Write or Wrong

by T W Hoof

Take a Look it's in a Book

The musty smell of dust and entirely too much untouched paper filled the air as Written Word shifted about on the floor attempting to get more comfortable. The flickering light of nearby candles gradually grew dim while the bright light of the sun streamed into the room. With a sigh, the pale coated pegasus stood up to a series of pops as unused joints cried in protest. Giving his brown mane a quick shake, he looked about bleary-eyed at the nearby clock. Adjusting his red-rimmed glasses, he could just make out the time: a quarter past seven in the morning. He had done it again, been so caught up reading his latest acquisition that silly things like sleep were put aside. Smacking his lips he headed to the kitchen to do something about the grumbling in his stomach.

Over a light meal of dry oats and orange juice (need to go shopping soon), Written checked the calendar to see if he had anything out of the ordinary planned today. Upon seeing the day blocked out with yellow highlights he perked up more than an entire night of sleep could provide. Today was New Author Day. Once a month or so Written liked to stray outside of his well-mapped tastes and sample something new and possibly different. Sure, pancakes were the greatest breakfast food ever created, with their sweet fluffy goodness topped with just a hint of dark maple bliss, but they might get old, someday. Wiping a bit of drool from his mouth, Written quickly noted on his planner to go shopping soon and gave it a double underline. Ah, New Author Day, I wonder what I'll find and if it will be any good.

Currently, Written was on something of a science fiction kick, though a rousing adventure was always welcome. Having just that night read the latest book in the Infrastructure series, he was ready for something new. While a fantastic read, it’s premise was hard to take seriously. After all, with the two princesses why would you ever need to create an earth pony think tank on the edge of Tartarus? Still, it was extremely well written and quite entertaining, so it would be gifted a place on his shelves instead of chucked in the nearly empty box of rejects and added to the list of 'to avoid' literature.

Calling the box nearly empty didn’t tell the whole story, however. In fact, it was entirely empty. Save for a single garishly colored book showcasing a stallion with a mane more befitting a mare. You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover of course but in this case…

Shaking his head Written banished thoughts of That Book from his mind while hurriedly finishing his meal. Bustling about the kitchen Written cleaned up, swept back his mane by the expedient means of his wings (second note, get a new mane comb), grabbed his bits and headed out the door into the eye-watering sunlight. Bracing himself against his mortal enemy, Written spread his wings and flew as quickly as he could towards sanctuary.

Walking through the door of Sunset Books he paused. Mountain Boulder wasn't behind the counter waiting like he normally did. Instead, a laurel-green unicorn mare happily waved to him. Mind racing, he panicked, The routine has been altered.

"Hello, I'm Spring Brook, welcome to Sunset Books. Mountain Boulder told me to expect you."

Staring slack-jawed Written tried to come up with a response, "Um, uh, books?" was all he managed before Spring Brook burst into bubbling laughter.

Levitating a book from below the counter she smiled, "No need for that, here's your mystery book as requested. That will be two bits, or four bits if you want the tea service too."

"Four bits!" Written quickly paid for the book and life-giving tea, grabbing them without glancing at the book’s cover.

Heading back to the cozy reading area deep within the store, a smile once again found its way to Written's face. Everything is back on track. Settling down in a nest of pillows in the corner of the reading pit, Written took a quick sip from his steaming mug of tea. Ah, peppermint. Setting aside his mug, at last, he looked at the book he had purchased.

Mare's Temptation.

The title stared right back at him, daring him to read it again. Mare's Temptation. Nope, it wasn't changing after reading it a second time. Maybe a thir— Mare's Temptation. Written looked away, wondering if maybe just this one time he could ask for a new book selection from Mountain Boulder. Slamming both hooves to his face, he groaned. Of course. Today a different pony had made the choice for him, and, unless Written missed his guess, it wasn't likely to change for the better. This book would haunt his reading time even if he did request a new selection.

With a snort his eyes again met that title, daring it to do its worst. How bad could it be? He had read the mad ravings of High Prose Amourcraft, the dark tales of E. A. Pony, even the blood-drenched pages of the gryphon author Ruthless Rendell.

Steeling himself, Written cracked open the book and prepared to be disappointed with Mare's Temptation by C. W. Step. After reading the jacket summary he skimmed through the early pages, only getting the barest idea about what was contained further in. Something about a cook, a princess, a prince, and a castle. Boring. Sighing he flipped around randomly hoping that since the story had a cook that a delicious recipe or two he could try might be hidden somewhere in the pages.

Finding nothing he, at last, resigned himself to actually reading the book. After all, even if his book pipeline had soured, he could at least adhere to his normal routine. Even if I do gag on the revolting sweetness. Grumbling under his breath, he reopened the book to page one and began reading.

At first, his reading was as wrote as a machine. Eyes moving from word to word, paragraph to paragraph, and page to page. Occasionally his gaze darted around the room looking for a distraction to draw him away from his arduous task. Slowly, though, something started to change.

This book wasn’t at all like that thing he had read before. The world contained within these pages wasn’t a dull and lifeless gray void. There were towering castles and bustling towns brimming with life and bursting with colorful details.

His restless fidgeting slowed and finally stopped entirely so that he might almost be mistaken for a marble statue known as The Reader. As the words begin to flow into him like a gentle stream his posture changed further. Ever so gradually he began leaning forward as if being physically pulled into the unfolding tale. With a great effort, he yanked himself back to reality and took a sip of tea to wet his parched throat. Bleh, cold. Written carefully marked his place before heading to the front of the store for a fresh cup of tea. While pouring his new cup he could feel Spring watching him with a big grin on her face. Thankfully she didn't say a word. As he hurried back to his new friend, he thought heard Spring putting what sounded like a stack of magazines on the counter. Odd, I didn't know Sunset Books carried those.

Settling back down he gingerly removed his bookmark and resumed reading. Before long—and unnoticed to him—a wide smile spread from ear to ear. As Sable began winning Prince Highborn's affections his pulse started racing. He began reading faster, desperate to know what happened next.

Prince Highborn and Sable; they lived and breathed, hoped and dreamed, together on the pages of the book. These ponies were nothing, nothing at all like those soulless caricatures from the first time Written Word had last dared this genre.

When it was revealed that Prince Highborn had been eating the meals that Sable prepared for Princess Divina, a most manly noise escaped him. Curled defensively around his book, he was fully immersed in the gripping tale. With a shocked gasp he sat up, wide-eyed unable to accept what he just read. Sable can't leave! She's meant for him! Before diving back in, Written tried to take a sip from his cup and found that it had gone cold. Again. With a shudder, he gulped it down anyway. No time to waste.

With bated breath Written read on, determined to find out what happened next. With eyes questing ahead to the next word, hope began to fill his heart. A meal had been sent back to the kitchen. Oh oh oh. Completely taken by the riveting story, Written concentrated his entire being on the next words. It is Prince Highborn. With a wild whoop Written Word jumped up, cradling Mare's Temptation while hovering in mid-air.

"Yes!"

Sheepishly he landed, looking around to check if anypony saw him. He again gazed upon the cover and felt only a deep satisfaction as well as a burning desire for more. Reluctantly, he made his way back to the front of the shop to find out if C. W. Step had any more books. Walking by the teapot he happened to notice the time, it was already mid-afternoon. He'd been so engrossed in his reading that the entire morning and much of the afternoon had already passed. That explained why he felt as stiff as an old piece of leather as he stumbled along.

Shuffling up to the counter, Written couldn't make eye contact with Spring. He mumbled a bit, gesturing at the book held in his right wing.

At first, Spring was crestfallen. "Awww, I thought for sure you'd like it, I'm sor—"

Flustered, Written interrupted, "Uh, no, um, actually, do you have anything else by this author?"

Spring cheered right up, her smile reappearing on her face as she pushed a stack of magazines towards him. Another book joined them from below the counter and was placed beside the stack of magazines.

Skeptical again, Written looked at the pile in front of him. "Those are mare's magazines."

"Yep."

"But—"

"You do want more of C. W. Step's work, right?"

"Mare's Monthly..."

A comforting smile on her face, Spring looked him right in the eyes, "C. W. Step has quite a few stories in there."

With a thousand-yard stare, Written repeated, "Mare's Monthly."

"Should I tell Mr. Boulder to put this on a monthly order for you?" Spring asked smiling sweetly.

"Yes please," was all Written could manage in a small voice.

"Okay, that'll be 25 bits for the book and magazines we have here, add another bit for next month’s issue. That'll be 26 bits today and we'll see you again soon."

Head spinning, Written Word made his way out of the shop leaving behind a very satisfied looking Spring Brook.

* * *

Upon arriving home, Written Word wearily stowed his new books and magazines before seriously considering which was more important, food or words. After another bestial howl escaped his middle he concluded that some animals were better sated instead of starved. One quick and disgustingly simple meal later he trudged back to the waiting pile of magazines. Plopping down with an exhausted sigh, he reached for the first magazine and, what seemed like no more than an eye blink later, woke slumped over in a darkened room. Yawning he carefully stood, grimacing as blood rushed back into sleeping limbs and began the 'Wake-Up-Reading-to-Do' dance. It was graceful and elegant and didn't at all look like he had stuck his head in a thundercloud. Completing the ritual by losing his balance and falling over, the newly invigorated pony jumped to his hooves and lit his reading lights.

Another perfect night slipped by unnoticed by the newly converted C. W. Step fan. Magazine after magazine quickly fell to his unrelenting gaze. At last, only the book remained. Princess of the Knight. Despite its thick covers, not even this fortress of words could long withstand his siege. Chapter after chapter fell before him as he tore through the pages. It wasn't a silent battle, however. Outside, a few passing ponies stopped to stare at the house as loud squeals, echoing gasps, and the occasional "Yes! Yes! More!" rang out. As the sun rose again in the sky a sweaty and elated Written looked down sadly. Double checking, he confirmed that every word had been read, some of them more than once. He hadn't been this excited about books since he first learned to read, and even that might not be a fair comparison since it was viewed from across the gulf of time.

For the second day in a row, Written found himself in the nearly bare kitchen eating another bowl of dry oats. Food today, he thought, adding a new note at the top of his list and underlining it several times, Visit Sunset Books to see if they have more C. W. Step. Taking another bite of his bland breakfast, Written reexamined his priorities. Reluctantly, a small arrow was appended to the end of 'Step' pointing to just below 'Food'. If he collapsed at work due to a marathon all night reading session and near complete lack of food he would get another lecture from his boss Gilded Letter. It wouldn't do to get yelled at just because he did his book shopping at Sunset Books instead of Barns & Nobles. Working there didn’t pay nearly well enough to pay Gilded’s exorbitant prices.

Later that morning, after a quick shopping trip to restock his larder, he waved wistfully at his new books before heading out the door. Having to work today wasn't a complete disaster. After all, he needed to find out more about Step and he was headed to the bookstore, even if it was rather overpriced. With a spring in his step and a flutter in his wings, he arrived at the shop marked by a sign displaying the most luxurious and over the top jewel covered barn he had ever seen. Why the owner had picked a barn of all things to encrust with gems he would never know. Heading to the back he kept one ear cocked for the chime in case any customers actually came in today. After all the time he had worked here he could count the number of customers who came in on the primaries of one wing.

This place really made no economic sense. Books stacked to the rafters, the finest china if somepony wanted tea or, as Gilded put it, "That vulgar coffee," one of the most comprehensive directory and reference guides in existence, 'Updated Twice Weekly or your Bits Back!' All this and if he squinted just right he could make out marks in the carpet from where he had trod squishing the deep threads on his way to the back room. With a snort, Written shook his head, maybe if each book didn't cost a princess's ransom and the yearly membership fee couldn't pay for a gryphon bodyguard. Still, if somepony wanted to pay him to be here he might as well put some of this to use.

Reaching what he called the Repository, he started flipping through the index until he found where the listing for C. W. Step was; Volume VIII, page 481. Grabbing the appropriate tome, he located the page and settled in to glean what information he could. Disappointingly, there wasn't much due to the newness of C. W. Step to the publishing scene. The author was using a pseudonym to hide their identity, was suspected of being a mare in the Canterlot area, had 2 books, and a number of stories in Mare's Monthly. That was it. There weren't any further books to find, no real name to cross reference against other aliases. He had hit the end of the line. That was unacceptable! He needed to know more, to further explore the world of princesses and princes, mares and stallions, to sate his growing hunger. Pondering, a crazy idea hit him. If such a relatively new pony could captivate his attention, maybe he could make his own stories?

Before embarking on what might only be a flight of fancy, he went to make a cup of his favorite apple cinnamon tea. If this was more than just a passing impulse it would still be around after. He got about halfway through heating the water when his brand new muse boiled over, sending him racing to the stockroom. Eyes darting around he spotted the bound, blank books intended as diaries for the nobles who didn't frequent the store nearly enough to deplete the reserve. Wasting no time, Written grabbed a gold-leaf embellished green book, two inkwells, and a pack of high-end writing quills. His smile was prematurely cut short as the shrill whistling of the kettle shattered the silence of the bookshop. Zipping between the shelves he quickly turned off the heat and prepared a small pot of tea, this was going to be a long day.

Setting himself up in the back of the store he surveyed his supplies. One full pot of tea to the left, two full inkwells on the right, a brace of quills along the top, and a blank book dead center ready to shine. Giddy with excitement he dipped his first quill in an inkwell and stopped. What was he going to call his story? It came to him in a flash. Mare's Desire. With the hard part out of the way, he got down to business. Characters marched in a file across the pages, Princess Divine, Prince Genteel, Ebony, they all nodded to him as he told their stories. He wasn't going to be satisfied with only staying within the confines of the prose C. W. Step had laid out. Not that it mattered to him now, but maybe he would make even more ponies happy if he included the recipe for any dishes Ebony made. Everypony liked a good recipe after all. More and more pages were filled as the ink wells slowly ran dry and the tea grew cold. By this point Written Word was in the zone, every stroke of the quill laying down another masterpiece. Chapters started to fly by as each idea he had seemed better than the last. Intrigue, mystery, romance, recipes, his story had it all. With one last climactic flourish, his quill danced across the page bringing his astonishing tale to an end. He couldn't wait to share his story with others, and, as luck would had it, his shift was nearly over.

Happier than he had been in a long while, Written pranced about the bookstore dusting the shelves and cleaning up his inspiration corner as he had dubbed it. After a final check to be sure that Mr. Letter wouldn't find any objectionable mess he locked up and left, stoked to share with somepony his new found passion.

Walking down the street with yet another rumbling stomach he headed towards one of his favorite destinations, Catch'em and Clean'em. After all, they had the best chips in Canterlot even though he didn't care for the fish. Geralynn was manning the counter and greeted him as he came in. "You look more excited than usual today, hun, did a new book come out." She waved him over, "what can I get for you today?"

Quickly placing his order, Written almost couldn't contain himself. Surely Geralynn would love to hear about his new book. Imagine that, my book, not just another story someone else wrote. "I wrote a book today," Written proudly said while waving his book at her. "Care to hear a passage or two?"

Flipping the basket of fries she shrugged. "Sure, we got a few minutes, knock yourself out."

Written Word opened the book to a random page and pompously cleared his throat.

“‘Oh Fairest Princess Divine how your face steals my heart like an adult dragon tearing the head off a candy apple. Please, I bare myself to you. How shall I win your fair beauty, please I must for it is my destiny and foretold by the Oracle of Knowing Things. Don't look away, please. My throbs with joyful joy thinking of you and only you for you are the fairest of all princesses being the only one of course.’

“Falling to two knees Ebony tried to plant his lush kissing lips on the dainty hooves of the fairest creature ever. He was having a hard time though because for some reason the fair Divine kept dancing like a graceful ballerina away from him. He chased her across the big room on his knees cause he hadn't gotten up while chasing her.

‘Wait fairest fair Divine my all thoughts are to you and your fairness, don't run while I woo you we must be together or the big disaster will befall the land!’"

A few minutes passed while Written read to Geralynn. It was as incredible as he could have hoped. Not once did she look away. She was so enraptured by his words that even when his food started to darken her attention did not waver. Even though he was hungry he kept reading. Who was he to deny a hopeful fan the blessing of his words? As the smoke started to thicken, Geralynn almost glanced back until he belted out a particularly good passage. Hopelessly mesmerized, Geralynn couldn't tear herself away from the book even while fire began to slowly climb off the stove and onto the walls. With a last glance at the now blackened food, Written decided that he wasn't so hungry anymore and thanked Geralynn for her time before leaving.

As he walked away thinking that a nice light dessert might be just what he needed, flames leapt skyward as Catch'em and Clean'em turned into a raging inferno.

Fluttering down the street basking in the warm glow of a job well done, Written Word looked around for other ponies to share his magnificence with. Ahead he spotted Brass Plate, who he remembered from his school days. He was seated outside at the Everything Hay Cafe munching away at a hay filled dish accompanied by a mare and a small foal. Waving to get his attention, Written Word hurried over, thrilled to have another opportunity to share his magnum opus with an old friend and his family.

Brass greeted him laughing, "What book do you have your nose buried in this time Written?"

"Not just any old book, one I wrote myself," Written said with a smug look on his face.

Brass looked surprised, "No way, when did you become an author?"

Overflowing with excitement Written self-conscientiously scratched the back of his head, "I finished this afternoon, care to hear a bit?"

Brass Plate introduced his family then pointed beside himself, "Pull up a chair and give us your best shot."

Written sat down nearly unable to restrain himself from leaping on top of the table and yelling passages across the cafe. This was his big chance to impress, all he needed now was a really choice section of his story. Taking a series of deep breaths he slowly calmed himself. Flipping to an especially good page he began to read.

“‘Princess Divine do not listen to your misshapen like a lump of clay brother Prince Genteel. His manners are like steel grating after a year to rust outside due to the feud the metal shop has with an unruly pegasus feel that rubbing against your gums and know you are better like the finest pearl pried from an old clam. I, Ebony the Amazing, Maker of Pastries, Lover of all things Fair like your fair princess, tell you only the truth. We must together join for our one purpose, you and me in harmony because chaos is bad.’”

By this point, Winter Wind’s eyes were darting about nervously while Brass firmly covered his foal’s ears.

“Ebony approached Divine from the rear because he had been standing there while she walked away because she was unsure that they should talk about things. Undeterred Ebony rushed forward like a speeding train tooting its horn even though he was a pegasus so he didn't have a horn as he rushed closer. Spinning about like a top that knew how to spin Divine gasped, ‘Together then like you said, you and fair me together to find harmony is the flavors of dessert.’”

Written Word was so lost in his recital that he didn't realize that he had reared up on his hind legs. Wings gesturing wildly, he grew more and more animated as his voice grew to a dull roar filling the cafe with his genius.

“’Oh Divine’, Ebony gushed like a chocolate brook bubbling with bubbly joy, ‘I have the flour if maybe you can spare me the sugar because I know you have a large storage in your castle.’ Divine wept with joy because she did have sugar, mountains of sugar, mountain ranges of sugar, a whole sugar planet in her storage that had waited if only Ebony would ask and now he had. Bliss filled their eyes like the chocolate topping for the cake they were going to make with all the sugar.”

Out of breath and exhausted, Written Word finished his reading and looked to see his thankful crowd’s reaction. The cafe was totally empty. Not even a single employee remained. The only sound was the faint sizzle of a hay and cheese sandwich slowly burning on the stove. Peering down the street he could just barely make out all the previous occupants of the cafe galloping away. A surge of satisfaction sped through him. They were headed to Sunset Books to pre-order his new book. A pity that they would all be heartbroken when they learned he hadn't yet published his crowning achievement. At that moment Written Word knew, he had to share his words with their inspiration, the elusive C. W. Step.

* * *

Knowing from the Repository that Step was likely in his hometown didn't help much. Sure he could go door to door trying to find her, but having to calm down excited fans at every stop would slow him down. While re-reading one of her articles in Mare's Monthly it hit him. The ponies who ran the magazine had to know how to contact her, after all, she got paid somehow. According to the information page to aspiring authors looking for work, Mare's Monthly had an office in Manehattan. It would be a bit of a trip but Written Word was sure it would be worth it. The opportunity to meet his new hero and even collaborate on a new story caused him to break out into a fit of giddy giggles. If he hurried he could catch the overnight train to Manehattan and be there rested and ready first thing in the morning. Refilling his sack of bits and grabbing a saddlebag for his precious cargo he practically ran to the train station whistling a happy tune all the way.

The next morning he was awakened from his fitful sleep by the jolt of the train pulling into the station. Bursting forth from the train Written Word looked around for a helpful pony. When nopony stood out he hovered a few feet in the air and yelled over the crowd, "Can anyone tell me where Eminence Tower is? I need help finding the greatest author in the world!" After shouting over all the ponies around him a rather gruff looking unicorn yanked him out of the air with his magic. Flipping him around so he was pointing directly at a tall tower topped with a dapper looking golden stallion bust he leaned over, "It's right there, now stop yelling like a lunatic and get out of here."

"I'll remember you when I publish my book," Written Word shouted over his shoulder as he flew onward to his destiny. Landing at the tower he strolled in, ignoring his surroundings as best he could. He was here for a reason, not to gawk at the sights like a tourist. Walking up to the receptionist, who met his gaze with an intense stare, Written Word stopped, Hello my dear I am a future world renowned author here to meet one of the shining jewels of Mare's Monthly, could you please direct me to the proper place? At least that's what he said in his head.

Instead a rather anemic, "M-mare's Monthly please, I need to talk to somepony," escaped him. Trying to salvage his fumble Written started to pull out Mare's Desire before he saw that the mare was pointing at a bank of elevators.

A curt, "63rd floor," was all the response he rated before she went back to her crossword puzzle.

Tail between his legs, Written darted away from the front desk to put distance between himself and that mare who was immune to his charms and literary talent. Still somewhat shaken he didn't take the chance to share his story with the unicorn running the elevator. He felt a bit bad about that, but he could always read a few chosen passages on the way out. Satisfied with his logic, he excitedly rocked back and forth as they traveled up to the 63rd floor.

A grandiose lobby greeted Written Word as he stepped off of the elevator. Staunchly keeping his attention straight ahead he approached the next guardian in his quest.

A rather excitable looking stallion sat on a mahogany throne watching as he walked closer, "Welcome to Mares Monthly's main office my fine stallion, how can I help you today?"

Assured by this much more jovial greeting Written placed his front hooves on the desk and gestured behind himself towards his saddle bags. Meeting the stallion’s eyes Written said in as serious a voice as he could, "I'm looking for a very important pony to help me in my hour of need. Can you be that pony?"

Eyes widening the receptionist eagerly got up on two hooves as well, "I might just be that pony," he said with a faint blush.

Grinning, Written Word delivered his pitch, "I need the contact information for an author, C. W. Step, and then you'll be my little helper."

With a surprisingly high-pitched squeal, the stallion held up a hoof to wait and started digging around in his files. With a big smile on his face, he passed Written a piece of paper with an address written on it, "Here you go sweetie, that's her listed mailing address where we send her paychecks."

Sweeping the paper off the counter and into his saddlebags Written turned to leave, "Thanks for the help, you have no idea how much this means to me, I owe you one."

The smile starting to fall off his face the stallion looked at him forlornly, "Wasn't there something else I could help you with?"

Written Word kept walking, "No thank you, that was everything I came here for."

As the elevator doors opened Written heard a faint, "Oh," behind him.

* * *

As the sun rose on yet another day in the wonderful new life of Written Word the Author a loud whoop could be heard, loud enough to set birds fluttering in agitation. Today was the day. Today he was going to meet his hero face and face. Taking the extra time to polish his glasses and slick back his hair, Written was, in a word, prepared, in two words, very prepared, in three words he broke down into exited gibberish and had to take a minute to calm himself. Grabbing Mare's Desire he double checked the address backward, forward, and upside-down. Satisfied he stepped out the door and headed into town.

Arriving at the condo indicated by the address, Written Word steadied his nerves and knocked on the door. Nothing. A minute passed and he tried again, three firm, friendly knocks. Nothing. Nearly heartbroken, Written Word’s shoulders slumped as he prepared to leave.

"Coming, coming." He stopped, sadness instantly evaporating to be replaced with a nearly overwhelming euphoria.

The door opened and there she was, C. W. Step in the flesh. The only author who was better at their craft than the newest member to their ranks, Written Word.

Stammering he managed to get out, "Ms. Step I'm your biggest fan I've got something to show you."

Velvet Step raised an eyebrow skeptically, tensing just slightly as if she was readying to buck the stallion into next week if he made one wrong move. "Go on..."

Trembling like a small dog in the presence of their master Written continued, "Ms. Step I've read your books cover to cover and all your stories in Mare's Monthly, I even got a subscription to follow your every word." Pulling out Mare's Desire he thrust it forward, "This is what I wanted to show you. Your work touched me and I wanted to show my appreciation by adding to it." Lowering his eyes Written continued, "I know I changed a few names here and there, but these are your characters and I wanted to stay as true to the source as possible."

With a grin like a shark about to swallow an entire school of fish Velvet waved Written Word to come in. Velvet pointed at a nearby couch, "I would be pleased to talk about my books with such an amazing fan like you, we can't take long though because a nosy roommate of mine will be back soon."

Eagerly Written Word followed Ms. Step into the condo, blessing his luck to have even a few minutes alone with this breathtaking mare. "Would you like to hear a few passages from Mare's Desire?" he asked with bated breath, nearly hyperventilating with excitement.

With a lazy wave of her hoof, Ms. Step encouraged him to go on.

If anypony hadn't known what a tough mare she was before, watching the next few minutes would have laid to rest any doubt.

As Written Word opened up the book and started reading, her two eyebrows shot up. Soon after both ears on her head begin fruitlessly wiggling back and forth, as if trying to escape the room. As Written Word jumped to all four hooves and really started getting into his recital, her left eye started to twitch. By the fifth minute, Velvet had entered a state of serenity where she existed past the point of being able to feel pain. As the 10th minute rolled by something terrifying occurred, she started smiling. As the words shrieked through the air like angry bees the smile spread like an infection until the expression on Velvet's face would make a grown manticore blanch. Slowly Written Word stopped reading, a strange repetitive noise was growing steadily louder. Velvet was on her feet stamping her hooves with that same milk curdling smile firmly affixed to her face.

Opening his mouth to continue, Written Word was hushed by Ms. Step before he could resume, "Magnificent, a truly astounding tale for the ages you have there.

"I could listen to you read for hours, but alas, our time is nearly up. Before you go, I have something to tell you."

With rapt attention, Written Word waited for Ms. Step to enlighten him. "It isn't in any of my writing. you understand, but since you went to all the trouble to find me I feel like a bit of off the book spoilers are deserved."

Velvet gazed into Written Word's very soul, her words thrumming like the voice of Princess Celestia, "Sable's favorite dessert in the whole world is enormous cream filled eclairs, and Prince Highborn fancies a nice juicy pie." Tilting her head Ms. Step went on in a more normal tone, "I would love to see what you do with that new material at the next Equestrian Writers Convention."

Enthralled by her voice Written could only nod his head and attempt to gasp out a weak, "Of course."

Shooing him out the door giggling the entire time Velvet straightened up the condo. Crystal Wishes wouldn’t know Written Word had been here... for now.

* * *

At the next Equestrian Writers Convention

Crystal Wishes, aka C. W. Step, was sitting in her booth signing books and chatting with fans. She must have been feeling pretty lonely, despite the crushing crowds, because she kept thinking she saw Silent Knight out of the corner of her eye. Every time she turned to look, though, he was gone. With a humph she deliberately turned her back completely to part of the floor before quickly whirling back around. A light tan pegasus that looked nothing like Silent gasped as he was caught in her trap and nearly tripped head over hoof with a panicked flap of his wings. Throughout his mishap, he remained clutching a green and gold book to his chest like a treasured foal. Taking the high road and stifling her laughter Crystal called out gently to the nervous fan, "It's okay. If this crowd is a bit intimidating come around the back of the booth and I'll be happy to sign your book." With a brief grateful nod, he vanished back into the press of ponies heading for the rear of the booth.

Peeking her head out the cloth hanging down the back wall Crystal spotted him and waved a hoof to get his attention. "Hello there, I'm C. W. Step and who might you be?"

Wings quivering with excitement he drew closer. "Ms. Step, I'm Written Word and your disguise is amazing, I can't believe it's really you." Drawing a nervous breath he kept talking nearly without pause, "I did just as you suggested and I have it right here, can I read it to you now?"

Having no idea what he was talking about Crystal nodded her head to be polite, "I always have time for my fans. That's why I'm here after all," She finished with a little giggle.

Written Word took a deep breath and opened the book.

All three walls of C. W. Step's booth flexed outwards as a titanic cry shook the ground.

"VELVET!"

Author's Note:

The world need never know what was in the great Eclair and Pie Climax to Mare's Desire.

Inspired by the works of Crystal Wishes

Comments

[Fossil-Dragon-Messiah]

Well done good sir! Both entertaining and a well cataloged tale of the invincibility many narcissistic new authors feel after completing their first works. NOW SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAID!

[Crystal Wishes]

I made the mistake of trying to read this first thing in the morning. Oh, no, don't get me wrong, the story was great. The problem was I was still lying in bed and darn nearly woke up the whole neighborhood with my snorting and giggling (and squealing at the way you describe Crystal's stories, baww ).

I think this is legitimately a great representation of some author's feelings over their first works. "This is the most amazing thing ever why doesn't eveRYONE LOVE THIS I SHOULD BE FAMOUS" Good grief, I remember my first fanfiction at 12. Yeah. That was horrible but you bet I thought it was the greatest thing since writing was invented.

Your Velvet is, as always, totally perfect. Her reaction is what had me laughing the most. Second to that was the poor receptionist. "Wait, there's nothing else I can help you with?" "Nope!" "Oh..." I demand a spin-off of the poor receptionist's search for love in all the wrong places. ("Okay, that'll be 7 bits for your hayburger and fries." "Oh, but don't I get an extra side with my meal? *flutters lashes*" "No, just fries." "Oh...")

Velvet is best troll. Your stories make me love her even more than I already did.

[T W Hoof]

6356803

Thank you, I am quite glad you enjoyed the story as it a fan fiction of another fan fiction on this site about an author C. W. Step who is the one that Written Word is gushing about. The loops go deep.

6356847

Velvet is best troll.

Yes, yes she is.

the poor receptionist's search for love

Poor guy indeed. I don't actually have anything fleshed out about him other than he is in dire need of help from Lovey-Dovey. He kind of snuck in. As per my original outline I was going to have Written have to flirt the information out of someone. By the time I reached that point I realized there was no way he was going to be able to do that, intentionally. Suddenly the oblivious accidental misread intentions shot to the front of my mind and that image of one of the lone stallions in a mare's domain entered the picture.

[Crystal Wishes]

6356920 I figured as much, regarding the receptionist... But now I'll always worry about him and his fruitless search for love in all the wrong places!

[Charzoid]

Hi there! I enjoyed your little story here and I'd like to read this story on my YouTube channel with your permission. I will link it back to you in the summery to credit you.

[T W Hoof]

6363209

Go right ahead, I look forward to hearing it.