Rainbow Dash, quite possibly the coolest pony in Equestria, inexplicably falls for Twilight sparkle, quite possibly the nerdiest pony in Equestria. Out of curiousity and Rainbow's pleading, the librarian decides to give her two weeks to see what might happen. Both ponies will have to confront their insecurities if they hope to be a couple for very long.
After more than a year, this albatross has landed with the help of Cookie Monstar, Key Tapper, and Shadowsreached. This thing is FINALLY finished! What started as an experiment on writing a relationship changed dramatically. I can't tell you if it's better or worse though. That's for you to decide. Either way, I'm glad it's finally complete and I deeply apologize for taking so long to get it done.
tracking.
and first
Interesting...
Twilight oblivious and Rainbow hurt. Wonder where this goes..
haters gonna hate
I'm not a big fan of TwiDash, but this isn't written half bad. I really liked how Rarity went on and on about what she likes in a confession. Comedy GOLD!
Props for the alliteration, too.
meh it could be better it could be worse, still though that was brutal of twi there...
thats just fucking sad
really twi
653836
Twilight wasnt trying to be vicious.
653840 hit the nail on the head. she's oblivious.
653885
Being social, and starting a relationship are two very different things. A relationship takes time, patience, and commitment. It's not an afternoon in the park where you bring cupcakes and talk about random crap. Even if it's just a date, the final goal is a relationship and Twilight probably would be nervous about taking that big of a step, especially considering how big of a step friendship was for her.
653925
Wasn't intentional, it was Twi being oblivious like she was during Baby Cakes.
Derp - this was a stupid thing for me to say - jesus christ, if i knew how much people hated freaking Twidash i wouldn't have even bothered with this crap. ill keep updating simply because i have another chapter pretty much finished, but holy crap i wish i'd never done this. - derp, this was a stupid thing to say.
654076
haters always gunna hate dude, if you're a fan of this ship then do it. Half the people here could care less.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
654083
I'm not a fan of this particular ship, i just want to keep challenging myself and trying something new, but this is, by far, the worst received story i have. I mean, if i really want i can keep writing Twinkie and stuff like that, but i genuinely want to keep trying new things.
If it werent for the fact that people have already read and favorited it i would have deleted it by now and gone back to one of the ships.
I'll weather the storm for now.
654153
Funny how this is the only story I've written that fails to accurately portray emotion. I'm in Rainbow's perspective for that scene, so i can't very well say what's in her freaking head. I can only give you the impression of what Rainbow might be feeling.
I felt the need to remind you of the significance of a relationship because you said this:
"Twilight got past the "I WANNA STUDY LAWL" thing in Episode ONE, god damnit. Apparently you forgot that. She still studies, but if it's a chance to be social, she takes it."
The implication in that statement is that Twilight would jump on the chance to date Rainbow because she's all about being social now. Not the same thing!
"Ever hear of One in One Hundred? It was so immensely successful. TwiDash."
No i haven't, I'll be sure to give it a skip since you're so keen on how incredibly successful you find yourself.
"The only fault is with you, and don't think I don't know what a relationship is. I'm a shipper by trade, 2 years in the craft, and I very well know what I'm doing. I've topped the feature box, too-which more than proves that I know what a successful ship is."
You should really just skip to the part where you spunk in your own mouth while others watch.
If being successful means commenting, misreading, and puffing your own chest out at the peons, I'll be content with flailing in mediocrity.
humm interesting I shall give it a shot its a different take on the twi/dash thing and I like to see how this works out
654245
"It makes no difference. Tell me, what in this sentence gives you the impression that she thinks a relationship is a big thing, and that she thinks it's a big step?"
That comes in when the perspective finally shifts to Twilight and then she gets to tell her side of the story, when she confides in her friends. Again, the point of perspective is that you stay in the character's head.
"Now I see why so many people seem to hate this story. They hate your over-retaliative attitude, and the need to be defensive. I'm going to be the big pony, and walk away. Because I can do that. You could have just deleted my comment, called me an idiot in your head, and moved on. But nope."
I challenge you to find a story where i attack any of my commenter s. You are the very first, also, I don't delete comments because it's easy to ignore criticism, it's much harder to fight back or justify your decisions. Now i wonder how many you've deleted because they failed to meet your standards or you just didn't like what they said. I could just delete your comments and block, but that's the easy way out. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."- Abraham Lincoln
A fan of good old Abraham eh? enjoy this little transcript from his lawyering days.
Defense - (Abraham Lincoln) "The plaintiff claims his ear was bitten off in a local bar. Were you in the bar at the time this fight happened?"
Witness - "No, sir, I wasn't."
Defense - "Did you see my client bite off Mr. Johnson's ear?"
Witness - "No, sir, I did not."
Defense - "Then, how on Earth can you claim to know that my client bit off Mr. Johnson's ear?"
Witness - "I saw him spit it out, afterwards."
I love TwiDash, so I'm going to fav this to see how it goes. No thumb yet, though.
Personally I think your Twilight personality (or what RD saw of it) is a little off, I imagine that if she didn't want to say yes then she would get really worried about the consequences of saying no. She would probably freak out over the possibility of Rainbow hating her for turning her down, since she's still quite new to friendship and wouldn't want to ruin what she's got. Now you might be planning on expanding on this later, so I'm not going to judge either way yet. But in this chapter, she just doesn't seem to react with anything beyond surprise at having been asked out at all. I'm hoping you'll explain that her brain sort of shut down and she answered automatically, and she'll panic a bit later when she's had time to think.
654391
I really wanted Twilight to be oblivious at that scene, it's the only way she could tell Rainbow that going out would be a waste of time without being intentionally dismissive. I didn't really want Rainbow to see much because in Twilight's mind there wouldn't be much to talk about. Rainbow asked her out, she didn't want to jump into something big like a relationship, she turns her down. End of story in her mind.
I hope the next chapter explains it better and gives the answers you're looking for.
Thanks for your input though, I'll keep it in mind as i continue this story.
654076
It's not a hatred of TwiDash. Don't be immature when people comment about a character being cruel when the character WAS being cruel. Oblivious or not, that's exactly what she was, and it doesn't completely excuse her of blame or having to deal with an extremely hurt friend. It has nothing to do with the pairing, likely.
It's an interesting concept. I like Rainbow just shrugging off her feelings and Twilight being oblivious, because those are aspects of the characters that I wish were included more. I DO think that Twilight isn't that heartless, and she'd quickly get what she did wrong (being a person like Twilight myself, that's almost exactly how it works every time). I'll echo the other commenter when they said that they want Twilight to realize what she did.
654626
Yeah, i totally see your point. I think the problem with this particular chapter came down to when i ended it. i thought this was a good drop off point, but i probably should've pushed it further till after Twilight's had her moment. I really believe that the next chapter will make things clear and pay off more.
Thanks for reeling me in.
starlitomega
Twilight you are so dense! I don't think she meant to be so "blunt" with the whose wasting time on a relation ship line, she's just not used to this kind of thing. I mean before canterlot she was a veritable hermit up in her library tower. Lets hope she can realize what she did and goes to Rainbow soon.
654651
That would have worked better, or you could have hinted at it as Rainbow was leaving. Twi apologizing right after she realized what she said and Rainbow, still being crushed leaving, is the way I would have expected things to go.
But that's just my idea.
I was wondering why you had the down votes when I was reading the story, because it seemed good to me. When I got to the end I realized why though. It's not a happy ending to the first chapter, but I think people have to keep in mind that the story doesn't end there.
Not sure, but I think there were less mistakes in this story. It was consistently compelling.
I like the fact that you refer to the characters in a variety of different ways. I find myself typing their names too much when referring to them, thought that's probably because my stories have so much dialogue and I want to make sure the reader is never confused about who's speaking.
I've said it before, but I like your portrayal of Applejack. "Pony up" "just rip it off like a band-aid and get it over with"
You also make me want to write RD
I feel like I should give you some sass about something in this story, but honestly it seems legit to me and you're already taking enough heat.
I'm looking forward to moar.
Ouch, that had to hurt.
and I loved this chapter, you brought out new details I have no seen before and it feels real, Like I can see all this happening, Good work!
655083
Yeah well, as the writer i don't get to choose what context people read my story in. I can't just say "Don't worry! this isn't the end!" I have to actually produce that. i really needed to end on a different section.
As for the less mistakes, that's mostly due to This guy. everyone should check out his page, especially Element of Forgiveness. As much as it pains me to bother someone, I think It's more important to swallow my pride and ask for help if it means delivering my readers a better product.
I'm taking heat for good reason, I'll have to be more mindful of where i start and stop my chapters. The very idea that i would be above criticism or questioning is downright ridiculous. If something is off, i need to know about it. It's the only way I'll improve.
655110
Thanks for your time and for having faith. I honestly believe it will pay off in the end, but it's up to me to prove it.
Starlitomega
655243
Alright, take some heat.
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111118000645/mlp/images/thumb/5/54/Twilight_angry_S1E15.PNG/640px-Twilight_angry_S1E15.PNG
"Rainbow snatched the book from the magical aura holding the book aloft and flew to the bookcase placing the tome in its proper spot."
Probably don't want to use the word "book" twice like that and might want to break the sentence up. Your call.
“Oh! OK, Well, thanks! I don’t know about you, but I’ve worked up an appetite, I’ll go fetch those cupcakes you brought.”
Unnecessary caps + plus the last part should be its own sentence.
655325
Fixed. Don't ever be afraid to point something out.
Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae. -Kurt Vonnegut
I think this applies here. Keep it up, I enjoyed it and hope to see more.
I can't imagine what all the fuss is about here. Twilight being Twilight and Rainbow being Rainbow... The ending really hooked me. I can see Dash suppressing a panic attack after this and Twilight not even realizing she's touched a nerve...
I for one thoroughly enjoyed it, and do hope you keep going. Challenge is good! Do new things! To hell with the haters. Writing shouldn't be a popularity contest.
I find myself agreeing vehemently (can one agree vehemently?) with Vonnegut, which may or may not carry a shade of irony in the form of my not actually enjoying his work. I certainly don't loathe it! What a silly notion, hating a book that wasn't written by John Grisham!
I do hope you won't say something silly like "I would delete it" again. Publishing ought to be treated as irrevocable. Censorship is abhorrent. Self-censorship out of a misguided need to avoid criticism triply so.
I'm happy enough with it to see where this story goes. I was a little confused at what gave away to Rarity that she should look up and suddenly take Dash seriously, was it that Rainbow trudged to the door instead of flying? Also was kinda curious why Spike wasn't helping with the book organizing, but both of those aren't story breakers. :)
I can see Twilight's attitude though, she cares for her friends but she is often portrayed as pretty oblivious to her surroundings and doesn't know the best ways to deal with others emotions. Even if/when she realizes Rainbow is upset she may not know what to do about it, it's not exactly her 'field'. Twilight pretty much to me gave the 'Sorry I don't have time for things like love right now, I'm just too busy with College." reply.
I agree that you ended it at the wrong time, or that you probably should have waited for the second chapter to be done and then released them both at the same time, but live and learn right? :) Keep it up and I'll be looking forward to see where this story goes.
654076 umm i know for a fact over 170 people bothered joining a group dedicated to twidash and ive seen over a hundred comments saying twidash is best
people were just saying she was being cruel and that was that would be a response i would expect if rainbowdash just came up to her and asked but it would be pretty awkward to find out she was buttering you up and you still say no
657489
658706
While slaughterhouse V remains one of my all time great favorite books, Vonnegut, god rest his soul, wasn't really in the most neutral position to say something like that being an author. Writing should elicit an emotional response. If someone can be bothered to get upset about something, it means there was usually something of value to be had. People should be allowed to express their opinions, but an author should write with an awareness of their audience, not to pander to them.
And ya know... sometimes those sundaes have it coming...
I apologize deeply for the deletion comments. The initial reaction was so harsh that it clouded my judgement. This story is rolling on.
659118
Indeed, it was Rainbow trudging to the door that piqued her curiosity, but it wasn't until she got a good look at her that she realized that Rainbow was serious about the situation.
Spike is my least favorite character so i tend to leave him out subconsciously. He will be popping up later as there are scenes depending on him.
And yeah, this is the first time that my choice of where to cut the story off ended up damaging the story. It's a brand new quantity to me and a new dynamic i have to monitor.
660068
So i discovered, though I've seen a lot of incendiary comments against this pairing too, but that was me in my own personal sphere and that's the worst way to judge anything. The problem was I've never encountered a situation where the spot where i stop a chapter caused an incendiary reaction. Couple that with someone who hops in and says my problem is that I'm not conveying emotion correctly, and then throws himself on a pedestal and i immediately entered full on defense mode which is COMPLETELY out of character for me, you can check any of my stories and see this is the first time I've snapped. Seriously, when i jump on these comments i throw myself at the mercy of the reviewers... unless they start boasting. The only thing worse than an author that doesn't finish their stories, is unwarranted self importance. It wasn't until the fire died down and the regular comments started coming in that i could see that the problem lay in where I dropped off.
Thank you, all of you, for your time and patience and comments. Things like this can only serve to make me a better author and in turn deliver you better stories.
starlitomega
660764 meh i can deal with boasters BUT IF THEY DON'T FINISH A GOOD STORY I WILL BUCKING SNAP
661497
*Salutes furiously
SIR, YES, SIR!
653836 Oh, dude! What the flying fuck!?
I do hope you continue this story I want it to grow.
Wow, i see a lot of whining in the comments. Not complaining, actual whining.
Get over it peeps. As for me, i enjoyed the chapter and am looking forward to seeing how this goes. If Twilight never has had a head over heals crush on anyone then she most likely has no idea she just crushed Dash's soul. 
Looking forward to more. 
655243
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111118000645/mlp/images/thumb/5/54/Twilight_angry_S1E15.PNG/640px-Twilight_angry_S1E15.PNG
Put a space between these paragraphs.
" Twilight’s eyes widened considerably, “Oh no, I thought I brushed earlier, I’m quite sure I did! I don’t have a Mohawk up there do I?” she asked dashing around for a mirror.
Rainbow shook her head and hooves frantically, “No, no! It’s like it usually is! I’ve always thought your mane looked cool with that stripe going right down the middle. Kinda reminds me of yours truly.” "
Indent this paragraph.
" Rainbow stood outside the large oak door of the library with a box of Devil’s Food cupcakes. Gathering her courage she knocked on the door. She heard what sounded like several small objects falling to the ground mixed with the scampering of hooves. The pegasus’ smile brightened as the door opened to reveal Twilight on the other side smiling back at her. "
Anyway, I was just looking over your fic to see how you navigated third person POV.
661656
FINISH HER!
661801
It soldiers on! new chapter should be cropping up sometime in the next three days. I'd love to get it out quicker, but i do have a 45 - 50 hr a week full time job that eats up my time. Even when I'm at work, I'm thinking of this story and how to continue it.
672874
Fixed and fixed.
The most important part of third person POV is that you can only see and feel and know what the active pony can. It can be very limiting compared to omniscient, but it's also easier to leverage. One of the most important things of Third person is to understand that character. I might have Pinkie totally fail to notice something small since she can be oblivious at times, in contrast, if I'm writing in Rarity's head, i make sure she notices every little detail possible. It's all about knowing the characters.
676776
I'm working about the same hours, except i took today off to catch up on sleep. I'm also basically always working on fanfics in my head at work.
I'm looking forward to the new chapter and I can preread it if you'd like.
Aww. That was very sweet. I love how you portray Rainbow Dash so well, I feel like most people just can't quite make it seem legit, but this is really good. I also like how neither Applejack nor Rarity is homophobic, and actually love and tolerate for once. I expect great things from you.
654214
"You should really just skip to the part where you spunk in your own mouth while others watch. "
654076
TwiDash is probably the most popular shipping nowadays. I wrote "Trust" back when TwiDash was near-uncharted territory and it made EqD before it was even published. Two of my TwiDash stories have topped out the featured board, in both accounts they stayed up there for almost two weeks each!
Honestly, I don't see any outstanding problems with your story, aside from some minor blandness in characterization. That's simply due to a minor lack of detail in certain areas. As my AP English teacher used to say: "If your paragraphs are only two or three sentences long, you're not expressing your ideas clearly enough."
I say keep going, you can't let the jerks yank you around. At the same an understanding of critique will always help a writer improve. I don't consider myself "great" by any stretch of the imagination. I wrote my most successful story over the course of three hours one weekend, and later found that it'd been viewed 20,000 times, favorited over 300 times and had over 1000 tracks (someone translated into FRENCH for God's sakes!) But I'll accept critique and sometimes outright flames with open arms because when one writes successfully, you tend not to see your own flaws; the ones that need improvement. I want to read the whole story; please finish it. Soldier on, my good man. Soldier on, because you are a talented writer who's not very far off from becoming very popular yourself: Look at ButterscotchSundae's "Swayback Mountain" compared to "The Party Hasn't Ended Yet." There's a HUGE difference there in writing quality. All it takes is time and the right chain of events, and that could be you!
(The mention of "Trust" was really more or less a wake-up call for that writer up there who thinks that 4000 views on a nine chapter story means "Immensely successful."
I hate to think I have an ego, but everyone does, and I feel like a guy who acts like that toward another person should be put in his place.)
658706
"I do hope you won't say something silly like "I would delete it" again. Publishing ought to be treated as irrevocable. Censorship is abhorrent. Self-censorship out of a misguided need to avoid criticism triply so."
THIS. ALL of this. Reminds me of just recently, when an author I had once greatly respected took down all of her stories (completed and not, altogether there were around 20, all at least ten-thousand words in length) because she was "moving on from the fandom." Literally thousands of reviews, story favorites and tracks gone in about an hour. All because she wasn't actively writing for the fandom those stories were written for.
That disgusts me. I don't honestly care what your reasoning is, unless you are being actively hunted or otherwise threatened because of the stories you have posted, you NEVER take down anything you put up. Admittedly, that can be allowed some slight leeway involving incomplete stories. However, once you put that [Complete] tag on a story, insofar as I'm concerned you no longer have a say in what happens to it. Cleaning up a story is acceptable and encouraged, some extra editing is always necessary. But unless you have a seriously legitimate reason, you no longer have the right to remove your story from the net. That's how I see things, at least.
If an author has any intention of ever taking their story down, they shouldn't post it in the first place. If you're not comfortable with your work being immortalized in a story archive you should do us all a favor and just keep it to yourself.
/rant Sorry 'bout that. Kinda went off on a tangent, but that's a topic that has always gotten me all up in arms. Anyway, the original purpose of this comment was just to agree with what you said there, and I think I managed to get that idea across.
MISSION COMPLETE!
678640
No pressure....
682459
I'm not particularly proud of that, but we are all writing fan fiction. Gotta keep yourself in check lest we believe we're on top of the mountain and find out the mountain is actually a molehill. I hold no delusions of grandeur.
"Pride is a fool's fortress" Leon Uris.
682691
Let me go ahead and say that i have no formal writing training whatsoever. Everything I've learned, I've learned through google searches and kind souls in the comments.
I believe however, that my lack of formal education in writing might be my greatest strength. Because i haven't been taught the boilerplate that everyone who goes to creative writing and such has, I'm not constricted by those rules. Of course, sometimes the rules exist for a reason and breaking them might be a completely stupid idea.
If you look closely at my writing, you'll see me breaking up paragraphs that could easily go together. I feel it might be misguided, but oftentimes I will break a paragraph if i want a certain sentence to hit harder, or a certain even to be separate so it carries greater weight or impact. I'm probably doing it wrong, but that's my justification. This might loop back to what i said above about knowing the rules. I've reluctantly employed a pre-reader and an editor to help me improve my writing further. Like Applejack, I hate bugging others for help to my detriment on many occasions, but considering the finished product isn't for me I owe it to everyone who bothers to invest emotion and time in my stories to make better stories.
Thank you, all of you, for your continued support and patience.
Expect the next chapter really soon, like, hopefully tomorrow soon.
Starlitomega
682832
A certain level of pride is necessary, though. If you've no pride in your work, you have no drive to improve and better it. The moment you stop improving is the moment you start to stagnate, and stagnation is the bane of every story ever written.
682841
I do strive to better myself, to make better work, I just don't do it for myself. Every time i post anything I automatically assume It's the worst thing ever, what does spur me on is seeing people enjoy my work, I see no worth in myself, so I seek validation in others. I'm a deeply flawed individual.
I have no perception of self-worth.
Fear of stagnation and a seed planted in another story of mine is what lead me to try this story. Most shipping fics end right after the confession and a kiss usually. Maybe they take a step forward to a sweet moment later in the story, but for the most part, that's where they end.
I don't remember the name, but i read a Twidash fic where they were in a relationship and they ended up having a spat that served to solidify their relationship even more. It struck a chord with me that i wanted to see more of a relationship and push myself even further.
And now I write this piece and hope i have the skills to write something decent.
Wow... I'm wordy tonight...
Starlitomega
I LOVE IT
its not sappy at all but more of a psychological torture romance
"The first Monday, of the second week, of every other month."
But there's only one Monday in a week!
Lol that was hilarious, on a serious-er note I like what your doin here. Not many romance stories where one character has to be convinced into it. Usually its mutual or the other is perfectly happy to give things a try but in this one it looks like Rainbow's gonna have to work at it, a nice change of pace.
686379 She is Pinkie Pie, why are you trying to apply logic to her?
I have to say I love this, I have read a lot of ships. and even written a bad on my self, and this seems real, I can see it playing in my head and I love it!! its so funny! you are doing a great job!
686379 Not for pinkie....