- Member Since 23rd Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Sep 2nd, 2017
Danger A Dragon
Okay, I'm now a brony. Not obsessed or anything like that and I definitely like the fictions more than the show, for now.
Danger A Dragon
Joined 23rd Oct, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- DarkMagicEn-Forcer1 · 16k words · 135 46 · 4.6k views
- rainbowPOOTIS · 5.3k words · 189 23 · 6.6k views
- FrostTheWolf · 113k words · 230 25 · 7.4k views
- Storm Shine · 15k words · 91 13 · 4k views
- FrostTheWolf · 437k words · 189 23 · 8.9k views
- Piece Bot · 118k words · 166 28 · 6.1k views
- Kit-San · 7.8k words · 159 14 · 7.1k views
- MonsterCat2212 · 12k words · 90 33 · 2.4k views
Featured In8
The Writers' Group56,384 stories ·9,291 members
Protect Celestia1,762 stories ·1,945 members
Dragons653 stories ·683 members
The Dragon Club2,317 stories ·1,303 members
Displaced1,267 stories ·4,420 members
The War of Shadows19 stories ·69 members
*S*M*L3,300 stories ·13 members
- *smo0sj's Favorites*941 stories ·0 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.17 seconds
Total duration
1,025 users online
129,562 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
yeah! its finally out! nice start!
6351418 Thanks! I wanted to make sure I had as little errors as possible and then I got caught up writing more of the story.
6351432 heh, i may have just gone and decided to start writing the next chapter for my displaced... starting with him getting hit on the head by your token.... just after face planting someone else`s....
more please!
We find this interesting from reading, we hope for continued joy of this Displaced and events that transpire.
With the exception of the two bits above this is a good start to your first story. The two parts above, however, don't flow well at all. I'd suggest trying the dialogue from a different angle completely, have them trade off on each point instead of all at once, or adding some more flavor to it. Let me give you an example.
Not perfect, but IMHO better. I'd recommend an editor and/or pre-reader, but most of this comes with experience. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
6351781 Thanks, I appreciate the help and example. I'll try to make that part flow a bit better.
6351980 Glad to be of assistance.
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Displaced who is a Primordial being? I think that's a first for me at least.
6352437 It's also the first I've seen within the Displaced. I figured I'd try something the others hadn't yet.
Good story. There are places where the tense switches from past to present, or where the viewpoint changes from third person to first person. I quite enjoyed the interactions between the Mane 6 and Draigo.
Can't wait to see what happens next!
6355955 Sorry about those. I started out writing a first person but then changed to a third person. Apparently I missed some areas. I'll give it another look through and hopefully get some of those fixed. The same for the tenses.
Thanks, I was worried that they would seem out of character.
Primordial Dragon? *breaks out the Sunlight Spear miracle*
6356460 Oh crap! That's one of the few magics that affect me! *creates dome of earth between the spear and him*
6356490
Ha, so I was right!
*turns around and shouts to someone behind the scenes*
Hey Seath, I was right. You own me a Lord-Soul now!
a nice chapter! more please!
This seems interesting. Any way, how many forms does Draigo have? Also, is this some specific crossover, or is it a created character?
6381568 As of right now Draigo has two forms that I'll be using, a human form and his Draconic form. I might add more but they would most likely be one use forms. He does have "shapeshifting" as a power but I felt that if I actually used all his powers as efficiently as possible that he'd just be a Gary-Stu. I don't want that.
This isn't a specific crossover. I created Draigo. I did take his name from Warhammer 40k but that's all. Everything else about him, besides his power list which I've changed, was created by me.
If you have more questions I'd be willing to answer them.
6381604 What sort of limitations did you place on him? Besides the obvious ones mentioned in the story. I ask because I want to compare to a character I may actually publish.
6381618 I'm trying to keep his elemental manipulation fairly simplistic, though still being able to manipulate all the elements, since the list of things he'd be able to do, like all the stuff Toff does in "Avatar: The Last Airbender", would be gigantic and would be "Gary-Stu" inducing. His immortality is still there though his body can be destroyed. He'll regenerate his body fully after 24 hours but can regain his human or smaller draconic form after an hour. He can grow from his usual full-size, but I'm only going to do that if he crosses over with a universe that has bigger dragons than he is or something that warrants a bigger size to fight. The Elements of Harmony will work on him if he turned evil or got possessed or something. The Princesses working together would give him a run for his money, not counting Cadence or the future Twilicorn. He's treated like a god by the dragons, but he's cut himself off from leadership since the dragons wouldn't be able to resist any order given to them due to his "Dragon Manipulation". Since he's been alive since time began his magic resereves are astronomical but not endless.
These are the limitations I've given him so far. I don't think I'll be adding much more than that but I might to make it easier to give him opponents to fight.
I'm still fleshing him out fully and really appreciate questions like this. They really make me think and decide what I'm going to do with him.
6381702 Happy to help! Why not make up a reason for his magical reserves to begin being depleted by something? Like a negative/dark/evil version of him trying to take his powers to take over the world or something equally as hammy. You can build it up slowly over several chapters too, like he just notices he is losing a tiny bit more than normal of his mana each time he uses it, until eventually his mana begins slipping away in large amounts. Give him something to fight against.
6381756 Hmm, that sounds like a good idea. Hmm, yes. Okay, time to start creating his opponent. I've been meaning to rewrite the fourth chapter anyway. Thanks! I really do appreaciate it. If you ever need help with something just let me know.
Honestly, you could of left Hellfire unchanged. With the full religious overtones and everything. Besides, it would of been interesting seeing a dragon singing part of Ave Maria. It would also show just how old he actually is to AJ.
6410468 True. At the time I was trying to keep religion out of the story so as to not offend people's religious views. I do see your point though. I might change the lyrics back but for now I'm going to leave them as is.
6410864 Either or is fine by me, it's your story after all. Then again, I am a self proclaimed Buddhist.
oh no! royal rant incoming! take cover!
more please!
6410936 Here's another thing to think about. In the original lyrics frolo is singing about his desire for Esmeralda to be his. Draigo just wants to burn the gypsy, not make her his woman.
6410961 Yes, beware the royal rant! It'll be a little while until I get the next chapter ready though.
Well, there are worse ways to spend a day. Also, when is Draigo going to meet Cadance? I ask because he needs advice from her.
6493633 Hmm, he'll probably meet Cadance during the next none-crossover chapter.
is the evil dragon called shen long? if not, i will be sad, purely because it would be funny.
6498491 I haven't thought of his name yet. Shen Long will be one of the names I'll consider amongst the others.
6499261 yaaay!!!!!!!!!
I feel that your writing has improved throughout the chapters of this story. Can't wait to see what the crossover is like!
6503877 Thanks, that means a lot. If there's something that you see that I could possibly improve, in future chapters or current chapters, just let me know. Constructive criticism is appreciated since I know I have tons of room to improve.
Hopefully, the crossover doesn't disappoint or show my writing skills slipping. I worried a lot, while writing with someone else, about continuity.
There is no safe way to break that bit of news. Not without losing at least one limb to their very justified worry. Just hope they go for your arms. That way you can still move around.
6509284 *Draigo looks down at his four legs and back to his wings* What arms? I've only got arms in my human form and I'm way more comfortable and tanky in my draconic form. Not that I'm afraid of what they'll possibly do or anything... *Draigo readies himself for battle and then promptly flees to his favorite hiding spot until he figures out the "safest" way to tell them*
Previous chapters were quite enjoyable, but sadly this chapter is a prime example of a crossover gone off the road and down the shitter.
A good crossover doesn't require the reader to have read both stories to follow, nor does it contain endless information about the other story. If I wanted that much detail about the other story I would probably be reading it.
I hope that future crossovers will contain just enough information to keep us from wondering what the hell is going on, and be used for story progression purposes.
6509532 Ah, thank you. I agree with you that this latest chapter could've been simplified, but Bronyparasite wanted to see the reactions of the mane six and it ended up becoming what you've read. *sigh*
In the future, crossovers will be simple and will help the story along, at least a little bit. Unless the crossover is in the other author's world, which so far I've liked better. Anyway, I'll remember what you've said for future crossovers.
6509561 if other authors wants you to help them turn their story into a 'complex pile of wat' I don't mind one bit, just don't ruin your story by doing the same.
This whole displaced crossover system has a lot of potential to make awesome stories, but it can easily throw off the readers if not done properly.
Aww, you charmer you...
6513044 Well, I try.
You are more than welcome to summon Draigo again. He needs to test a theory of his and it can only be tested while in another universe.
Fuckin' A, Pinkie.
No matter how large or how long the energy drain has been going, I don't think any of them realize the power required to be the first dragon. Especially not mister power sneak. After all, every dragon is comparatively strong, but they barely qualify as more than annoyances compared with Draigo.
Well the ponies and princesses may be in for a nasty 'treat' as for draconic 'political matters', being challenged and thus etc. Spike the baby dragon may have to undergo intensive studies in the future, since he is woefully unprepared. Though we would have thought and wondered about other dragons who saw those flames and deduced their deity's breath of life, would be a rather shocking thing for many of them to discover too that they have been conversing with the dragon divine being. Though admittedly the dating pool for him would be 'tiny' in comparison as no matter who or what may say, he is 'cradle robbing' any he tries to court.
GOD DAMMIT CELESTIA!
DAMMIT AGAIN!
you have won the prizes of either a rotten hotdog or a hobo i found in the streets
God dammit you just had to do that refrence did you?
6575237 6575279 I can't tell whether you are frustrated with me for writing it like that or if you enjoyed it.
6572985 I'm glad you enjoyed that little joke.
6572382 Yes, Spike will most likely be getting a 'crash' course on the political system of the race he was born into. I've been contemplating on what to do with the other dragons that saw the pillar and I'm not quite sure yet. At the age Draigo is at he is definitely 'cradle robbing' any love interest though one wonders if age really matters if both beings are immortal or are so old that it doesn't really matter since it's so ridiculous.
6572367 We shall see what the 'power sneak' thinks when he confronts Draigo in a death battle.
Very well done, you have piqued my interest. I shall watch this story and see how it plays out, this ought to be interesting.