TCB: The Magnificent Tails From The Trash Pile.

by Erac

Musical Flaws

“BRING HIM TO HIS KNEES CRUSADERS!” Howled the commander of this particular group of Ponies, They stood clad in a mockery of proper armor, a saddle mounted potion launcher was had by most. The human they dragged over looked ruffled and dirty, for two days he had run from them. The small ginger man glared up at the captain as he looked down, smirking at his captive. “Any last words before you join the magnificence of the herd?. . .’Human’,” He spat the last word like it was poison. The small man could only sneer as he saw that odd flicker of hatred in this ponies eyes, something dark shifted behind the eyes. . . something truly empty.

‘Manhunters, I fuckin hate these pricks, give me the missionaries any Ol’ day,’ Benny thought to himself. It had started simply enough, got hired to spy on these guys. ‘Standard Exterminator contract and all by the missionaries of all people! It was shit like this that made him regret joining the wacked group of monster hunters.’

“Pitiful, I say we purify the wretch, and induct him into our group already,” Said a white mare, gray mane cropped short. Benny could only afford a slight glance at those large eyes they had. . . they weren’t like other ponies. These guys were given some really f’ed up potion, the thought of humans disgusted them, and manhunters had been known to ‘purify’ entire homesteads if allowed to group up, usually by attempting to burn them to the ground, they really didn’t give two shits if anyone survived as long as the humans were ‘taken care of’. Luckily whatever fucked up spell caused them to be made was fairly rare, and they could never seem to get there potions to produce that effect.

“Yeah, I gots one,” Benny said with a smirk ‘Time to take a page out of Mikey and Terry’s play book here,’ He thought. “I hear ponies are really good at singing.”

“Yes, that and many more things, ponies reign supreme in, much better than anyone else as a matter of fact,” Said one of the fifteen nutjobs proudly, lifting his head proudly into the air. “Why do you have to be reminded of these facts, worm?!” He spat suddenly, Benny flinched, everypony he knew back home weren’t like this at all. They tended to be dicks some of the time but they were like that even before they turned.

“I’d like to see if my singing will improve, and. . . I’d like you guys to listen to me sing so you could be the judge,” Benny smiled, pushing himself up a little bit from his prone position, only for a hoof to step on his neck and push him face down into the dirt.

“Hmm. . . we will allow this,” Said the commander, seeming genuinely pleased. “What will you sing for us?”

Benny cleared his throat for a moment, standing up now that the offending hoof had been removed from his neck. “Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy Caught with a landslide.”

“STOP! That’s wrong, you're singing it wrong!” Howled one of the ponies, snorting with a bit of rage, Stamping a hoof with disgust. “Watch as the ponies out shine your pathetic attempts, and leave you with your jaw dropped to the ground, BE AMAZED BY OUR SUPERIORITY!”

Benny could only smile as the ponies began to sing.

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide

No escape from reality

Open your eyes

Look up to the skies and see

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

Because I'm easy come, easy go

Little high, little low

Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

Benny could only laugh as they began to dance and sway to their own stupid singing, and that’s when he felt the buzz in the air. . . he hated that feeling. That electric feeling that built to a crescendo higher and higher, more power flowing about the air, causing his breath to catch into his throat as ambient magic focused on the little impromptu show. Benny smirked as music flowed from seemingly nowhere, one of those weird latent pony power dealies.

Mama, just killed a man

Put a gun against his head

Pulled my trigger, now he's dead

Mama, life had just begun

But now I've gone and thrown it all away

Mama, ooo

Didn't mean to make you cry

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow

Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Benny slunk away from the group, headed towards the door, He had to move slowly and carefully, otherwise the bastards would snap out of there self induced trance and tackle him again, and her he wasn’t really that hardy to begin with!

Too late, my time has come

Sends shivers down my spine

Body's aching all the time

Goodbye everybody - I've got to go

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

Mama, ooo - (any way the wind blows)

Benny laughed as he crawled low to the floor, and out the door. Hastily hopping to his feet he took off at a swift jog toward the nearest ruins. He was home free, and those dimwits would be too busy arguing with one another to come and catch him. By then, hopefully, he’d have either a car or have found a nice hidey hole. Nothing, absolutely nothing could stop him now! Even now he could hear the song faintly as he placed distance between him and the homicidal nutjobs.

I don't want to die

I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

I see a little silhouetto of a man

Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango

Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me

Gallileo, Gallileo,

Gallileo, Gallileo,

Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me

He's just a poor boy from a poor family

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Easy come easy go - will you let me go

Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go

Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go

Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go

Will not let you go - let me go (never)

Never let you go - let me go

Never let me go - ooo

No, no, no, no, no, no, no -

Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me

for me

for me

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye

So you think you can love me and leave me to die

Oh baby - can't do this to me baby

Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here

Nothing could go wrong now, he smiled, glancing back at the now distant building. Nothing, He smiled as he walked into the sunset, and towards the old ruins.

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

Nothing really matters

Anyone can see

Nothing really matters

Nothing really matters to me

Any way the wind blows...

* * *

*In The Ruins*

“KILL DAT SOME BITCH!” Screamed the madman, The rest of the loons howled like rabid animals, as they revved the engines to their motorcycles, Peeling Out, leaving skid marks along the asphalt as they looped and did doughnuts, Too hopped up on stems and the ‘funner’ alchemical goods the zebras provided. “FIND’EM, I WANNA MOUNT DAT PURTY LIL RED HEAD ON ME POINTY STICK!” He screamed with a sawn off shotgun held high, he fired once into the air. The engine roared with might, and the tires of the old chopper screeched. Seven rebar pikes adorned the back of the bike, spread like the fan of a peacocks tail, each post had no less than five heads mounted, each in varying levels of decay, Diamond Dog, Human, Griffin, at least one of every type was mounted as a trophy on the madman's chopper.

‘Shit,’ Benny thought to himself, peaking out from a storm drain, grimy and dirty, he clutched the small .22 revolver tightly in his hand. ‘This is going to be a long day. . .’