOT THIS IS BOOK IS WHAT I READ NOW BACK TO THE FUTURE !
I'll keep reading but I have to say; this chapter was rushed a bit. I will keep my interest as I go along.
It has been hinted that sunset has a temper problem. Also, I’m glad she told him it might show how much she trust him. Also, why is this your least favorite chapter?