flutterspin
Joined 4th May, 2012 ·
Offline
Sequels1
-
flutterspin · 38k words · 292 views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- RobotFox · 105k words · 57 8 · 2.3k views
- Infinite Carnage · 81k words · 194 7 · 2.7k views
- Trouble-Shooter · 29k words · 53 0 · 2.3k views
- Silent Whisper · 8.7k words · 162 2 · 1.2k views
- JosephRascon1789 · 19k words · 34 4 · 1.9k views
- LordOfTape · 18k words · 39 3 · 2.2k views
- Pinkie Pyro · 17k words · 48 12 · 4.7k views
- Final Draft · 3.5k words · 214 4 · 2.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.068 seconds
Total duration
1,063 users online
1,653,225 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
There it is folks. Enjoy
Ok so far from this story I can see a couple of things that you could improve upon. This is not to bash your writing, but rather to help you become a better than you currently are.
1.You need to do more show and less tell. it is much better to paint a scene than give bullet points on everything.
2. Spacing is important. Everything on there looks cluttered together. You want to give them room to breath, especially in the speaking sections. So it should look more like this
The day finally arrived. I eagerly walked over to the Carousel Boutique and met the girls inside. All the mares were busy prepping for the big event. Rainbow Dash was tying her hair back, Rarity was checking herself in the mirror, Applejack and Fluttershy were getting their gowns ready, and Twilight was putting on some makeup.
"Ready for the big event, Moonlight?" Twilight asked.
"Almost."
I walked up next to Rarity and looked in the mirror.
"Rarity, do you have my suit around here?"
870494 Hey thanks. Yeah, I've gone a long way on my writing style. I even started revising my first story. I had planned to revise this story too, but I can only use so much of my time. I actually started working on another fic too. I'm just slow when it comes to writing up stories. This is all new to me. I welcome proof-readers though.