• Published 13th Nov 2015
  • 1,019 Views, 13 Comments

The Unfortunate Case of Doctor Luna and Mistress Moon - cleverpun

After the board rejects her research application, Doctor Luna tries something foolish; using herself as a test subject. Surely diluting a pony's inner darkness is a worthy goal?

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5. Such a Fine Line

Luna stared at the newspaper. They had placed it front page, above the fold. A pair of file photos had been crudely juxtaposed below the article’s title; one of Celestia doing charity work on the left, and Luna’s university ID photo on the right.

Doctor Celestia Saves Sister From Shockingly Suicidal Self-Administered Scientific Study

Luna did not bother reading the article. The presentation, location, and title told her all she needed to know about the content. She flung the paper to the side. It flopped against the side of the bin without landing in it.

Luna slumped back into her bed. Perhaps a public bed would have been better. At least the chattering and gossip would have distracted her from her own thoughts. The whir of machines and the occasional nurse visit failed to quiet her mind. The hospital possessed an anemic selection of books. Celestia had not been in to see her again. Only Luna’s thoughts kept her company, and it felt despicable.

She had prowled the streets, she had done things to an innocent student. Luna shook her head, but the tastes and smells and sensations still polluted her memories.

She licked her lips. Perhaps her next project could be a way to selectively wipe memories. Perhaps the board would reject that, too. Perhaps those memories were her hair shirt, to wear for the rest of her life.

She turned back to the paper. Still no words about that student, the one beaten, desecrated and left to rot somewhere. The university might have covered it up, or the police might have suppressed the news. Finding a pony who did not exist certainly presented a challenge. It wouldn’t do to have the newspaper leaking hints to the non-existent culprit.


Luna started. A pink, poofy pony had waltzed up to her bed.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Pinkie Pie, silly!” Pinkie Pie held up the front of her lab coat. A university ID adorned it, and the picture and name matched the pony.

Luna’s eyes narrowed. “So Celestia sent you, then?”

“Yep!” Pinkie Pie’s coat and badge snapped back into place. “I’m one of her interns.” She produced a clipboard. “I’m part of the team that helped with that whole, uhm, incident that landed you in here.”

“Oh.” Luna turned to the window. “I suppose I should…thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me. After all, medicine is supposed to help ponies.”

“I suppose.”

Pinkie Pie scribbled something on her clipboard. The sound of her pen scratching along the paper filled the room, accompanied only by the beeping of Luna’s monitors.

Luna scanned Pinkie Pie. She seemed like a standard Celestia intern; young, idealistic, bright-eyed, infuriating. The only difference seemed to be the large amount of stickers plastered to the hem of her coat and peeking out of her pockets.

“Why are you laden with stickers, may I ask?”

Pinkie Pie didn’t look up. “Oh, the kids were being a little silly today. I specialize in harmonic medicine, but my focus is on pediatrics.”

Luna’s ears flattened. “So Celestia sent a babysitter to check on me?”

“Don’t worry, I know how big ponies work too.” Pinkie Pie strolled around the bed, took readings from a machine. “But Celestia didn’t want to do it herself, and none of the other interns wanted to do it, so here I am.” Pinkie Pie glanced up. “Well, I mean…” She coughed into her sleeve. “Bedside manner, bedside manner…” she whispered. “Ahem. Noone else was available. But don’t worry, you’re in capable hooves!”

Pinkie Pie scribbled again, adjusted a dial on the machine.

Luna furrowed her brow. It is no surprise that Celestia would send some some clown masquerading as a doctor to check on me.

Pinkie Pie looked up from her clipboard. “Excuse me?” The pen in her mouth muffled the C a little, but the meaning sounded clear.

Had she said that out loud? Surely not. “I said, it is no surprise that Celestia would send some clown to check on me.” Luna clamped her mouth shut. She had not meant to…surely she had not meant to be so blunt?

Pinkie Pie pointed the pen at Luna. “I’ll have you know, you’re lucky anypony is checking on you at all! You scared everyone with that stunt you pulled! Attacking your sister, going on and on about how you were going to enjoy it, and how everypony else would remember your name!” Pinkie Pie turned back to the machine, scribbled another note. “If that’s what your sort of medicine does, I’d much rather be a clown. At least my patients are happy to see me.”

Pinkie Pie slid the clipboard into her coat. “It sounds like you need some alone time, Doctor Luna. I’ll be back when you’re less of a meanie.”

Pinkie Pie walked out the door. After the sound of hoofsteps faded, Luna was alone with beeping machines again.

Luna slumped into her bed. She thought back to the conversation with Nightmare Moon. Perhaps Nightmare Moon’s brand of “courage” had worn off on her, had lingered somehow. Luna closed her eyes, tried to ignore the thought.

Perhaps forcing something back down took more effort, after it had bubbled to the surface.