Falling Dreams
Dreams with Wings
by Harmony_Blue
We've all had one of those days where we just want the day to end in an instant so we can let it pass and carry on with our lives, but time just doesn't seem to move fast enough. One of those days where we hate the fact we can feel, think and react. One cyan colored, rainbow-maned pegasus was having one of those dreaded days and hating every bit of it. Rainbow Dash was looking at the ceiling of her could home, feeling like a filly who just found out she wasn't getting anything on her birthday. Depression was her friend right now and they were introduced by a mutual acquaintance. The open letter on her cloud bed. It laid there mocking her, jabbing her and reminding her of the dark cold pit in the depths of her stomach.
The letter was off white and had a blue and gold seal on it. To anypony else this was nothing but a blue circle with lightning bolts forming a W and the edge of the circle. To a Wonderbolt fanatic like Rainbow Dash it was worth all the bits she had and would ever have in her lifetime. It was what she had worked towards ever since she first saw them perform as a little filly. It was the reason she flew her fastest everyday, the reason she spread her wings, the reason she pumped them her hardest and trained them to their limits. The reason she had lived for. Her dream, goal and she had obtained it....mostly.
Rainbow Dash reached over to the letter and rested her hoof next to it for a few seconds before picking it up and bringing it to her disappointed face and read it again.
Dear Dash,
This is Spitfire and i wanted to personally write you to let you know that you are now a Wonderbolt and a kick-ass addition might I add. There was never any doubt that you would make it and we had a suit waiting every since our meeting at the Best Young Flyers competition.You've done more for yourself at your young age then most Wonderbolts have in their entire career. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say we're glad to have you on board. You will be placed in the Wonderbolt Reserves until further notice. Come in sometime this week to get your badge. You start training in a month. Again we’re glad to have you.
Your Captain
Spitfire
"She makes it sound so awesome. Reserves are for the second rate losers who couldn't make the cut" Rainbow whispered to herself.. "She said it herself, i'm freaking amazing. With my skill and ability I'm better than most if not all of the Wonderbolts. Not to say they’re not awesome times infinity, but just i'm infinity plus one. I'm sure there was a mistake."
She walked into her bathroom and over to the sink. Lifting her head to stare at the rainbow maned pegasus in front of her she thought, Yoú’re awesome, you know that, I know that. They know that.' She stared at her reflection with a passion in her soul. Rainbow never lacked confidence, this was a known fact. But whenever she needed a boost she would remind herself of just who she was and what she could do.'
After a few more minutes of confidence boosting and horn tooting Rainbow felt it was a good time for a flight. There was never a bad time for a flight but now more then ever she needed the wind under her wings. Walking past her bed and to the door she looked back at the letter one more time staring it down like she was waiting for something to change. She turned back at the door knowing that no matter how long she stared that letter would stay the same. Coming to the edge of her cloud home she looked over the edge at Ponyville. Cloudsdale wasn't too far from the little town and her home was at the edge of the city. She flapped her wings a few times then stretched them as wide and as far out as they could go. She then locked her wings to her side, bent her knees and let a grin paint itself carelessly on her face before leaping forward off the clouds edge. She closed her eyes and just nose dived towards Equestria dirt, letting the wind flow through her mane and caress her face ever so tenderly. She pulled her legs to her body and dove for a couple more seconds enjoying the winds company, never looking at the earth approach her. Having done this thousands of times before she knew when to pull up and besides, she felt like pushing it today. In her head she started to count.
1
Three hundred twenty feet from the ground
2
One hundred seventy feet from the ground.
3!!!
She opened her eyes, spread her wings and pulled up in an instant. Green turned to blue as the grass tickled her stomach and she took off towards the sky. She had cut it close but then again thats what she was aiming for. A rush always took away her problems. Again she couldn't help but let the wind have her. It's tender touch was bliss.
After flying over Ponyville for a while, taking in the daily lives of the ponies and their duties, Rainbow felt the call of sleep. The emotional rollercoaster she'd been riding today was really taking it out of her. She just wanted to find a cloud and fall into it. Lucky for her a nice fluffy one was passing by. She was atop of it in a Rainbow second. She laid back folding her hooves behind her head and let herself lose the battle against her heavy eyelids. The suns rays blanketed her in its warm embrace. It felt like Celestia herself was trying to help her relax. Rainbow smiled in her sleep dreaming of everything but that damned letter.
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It' was noon and the day was more beautiful than usual to those who took the time to notice. One scaly resident had been quick to notice this and couldn't have been happier. Spike had plans for today and was quite pleased the day was working with him. He had gotten up early to finish his chores and for the last few hours had been been brushing his scales and straightening his spines.
"Okay, the time has come Spike." he said to himself as he walked to the mirror. He looked himself up and down inspecting every inch of his tall, slim build. It had been two years since the whole changeling fiasco and Spike had grown quite a bit. When he was standing straight he was a few inches taller than Big Macintosh and a little behind him in terms of muscle. His mass was toned and slender. His face was a bit stronger no longer cute and cuddly and his snout was long. His teeth gaining a razor sharpness and and his eyes no longer round and cute but narrowed and sharp. The spines on his back gained some length and were now also showing on the back of his forearms. He was completely fine with his new look, it made him feel cool and badass. As long as his friends were cool with it he didn't really care besides, there were a few mares attracted to his new look and even asked him out a few times and there isn't a thing wrong with that.
"Okay" Spike pulled out a list as he said this. "Let's see, Canterlot Rassberry Deluxe Chocolate." He picked up the white box with purple ribbon and sat it on his bed. "Check."
He walked over to his nightstand, pulled out the drawer and pulled out a small roll of material. "Rare dragon made silk, imported from the Dragon Kingdom." he walked back to his bed and laid it next to the chocolates."Check. And now the piece that ties it all together. The one thing that'll make her say yes, well aside from my charm and good looks." He bent down and reached under his bed retrieving a long black box.
He slowly opened it to reveal twelve of the most beautiful roses anypony could ever hope to get. They weren't regular roses, in fact they were so very far from it. These roses in particular were cut from Sky's Diamond. The jewel is as dazzling as any diamond but it had a trait that just dragged your attention to it. It always seems to be sparkling clouds in it that never evaporated, performing an everlasting waltz that could calm even the fiercest of beast and wildest of stallions. Spike discovered that even when cut the strange dancing clouds never stopped, only spliting its show and expanding to fill any empty space.This kind of diamond was hard to come by because it was a gem made in clouds over hundreds of years. Being that clouds disperse over time or get broken up Sky's Diamond is a very rare find. finding even a spoonful of it's dust made you rich beyond your wildest dreams. Spike was lucky to be walking along the edge of Everfree Forest (something he had started doing to clear his mind) when he found a large chunk of it. After doing a little research he found out what it was and realizing it looked more beautiful than it did tasty instantly thought of Rarity. It was a painstaking process but after 8 months he had delicately carved twelve Sky's Diamond roses.
He saved all the shavings and had secretly sold most of them to Celestia herself, who liked to stock up on rare material just in case it was ever needed. He got a massive amount of bits for them but asked the princess to hold it in the castles treasury for him, only taking a few thousand to order the silk and chocolate. Spike asked the Princess to keep all of it a secret from the girls especially Twilight, knowing she would lecture him on how his new wealth should be spent. He didn't want it to get out that he was rich. He didn't want anything to change. He liked how simple life was right now and he planned to keep it that way.
After admiring the roses for a few more seconds Spike closed the box and gathered the mentioned items sliding them into his messenger bag. Looking over at the clock he saw it was a few minutes passed one. He had asked Rarity on a date and she had agreed. They were meeting at Ponyville Park for a late lunch by the lake at two o'clock. He ran downstairs jumping the last few and darted into the kitchen heading to the fridge.
"Afternoon Spike" a familiar voice said behind him.
He spun around to see Twilight, his roommate and mother figure sitting at the table with her head in a book. He didn't see the lavender unicorn in his sprint to through the kitchen.
"Hey Twilight. What's up?"
"Nothing much just reading up on dragon anatomy. Still trying to find out about those strange back pains you've been having." Twilight said flipping a page.
"Twilight I told you i'll be fine. Besides i haven't had any pains for a few days. Whatever it was probably passed. I feel like the same old me." Spike flexed his arms and back to show he was okay. He had indeed been having very sharp and painful back aches the past couple months. They were unexplained and even the doctors didn't know what was wrong. This week was ache-free and that was great news for Spike. It was just one of the many things going great for him recently.
"That may be but I just want to make sure your okay. I mean they stopped you from moving for hours at a time sometimes. If they're gone then great but I want to be ready in case they come back." Twilight took a sip of her tea and sat her book down. " On a different note, you look great today Spike. You're really trying hard to impress Rarity aren't you."
"Twilight everyone knows that my alluring charm and devilish good looks are irresistible. Not much trying involved." He smoothed the spines on his head back as he was talking.
"Whatever you say Mr.Confident. Just don't make a fool of yourself. Remember, she's known you for years. She already knows how great you are. Just let things go naturally and everything will be ok."
"You got most of that out of a book didn't you?" Spike smirked.
"Four actually."
Spike walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her carefully. "I know I don't say this nearly enough but thanks for never failing to be there for me and always having my back. You can be ocd about things sometimes but thats ok. You'll always be mother in my eyes and I will always love you."
Twilight hugged him backed wrapping her hooves around him the best she could. "And thank you for always being the best number one assistant and son any mare could ask for." She released the hug. A pinkish purple aura opened the fridge door and levitated a picnic basket out. It was filled sandwiches and fruit Spike had prepared earlier. It was followed by a pitcher of lemonade which was put into the basket along with two glasses. She placed it next to Spike who promptly picked it up."Now go get her."
"Thanks Twilight." Spike ran out the kitchen and out the front door, a huge smile plastered on his face. He was minutes from his date with the mare of his dreams, he had more money then he could spend in a lifetime, his back wasn't killing him. Things are looking great. Nothing could bring him down. Along the way he stopped to help Big Macintosh unload some apples for the stand and was rewarded with a bag full of the world famous apples. He stopped by Sugarcube Corner to say hi to Pinkie but ended up installing her from the ceiling. He didn't bother to ask how it happened, chalking it up to a Pinkie Moment. Pinkie gave him two slices of triple fudge cake with vanilla frosting and chocolate chips as a thank you. His day was going so well he had forgotten about the time.Taking out a pocket watch he looked and saw he had five minutes til 2.
He made one final sprint to the lake. Upon reaching his destination he took a look around to see if Rarity was waiting or not. After seeing he'd made it before her he breathed a sigh of relief. He looked at the area once again, this time taking in it's beauty. The trees were all a mystic green that matched the grass perfectly. Flowers of all kinds painted a mosaic across the small field leading to the trees. The most beautiful part was the lake. It was a void of tranquil beauty that resembled a sea of the most stunning sapphires. He stood there staring for a few minutes. He knelt down, opened the basket and started setting up the picnic. H took out a checkered quilt and spread it out. He set out the plates and glasses and took out the box of chocolates and sat it in the middle of everything. After it was all set up he sat down and waited. And waited, and waited, and waited.
"It's not like Rarity to be this late. I mean yeah sometimes she likes to be 'fashionably late' but thats only five or ten minutes." He took out his gold pocket watch again. "She's an hour and a half late." He took a deep breath. " I'm worrying for nothing, maybe she just got caught up in one of her dresses or something. She wouldn't stand me up" Spike convinced himself.
Another hour passed.
"Just caught up. Most likely a big order. She'll be here."
Six o'clock. The park is starting to empty as ponies take their little colts and fillies home for dinner and bed. Spike is sitting closer to the lake looking at his reflection.
"She always takes forever with her makeup and stuff. It's alright she'll be here" Spike was having trouble speaking clearly.He wasn't sure why. His eyes were burning too. Again he couldn't figure out why.
Seven o'clock and still no Rarity. If you were in the park at the time and you listened close enough you could here a dragon crying to himself. If looked hard enough at the lake you could see the ripples from his tears hitting it.
A/N: Not really what i wanted it to be. I’ll just improve and get it right next chapter. Please be brutally honest, Celestia knows I need it. I plan on future chapters being longer and more frequent. Sorry for any I may have disappointed.
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'Please be brutally honest' - Challenge Accepted.
I liked it.
It's well readable and most parts are designed comprehensible. (or comprehensible designed? Gosh, my english is failing again)
Some people could say that dialogues should be splitted in several lines, just like:
"Ohmagosh, dis is so awesome" Somepony said.
"Yea, isn't it? It is soo much easier to read naow!" Another one answered.
But meh, I like the style you used. Doesn't need that much space and it's still fine.
<One more line>
What I really recommend to you (since you wished brutal honesty) is to keep an eye on your signs.
Sometimes there is a space missing, like here: "[...]promptly picked it up."Now go get her.""
Or a random placed ' & " like:
"
"
She makes it sound so awesome."
and: "It' was noon and the day was more beautiful then usual[...]"
Sure, no important thing at all and maybe it's just my browser freaking out, but I like to troll people with such stuff
Last but not least: It was a bit too short imo. Why didn't you wrote something about Dash's fly around Ponyville? Sure, it's not important for the story to tell us about it, but who cares? Escapism for da win!
So yea, I hope your plans to make future chapters longer will become true.
<Pointless long & semi-well written troll comment-counter +1>
Keep going! This gonna be good!
866321 Thnx for your honesty. When I first started this i planned to have 5000+ words, but when my computer died all I had was my phone. It takes considerably longer to type on a phone, so I split chapter one so that readers can get something. Also when I uploaded to the random stuff happened. (random spaces and symbols.) I am currently paying off a laptop which should make things better.
If Only - Queens Of The Stone Age
I do this because I care (and because you literally asked for it):
The premise is good, though I can't help but feel some of this was rather forced. For instance, would Dash really be that down that she was put in the reserves? I think she'd be ecstatic that she's now officially a member of the Wonderbolts. It's certainly not as if she couldn't take the place of Spitfire one day. In short, being a member of the reserves is better than not being a member at all.
The formatting was a little odd, but as you said, you had to type this on a phone, so I trust that this will be rectified relatively soon.
That would be a lot easier to read if the paragraphs were separated by a single line, don't you think? Again, could be an error of the phone. I see you already start new character dialogues in new lines. That's a very good habit.
Another error I spotted was the incorrect use of then when it should be than.
Than is the comparative word.
> I'm bigger than you.
Then refers to the order in which events happen.
> I shot him then killed him.
My final gripe is that some of your sentences are in desperate need of commas. This is more of a psychological thing for the reader. Commas break up longer sentences, making them easier to read. Try reading it out loud. Generally, if you feel like you should pause at a particular point in the text, then a comma should go there to show that. Using this rule...
becomes
Does that not read more easily?
Overall, I'd say good job. I think RainbowSpike is starting to become a rather popular pairing. There's a good four or five fics for it, counting this one. Now, if only there was more artwork for it...
You and I have an agreement that's been put off for too long Harmony_Blue, I believe I owe you a review.
I like the beginning a lot, you do a good job at setting the mood, and as a reader I feel like I can sympathize with Dash's dilemma. Her need to kinda rekindle her usually abundant levels of self confidence feels real, and goes well with her character. And of course a near suicidal stunt to help her ease her troubles is the perfect way to end her scene and shows you know your characters well.
Spike's scene was interesting to read, I liked the idea of the "Sky Diamonds" and the imagery of these gems being cut to look like roses is very nice, even more so when Spike's hands performed the task. A wealthy, yet humble Spike is a nice idea and it suits his character for him to be trying so hard to impress his "date" while at the same time not coming off as the kind of fellow who uses his fortune to show off. Seeing the poor guy waiting patiently for his mademoiselle only to realize that she wasn't coming was sad, but I understand that to move things along in the way that we want, sometimes these moments are necessary.
A good read and I'm looking forward to that next chapter Harmony_Blue, I'm sure you wont disappoint.
Hopefully this review was worth the wait
997065 Thanks alot. Reading your review and seeing that you like it make me happy to write. I wasnt too sure if I was catching the characthers right. I took and chance and went by how I saw them. I am working hard on chapter two but a lil writers block is slowing me down. Again thanx for the review and giving me more drive.
he didn't really care besides, there
it looked more beautiful than it did tasty instantly thought of Rarity.
I just want to make sure your okay.
Yeah, that's an F for writing.
Your dialogue tends to lack punctuation sometimes - it interrupts the flow.
Something like
reads better as
Still trying to find out about those strange back pains you've been having. Dem wings be comeing