• Published 26th Aug 2015
  • 8,597 Views, 141 Comments

Sonata Bimbo - Bucking Nonsense



Sonata Dusk: A bimbo, an airhead, a moron, a fool, a girl without even two brain cells to rub together to generate thought... right?

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Like, it's totally a pun! Get it?

"So why do you think Ms. Harshwhinny asked Sonata to stay after?"

Adagio Dazzle looked over at Aria Blaze with a slightly raised eyebrow. It had been two weeks since the... incident at the battle of the bands, and the three sirens were still attending classes. By all rights, they didn't need to be here, being positively ancient by mortal standards, but without a driver's license that stated that they were eighteen or older, the three couldn't argue with any police officer who suspected them of truancy. Hence, they at least had to stay here until summer...

...But that was neither here nor there: That one little question was more concern for either of her fellow sirens than Aria had demonstrated in over a thousand years. Adagio wondered if her counterpart might be coming down with something...

After a moment, Aria gave a slight, embarrassed cough and said, "It's not that I care, I'm just curious."

Adagio shrugged, and said, "I don't really care, either. I am kind of curious myself, though: Why would Ms. Harshwhinny ask Sonata to stay after grading yesterday's tests?"

"You don't think she tried to cheat, do you?" Aria asked, with perhaps the slightest bit of concern in her voice.

"That bimbo?" Adagio retorted, annoyed. "Cheating requires you to be smart enough to plan ahead. She's barely smart enough to remember her own name..."
---------------------------------

"Alright, 3x equals seven x minus 2," Ms. Harshwhinny stated, staring down at the seated student. "Solve for x."

"Okay," Sonata Dusk replied, "x totally equals one half."

The teacher nodded, then pointed to a nearby chalkboard and said, "Good. Now, show me how you found it."

The siren nodded, stood up, and walked to the chalkboard. She then wrote out the equation that the teacher had asked, then wrote it again, this time moving the minus two on the right hand side as a plus two on the left. Then she moved the 3x over, subtracting it from the 7x. This left her with the equation '2 = 4x'. To wrap things up, Sonata then wrote '2/4 =1/2, therefore x = 1/2'.

Smiling innocently, the siren turned around and asked, "Would you like to give me something harder?"

That made ten for ten, she'd answered all of the questions correctly. Again. Shaking her head, the teacher said, "That won't be necessary. I believe you now. I'm just... surprised, I suppose. I didn't expect you to make an A+ on yesterday's test, given your..."

Sonata Dusk giggled, and then said, "Oh, I know, I know. I'm such a total bimbo, everyone says so. But I'm, like, totes more than a thousand years old, and I've been a high-schooler for longer than there's been high schools. Sit through enough algebra, calculus, and trigonometry classes, and sooner or later, it all starts to soak in." She giggled again and said, "Besides, think about where humanity was a thousand years ago: You guys were just starting to work on getting out of the Dark Ages, and were only starting to figure your way back to the level of general education you had in the days of ancient Greece! Only, like, five percent of the population was literate in Europe, if that; just about everyone thought the sun revolved around the earth, instead of the other way around; and people hadn't even gotten around to higher mathematics yet. Most people could barely manage two plus two! When I first got here, I knew at least that much, and as thick as I can be sometimes, if given a thousand years with not much else to do, I hope I'd be able to learn more than that!"

It was... sobering to consider the fact that the 'young lady' in front of Ms. Harshwhinny was more than thirty times older than her teacher. Ms. Harshwhinny briefly wondered if given that much time, Snips and Snails would smarten up a little.

...Not likely. It would take time passing on a geological scale for those two dimwits to approach anything near average intelligence. And being smart enough to get straight A's? The heat death of the universe was much more likely to occur first...

"So, why the sudden change in your grades?" Ms Harswhinny asked, more than a little curious. Just before the battle of the bands, Sonata had failed a test so spectacularly that the teacher had been seriously tempted to handle it with surgical gloves, fearing that she might somehow catch 'stupid' from the siren.

"Well, Aria Blaze is, like, way too stubborn to ever change her ways or learn anything, and Adagio Dazzle considers herself too 'perfect' to ever need to improve, and too 'great' to ever be willing to work for anybody, ever. So, after graduating high school, if I don't get into a really good college, and then get a really good job to put food on the table, they'll both starve. Well, either that, or I'd have to find someone willing to marry the two of them, and let's face facts: Nobody in their right mind would marry either of them, given everything that happened at the battle of the bands."

"That bad?" the teacher asked, an eyebrow raised. She hadn't heard anything about that kind of thing, and Ms. Harshwhinny definitely had sharp ears when it came to student gossip: It paid to have an idea of who might be doing what, and with whom, especially in a school like this one...

Sonata nodded, and said, "I asked a couple of the boys here if they'd be willing to at least try dating them once. One of them ran away, screaming at the top of his lungs, and another one said that he'd rather... well, it involved something big, spiky, rusty, and on fire being shoved up someplace that it shouldn't be, and then rotated at, like, five hundred RPMs. Ummm, the third said that he'd never go out with them even if he was paid to, but that he'd totes like to go out with me." She paused, blushed slightly, and then said, "On that note, are we done? I have a date tonight, and I really need to get ready."

Ms. Harshwhinny smiled. A thousand years old or not, a 'teenager' was still a teenager. "Go right ahead. Sorry to keep you."

Comments ( 137 )

"Sonata Bimbo?"

I realize that this is a one-shot, but... I am extremely curious as to where this could go.

Once again, you create something worthy of your namesake, and it's glorious!

Huh.. well, this was something. Amusing if nothing else 'cause of the suggestion from Sonata that the other two sirens are dumb b:yay:hes.

short funny and sweet, perfect! :coolphoto:

6359786
Yeah, it struck me as funny: In spite of being 1,000 years old, all three of them behaved like teenagers. Maybe being unable to age left them unable to mature?

6360046
How interesting.
It is uncommon for the sirens to have lived 1000 years in the humanized mirror world.
Excellent workaround.

What a twist! Great little one-shot though :twilightsmile:

6360060 Is it? I keep seeing fics where they've lived among humanity for a thousand years all the time. I can't even remember if I saw one where they haven't; one where they appeared shortly before Rainbow Rocks, like in the comic.

This was really not what I expected either way. Somehow you made her neither dumb nor smart, and it's glorious.

I want to see more of this now. :trixieshiftleft:

Oh, hey, another fic that paints Sonata as not only being in some way better than the others, but seems to say that they can't even manage seduction, which is supposed to be their bread and butter. Funny how the events of the BotB are the given reason, but it doesn't stop Sonata at all.

I don't know if she's a bimbo, but I think this depiction makes her something a little more stigmatized in fanfiction.
#Suenata

6360046

My comment got a downvote?? :applejackunsure: Anyway, this idea could definately be expanded on. Maybe a slice of life type with plenty of luls. Or maybe even a longish sequel. I'm not really a writer myself, but I know a good idear when I see one.

The pun in the title....


I can't handle it.... :pinkiecrazy:

6359848
6360399 Comment liking Petition for a Sequel? Let's see how many likes this comment gets for just that.


LIKE THIS TO PETITION FOR A SEQUEL that is.... If that's alright with you BN.

I... don't get the pun in the title.

Still a fun read though.

Now get back to A Buggy Game!
Please? That's the one I most want updated.

Sonata Dusk giggled, and then said, "Oh, I know, I know. I'm such a total bimbo, everyone says so. But I'm, like, totes more than a thousand years old, and I've been a high-schooler for longer than there's been high schools. Sit through enough algebra, calculus, and trigonometry classes, and sooner or later, it all starts to soak in." She giggled again and said, "Besides, think about where humanity was a thousand years ago: You guys were just starting to work on getting out of the Dark Ages, and were only starting to figure your way back to the level of general education you had in the days of ancient Greece! Only, like, five percent of the population was literate in Europe, if that; just about everyone thought the sun revolved around the earth, instead of the other way around; and people hadn't even gotten around to higher mathematics yet. Most people could barely manage two plus two! When I first got here, I knew at least that much, and as thick as I can be sometimes, if given a thousand years with not much else to do, I hope I'd be able to learn more than that!"

She must have been a really ditzy bimbo back in those days, since hardly any of that is historically accurate.

your synopsis needs an edit
two brain cells the rub together, to
now I read story

6360559 That or she's been alive so long remembering who thought what has become somewhat muddled, or she's given to hyperbole.

Also if they've been alive for 1000 years and feed off of human conflict one wonders if they may have influenced, if not started some human conflicts in this timeline. (It seems in the comics of their origins Star Swirl didn't just throw them through the mirror but into the future too). Imagine looking through paintings showing the origins of the 100 years war when three women strike you as odd, because you saw a still image of them attending one of Hitler's speeches as well... Yeah the possibility for Fridge Horror is high in that regard...

Read, very good.
Finally got the pun,very funny

Yeah...if Sonata wasn't my favorite Siren before, she sure is now. HAIL THE SIREN QUEEN!! HAIL THE BIMBO-NOT-BIMBO!!!

It had to be said, great work!!

I don't get the pun! :raritydespair:

Nice story but just a one problem. In the fiendship is magic issue 3 it turns out they arrived in the human world a few weeks before rainbow rocks.

On a side note I'd probably be crazy enough to ask out/ be rejected by Aria or Adagio

I had to give this a like before even reading this.

I had to unlike so that I could like it again after reading.

6360664
This is fanfiction whIch doesn't have to follow every canon rule. Your statement is void.
Just saying. :heart:

6360692 you know i wish the site had pony phoenix wright icons, because that would have made you comment a 100 times better

6360664 Yeah, but that's the comics. Show cannon overrules the comics, and show says they've been there for a thousand years.

6360660 Sonata in the title = So Not A. Basically it's wordplay with her name. Sonata Bimbo = So Not A Bimbo. Probably over explained. Also I hate explaining puns. Like the Joker said, "It's not funny if you have to explain it!"

6360800 not exactly they said they were banished a 1000 years ago and some how the mirror took them to the future

6360505 Sonata Bimbo = So Not A Bimbo

6360046 I know that if I had that lifespan that I'd act like I'm the age I am now most of my life.

6360598

images.cryhavok.org/d/17723-1/Ah_+Uh___+by+enjoymydownvote.jpg

Joking aside, I honestly can't argue with that hypothesis, except that at no point does the story directly imply any of this. Still, it's a neat idea.

What's scary is how absolutely believable every word of this is, especially the part concerning how Adagio and Aria will eventually become financially dependent on Sonata, although it wouldn't be that difficult to find a guy willing to marry them; people are stupid and have married worse.

6360808
Oh.... thanks anyway!

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: these is really funny

6360664 Dude, not everyone reads the comics(I haven't even seen s5 or RR), and I'm pretty sure they're optionally canonical. That leaves this story completely within the wide bounds of canon.

6360664 true but the premise could still work; Equestria had advanced mathematics too.

6360559
She may have been exaggerating a bit, but in much of Europe, it was rare for anyone outside of the clergy or nobility to be literate. As for mathematics? Most of the mathematicians during that time period were in the middle east, not Europe, and wouldn't really reach Europe until near the start of the Renaissance. Her personal experiences may have caused her to have a less than stellar opinion of the average human in those days: The average person was usually covered in manure. The jewish were persecuted in those days, and one of the big signs of being jewish was that they were extremely clean and tidy people. So, unless you wanted a pogrom breaking in your door and burning you, your family, and your farm animals on the mere rumor of being jewish, you made sure you were really, really dirty all the time. At least in Equestria one thousand years ago, ponies understood the importance of good hygiene.

Nice little story. Unfortunately, it's not too long and really serves as commentary on Sonata's character. This story could probably have been a comment with how much telling there was, but in the end, I liked it. Nice job!

6361618

Worth a watch: (link)

As for literacy, this is hardly the sign of a culture that deserves being looked down upon. The fact that any of their society was literate was already a head start. If anything, it's pretty pathetic that it took Sonata a thousand years to master basic algebra, whilst European mathematicians (yes, they had those, though most of their knowledge was based on Greek mathematics) could already do the same thing at the time. Besides, just because people were illiterate, it doesn't immediately follow that they were idiots as well.

The average person was usually covered in manure. The jewish were persecuted in those days, and one of the big signs of being jewish was that they were extremely clean and tidy people. So, unless you wanted a pogrom breaking in your door and burning you, your family, and your farm animals on the mere rumor of being jewish, you made sure you were really, really dirty all the time. At least in Equestria one thousand years ago, ponies understood the importance of good hygiene.

This is utter nonsense. It stops making sense the moment you think about it. Why on Earth would anyone take one whiff of themselves and think "yeah, smelling like shit is the life for me"? Making soap wasn't exactly rocket science even back in those days either, and if they didn't have that, they could always just take a bath using any water they could find (anything is better than nothing), or they could just use one of the public baths. I'm not saying they smelled like a perfume shop, and their standards were most likely lower than ours today, but they weren't covered from head to toe in shit either, no matter how funny Monty Python made it look.

Want a realistic reason for why bathing did eventually go out of fashion (way later, mind you)? The Bubonic Plague. It spread like wildfire in every public place, and if there was one place where it had a wild time, it was in those public baths. And people noticed this. Sure, they didn't know what the real reason was, but at the time, not visiting the deathtraps that public baths became was a smart move. As for how they treated Jews, I'm pretty sure the more relevant reasons were "Jews weren't allowed to own land, hence they worked with money, which means they had a lot of money for mobs to take away".

izquotes.com/quotes-pictures/quote-each-generation-imagines-itself-to-be-more-intelligent-than-the-one-that-went-before-it-and-wiser-george-orwell-139699.jpg

:rainbowderp::pinkiegasp:...HOLY SHIT! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: This is just hilarious!

I thought I was the only one that thought this way...

6361618 Uh. I'm with Avenger. You've got a few true facts mixed in with your hyperbole, but mostly you're interpreting the mess like you're reviewing a contemporary civilization instead of an historical one. A thousand years ago the culture, technologies, and sciences were arranged in such a way that the skills we need on a day to day basis were unnecessary, while the investment in schooling time would have been outright fatal. Simple example: there's no advantage to learning to read before printing made reading material common. Time spent learning to read is time spent not doing something with practical value. So, literacy was reserved for those with the money to buy books and the luxury to not work for a living.

6360659 I can see that being a BN story title

Not sure, but I would definitely take Adaigo out, course it would be really wierd her being like a thousand years old and me looking twice her apparent age. Real fun though is Sonata is actually planning ahead while the other two are not.

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