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Are they ever going to leave the alley?

Next chapter is posted, why don't you go find out?

Has Twilight always been this forward?

In a way, yes. She's curious, and curiosity is a driving force sometimes. Plus...well, she has a reason I'll discuss later.

I can't imagine that the process described here will be pleasant.

If you're referring to the changeling breeding process, how pleasant it is is up to the individual receiving it. If it were done to a female changeling whose bodies are developed for that kind of mating, it would probably be heaven. For a different species...only future chapters will tell.

This is going to have a happy ending of sorts, right? I am not very fond of sad, life changing things and the drama and sad tags worry me. I am fine with feels, but if this is going to make me hate anyone (Twilight, or any other nincompoop) then it is going to be harder all that much later on down the road to read it.

Regardless, looking forward to the day this story becomes complete!

Like I said last time. Daring.

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Nope twilight is going to eat the changeling after sex

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I thought that was the female praying mantis that did that? Is Twilight part praying mantis.... I am surprised that this isn't a thing yet... cringe worthy as that is....

Is this going to be a long or a short fic?

Also : Great chapter!

I have red both and can't wait for the next chapter and any more after that.
You are a good writer dude I wish you the best of luck.

Oh, I like romance with my clop. I'll definitely read this one!

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Plus...well, she has a reason I'll discuss later.

Translation: somepony's in heat!

okay, who would even want to have sex with a stranger? Not saying this story is bad, it's good, but it's pretty shocking that it's turned so fast.

Above everything, this is good story. You earned a like.

please sir, can we have some more? :3

I just realized: your description says this would be both third and first person, yet I only see first person. I also noticed that the tenses shift around from past to present to past. A lot. So, did you actually mean it would be in past and present tense, not first and third person?

This isn't scientific at all!
Goddammit you blueballer.

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If you found one of their soldiers lurking around a few months after they tried conquering your country and terrorised your home city, then yes, you have a right to be wary.

And I am German.

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If you ask me, it's mostly an issue of this particular Changeling dude being racist against ponies. Or speciesist, rather. Until the narrative goes out of its way to prove his viewpoint right, I'm going to chalk it up to his prejudice and unwillingness to accept they did something bad. Seeing as how the mare trying to save his life is also one who has the most reason to hate him, maybe he'll wise up at some point.

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then yes, you have a right to be wary.

The reason to be wary is quite important.
While it can be just a deserter or a survivor or a conscript without a sense of direction, the more common and dangerous reason is that the lone enemy soldier is an opportunist using the war conditions for their own a personal buffet of consequence free victims.

That's for humans, though, in respect to other humans.

Changeling to pony, two differing creatures with subjectively alien instincts or drives, has a far different dynamic.

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Agreed. The ponies have even more reason to be wary of the shapeshifting, mind-controlling invaders who view them as a food/power source.

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For one, it is highly unlikely that the invasion force consisted of an entire specie. Where is the rest? If it was all of them, then their numbers are really small...Chances are that there are more changelings out there, who did not take part in the invasion. Including more queens that can reproduce, possibly in different hives...Are her actions representative of the entire race or did she just gather a bunch of misfits and marched them on Canterlot?... Therefore killing them or making their lives miserable is a terrible idea.

I believe there are multiple hives throughout Equestria, each with their own queen. The other hives are peaceful in their interactions with other species, while Hive Chrysalis is basically the 'red queen' of them, focused on violence and getting what she needs through force because she's kinda...maybe...crazy.

What if the queen died? No more new changelings and a specie doomed? Surely there was *some* contingency.

That will be discussed later.

There's the issue of the world presented though...etc.

I stated that this was a clopfic foremost, not a massive world-building story. I just set up the blocks to knock down later, not focusing 100% on realism and world-building. As said, this was originally a 6.5k word roleplay focused strictly on twilight x changeling sex.

inally, we know little if anything of changeling culture. Do they have caste system like actual hives of e.g. bees? Do they have more Equestrian society? A mix of both? The author mentioned that the reproduction system was borrowed from another fic, but (as I've read it) even there changelings still form actual families. Is it the case here as well?

I think it's a mix of both. Queen is top of the caste, then breeder drones, then carrier drones (who are pregnant with the Queen's eggs), then non-carrier drones. As for the Equestrian aspect, I think that two changelings, regardless of gender (male and female, or female and female) pair together to care for the clutch of eggs given to a carrier drone, then is a 'sub family' of sorts, with the two 'parents' and the nymphs.

Our protagonist may just be a conscript that didn't want to be here, and since his teachings probably told him how this was the land of endless love and tolerance and shit, now he sees something completely different and that might alter his approach to ponies.

Yep, pretty much hit the nail on the head there.

But that brings us to how believable characters are, and I found quite some issues with their behaviour and the situation presented in general...

This entire paragraph is valid. I didn't focus on character development or world-building/realism as much as I probably should have. As said, this was originally meant to be a clop-fic in which Twilight bangs a changeling, not a giant philosophical discussion on changeling morality and how dangerous they are to ponies, etc.

Also I'd like to point out that the entire chapter took place in some alley, among garbage. With a changeling that probably didn't shower in quite some time. It'd be more reasonable for Twilight to take that guy into a guard station / her castle...

Now THIS is a massive oversight on my part, and is something I shall address in the story. Like many of my readers could tell you, my initially posted stories are not the final version of them. I usually release chapters in a sort of 'beta state' and let the community help me mould it through criticisms, and it ends up with the base idea still alive but improved upon.

It seemed really uncalled for at that point. "I want to understand how you feed". *moments later* "How do you reproduce?"

> Original version was an erotic roleplay focused on Twilight banging a changeling. As said, why she's being so forward and bold will be discussed later.

And as I understand, Twilight offered him sex at the end of the chapter? That's... really weird. For so many reasons. Smelly one aside. That changeling is probably still hurt from that beating, and way too weak for anything like sexytimes, though I guess you could argue that he would get the energy right there and then. Still, Twilight just met a member of (for all she knows) hostile specie and she's like "yep, let's fuck".

I agree I should 'clean him up' first before the two get intimate. I stated that he was mostly healed from the injury, but 'love' actually does heal changelings quicker in my headcanon. It's basically 'mana' or 'ichor' to them.

Which also provokes a side question - do they feed on love specifically, or related emotions (lust?), or just positive emotions?

In my opinion, they prefer love foremost, but lust and positive emotions are a close second, and would work in a pinch.

And just to make it clear, I am not trying to be hostile here, just... there's so many holes in reasoning of this fic from my point of view.

It's not taken as hostility. I actually like when people discuss what I've written in depth and criticize it in a constructive manner. It helps me improve as an author.

Overall, thank you for your comment and criticism, and some of the issues listed will be addressed.

7304912 The 'sad' and 'drama' tags were meant to indicate the Changeling being near-death and having to live in poverty, and their bumpy introduction respectivally, but there will be more drama later, though probably not sadness.

7304967 Yes, but there's a reason she's so forward. I'll discuss it later.

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This made me laugh.

7305014 Probably about 20~30k words max, but who's to say. I'll write 'til it's finished to me.

Also thank you.

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Thank you for the support.

7306121 in the words of Rarity: NO SPOILERS!!

No, I won't really be mentioning much more in Changeling politics past this.

Good, politics always get in the way of sex.
Gotta admit; I am really enjoying the shifting perspectives things. It's a really clear way of telling a story.
7304853 You literally posted five minutes after I left.
Thank fuck Twilight had a cleaning spell and got out of the alley.

7305280 Maaaaaabey... that may be a contributing factor.

7305509 As said, this was based originally on a twilight x changeling clopfic. Getting from point A to sex was done within about 3k words, so there are sure to be some hiccups in translation.

Thank you for the positivity.

7305610 Yes, I'm working on 'cleaning up' the future chapters.

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Indeed, that's pretty typical in writing; taking inspiration from the same stalk, then branching out in different directions. Also, changelings are always an interesting topic, yes. Wheras almsot everything about changeling society and biology for that matter is headcanon at this point, it's always interesting to see what people come up with.

This story may indeed be only in first person, as I've never been that great at identifying form tenses (past, present, future), nor 'person' tenses (first, second, third).

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I believe that Changelings only have a thinner chitin, much like an insect's carapace as opposed to a crustation's shell, given they're larger creatures.

I also had a view of German/Nazi relations with the rest of the world in mind with the relationship of changelings and ponies. Much of the Nazi Wehrmacht was actually composed of countrymen who actually were forced into battle, and didn't actually support the Nazi ideals at all. This is the basic idea behind this changeling; he was forced to join the invasion, but didn't support it at all.

He also came under the promise of love, which he got the complete opposite of; ire and hatred of ponies. This in turn made him very jaded to ponies, and this is why he acted out initially when Twilight showed him kindness, much like an abused dog may snap at the hand trying to feed it.

Ok, constructive criticism time!

1. Don't think that you need to write long well developed paragraphs, that's just what English teachers tell you to kill your creativity!

I prefer writing in this style. It lets me add on to a basic idea extensively in a way that writing in a more staccato pattern wouldn't let me. I use the more 'quick, punchy' writing style where needed though, when extra detail isn't needed.

2. Don't force things to happen.

I'm sorry if their interactions come across as forced to you, it wasn't intended. The sudden change of personality from Twilight was indeed intended, if that's what you mean.

3. Avoid the info dump. In other words, don't spend multiple paragraphs explicitly explaining an aspect of your world to the reader when they either don't need to know yet, don't need to know at all, or it can be better explained later...

This seems to be a chronic problem it would seem. I just like to get all the details of something out in one lump sum, instead of spreading it out.

4. To add to #3, remember the most loved and hated phrase in writing: show, don't tell.

I've also been getting this a few times as well. I'm trying to get better at it.

5. Most importantly, don't stop writing because you think your not good enough.

I have no intention of stopping writing. I'm aware I'm not the best writer, but life is a learning experience in which we have to make mistakes in order to learn from them and improve.

Thank you for your commentary and tips.

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As I said, the reason Twilight is acting so forward, and ignoring logical caution in favor of sexual forwardness, is for a number of reasons I'll discuss later. the chosen reasons may not be the best reasons, but still.

7306150 I struggled with tenses and narration types, but then I familiarized myself with every single one (besides second person and future tense, because screw that noise). I then realized I enjoyed third-person limited in past tense the most. First person present tense is the easiest to write I feel--as the words flow from your mind directly--but it's too limited and rigid for most things. I also get what I like to call "tense lag" whenever I go from writing past tense to present tense, or third person to first person (and vice-versa). Practicing with many different tenses a day really confused my brain for awhile, but in the end it helped me immensely at spotting tense and narration mistakes. I still have trouble with syntax, though.

I struggle a lot, but I've been getting better. Forcing yourself to write in many different variations really does help. I have tens of thousands of unpublished words just sitting there: all practice. Heck, I even spend a good few hours familiarizing myself with the rules of tenses. I tend to struggle the most with first-person past tense. I don't know why, but I just do.

Details: A
Spelling: A- (Only saw 3 errors!)
Writing: A
My Rating: A
GREAT writing! I'll have to learn from your writing, I guess.
Keep going strong!

Two guys roleplayed and this is the result. A little strange if you're both male, but I don't judge.

I must say this is a interesting story and I will be watching to see how this progresses.

7306150 technically, 'first person alternating perspective' is the style presented.

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Remember the Treaty of Versailles?
The one that fucked Germany over?
The one that was made with the war fresh in the minds of the other countries?
Remember how that turned out?
Yeah.
World War Two.

Why the fuck is everyone arguing about Germany!?
STAHP.

Well this is quite the change of qeustions, but fine... though I'm young and don't really know much about those kinds of 'relations' except the mechanics of it.

This is after you edited the chapters, so I thought you might want to know the typo was there.

Nice and sexy.

I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their comments, likes, favorites, and criticisms. In general, I want to thank everyone for their support, and over 2,000 likes in only one day! I...I just...thank you all.

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I'd rather find out in the story why Twilight's so randy, but I'm gonna guess it's partly because this changeling is so exotic in comparison to the other stallions she's gone with. The somewhat safe predator-prey relationship adds a certain spice too, a bit like fuzzy handcuffs... although Mr.changeling has far more to worry about from an alicorn princess than she of him-- I suspect there's a noticeable mass difference between the two, beyond the obvious comparison of magic might.

I'm going to assume that this might end up with an interesting hybrid...

I look around for a few moments, feeling some definite 'tension' under my belly, my erection still going strong from earlier and only encouraged more by it pushing into the soft texture of the bed. I blushed a little more deeply, noticing she was oblivious to this predicament of mine and as she looked to me, I felt my member twitch slightly in irritation. I whined a little but kept it to myself for now, only hoping she was almost ready to do something already. "Your bedroom, it looks nice..." I said, trying to be polite even as my duel cravings were eating away at me; to be fed, and to breed. Then I shifted, and felt as my penis suddenly popped free from beneath me, my cheeks flushing red and my body freezing up as I saw her eyes move to it.

Wasn't he lying on his back on the bed?

Interesting, draconic cock?

7309373 thats a really good comparison, but that doesnt explain why others think changlings take the emotion itself, to the point they're unable to feel at all, the host i mean

I absolutely love this paring. TwiLing just makes so much sense to me. The princess of friendship is the least likely to hold a grudge after all. And really, besides perhaps Fluttershy, the most likely to show compassion.

Moving perhaps a bit quicker than I'd normally imagine, but that's just a matter of opinion, like everything else I said.

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Well, if you place a hot object next to a cold object, the cold object will leech heat from the hot one and the hot one cools down. Alternatively, think about how people lose body heat from spending too long in the cold. If the changelings are emotionally 'cold' (i.e. lacking the energy of positive emotion; Love being 'hottest') then perhaps the loss of the emotion by the host is because the intense emotional 'cold' of the changeling saps too much 'heat' for them to function. When people get too cold, they go numb, so perhaps the loss of emotional feeling is the equivalent of that for love 'heat' being absorbed by a changeling? Not sure how much sense that makes, but it's one way of answering your question that I saw.

You better release another chapter, dammit.

Why, you magnificent bastard, must you leave us at this :(

[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rOuF3k_-asA]