Rising Knight knows nothing of his birth family. He grew up with his step-parents and sister after being found in the woods when he was five. When he was thirteen, his parents were murdered while his sister was forced to flee for her life, and he was taken by a group dedicated to brining back Discord and overthrowing the Royal sisters, all because of his unique abilities. After being experimented on and being forced to fight other test subjects, as well as other creatures that were captured purely to be used as opponents, to the death for six years, he has gained new abilities. This is his story.
Note: In this mlp universe, the cutie mark crusaders and their classmates are only 3 years younger than the mane 6. Also, Sparknanator has become my co-author, so now it has a bit of his randomness and comedy stylings.
You know that joke where there's a door and when you open it, there's a brick wall behind it and you run right into it being careless and everyone laughs but you just broke your nose and nobody has sympathy for you?
Yeah. That happened to me here.
664190
Sounds painful to me. Never really liked jokes that involved others getting hurt
All right. Here's my review for this particular chapter.
I'll give you points for being detailed in terms of description and the situation. But, I have to tell you, each paragraph is just way too long. Paragraphs are usually 5-6 sentences, and what you have is a mass of them in one cluster each. It makes it agonizing to read and personally turned me off from learning anything about it. My advice to you is shortening these paragraphs down in a proofread once you get the chance.
Also, Ed, Ichigo, and Naruto? They may be your favorite protagonists, but including them like this would mark this particular story as disastrous. It usually means that the author is just pulling stuff out of their ass and will unintentionally turn a potentially good story into their own scrapboard where anything goes. And that's terrible. Please reconsider such before you post the next chapter.
664193 I'm spightful sso I lve those jokes and desroy those who do so to me spitefully (like pinkanema diane pie her cupcakes are made of pony blood and she gets that blood though crazy happy torture were spitefull torture is a lot of pain quickly so you feel pain after death as we then proceed to kill you well thats spitefully crazy besides the point)
Nice.
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664266
I'd be open to any suggestions you have in regards to who I should ask to proof-read it. I keep forgetting if I've said this before, but I'm not much of a writer. This is only the second thing I've ever written that wasn't a school assignment, and with those I cut corners wherever I can. Now that I'm writing because I want to, I realise I definitely need help with it, otherwise it'll probably be a tragedy, and not the good kind.
You also make a good point in regards to using protagonists from different series', but as I said, I so far only intend to use them while Knight is in the facility. After that, I don't really have any ideas that involve them, so they'll probably just be written as having died during the experiments performed on them.
Reads bold part at top: half of me thinks it s awesome. the other half thinks anime characters don`t belong in mlp fan fiction. the firsts halfs reply:encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcThz67cREj37TS59pJmK27e56mVuLBL70V-aqZj7EchGX1iXdOR dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png
667041
I respect your opinion and offer this explanation for my lack of sense:
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Shits going down!!
692582
Yeah it is! You gonna guess who our first 'sorta' opponent(s) are?
694079
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I sense a surprise for the mane 6 that Zecora's my sister
this is there reaction
748216
Yeah, and Zecora's gonna get a shock when she sees him too...
clearshot01 have you stoped working on your other story?
749847
No, I'm trying to think of stuff, but I'm mentally blocked for it, so I'm hoping to come up with stuff for FMP while I write this.
751208 k
751703
I'm actually gonna copy them onto google documents as well, so if I do, you can work on the story if you have any ideas.
Bro. Since ur makin a story of ur oc. ima do the same. U can watch if u want. Im watching you for the story
766143
Cool! I look forward to it!
Oh dear god, I beg of you. STOP COLOUR CODING THE STORY!
Seriously, in small doses, and definately not yellow on a white background, colour is good. But this, this just detracts from the otherwise really fun story. So I'll remind you that while tasting the rainbow is fun, a buffet is out o' line...
-Jorofrarie
i really wish you would just use ( name ) like that instead of the colors since nearly every time they speak i have to scroll to the top to see who wrote what ._.
813660
I'll do that so. Honestly, I remember things better when they involve colors, but that's just me. I'll alter the speech accordingly in Google Docs, then upload the revised edition. Just one thing. Knight, Star, Kieran, Storm, and the Princesses will keep their colors. So will Moon, Shadow and Light.
842677 Buddy like i said just read it and dont complain please
839045 Apparently the colour coding also decreases the ability to spell properly in large doses...
-Jorofrarie
842677 Buddy your trying to piss off the wrong person and pissing me off is not good ok now im trying to be nice like i said if you dont like it then dont read it now fuck off if you dont like it my blood sugar is high as hell so dont piss me off
wait... you mean, if the whole his parents being killed thing HADN'T happened, Nightmare moon would not have offically escaped, discord likely wouldnt have broke free, and that whole Changeling incident wouldn't have happened either?
930449 I'm not following. If his birth father hadn't died, and if Knight himself hadn't been 'lost', then yes. But if you're asking if it wouldn't have happened if his step-family hadn't died, then the answer is no.
813660
Really? i got used to it rather quickly
813004
i for one like the color coding of the story, its fun.
also, just use the dark background if the text is bright...
697163
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I think you meant "latter" with the second "former." Also, "twin blades" "cut it" nice joke.
Anyone else reminded of The Hunger Games by this story?
1380663 Lol, you noticed the pun before I did. Also, you talking about the books or the movie? Cause if it's the movie, that's weird cause I never saw it
1381056 Unintentional puns are bust puns! Also, if you're talking about me saying that this reminds me of The Hunger Games; I'm talking about the books. I have never seen the movie either.
1381404 well that's cool, especially considering I keep forgetting the events of the books, no matter how often I read them.
2546576 Which one?
2546580 Thanks.
So dead story.
9347497
Sadly, yeah. I haven't had any passion to write for ages now.
That sucks do you think you ever will or is it time to hang up the keybored.
9350079
I don't wanna hang up the keyboard altogether, but I don't have a clue as to what would get the passion flowing again.
Well just try and see what happens.