Hi guys!~ I'm not really that into fim fiction, I'm more of an original stories person, but I'm trying to give fan fiction stuff a try and my brony friend suggested this to me.
Twilight Sparkle has lost her position as Princess. Twilight has been acting mean lately, which caused Princess Celestia to remove her as princess and take away her magic powers, making her a simple earth pony...(Rated Teen due to curse words that appear once in a while)
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Haven't read it yet, but just a tip: If you have a chapter called "Twilight Is A Bitch", you should probably consider rating it teen.
Hey, y'all! This is a collaboration between me and Sabby.
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It's only the chapter that has a curse word, but since the other chapters aren't done yet, there might be a chance that there might be curse words in the story too, so thanks for telling ^.^ I'll try and fix it. ((Done))
To those people that disliked/hated this story:
I get it that you don't like this story, but if you dislike something about it, why not write a constructive suggestion/comment rather than just disliking it? I hate those kind of people that just go hating around someone else's things and doesn't give a reason. If you hate the story, at least give me suggestions to make it better so you don't need to see crap that makes you hate it. You may say that I'm scared of criticism and tell me to stop posting or anything, but here's the thing, if I don't know the problem in my writing, how can I improve it? So to those 9 people who disliked it so far: Give me constructive suggestions. Help me improve my writing instead of just disliking the story. Have a problem with something? Tell me. Then I can improve.
Damn Twilight ...
Listen, this story has potential to be great.
However, minor problems with the first chapter. For starters, this kind of personality for Twilight is very unlikely, like what happened in "Putting your hoof down" with Fluttershy. If you're going to make Twilight act this way, we need a bigger cause than her rank or position over time. Especially seeing as she's hesitant to attention in the actual show, even though she copes with it eventually, she doesn't seem to like many ponies calling her PRINCESS unless it's an important equestrian event.
I'd appreciate you reading this and understanding my regards toward this story. It could be very interesting and hilarious even if set up right.
I won't downvote it, because I feel that this story could be great. However I would like it if you perhaps use a chapter similar to this one once you've established how "Bitchy Twilight " came to be, should you choose to do so.
Thank you for your time ^^
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Thanks for spending your time on a constructive comment ^.^ I would try my best to fix it in the next few chapters :)
This is just me but maybe part of the punishment is to have Spike treat Twilight like how she was treating him.
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Thanks for the suggestion~! We'll certainly use it later on!
Any reason Twilight is suddenly completely out of character?
I kind of get what you're going for here, exploring Twilight losing her alicorn-ness, but your take on Twilight is blatantly out of character. Having her so overtly hostile towards Spike and other ponies, with no reason whatsoever, and blatantly contradicting her character in the show pretty much alienated me from the get-go.
Your entire premise hinges on Twilight acting wildly out of character, and I believe without MAJOR rewriting of this first chapter, your fic does not have a solid base to stand on. I urge you to seek advice from more experienced writers, because, I am sorry to say, this is not a good start by any measure.
I wish you good luck nontheless.
Also, a note: removing the magic from a unicorn doesn't make an earth pony. It makes a magic-less, horn-less unicorn. Same for removing the wings from a pegasus. Earth Ponies have magic of their own. They are not merely "not-special".
Hey there! I have come up with the following idea for the next Chapter of this story:
Title: "Chapter 2: Terminated and Hated."
Summary: Twilight Sparkle will be stripped of her position as princess and also demoted to a simple Earth pony. Not only that, but she'll be disowned by her family, removed from the Mane Six who won't want to be friends with her anymore, as well as being shunned by the rest of Ponyville.
Do you think it's a good idea?