“You shall not.” I raise my staff in the air. “PASS!” I slam my Force staff on the ground thus sending a shockwave knocking the guards off their feet. Before the guards could recover, cracks started to form on the opposite side and collapses as those who were on the bridge fell to their deaths.
I make a mad dash to the other side as the bridge behind me crumbles apart. But my path in front of me breaks apart leaving a large gap. Without thinking I make a giant leap across the gap and barely made it.

You seriously went there?

“That was close.” John said and pats me on the back. “Oh and awesome Gandalf accent.”

You did.

“ENOUGH! You are to stand down this instant! I am a princess and I will not be bullied by a hu-” Twilight was soon cut off as Ben grab Twilight’s left leg and smash her to the ground like a ragdoll for a few times but stops for a moment and sees Twilight still struggling and again smash her on to the ground twice for good measure and walks away.
“Puny alicorn”

Original Avengers reference. Good one.

“This looks like a gay version of Power Rangers!” Ben said.

Okay, that made me laugh.

Also, hundreds of guards that are completely useless and the only treat are the "bosses." I wonder why that's familiar. *cough* Dynasty Warriors *cough*

the tittle is fine

Good

YOU SHALL NOT CHANGE THE NAME

I am sorry but I can't stand the pictures. If they had a description of the pictures that would be fine, but here your using pictures instead of describing the characters. To me it just shows lazy effort writing.

6512077
The pictures are for those who have difficulty imagining it.

6512079

It is just I see NO attempt to even describe the characters in the pictures in the writing. If there was a Good description of the characters before the pictures were shown I would not have minded. However because there is NO description, I just see the pictures as a lazy effort to not include a description.

suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16534941/images/1317874438017.jpg

Thta's probably waht is now happening beetwen Merchant and Tzeentch........ with Malal/Discord laughing and dancing with Emperor. Deciver playing on banjo Nurgle on saxophon and poor Khorne on triangle (you now sitting on thsi throne from the beggining of time he must have a paralyshis).

The Emperor Protoects! Leave the name it's good, also those poor xenos, poor poor xenos.

Go humanity!!!

okay, i honestly hope none of the real ultrasmurffs show up or theys goona have some 'splainin to do.

also, for those in doubt about how much dakka you need-

Ben: Hey, I know we just met, but I'm going to perform surgery on you.
Spike: k

We art curious since there be the 'Space Marines', what faction could the Ponies represent? Also would not Discord be their greatest enemy due to him being the physical embodiment of Chaos? or is he a Chaos Lord/God?

Hmmmm, but from the sights shown. These displaced would be in a time where one would think be the era for the Fantasy Warhammer series.

Yes. This is good.

STRIKE FROM THE SKIES MY BROTHERS!

.... why would the ponies commit such heresy as to not have shoulder pauldrons? Everyone in the imperium knows that is the most vulnerable spot on the body after all.

i.imgur.com/TmUHnjq.jpg

Effing slavers.

Good lord, this is utter shite. I have to question the mental capacity of everyone who has enjoyed it, upvoted it, or defended it.

6516525

The ride never end.

Honestly, I think the concept was decent, but the execution was shitty. No offense, m8, but to say that this could have been better is an understatement.

Wow, this story is great!

The lack of an actual story is bit of a problem though.

In fact, this story would be even better if it were 0 words long and didn't exist at all!

Translation: why does this exist ohgodwhy

You need some serious editing done.

“ENOUGH! You are to stand down this instant! I am a princess and I will not be bullied by a hu-” Twilight was soon cut off as Ben grab Twilight’s left leg and smash her to the ground like a ragdoll for a few times but stops for a moment and sees Twilight still struggling and again smash her on to the ground twice for good measure and walks away.

“Puny alicorn”

I will admit, I cracked up. But seriously, you need to edit this and look for mistakes, you've got half in present tense and half in past tense.

6519568
I shall do so. Once the holidays kicks in.

6519393

Because some people like to read about Ponies dying at the hands of the Space Marines. I, for example, love it. As a brony 40k guy, I enjoy gore and such. As a disciple of Chaos, I relish gore.

6514235 well, they aren't the Imperium, so they are idiots to not do such a thing. And plus, they ARE filthy Xenos trying to enslave humanity.

6513641

The ponies represent the time before the Emperor's Great Crusade. The filthy Xenos enslaved humanity to their whim before the Great Crusade.

For me, the concept is enough to excuse it's failings. Still could use a lot of work.

Ah, for what ever reason I find reading dumb funny fics relaxing at the end of a day. I may have a problem.

In regards to the content so far I find rapid changes between serious dark and comedy dark to be disconnecting. Other wise you did ok, unless this wasn't supposed to be a dumb parody for some cheap laughs, then you did very very bad.

the references are real.

6512521
Man I've seen some blatant JoJo ripoffs but this one takes the cake.

As my name implies, I am a huge Warhammer 40k fan. It's has such a dark, long and richly detailed lore. It's hard to not find yourself getting sucked in when you do a little digging on everyone's favorite tabletop board game. Unfortunately, this story does not use any of that richly detailed lore. It just throws some Comic-con blokes in some the Emperor's finest power armour and have them dick around through Equestria. You take 25 years worth of incredible and lengthy lore, containing Elder Gods, Space elves, spore-men that only know WAAAGH!, alien communists armed with the best technology in the galaxy, and human soldiers that transcend humanity itself, and you have this author throw it all to the wind just for a rousing romp through Equestria. This is fanfiction and wish fulfillment in it's most basic form, with it's unsubtle pop-culture references, wish-fulfillment, fan art in place of actual description, and to top it all off it's bland and two-dimensional characters, who act like a bunch of pre-pubescent teenagers or Sun Tzu on roids, which is an inconsistent personality shift at best. This does not have ANYTHING I love about the Warhammer 40k series in it. The only thing it shares are it's armors, weapon names, and phrases. My advice? Keep digging for a better 40k story. It should be and this site somewhere.

6523873

Not entirely in Rogue Trader its reviled that ""After the confinement of the Emperor within the Golden Throne, the Custodes abandoned, among other things, the use of their armour, and their traditional colour of red was changed to black.""

And here is picture of them

1d4chan.org/images/3/3a/Shirtless_custode.jpg

So I would say it's JoJo who borowed idea and powerd it up to 10.

6527325
I was specifically referring to your first picture.i.warosu.org/data/tg/img/0395/50/1429987811928.png
Judging by the difference in art work from this picture and your second I'm going to guess that it is from a latter publication then the original Rouge Trader. The original Rouge Trader was published in 1987 the same year that JoJo's Bizarre Adventure began its original weekly run. Here are pictures of the pillar men who are hinted at in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure part 1, and fully shown in part 2 published in 1987.

Wamuu:
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120914083317/jjba/images/thumb/5/53/Wham_ASB.jpg/500px-Wham_ASB.jpg

Esidisi:
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/jjba/images/0/09/Esidisi_ASB.jpg/revision/latest/top-crop/width/320/height/320?cb=20150712050137

and finally Kars:
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/jjba/images/c/c4/BadassKars.png/revision/latest?cb=20131127010751

6527759

Really? Huh I allways belived that JoJo is preaty new like 2010 or something. But when we think about it's only fits the isnanity of the 80.

And about pictures. This black and white is from Rougue Trader when this three is from "Emperor Speech to Text Device". Author of this takes each and evry stupidity in WH 40k lore and laugh from this. Or more accurately evrything is canon. Pilastodes? Check. Blood Magpies? Check. Ultramarines being well..... Ultramarines and Cato Sicarius is bad Mary Sue but not as bad like Kaldor Draigo? Check. In short is this wolrd wher all this stupideites can exist like CREEEEEED! or Blackader of 40k.

slaughter the slave driving xeno scum! in the name of the emperor!

*sees hiautis*fufufufufuu WHAT THE FUCK baaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*insert real wtf boom vid here*

6512079 Is this a crossover open displaced? I got a Big Daddy displaced and he kinda beat the snot outta his Tia and Luna, and since he was a statue I'm looking for other verses to beat their alternative princesses, especially Twilight.

6524474

Truth be told, this IS what an actual Space Marine would do. They would ultimately try to kill all xenos, especially since they enslaved humans.

6575411
True, but the story doesn't incorporate the lore of 40k. As I said

It just throws some Comic-con blokes in some the Emperor's finest power armour and have them dick around through Equestria.

And

The only thing it shares are it's armors, weapon names, and phrases.

Enjoying this so far... Can't wait for the next chapter!!,

6577686 Too right honourable battle brother. Hmmm odd thought. Ultra Marine styled BBBFF... HBBBFF, Honourable Battle Brother Best Friend Forever? have you yourself found many fics on Fimfiction that fully utilise the massive amount of lore from 40K? I myself found two. The Dark Ones and its sequel that I can't place a name to.

6516582
Thank you for your review.

You give no background. No exposition.

I actually had an idea at first, but a fic called We are many had a similar idea like mine so I had to scrap it in order to avoid copyright. But I might tweak the idea and integrate it into the story.

You simply threw shit at us to try and make us hate the ponies.

Fuck me....At least I have a backup plan for that.

6603717 That's not how copyright works. Neither of you are making money off of this so it's fair play as far as the law is concerned.

More plz?

JHON CENA!!! Inserts nuke explosion here.

Either you are a Space Marine or your not. These guys arent. They are bad. Stupid. Slow. They don't even have the reflexes or most likely even the strength. MAKE THEM SPACE MARINES OR THEY'RE SIMPLY SOME FAGGOTS IN ARMOR. Simple.

BEN SMASH!!

“ ENOUGH! You are to stand down this instant! I am a princess and I will not be bullied by a hu-” Twilight was soon cut off as Ben grab Twilight’s left leg and smash her to the ground like a ragdoll for a few times but stops for a moment and sees Twilight still struggling and again smash her on to the ground twice for good measure and walks away.

*laughs like a mad man*

“Puny alicorn”

“What did you called me!?” Rainbow Dash yell in rage.

Oh did I struck a nerve or something?” John mocked while smiling evilly behind his helmet. “Whore! Slut! Bitch! Cunt! Gay! Skittles! Twart! Lesbian!”

That's one way to piss her off huh