Chapter 1
As summer wound down into early fall, Sunset couldn't help but think of the falling leaves to come as beautiful. They were something she knew of in this world that was similar to Equestria.
She loved how the trees were able to shed their dying leaves so that they could begin anew in the spring. They reminded her of herself, and what she had went through.
Though she thought of herself more as a burgundy leaf falling to the cold concrete than a tree shedding its leaves.
Sure she had redeemed herself, she saw the proof in her every day life. But she couldn't forget the horrible things she had done, the things she had done that she couldn't undo with a simple, "I'm sorry."
To say that Sunset was depressed was an understatement. She was more than depressed. She was hopeless. Uncaring. Even apathetic. Not towards her friends, of course.
No, she could never show them the shallow husk of a girl she had become. Not after all the things they had done for her.
But here, as she stood on the edge of a bridge, with the crisp wind blowing behind her and the trees flowing, she considered that maybe that would have been a good idea.
But she couldn't bring herself to do it.
Every time Pinkie or Rarity asked her what was wrong when she didn't laugh as hard at the jokes told at the table or smile as much as she used to, she told them it was nothing, and gave them a weak, pained smile.
But it wasn't nothing.
It was very much something.
She wouldn't be standing here, on this bridge, knuckles white as she's holding on to the railing if she was truly okay.
But she wanted this to be over with.
Her former self haunted her too much. Tormented her for months and continued to remind her of the truly awful things she had done.
She was tired.
So.
So.
Tired.
"I don't deserve to have friends," she said to herself, her words being carried off by the wind. There was no one around to hear her but herself.
She didn't realize she was crying until the tears were streaming down her face and her vision was becoming blurry. She held steadfast though. She wanted to do it. She wanted to let go.
But something was holding her back, preventing her from taking that leap.
Her friends.
She shuddered with sobs as each of their faces flashed in her mind, expressions happy and joyful, then saw them distraught as they were leaning over a casket, shrouded in dark clothes.
"I don't deserve friends," she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper.
Of course you don't. Look how you treated them. The voice in her head told her.
"Shut up!" She shouted out loud, chest heaving. "Shut up!"
You're silencing me because you know it's the truth. There's no need to deny it. Let's face it. You were nothing but a charity case to them.
That was the last straw. Sunset's grip on the railing loosened, and she began to lean backwards towards her paradise, her peace at last.
She was confused when she felt a strong hand pull her up over the railing and onto the bridge.
"-out of your mind?! You could have killed yourself!"
Sunset was too unnerved to know who exactly was talking to her, but she had a feeling it was Applejack. She felt a pair of arms around her and a blanket being draped on her shoulders.
Pinkie and Fluttershy.
Hands grabbed at her shirt, but she refused to look the person in the eye.
Rainbow Dash.
"What the hell were you thinking?! If we hadn't've shown up you'd've been dead!" The rainbow haired girl shrieked, shaking her.
"You should have let me die," Sunset mumbled drunkenly, as if in a stupor.
"WHAT?!" Five voices answered her back.
"I said you should have let me die! I was so close! So close to getting that thing out of my head and, and you all ruined it!" She shouted, choking back sobs.
"What thing, darling?" Rarity asked, kneeling to her level and putting her hand on her shoulder tentatively as if the older girl was going to break from the slightest touch.
"The voice inside my head! It won't let the old me die! It keeps reminding me how much of a terrible person I was and I can't get rid of it! I believe everything that it says! I am a horrible person! I deserve to die!" Sunset wailed.
"No you don't!" Applejack told her sternly. "No one deserves to die! No one! It doesn't matter what you did in the past! You are who you are now and that's all that matters!"
"Yeah! Screw old Sunset!" Dash added. "You're nothing like her! She was a bitch and an asshole but you're nothing like her! She died when the elements blasted you back to your senses!"
Rarity helped Sunset to her feet. "Dearie, we all care about you. You are important to us. Whatever that voice is telling you in your head, it's wrong. You are worth more than anything in the world."
At that moment, Sunset looked into the eyes of each and every one of her friends, searching for a hint of deception.
But there was none.
All that was there was the overwhelming feeling of love and devoted friendship. And that's when she realized that she needed not to punish herself. She had done her time.
And just like that, the voice disappeared.
And for the first time in months, Sunset truly, genuinely smiled.
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i really did enjoy this story.. dispite the topic at hand... and it's best to get this off your chest so others can help.... i can't wait to see more of your story's NewYorkBrony.. and always remember you have friends who can help you pass any problem
Also Saw a 1 or 2 spelling error's.
"-out if your mind?! you could have killed yourself!"
of
"Yeah! scew old Sunset!"
Screw
again great story can't wait to see more story's from you... and always remember you have friends who can help you and also us the ponies who read thy story's.
That... is so sad... but I love it...
Intentionally creating something to punish herself like Luna did? Depression isn't a cute quirk that just goes away with kind words. Sunset needs to seek therapy. Or better yet, get dragged kicking and screaming to a psychiatric ward.
6369037 i oh I know. The voice is gone but the pain is still there
Absolutely amazing! I've been there, wrote the travelogue, and can tell you Friendship is bucking Magic. Anything that can get you outside yourself is a good start.
Awesome story bro!
boswelling.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/thumsup1.gif
Loved it.
For a moment I read that last part as voices and thought that she was imagining that her friends came to her rescue and she was actually going to jump. I'm glad it didn't that way.
Sunset's always probably gonna need a hug. Thankfully, she'll always get a big one when she needs it.
Depression sucks, though. I sympathize.
So is the voice in Sunset's head supposed to be her Demon Form?
Good reading, but the end was a little rushed. Thanks for the effort, have my upvote !
Well written, but I have the same problem with this as I do with Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep? If anyone wants to kill themselves or is self-harming, they need medical help. "It's all going to be okay" from friends and such is temporary treatment, but it's not enough!
This basically sums up my feelings on this if you want to watch.
I think this was very good, and it definitely had a powerful message to it. I've had that voice in my head before, when I went through a depression of my own, it was never bad enough to make me think about "that", but it can be devastating. I also agree with some of the people here though, when someone is that close to doing "that", they need medical care. Being a friend, while it's very nice, is not enough, what about the next time that happens, will you be there then?
I like that sort of distinction. All too often people think depression is exclusively a sadness, when it's much more than that. This piece is heavy, it doesn't have the distractions of random humor thrown in for the sake of "lightening it up" - that has no place here.
this feels weak - because when Sunset describes it as a belief then it implies it's not absolute fact. I suggest something like "Everything it says it true!"
okay, I see your problem now. When a quote ends with a question mark or exclamation point, I find a lot of writing programs with auto-correct engaged will start the next as a new sentence. Specifically here "she" should not be capitalized.
I really enjoyed this story - it gave detail without going overboard and had feels that weren't contrived. It didn't feel rushed, even if the end came about quickly. Everything that needed to be said was said.
Therapy is nice and all for anyone who's receptive to it, but some of us just need the occasional reassurance and comfort from loved ones. Or even just someone willing to listen. If you ever find yourself in a bad state, I'm here.
6369689 They meant the "if" should've been "of"
6369625 You're right. One feelsy moment with friends isn't enough to treat someone with self-destructive or suicidal thoughts.
But it's a start.
6369037
Maybe not a ward, that could easily make her feel betrayed which would make the situation much worse. Professional help is definitely needed, though. I agree with you there.
6483585 Hey, that's what I'd do if my friend admits to committing self-harm. He can hate me and call me a callous asshole all he wants, but I don't care how long it take. If I don't have to bury him by the time I'm done, I've been a bloody good friend regardless of what he says about me.
6483713
But their friendship with you is one of the things that keeps them from killing themselves. If they feel betrayed, that gives them one less reason to keep going. Making them get help is definitely the way to handle the situation but a softer approach seems like the better option given that we're talking about mental health issues. Forcibly committing someone is a last resort.
Ne proud that you made this. It is a Fantastic story. And maybe you were able to help yourself by eriting it.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for a friend is just be there for them.
Damn.
Her past is not today...