- Member Since 16th May, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 3rd, 2017
Loyal
Just a dude. Writes horsewords... with varying regularity.
Loyal
Joined 16th May, 2012 ·
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-= NOTICE! IMPORTANT! =-
I had to delete the rest of this comment, as it was getting WAY too long. I lost much of the previous updates, but I plan on starting a blog for these soon anyways.
I'm still looking for a proofreader/editor.
I'm still looking for a decent cover picture for A Different Kind of Love: The Lost Chapters. Humanized female changeling is what I'm looking for, else I'll probably just use a photo of Chrysalis... Again...
Work is kicking my ass pretty much the rest of this week. I'm going to be busy as fuck for a few days, but I plan on finishing the conclusion by this weekend. What I had already written out didn't fit with the end of Twilight's chapter, so I'm re-writing it.
I'm STILL accepting requests for A Different Kind of Love: The Lost Chapters. Danielpie13 has the first and only in with Luna. Luna's my second favorite, so I'm planning something nice for this one ^.^
If you don't know, A Different Kind of Love: The Lost Chapters will be my request/random story, with many (MANY) short chapters, almost entirely clop, and almost all of it requests. There are a few stories, like Aloe and Lotus' "Deluxe Treatment" in the middle of chapter 2, and a threesome with Liam, Fluttershy, and Applejack that was supposed to happen near the end of Chapter 3. Among a few other spots throughout the story.
Maggie is getting a lot of love. I very well may make her story separately. Ajax, as well, may be getting his own short story. His will probably include more of his relationship with Lily and might take place during the events of the season 2 finale.
I think that's everything. Once again, thank you all for the love and support you've shown me. Please, keep your eyes peeled for A Different Kind of Love: The Lost Chapters
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ78to2-4515elWwmHi3BUn3zkVPlDfv1kRXtVHJj72-QJwJFfyeg 655197
For a first work it's pretty good. It doesn't share the kind of graceful work that some clop writers use to make the sex part seem cleaner, but Lily isn't out to make love i suppose : p.
However, since it's a human story, i'm a little wary of you calling them pegasi and unicorns, as they are horses with wings and horns respectively. I remember there was a story where they called the pegasi Avians I believe. I wish you the best in continuing the story though, It's interesting if nothing else ^^.
655197 Also, I'm kinda confused, are they humanized? Is lily the only human? I can't brain today, I have the dumb
655988
Indeed they are, though in my mind, pegasi still have wings and unicorns still have horns. Not sure what to call them, then...
656002 Sweet jesus! I am doing the same thing when it comes to pegasi and unicorns.
655983
Thank you for the feedback! I was actually a little leery myself still calling them pegasi and unicorns... I very well may change that in the future. Still, once you're on a path, you're sort of set, right? Keep an eye out, I'll be updating this story frequently.
655197 You sir/madam...have given me a plethora of ideas, thanks
I'm getting a lot of positive feedback from everyone. I love this site, and I plan on writing much more in the near future. Thank you, everyone, for all your help!
Not bad, not bad at all. Grammar can use some work but you hit the nail on the head with details and I always prefer that. *nods*
A solid 8/10, to be sure.
Leaving a like as well because I'm also a first time writer (on here, at least. Been writing for YEARS) and I know how valuable positive feedback is :)
This was pretty good for a first fic. Well Done!!
though a word of advice, you may want to space your sentences and paragraph a bit, it'll make it easier to read. and you'll be able to aviod the dreaded wall-o-text
656189
Agreed. Listen to this. Wall-of-text = BAD
me gusta.
Continue please
Author's Notes:
Hey guys, thanks for the reads, I really appreciate them all. At work tonight, I'll orchestrate an edit and implement some changes. Things to look for:
No more wall-o-text
Pegasi = Avians
Unicorn = Magi/Mage
Alicorns = Princesses
And a few grammatical errors to be fixed.
Thank you for all the feedback, I'm only changing things to *hopefully* make the reading experience a little better for you all.
656340
I will begin Rarity's chapter tonight after the edit ^.^ Keep an eye peeled.
-=NOTICE!=- -=IMPORTANT!=-
As of 1240 AM Central time, This chapter will be under construction as I switch some things around. See my previous comment. In addition, after the edit, I plan on beginning Chapter 2, so keep your eyes peeled!
-=NOTICE!=- -=IMPORTANT!=-
-=ANNOUNCEMENT=-
The time is 230AM Central time, and I am -at last- done with the edit... Here are a list of the changes (The ones I can remember making)
-Changed some pacing in key parts, making things clearer (Repeated use of "She" or "Her" Making things difficult to tell if it was Fluttershy or Lily doing the action)
-Changed "Pegasus, Pegasi" To "Avian" or something else that doesn't indicate pony. Same with "Unicorn" and "Mage, Magi" Essentially, I fully humanized the story.
-A few repeated uses of the comma, my favorite little guy. I mean, just look at him. So damn cute. This was screwing with the pacing and making things a little too dry or difficult to read.
IMPORTANT
I had some MAJOR issues when I tried to make this thing more readable. I'm sure that's where the majority of the red thumbs came from was the ones who read it while I was editing these and didn't read the comments. It's okay, I forgive you. As this is my first submission and I'm not entirely familiar with the difference between the coding in "Edit" mode and when you're actually reading the chapter. There may still be some indenting issues that will screw with the pacing or a sentence here and there. If you spot one of these, PLEASE let me know in a comment or a message. I'll make sure I sniff out these problems before releasing Chapter 2 for your enjoyment.
I have to apologize to those of you who read this while I was editing. Shit was crazy, and just plain looked ugly. I attribute it to my own failure, and hope you forgive me for sucking the past... Shit, 3 hours.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
VERY GOOD JOB. I love this write, im also a first time writer(title:Lunar Rainbow) if you want you can check it out you can, cant wait for more
DONT STOP MAKING THEM
Due to lack of sleep and too much work, I've been tied up with Rarity's chapter. I'm not too far off from finishing, I just don't have the time. If I can manage the edit and proofread before work tomorrow, I'll post it. If not, I promise you all, I'll have up to chapter 3 finished by Saturday Night. Hooray for screwy weekends!
Rarity is my favorite. I really enjoyed writing this one.
656002 ANTHRO ponies or flurries dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowderp_flip.png
670858
Humanized? Pegasus = Avians, Unicorns = mage/magi
Rarity, sweetheart, you know how to please. =3
So much win. Applejack next pl0x.
I'm glad to see you took my advice, Avian, and Magi flow so much better. A good scene, and I enjoyed Rarity, and it's interesting to see her portrayed as more of an advocate of women pleasuring each other, and not men.
Write on you crazy person you.
671333
Your feedback has probably been the most helpful. I appreciate it very much ^.^ Though on the other side of the story, Lily's getting more and more in the mood for something rough. Keep your eyes peeled for Applejack's story by Saturday.
TAP ALL THE ASSES!! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
671353
Thanks ^^
If you ever need someone to pre-read or something, i'm plenty available. Or if you'd just rather i offer advice post chapter.
Oh, and as for Applejack? Yee-haw pardner!
SSSOOOOO CLOPYYYYY
A mustache to you, my good sir:
i just finished reading this...... for the second time
glad to see an author taking some advice from the comments, the spacing was much better, easier to read and therefore easier to enjoy!
keep on writing!!
674003
Thank you very much ^.^ Applejack's chapter will be released by Saturday evening. Keep an eye peeled
When do you think you will have the next chapter ready, not to rush you or anything but this is simply one of the best stories I've ever read.
679563
I'm already about halfway through chapter 3. Give or take. It's actually writing itself fairly easily. Already over half the length of the other two, it may end up being the longest yet. I'm determined to get it finished by tomorrow, but I may very well finish it by tonight.
Yes! Update!! I already want MOAR!!
Yee-haw, cow-girl! Applejack can really take it huh?
I like Liam's form, so I was happy to see that again, but that isn't going to cause problems with Fluttershy and Applejack is it? I'm hoping we get to see more interaction with Chrysalis, she's so demanding, but I'd like to see her in one of the next chapters. Maybe Lily doesn't end up giving the essences away so easy, and Chrysalis has to try and force them out herself? *shrugs*
Keep writing, it's still very entertaining.
683089 there going to be stuck in her and she's going to need to fuck it out of her e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/trollface.png
huh, i thought fluttershy would of reacted differntly, but i guess she hasn't found out that liam/lily is sleeping with both her and AJ
ooooo could u imagine the drama?
683089
OY! Stop giving away my story before it's written!
I'm planning something really good with the essences, Chrysalis, and the Mane 6. Keep tuned.
I was hoping Applejack would have an all natural 70's bush, but I guess not.
I hope Twilight has one, because she doesn't seem like the shaving type to me.
686400
In my book, Pinkie will have a full bush, RD will be shaved ((For aerodynamics, of course)) And Twi will be trimmed.
Basically this is a story about an OC fucking all of the Mane Six. So it’s important that said OC is an interesting character and not a bland Mary Sue. Well as far as I can tell Lily isn’t a Self-Insert and most people seem to agree with me because otherwise there would be a lot of negative reviews. It’s funny to see the story from her POV and I especially love her biased opinions of the Ponyville residents (especially about Rarity). However, she could need a little bit more personality. We almost know nothing about her expect that she’s kind of a slut and a good schemer. It’s no surprise that most or her thoughts are about sex but it would be nice to see her thinking a bit more about other stuff, too. Also Lilly doesn’t sounds that much like a Changling name but that are just my personal opinion.
And speaking about her plans… While we’ve see that she puts some efforts and thoughts into it (and has to face obstacles like the fact the she has to switch between three identities - one already in some kind of a relation) her usual plan is just making a move on one of the Mane Six and see if it works – which it does. Just take the AJ chapter as example: I think she should’ve done a bit more farm work and trying to get on the good side of Big Mac and (especially) Applebloom before she started jumping AJ. After all AJ is a family person and if she sees how nice Liam is to Applebloom it could’ve warmed her up.
Anyway, it’s a good story especially since it’s your first one. So I’m eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
688013
YAY PINKIE HAIR-PIE!!!
I have a suggestion: If Pinkie is going to have a full 70's bush, make her 'pinkie hairy-pie' inflate and deflate depending on her mood, like her mane and tail! That would be adorable!!!
689692
Thanks for the advice! I always appreciate constructive criticism.
Lily's full name is "Liliana" (Used by Chrysalis in the Prologue) which I personally find to be a bit more dark. In addition, I'm attempting to portray her as a sort of mindless, fucking machine, hellbent on carrying out orders. Though if you catch on small details, she's beginning to question Chrysalis' motives, as well as her own place in the whole scheme.
Trust me, though. If my plans for the last chapter go through as I would like, Lily will shock all of Equestria with her actions.
Yes. Chapter 4 does include the obligatory "Twenty percent" reference. You have been warned.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Queen_Chrysalis.png
Every time I read a chapter it captures my attention and at the same time arrouses me. You have the making of a great writer
696611
That was... Surprisingly beautiful. I hope you've written some other things like that. I'm going to have to read them, now >.>
697177
Well you'll just have to wait until chapters 6 and 7. I've decided to split them up, on account of last chapter being incredibly long.
And as for love...
Liliana's a changeling. Love is a foreign concept to them.
Why Ajax, he's not clean at all!