• Member Since 30th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 28th, 2018

Derjuin


Amateur artist/writer from the east coast of the US

E

A poorly-planned out sleep-over reveals a secret Applejack has been keeping from Rarity: not only does she own a plush toy greatly resembling her friend, but she holds some strong feelings for that friend as well.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 13 )

So, nothing changed between them in the end? Rarity knows about AJ's crush/whatever and seems OK with it, but is she pleased, annoyed? I have no idea, the story doesn't seem to say either way.

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Woops! I'll get to fixing that...

Honestly, your old version is better. It has more feeling and is less stale.

The doll reveal in the New version is better but overall the Old version ends better.

I prefer the original ending as well. I've read it last, if it matters.
While the new one is certainly more realistic (more probable), it also feels somewhat dryer. The original has both more build-up towards the confession and that adorable half-serious flirting part going it its favour, with the reciprocation feeling a bit too sudden and too quick as the only downside. Unless the new version's closing paragraph being much more open to interpretation should be considered a pro as well, you've got 2:1 going for the original.

UPD: Just in case that part was confusing enough (happens too often with me): the dryness I've mentioned pertains to how the overall atmosphere in the revised version compares to that of the original, this is not about quality of your writing.

Perhaps a sequel will answer the question of "will they or won't they?" :D

7899512
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Read the old ending it answers the question

Hohoho!:ajsmug:
I like this story concept! And not only that, but the execution is very good!! You wrote everypony in-character quite well, and the interactions between Applejack and Rarity are adorable! I can't wait to see Rarity's reaction...:raritystarry:

One thing--I thought it was "Big Macintosh"? :applejackconfused:

D'awww! That was really cute! :rainbowkiss:
I liked how you had Applejack attempt to cover up the doll, but then come clean--it seemed very in-character for her.
And the way Rarity discovered the doll was so perfect!

All in all, this was a very enjoyable story to read; and I'm glad that it ended on a happy note! Pretty heartwarming--even if they didn't eventually get together (and who are we kidding, they clearly did), it's still an adorable, hopeful ending.
:pinkiehappy: Favorited!

with a tad more in one direction or the other this chapter would be perfect. Maybe jsut a tiny bit more sugestion that they are likley to get together? Ah, well. I enjoyed it.
As it stands, it was a good solid second half and the discovery of the plush was brilliant and very Rarity.

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