• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 12th, 2016

ShadowPen


I'm back! New and improved! I'll be writing again within a couple months so just stick with me a while!

Comments ( 3 )

Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)

I know I wrote you privately, but I just wanted to put it out here also.

So far I like this story. The characters are different from other stories I read and have caught my interest. I am curious to see how far you will stay in line with the Fallout "water chip" plotline, but you are off to a great start!

I like it. I have a feeling I know what's currently happening here in the prologue, and if done right, I feel the story could have some good entertainment value.

As for the actual writing itself... Its not bad, to be honest. I didn't see any typos my first read-throughs and the structure of the sentences themselves isn't repetitive. It flows nicely.

The only thing i did stumble across though is this tiny mistake here

...presence in my mind I made it to the end...

I would place a comma (,) between 'mind' and 'I'.

SPOILERS... possibly? I think what's happening here is the main character, Tinker (i have a character named Tinker too! :D), is currently a Unity alicorn, or at least a recruiter (maybe even a 'prophet'). Now, after learning the dark secrets of The Goddess and what she's done, Tinker is trying to destroy her with a balefire egg. Just my thoughts, anyways.

Login or register to comment