• Member Since 19th Aug, 2015
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Together we shall entertain

Comments ( 45 )

I liked the twist in this one. There's a subtle air of wrongness about the whole story, so even as AJ thought she'd uncovered the truth, I was waiting for the other shoe to fall. And the ending still surprised me, though upon rereading I can see where it was foreshadowed.

Wow. Very Lovecraftian. Creepy, but funny at the end. Well done.:pinkiecrazy:

6376210 Thanks! My initial idea was to do a variation on Arthur Machen's The Great God Pan (which Lovecraft was a huge fan of), though I strayed further and further from the source as I developed the plot.

Very creepy—all the more so because it's so close to what actually happened in canon.

I've read one other fic that used the basic premise of this one, but that one didn't play it for horror and managed to finagle a happy ending for everypony.

I found it amusing that Fluttershy managed to protect herself those first few nights just by being her normal, scaredy-cat self.

Casting The Doctor in the role of Van Helsing makes a lot of sense.

"If you don't take off a vampyr's head there's no guarantee they won't come back. And you don't have the backbone to sever mine."

"Dammit, that scared yellow pegasus actually shot me! I'm never gonna live this one down. Might as well just perma-kill myself ... Oh, wait, I can't move. Maybe if I tell her how to do it, she'll kill me."

Halfway through, I thought this was going to be an origin story for Discord. I still really enjoyed it though.

This has a fairly "light" feeling to it. Don't get me wrong, there's some pretty messed up stuff that happens to Old Res, but getting the investigation through the lens of an adorkable!Twi helps stop it from ever getting to be too much. It's a very interesting take on the genre, in any event.

Pre-reading Credits:
Meta Four
Yami Vizzini

Great. I was a bit worried that in my quest to be subtle, I hadn't put in enough foreshadowing.

6377186 Heh. That particular red herring wasn't intentional on my part, since Res's part of the story was supposed to take place while Discord was in stone. But now you've got me wondering how Discord would react if he got mixed up with the Lovecraftian monsters.

If it came down to ponykind and the abominations absolutely not being able to coexist, I suspect Discord would side with the ponies. Even Discord from before befriending Fluttershy—after all, ponies are so much more fun to play with.

6382792 Thanks.

Ooookay. Well, thoughts.

This is, just odd, not making a whole lot of sense, and a whole lot of things that, just didn't add up. It wasn't really a 'horror' story at all, maybe a mystery or suspense, but even then that was taken out by knowing the bad guy, knowing how obviously he wasn't just the bad guy, but something not a normal pony. But what he was trying to do made no sense, nor why everypony was letting him given how utterly vague everything was. Nothing seemed to really work or be logical. Just, not bad but, confusing and rather "What the hell is going on?"

At least right up until that last sentence, and then....:pinkiegasp: Holy shit! I actually had to go back and double check, but it all added up, and saw a few very very tiny little hints that were lost a midst all the other wrongness of the scenes. So much was just, not right, that a few tiny things simply slipped through. But, damn was that well done.

Few things that still kind of felt off, and not in the good way. If the whole plan was to get a chance to swap places with the rest of the apples, why go something this elaborate and attention grabbing? Why didn't the ponies do more to call him out on how this didn't make any sense? Some vague "You owe this much because reasons" with nothing to actually back it up? And, what was with the whole shadow thing? That, didn't seem like a changeling thing but, just, odd. Guessing the goo they found with the smashed apples was blood, and the changeling got hurt trying to take down Big Mac... or a bit of the goo they use to cacoon victims possibly. But, why sabotage the wheels?

The overall thing was really well done, kept me being jsut kind of "This is... alright, kind of curious what the deal is, but not really sucked into it" type of very positive 'meh' then that last line made the whole thing so damn awesome. But a lot of details still felt off about why things happened like they did, and especially the opening, was figuring the whole thing would end up being a dream sequence, but if it was meant to try and subvert that, why have her in Manehatten, and then ponyville the next scene it just, made no sense for that large a jump, with the opening being utterly meaningless to the story.

Ovaerall, really good, but felt to rushed to really build up the tension and suspense, and to many details, even in full hindsight, don't quite make a lot of sense. But still a really good story, with one hell of a great and extremely well done twist.

Ooookay that was... interesting. More or less.

A possible good idea, but opening with just killing RD like that, having everything go along so fast... so simply.. nothing built up, it was clear what was going on, stuff just popped in out of nowhere, and it was full of mostly telling rather then showing. Just all around, not all that great.. sorry.

OKay, that was pretty funny. Saw what was coming, but it's so short, quick, it gets to it fast and.. yeah pretty nice.

I'll definitely admit that due to some unexpected circumstances, I didn't have as much time to develop this as I would have liked. Perhaps part of the confusion also comes from the ending, since it doesn't really give me a chance to explain things. So maybe I'll lay out what I my plans were here:

I started with wanting to write a Kansas City Shuffle. The Apple family sans Applejack was replaced while Applejack was in Manehattan, which is why they're completely useless in catching the mysterious saboteur. In fact, there is none: they were doing it themselves. The initial stalking and Pennyworth being highly visible and antagonistic was meant to both put Applejack on edge and give her a target to build her anger against. The sabotage was largely meaningless as sabotage and done just to piss her off. This would push her love and protectiveness of her "family" as she rallied them against this perceived threat. Then, with said threat eliminated, the changelings could continue to feed off of Applejack's heightened familial love in safety.

One other detail I tried to imply is that the real Pennyworth was actually in the hotel and that changelings, working as a team, framed him, then let Applejack on a merry chase. The Pennyworth outside the hall was a different changeling, while the seemingly random bystander was the one that Applejack clocked.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback.

So when AJ had that meeting with Pennyworth, where he offered to give an extension on the taxes, was that the real Pennyworth then?

And when AJ punched Pennyworth, revealing that he was a changeling... was that random receptionist also a changeling? The one who corroborated Pennyworth's story and had a "rather mechanical" nod?

It was the real deal. There's a reason they picked him for their scheme. As to the receptionist, I was running with her being fully enthralled.

On a side note: Whoa, I just noticed that my reply to the comment on my chapter somehow ended up on your chapter. For a second there, I had to go back and check if I accidentally replied to the wrong thing.

6387688 Yeah. It’s a bug where, if you post a comment on the main page of the story, it'll wind up attached to the most recent chapter. Even if you're replying to another comment on the first chapter.

6376779 what story was that? Sounds like I'd love to check it out.

Oh jeez...oh wow. :rainbowderp:
When you said you were going to write this as a horror story, I didn't expect you to actually pull off horror, but...you did.
In the kind of horror that affects me the most.

When I read the beginning of her last entry, my heart lurched. I FELT it.
This affected me more than Confined Within did, and it's a similar premise.

You did amazingly :pinkiesad2:

6412034 I was thinking of The Masterpiece, by McPoodle.

EDIT: Although I see you've already read and commented on that one.

6412477 Oh, yeah, that one! I've read it twice X3
It's really good but it doesn't have much attention, sadly.....

I've also written many stories similar to this concept...just not horror.

Hah, such a smart subversion at the end there. I also like that the "big journal review" was of something written in the middle, not the end.

I am glad I read this, perfectly atmospheric, but also somehow uplifting.

This was a very good and suspenseful story. Thanks for writing.

This was wonderful. Loved the ending.
All this just so Derpy can see her. What a trip.

7304310 And that's why Twilight is my favorite pony.

... That's hilarious how nonchalant Twi is at the end! ... Tropes: BizarreBabyBoom, IncompatibleOrientation... Petrification?

I wonder what happened to Pitch... sad what happened to Old Res. Could he be revived and cured with Ditzy's help??

I thought the same as Twilight, that the horns were part of some magic booster. But nope.

I guess we'll see Ditzy react to the Journal in The Fourth Wall, that one in the language I don't feel like copy pasting.


Could he be revived and cured with Ditzy's help??

For what it's worth, my intention was: if a pony wanted to die, or otherwise was at peace with their death, then they can't be un-petrified. And Twilight, looking at Resonius's petrified face, thought he was at peace. So that's why he was the only pony who wasn't restored when the cockatrice was vanquished.

But, of course, Death Of The Author. If you'd prefer to think he gets un-petrified and cured, there's nothing in the other stories that would contradict that.

As for getting help: Ditzy's particular powers were passed down on her mom's side of the family. So, if Resonius had crossed paths with one of Ditzy's ancestors, it's entirely possible the ancestor could have helped him. Sadly, that just didn't happen.


Well that implication was effectively given in the thoughtstream. As it had the "at peace bit" and the different outcome usually means there was something different about the different one to change the outcome.

... How many different kinds of alienness you gonna make? You've got Pinkie Pie stuff, the multidimensional Ditzy stuff, now this RealityWarper thing, which might be something else or connected to the other two...

...got the idea to Sorta wanna make an Eldritzy in this verse and see what happens... If you don't get the reference, which I assume you follow FOME, you might... When Parallel Lines... Cross Over, I think it was... ... Likely more freaking out and more time shenanigans...

spoiler boxes don't appear in emails, by the way

Simple changes—I inverted two runes and tightened the angle of one vertex. And then I understood what I had done.

... I had changed: I had removed the reason she could not reciprocate my affection for her.

Hmm... Do you have an explanation for exactly what he changed? Like, the runes are for what her attraction is to? Like one rune governs the gender she's attracted to... and under that hypothesis, I've no idea what the other rune might be for, but the angle might be the scope of what she'll accept for her attraction or something? Like, she likes things in the range from 20 to 80, and now it's from 40 to 60 or something?

Seems like the kind of thing Twilight might want to study, perhaps.

7809581 I never worked out the exact mechanics of how that magical code works.

Considering just how reasonable this lich was being I question the necessity of its destruction. For all we know a good set of duds might have been all it needed to see the light and turn from its no‐doubt evil ways. :trollestia: …seriously, what kind of a lich carries its phylactery on its person? Sheesh.

7914437 While I have no doubt that Rarity would be up to that task, she's just ever so busy...

As for the phylactery, he was rather bone-headed. :duck:

Foamy Squirrel

Uh oh.

a leather jacket,

Somehow I think that Pinkie would know what to do if asked fror a vampire-killing party. She knew what to do with parasprites.

And technically, it's a bolt. Like lightning."

Or a quarrel.

That was when the record struck him in the eye.


any pose he once possessed


This got to me in ways few things have.

Horrific torments in the Wood of Suicides…but the ending just doesn't work for me.

This chapter is EqG rather than Human. Human doesn't really fit with the rest at all, either. Horror, now that it's been added, probably should be applied to this story.

Corrections offered without malice.

still going string,


The least thing i recalled

last thing I

with rarity


figures made of sticks and twine,

Hi, Blair!

less effective every time I perform it

lessee…about square and divide by ten each time, what are you talking about? (that "ten" doesn't go up, it fluctuates: 4.5, 8, 125, 6.7, 514)
…why is it sayng "3 June. Canterlot. about 300 thaums." when he can do 5k prior?

With every repetition, the discharge increases—exponentially. Cross-reference this with the increasing frequency of these incidents, and a sinister pattern presents itself.


And I shall make those sons of wolves regret showing me how to transmute matter into antimatter.

Nice Los Alamos reference.
All comments are visible at the story frontispiece, and all frontispiece-submitted comments land on the last chapter extant at time of commenting.
It's so sweet. I love it.

But really, this could use the Horror tag onw that it exists.

I imagined that the cut-off horns looked like the tree variant of the Elder Sign.

8189607 Thanks. Though I can't really do anything about the tagging, other than bug peacevic about that.

8189685 Oh wow, just remembered to get back to this thing.. it's amazing what you find when clearing out the back of your Read Later tab.

This chapter was just... so damn good, creepy, scary, lovecraftian in the best way, implying so much answering so little, just, having so many implications and so many ways it could be horrifying, and kind of is...

And then to end with that twist and Twi's reaction to all of it being essentially 'Huh, neat, glad to know. But not really interested in that kind of power, just wanted to find this other minor thing related to it." That took it from great, to AMAZING and, just made it so so 'pony'. And yeah that is Totally Twilight, getting so focused on the mystery, and on what she'd planned, and ignoring such huge, massive things lie ultimate power and a potential threat to all of reality.

Definitely my favorite of the set, rest were good, but this, just damn!

All that mattered was that Applejack had protected her family. She loved them dearly. And they found it delicious.

Well shit. Someone call for an exterminator!

Dear merciless night, add a sexual assault warning to this one.

Lich had it coming, wearing his goddamn soul.

Never sat right with me, eternal punishment for suicide. And why is her lover sexually assaulting her? Guessing it's a demon.

I'm hoping that was just a coma dream, yeesh.

Same here, what absolute fool wears it?

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