TCB: The Magnificent Tails From The Trash Pile.

by Erac

A Door Buster Caper.

A Mutt, A Scoundrel, A Gambler, And A Smuggler. What the hell are they doing here of all places, outside of John Norris’s tower?!

Three guys and a diamond dog, go to kidnap John Norris. After a round of whiskey or two, and a bit of an argument between Azure and Benny they forget the reason they even came.

“Allright, allright. This the place?” Benny asked Bruce as they wandered down the hallway.

“Ya know, I expected climbing up an elevator shaft to be. ya know harder. . . Then again we got him.” Bert said pointing a thumb idly at Vince.

“If Hue-Mans waited, We could have walked through front!” Vince growled shambling after the trio.”Why Vince have to climb, Monkey climb, dog not climb?!”

“Ahem, Gentlemen, woul you mind knocking, by the looks O that door. I suggest knockin hard.” Bruce drawled in his normal Cajun accent.

“All righty, then.”Bert said as he moved in front of the door, Vince following close behind. “Ona count of three, A’ight?” Bert shot a quick glance back at Vince who simply nodded.
In near perfect unison Vince raised his paws over head and came down hard on the door at the same moment Bert kicked. The door flew inwards, hinges tearing free from the wood in a shower of splinters.

“Well, hello there. Where's mister money bags?” Benny said jumping through the doorway eagerly, he walked a bit further in to spy two pegasi, Father and son, watching a cartoon. “. . .U’m. hey, we sorta kicked your door in, pay us some Fuc-.” Benny paused as he was shushed by the bigger of the two.

“Adventure time.” John said shooting a look back at the intruders who simply stood bewildered.

“Umm, dad. . . shouldn’t you. Ya know, do something?” Azure said raising a quizzical Eyebrow.

“. . .Um, your gonna have to excuse us here, we don’t do home invasions very often, but when we do the folks are loaded, so where’s it at featherbrain!” Benny yelled at John.

“Stop yelling, you're just going to have to wait, T.V. time is now. Come back later.” John said, eyes never leaving the set.

“Alright, listen, I have a gun!” Benny yelled brandishing Marie. “Not gonna be very good for your health unless you tell me where you keep the dough!”

“Pfft, You call that a gun?” Azure shot.

“Hey, Size don’t matter when ya’know how to use it!” Benny shot back at the young pegasus.

“Benny. . . Let’s not get into it wit’ the kid. Grab the dough and let’s get out.” Bert said stepping in, his eyes instantly locking on the scene in front of him. “Eh. . . why’s he jus sittin there?”

“Cartoons.” Was John's only response. The group shot one look at the confusing mishmash of colors and moving pictures.

“Ok, this is a dead end. Start lookin behind picture frames and shit.” Benny shot out as they all fanned out and began to search, Vince stayed in the room with Azure and John, Seemingly mesmerized by the colors on the set.

“Vince watch, only for moment though.” Vince said plopping down on the couch.

“No dogs on the furniture!” John snapped. With a bit of a grumble Vince moved to the floor.

* * *

“Eh, Junk junk, Bills. Pictures. Hole in drywall covered up by painting.” Benny sighed to himself. “Gawd dammit, this is taking too long. . . And where the hell is Vince?!”

“You know your gonna pay for this righ?” Azure said wandering in behind Benny.

“I don’t pay for nuthin!” Benny shot back. “I’m amazing, and can get away with anything.” Benny said grinning wide as he pointed a thumb at himself. His sudden movement caused the stool he was on to topple over, sending him flying face first towards the ground.

“You're not very good at this.” Azure said watching the short ginger pull himself up. With a chuckle he shot back.

“Shouldn’t you at least be a little freaked out? I mean come on this type of shit doesn’t happen often!” Benny said picking himself up.

“Actually, you’d be surprised.” Azure rolled his eyes as the small man glared at him. “How tall are you anyway. I mean, come on I’m nearly as big as you!”

“Ya know what, don’t talk about my height.” Benny said as he resumed searching, he stumbled forward into a room filled with posters of the wonder bolts.

“Ya know it’s not going to be in my room, right?” Azure offered. Benny seemed transfixed on the pinups.

“. . .You're not, ya know. funny are ya?” Benny said glancing at a pinup of soarin before shuddering.

“What no, it’s from a magazine.”

“. . .I’ll take your word for it. Hey where does your dad keep the cash, can you show me his room?” Benny offered a shaky smile.

“You don’t really expect me to help you, right?” Azure said eyeing the red head.

“Nah not really.” His eyes lit up as he set eyes on a set of goggles. “Signed by the wonderbolts Eh? Heh.” Benny said grasping the case. “How much you wanna bet this has got some value to it.”

“Don’t take that, It was a present!”

“Or what? I have a gun.” Bennys grin quickly turned into a contorted mask of pain, as Azure’s hoof found its mark right in his ribs. Benny dropped to the floor with a groan.

“BERT, BERT!” Benny coughed as he glared at the young Pegasus. There was a thud of boots as the large man came in looking down on the small man as he writhed in pain.

“What happened to you?” Bert shot.

“That little bastard kicked me!” Benny

“He tried to take my present!” Azure said glancing at the large man who simply frowned.

“Benny, don’t take the kids stuff. There’s like what? A billion bits in a closet somewhere.”

“Let’s see how big and bad you are, ponyboy, when I get to see how long a pegasus can hold its breath.” gasped Benny “While I’m drowning you in the toilet bowl!” Benny growled.

“Benny, it’s not the end of the world, leave the kid alone and walk it off. We got lots to search."

“Fine, what ever!” Benny groaned as he limped out of the room. Azure shot the open window a look.

“I could go and get help, but! I’m kinda certain this is going to work itself out. These guys couldn’t find their own feet!” Azure trotted off after the intruders to make sure they didn’t break anything or kill themselves or each other.

* * *

“Worst part is, they never listen to Vince! Vince know lot’s of stuff. Neat useful shiny facts, but they never is listing to dog, they think dog know nothing!” Vince shot at John who simply kept nodding rhythmically, eyes never leaving the set.

“Yeah, that’s bad and stuff.” John nodded. Vince shot a long glance at Bruce as he clinked various glasses together, pouring himself a drink.

“Is your little cartoon almos over wit?” Bruce sighed, resigning himself to the fact he had no fucking clue where his treasure trove could be.

*Shush* John said bring a hoof to his mouth.

“. . .So. . . Wan a drink?” Bruce smiled offering John the glass of whiskey.

* * *

“So, Anyways. Benny is standin ontop of him, cusin an yelling, and shit. swingin away with a golf club an-. . .” Bert stopped as Azure interrupted him.

“Your all drunk, and there’s no way that little guy over there beat a dragon up with a gold club!” Azure shot at all of them. “Didn’t you come here to rob us?!”

“Wat?” Benny slurred, staring blankly at the young pegasus.

“You came to rob us. instead you spent all afternoon drinking and making up stories, There not even believable!” Azure shot.

“Wat?” they all said in unison staring at the face hoofing pegasus.

“. . .Welp, guess we best be hitting the road.” Bert belched.

“Hey, no wait, I know a place we can take this party too.” John said getting to his legs with ease. “You guys ever go to a dress club?”

“A wat?” Benny said

“Come on I’ll show ya.” John said heading out the door, waiting for the others to follow. “Well. . .Come on!” As they began to follow after him he paused. “You and the dog look after things while we’re gone Azure.” John called out, then they were gone.

“So. . . do you like the Wonderbolts?” Azure offered to the large Dog.

“Not big fan of flying, Dogs place on, or under the ground. Not high above.” Vince said eyeing the disappointed look in Azure’s eyes, with a sigh he began again, “What you like best about them?”

* * *

“Imma, make it hail!” John laughed, slinging coins at the stage with a wing.

“Dammit, stop throwing fist fulls of bits at the dancers. Those probably hurt y'know.” Bert glared daggers at the stallion.

“Cant. get over. fact. they're adorable. Socks. Hnnng! Heart. My Heart!” Benny cried clutching at his chest..

“I think Benny needs some ‘help’.” Bruce mused.

“Help. . . oh~ I get it.” John let a piercing whistle. “Hey how bout a ‘Special’ show for my friend. John said before dropping a bag full of bits in front of one of the dancers.

“Na, No real. really. I’m good.” Benny said averting his eyes from the dancers. The group laughed loudly as Benny was lead away to a private show.

“Oh, he’s gonna love it. Candy Shores is. Friendly.” John chuckled, eliciting another laugh from the group of drunken humans.

* * *

“This is wrong, this is wrong. I’m human, I’m human.”

“Yes, and also a man. . . a big, bad human.”

“Oh god, um, can, can’t we just ya know talk? Yeah just talk. Talkings good.” Benny stuttered.

“So what led you to, to convert, or are you a really freaky Equestrian, Heh?” Benny stammered growing more flustered by the moment. Everything was going fine, more or less. till he felt a hoof attempting to be shoved in his pants.

“Oh, I’m. . . freaky.” She smiled at him as he began to squirm..

* * *

All the other club goers know for certain, is that the fire started small at first, but it never stopped growing. sure unicorns tried to stop it but it soon got out of hand. In a little under an hour the club had been consumed in the fire, no one was hurt, but the damage was estimated at around 2.5 million bits. Bystander report of a van speeding off soon after the fire started. Where abouts of the occupants unknown.

Comments

[Midnightshadow]

my favourite trio of losers. There had better be more! Especially of Benny and his new 'girl' friend.