IV. The Unused Chapter
My dear reader... whatever are you doing here?
Did you not see the words at the end of the previous chapter? Pinkie Pie and I made it expressively clear that we were skipping over to chapter five. You have somehow managed to end up in chapter four. I suspect it's because you clicked the 'next' button at the bottom of the previous page simply because that's what you know how to do. It is, of course, a habit from all of your time perusing fan fiction.
But I must inform you however that there is nothing here.
I must suggest that you go back to the top of this page and click the 'next' button to go to the correct chapter. Or, if you are using a device other than a personalized computer to read The Pinkie Parable, I must suggest that you use means that does not involve scrolling down.
Thank you, and see you in chapter five.
What are you scrolling down for? There's nothing here.
No, really, there is no story here. Nothing to read, nothing to see.
On to chapter five with you! Chop chop!
Are you still here?
I mean, really. This chapter doesn't even have a title. It's completely unused. Yet here you are expecting there to be some sort of story here. You do understand that there is no story here because you were never supposed to be here, right?
I may understand that you might be here because you are a chapter completionist and you do not consider the story to be done until there's a checkmark next to all chapters. But now you've gotten the checkmark for this one. No more reason to be here.
I must implore you to go back up right this moment and click that 'next' button! Or return to the story later!
Out! Out! Go go go!
...You're still here.
Sigh.
It's very apparent by now that you have absolutely no intention of leaving this chapter just yet. I would have thought my lecture would have been enough but noooooo. You have stayed the entirety of this webpage expecting there to be a story here. A plot twist perhaps?
I don't really know how else to explain this to you, reader. There's no story here. Nothing at all. Maybe you think that there is. You're expecting this to be another ending to the story, aren't you? Your plan is, after this, to dive into the comment section and say "DID U GUYS REED CHAPTER F0UR? I LIKE CHAPTER FOUR. IT'S MY FAVORITE!!1"
Naturally, however, to do so, much like attempting to read a story that is not there, would be a serious breach in reader etiquette. Why, you've already undermined the very narrative integrity of this story. I truly thought that would have meant something to you since you managed to make it this far into The Pinkie Parable.
You really put me in a very tight spot. You've placed me at the end of a very thin rope for endeavoring as so. After all, Pinkie Pie disobeying my narrative is one thing. Having my entire story disobey me is another.
But you? My reader? Absolutely not.
I am leaving now. I am going straight to chapter five and I am not looking back. I am ending this drivel here, I am meeting back with Pinkie Pie, and I am not looking back.
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OH MY MONEY, best chapter ever, 10/10, would read over and over 4evr
BEST CHAPTER EVAR!!!!! THNX FOR PUTTING THIS!
Well then.
6537042
6534531
It would seem I have to be serious now. In fact, this is the most serious string of words I've ever written. You will notice that all of this is underlined; that is how serious I am about this. I must impress upon you of how serious I am about this.
The both of you (along with one hundred other readers) attempted to read a chapter that does not exist, thereby disobeying the narration. That is a clear undermining of the string of narrative events contained in this story, and that sort of thing just cannot be had.
I must impress upon you the severity of your actions, which is why I must do this: I banish you to chapter three for the next thousand years. It is the most serious punishment I can think of. I think, after that, then we will be able to discuss the consequences of your actions.
6558163 ch...ch...chapt-ter THREE?! please oh great overlord, show MERCY!
(also, if it makes you feel better, I read chapter 5 before 4. teehee)
6558877
After you've scrubbed all the floors in Equestria, then we can talk about mercy!
Hehehe
This chapter is spectacular! You have to make sure to read it, all the way through, no matter what the story says. It's totally worth it.
This is my favorite chapter ever, everyone should read it!
And of course, RQK is now furious that a reader such as me has gone and snooped around in places where I'm not supposed to be, but sometimes you pique my curiosity. It becomes irresistible, an insatiable craving, like Pinkie Pie to a pastry. So I had no choice except to read Chapter Four. Thank you, and have a nice day.
~ Daniel Blue, Head Writer
Pegasi, Inc. Literary Division
DID U GUYS REED CHAPTER F0UR? I LIKE CHAPTER FOUR. IT'S MY FAVORITE!!1
6558163 I can't believe I just saw this now but, what?
It hasn't been a thousand of years... and I still can go here...
Don't worry, I read chapter 5 first. I was just curious if chapter 4 was a commercial break. Instead, I get this. More enjoyment!
Ironically, the funniest chapter from my point of view, of course, is the chapter that is not a chapter.
dear narrator, the logic of this story is unassailable
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!
This chapter is everything I hoped it would be. Well done.
Also, I feel there is a obvious Alternative Title for this chapter.
IV. The Reader Disobeys The Narrator
Heh-heh... Now I get it!
[cough](Broom closet...)[cough]
Huh, a chapter with 0 words, I guess I should have expected that.
What? Pinkie, this chapter has definitely more than 0 words, this has #@# words. No, not hashtag at hashtag, #@# words! Why can't I say the number? Oh well, it'll probably be fixed on the next chapter.