4 - The Calm Before The Storm
The rest of the day was spent checking up on all of Twilight's friends; seeing how the wedding preparations were coming along. Their first stop of the day was Applejack - Princess Celestia had given her run of the palace kitchens.
The food she had prepared was in Twilight’s opinion, absolutely delicious. But the way Cadance had been acting was getting to her; something was off. It wasn’t just that she was being subtly rude, but that she threw her samples into the bin.
This behaviour had really surprised Twilight, but she didn't say anything. She was also pretty sure Cadance caught her glaring in disapproval. As they progressed through the rest of the group, Cadance acted like a perfect friend, with no sign of the rude individual from earlier.
After Celestia's sun had just set, Luna's moon began to rise, bathing the young night's sky in its cool glow. Twilight and her friends were gathered around a table, outside a restaurant near one of the castle’s gates. The girls sat and talked about their day, and how their own wedding project was coming along, but Twilight herself once again sat in silence, staring into space.
"Twilight darling, are you sure you're okay?" Rarity gently addressed her friend.
"Huh?" Twilight looked at the group of mares.
"Yeah Twilight, you look like you're thinking about a really big secret that you can't tell anypony else out of fear!" Pinkie proclaimed jumping up onto the table, much to Rarity's disapproval.
The six sat in awkward silence for a few moments before Twilight cleared her throat and responded, "It's just, I can't help but feel something's a little... off."
"Off?" Applejack raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, has anypony else noticed anything odd about Cadance?"
"I sure haven't, she seemed really nice when she checked up on me and my bird choir," Fluttershy meekly said.
"Yeah I know but, it's how she acted towards Applejack earlier and... I don't know..."
Rainbow stretched out her exhausted wings, "Well I didn't notice anything, but then again I've been too busy working on my flying for the rainboom I'm meant to perform."
"Honestly sugarcube I jus' think the nerves are getting her a little, jus' as they're gettin' to you now. Your jus' paranoid because you want
your brother's wedding to go off without a hitch."
"Well Cadance said something similar earlier," Twilight seemed unsure.
"There you go then, no need to fret now."
"I suppose you're right," Twilight sighed. "Anypony know what time it is?"
"It's seven thirty!" Pinkie said helpfully while putting her forelegs into the positions of the arms of a clock.
"You're meeting Cadance at eight aren't you darling?" Rarity questioned.
"I am, so I should probably get a move on; see you girls at the rehearsal later?"
"Yup! It's at ten right?" Applejack asked to make sure.
"I believe so," Twilight got up from her seat and began to head towards the castle. "See you all later!"
The castle was unusually quiet that night, aside from the occasional servant or guard. Usually Luna's night court would be in effect, and bring with it a crowd of patrons, but tonight it was closed, Luna herself sitting at the top of the observation tower keeping watch for the alleged threat looming over the wedding.
Twilight entered through the two giant wooden doors that led into the castle's dining room. It was a large, or cavernous room, well lit by the magical sconces, with a large decorated table in the centre. Tonight there was a pink alicorn sat at the end, lost in thought.
"Cadance?"
Cadance seemed to jump slightly as she saw Twilight at the other end of the room, obviously having been in very deep thought. "Twilight! You surprised me, please take a seat!"
Cadance used her magic to pull a chair out, and motioned Twilight to sit down. Already dead on her hooves, she readily complied.
"So Cadance, how have you-"
"I want to apologise..."
"What?"
"For how I acted to your friend earlier; Applejack was it? I shouldn't have acted the way I did."
"Oh! It's fine, I'm sure it was just the pre-wedding jitters getting to you."
Cadance chuckled lightly. "Yes, I'm sure that's what it was, but it still doesn’t absolve my actions."
“Don’t worry about it too much; Applejack didn’t notice it, and I bet my bits she’d forgive you in a heartbeat anyway.” Cadance’s face relaxed, showing the loss of tension. “Now, I skipped on eating with the girls earlier, so what’s on the menu tonight?”
A chef quickly emerged from a side door, carrying a platter to the table. When he removed the lid, it revealed a stack of... hayburgers?
"OK, not what I was expecting when you invited me to dine with you," Twilight raised an eyebrow.
"Well you do have a sweet spot for them if I do remember correctly."
Twilight blushed as memories of splattered, demolished burgers came to mind. "Yes OK, I suppose I do. Thank you. But more importantly, are the wedding preparations to your liking?"
"They are, everything is falling into place just like I hoped. Believe me when I say tomorrow will be an event Canterlot will remember for eons to come," Cadance gave a sly smirk.
"Well you're confident; this must mean the world to you!"
"It does, though not for the reason you may think," she smiled warmly to herself.
"Oh?” Twilight cocked her head to one side. “What is the reason then?"
Cadance laughed. "I can't say, it's a bit of a surprise."
"A surprise for Shiny?"
"In a way, I guess..." she replied wispily, a bemused smile gracing her face.
"Yeah, I have absolutely no idea what you're getting at... I suppose I'll just have to wait and see."
Twilight rolled her eyes, gave an exasperated sigh, and proceeded to pick up a hay burger. As Twilight began to, very messily, consume the meal Chrysalis discreetly transferred over some love energy, which Twilight greedily, and unknowingly absorbed. This was a very important event. Chrysalis needed to find out how far along the maturing process her daughter was. In order to judge how far into the change from ‘passive love ingestion’, to ‘active love ingestion’, she could test how quickly Twilight absorbed the direct energy she was given.
"Wow! This is the best hayburger I've ever tasted! Wonder what the chef's secret is..."
"Love of course!"
"Really? You couldn't have said anything more cliché."
"Well... it's true."
"Uh huh... well whatever the secret is I'm going to eat them all!"
Cadance rolled her eyes in amusement, "I thought you might."
After watching her eat half of the platter, Chrysalis estimated that Twilight was roughly fifty percent of the way through the change. This meant she knew how much more she needed in this meal. She was surprised that even when she was this far along, she hadn’t shown any signs of malnutrition; the love from her friends must be of an excellent caliber and quantity. But it also highlighted how important the event of the following days would be, and she was glad to have timed her intervention so well.
Soon Twilight had finished her meal, Cadance eating a few burgers just to save face. They talked a while longer about the wedding, and Chrysalis used this as an excuse to find out more about Twilight's life in Ponyville, and her life in general. Twilight had tried to get some details on when she and Shining became a couple but had gotten very little out of her. Twilight found this a little odd, but brushed it off into the pile of all the other oddities of the past day. Eventually they departed the dining hall, and joined the others at the wedding rehearsal. It went off without any problems.
When the clock struck midnight, the rehearsals finally came to an end and they all departed off to their respective rooms and homes. Cadance had decided to walk Twilight home, promising to meet Shining Armor back at the house later. It was yet another slight oddity; but Twilight appreciated the company all the same. Besides, being in the empty late night streets of Canterlot gave her the creeps.
"Thanks for walking me back Cadance."
"It's fine Twilight, these streets could hold many dangers this late," Cadance moved closer to Twilight, and wrapped a wing around her.
"Crime in general is extremely low here in Canterlot; in fact you won't find much of it throughout Equestria." This being the case, Twilight
still accepted the wing hug, enjoying the warmth Cadance emitted.
"True, but it does exist, and you should never let your guard down. Not for a second."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
Cadance pulled her wing tighter. "Well it's my job to teach you these things."
"Who are you, my mother?" Twilight joked.
Cadance didn't answer. In fact, she had stopped moving all together.
“Cadance, are you okay?” Concern radiated from Twilight.
“It’s … it’s nothing, I just … It just hit me, that tomorrow is going to be the most important day of my life.”
Twilight nuzzled Cadance, and the two of them continued on their way.
The home of Twilight’s parents, Twilight Velvet and Night Light, came into view, and there were no lights on, signalling that they had likely gone to bed; not particularly surprising given how late it was.
They unlocked the door and quietly entered the house, Twilight turned to say her goodbyes to Cadance. Then she began to feel faint, all her muscles seemed to weaken leading her to collapse onto the floor.
"Twilight!"
Green flames whipped around Twilight, as spasms erupted throughout her body, her breathing became erratic and her disguise was destroyed. Twilight slipped into unconsciousness.
Acting quickly, Chrysalis began transferring some of her collected love into Twilight, the spasms slowly coming to a halt, and her breathing became steady.
Giving a sigh of relief Chrysalis, who was still disguised as Princess Cadance, picked Twilight up and carried her up to her room. Twilight was carefully placed onto her bed, and tucked in so she would be comfortable.
She quietly closed the door, before green flames whipped around her and removed the Cadance veneer. She approached Twilight and sat at her bedside, nuzzling her daughter gently.
"I'm sorry Twilight, I miscalculated how much love you would need, even with the abundance your friends and family provide, it wasn’t enough; you must be further along than I thought. That is why what happens tomorrow has to happen, if I don't collect enough love energy for your final stage, you will die, and I will not lose you, not again. I just hope you can forgive me; I love you Twilight. Soon we will be together again, and things will be how they should be, I promise."
Chrysalis just sat there for what seemed like hours afraid to leave her daughter's side, but in the end she re-enabled both Twilight's and her own disguises, and quietly left the house where two ponies and one changeling soundly slept into the night.
Stats
Page generated in 0.056 seconds
Total duration
1,019 users online
2,148,199 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Needs a proofreading pass, and some of the dialogue is scrappy - a few cases of 'plot exposition'-itis.
i like this chrysalis
continue with the beautiful story my good friend!
"Anyway take a guess what event goes down next chapter!"
Twilight actually acknowledges that the flower girls Lyra, Twinkleshine, and Minuette are Twilight's close childhood friends?
6566902
I agree it shows what lengths she would go to for her children. a true mother.
The Wedding
6566930
Those are just mind-controlled ponies. Although it'll get really weird if events follow the show-- derailing from canon when Twilight was supposed to confront "Cadance" who in turn banishes her to the mines with the real Cadance. The big fight scene between the Mane Six and a horde of changelings, which would leave no doubt in Twilight's mind what she is while the bugponies would likely want to bow to her or get some ponies so she can feed (they wouldn't know any better that the other five with her are not food).
"Anyway take a guess what event goes down next chapter!"
Breakfast
I wonder if here Cadance ever existed. Maybe here Chryssy staged as her for the last x years to become Twi's babysitter and infiltrating Equestria?
Yay two chapters at once!
6567046
I can't really get into this. The best way I can describe why not is that it lacks substance. The chapters are short, which throws the pacing off. There's not a lot of detail, either. Lastly, it brings nothing new that we haven't seen before in other fanfics with the same premise. It's not bad, mind you. It's definitely not worth a dislike. It just doesn't stand out.
I really like this, while I hope they get another solution for Twilight, after the fight, I probably won´t complain about whatever is about to happen.
Since Twilight is her daughter, maybe there could be another reason that leads to Chrysalis not winning in the end?
Maybe it would make Twilight´s situation even worse, if she would see how she is causing harm to everyone she likes?
I hope there is a new chapter soon , maybe I can even make this story one of my favourites, the idea is a good one.
It is just that I already have many storys in my track folder, that didn´t got an update in a year, or a half.
6567022 I´m glad for that, the other one alone would not have been enough.
You have a few instances of "you're" (you are) written as "your" and that last spoken part of Chrysalis was too much blatant exposition. I understand it has to be told to the readers but the way was too jarring.
Looking forward to your next chapter.
6567061
I agree, but I'm holding out on account of the chapter title previous.
The same, yet different.
This story is great! Keep up the good work!
I'm loving this story! Good work!
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
6567317 I am possibly getting an editor soon, we'll see how that goes.
More Twists! I love it! More please? As soon as you can?
During the wedding MODOK shows up desiring revenge against Princess Luna for losing the 'Interdenominational Pumpkin Chunking Championship' to her. He then proceeds to kidnap Twilight Sparkle whom Luna secretly as fallen in love with and then flees while shouting "You have taken that which I desired most! Now I MODOK shall do the same to you! Never will you see your beloved Twilight again, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
This prompts Luna and Chrysalis (who as reviled herself) to team up together and go on an epic journey to save the pony/changeling they love most. They put on their terminator sunglasses, high hoof each other and ride off after Twilight and MODOK on their badass motorcycles.
halloweenforum.com/attachments/general-halloween/196006d1397879094-graveyard-ends-triple-crown-behemothmotorcycle1.jpg
Meanwhile back in the Canterlot Castle Throne Room Celestia, Cadance (who somehow escaped the caverns) and all of Twilight's family and friends as well as the changelings are all just looking out the hole in the wall that Chrysalis and Luna made when they road out on their bikes with a blank stare. All of them still in the middle of trying to figure out WTF just happened.
6567317
It's funny when you call other people out on their mistakes... yet I see at least a couple in this line alone.
6567457 How did you know?!
6567500
The only complaint I would have is it could use an editor, as there are a couple mistakes, and some of the lines come off as awkward. Other than that, it's pretty good so far.
As fireflutterpony said, there were quite a few errors in here that a proofreader should have caught, many of them being missing apostrophes:
Twilight's
night's sky (or night sky)
something's
it's
brother's
daughter's
Twilight's
Other errors:
and
you're
quiet
you're
There was also a lot of punctuation (or lack thereof) that had me cringing a little bit.
But as for the story itself, it's a fairly interesting idea and I'm looking forward to more!
6567776
I found that super ironic xD. I tried correcting grammar and instead made a horrible mistake myself. o///o
Cadence/Queen Chrysalis: "What? Apples are rubbish, Twilight! You know me, I've always been more of a hay fries and custard type of a pony! Don't look at me like that!"
6567816
:/ well no need to be so rude, I was just trying to tell the writer he needed an editor cause I could find a lot of mistakes.
6566987
It really isn't that big of a spoiler, you know. If the people who are reading this story haven't watched those two episodes, than they have two choices. Either watch the episodes and come back and continue to read the story after watching the episodes, or commit seppuku.
I really like what you have here, its pretty inventive of you
, although I have a few complaints.
First of all, it looks like a rough draft, half finished, not done; namely speaking, who's point of view are we looking though? I know this is a third person view, but how can we know who is in the spotlight within the chapter or at least the moment?
Next, I don't really like how you put quotes around Cadence, we already know who she really is, but if this is in Twilight's Point of View then she wouldn't have a clue. So why put them there?
And finally, the flashbacks, I love that flashback you did in the pervious chapter. Though, I don't think Twi would freak out and then shrug it off so soon, I mean I know you mentioned that, but that is all you did, can you explore on that a bit more please? Make me understand what she is going though. Also, if you saw my last comment then you'll know that I would like you to make that flashback somewhere after you said "Twilight remembers when that happened" and not as a separate chapter. It makes it look better.
However I do like what you have here, though it looks more like an unfinished product, it is very inventive and I can't wait to see more.
But please, pay attention to what your writing and make sure it doesn't look like a bad school sheet. I've seen far too many of those.
Love,
Your possible future fan.
6567513 Gohan becoems the strongest warrior in the universe but doesn't do crap.
Chrysalis: *Spends a week with Shining, is powerful enough to defeat Celestia*
Twilight: *Spends entire life surrounded by friends and family, starves*
Sure, nothing wrong here. -_-
I love this story idea. Please don't keep me waiting for too long! I am eager to see how this goes.
6568673
What if Twilight needs more love energy because she is still growing, and spends most of her time using her disguise?
Think about it. If you spent all day exerting yourself, you would be more hungry then if you just lounged about all day. At least that is how the logic goes. XD
This is also a fanfiction about pastel ponies and magic. things won't always add up for the sake of the story.
6568732
But to just drop down of exhaustion out of nowhere? No, that isn't how malnutrition works.
And besides, we've seen plenty of cases on this site, filled with stories of "pastel ponies and magic", where the authors actually take the time to explain and rationalize happenings in their stories. This one just seems not very well thought out.
6568788 I wasn't sating it was my good fellow fan. but because you felt the need to respond back and help with a debate it means you are intellectually sound. Good one on ya mate! lol
oooo this is interesting
6568673 well love would give more power the stronger it is as they where told at the wedding so love is more powerful than friendship
Hmm, Cadance walking Twilight home and tucking her in after she had an attack of sorts? Now where have I read that before?
6567056 I'm not sure if you're deliberately trolling, missing the question or making everypony in the story an idiot.
6570648 Wherever there's changeling Twilight, you will find me
Chapter one has been re-edited, the edit will be released soon. The rest of the chapters and the story should also be edited should things go to plan, the editor in question is RC2101_Copey so big thanks to him
Like your last story, this feels like a cheap use of Pinkie Pie just to force something to happen. It also doesn't lead anywhere. No secret was touched upon, Twilight just talked about her slight frustration with Cadance.
Ten at night or ten in the morning? Ten at night would be odd.
Really, we get it. This is Chrysalis, not Cadance.
Didn't the girls have rooms in the castle?
Again? Also, the loss of Twilight's disguise feels a bit sudden. Could have added a sentence or two of Twilight feeling oddly lethargic on the walk back. However, things bring into question why she wasn't affected before in her life. Does being near all the other changelings increase her rate of maturation? That would be good to dispel the inconsistency.
Forget about meeting Shining? That seems to have been dropped.
6570013
Nowhere, that's where. Probably some small story that didn't get a whole lot of attention.
6570739
This just means I need to go through ALL the stories you have read.
All of them!
6570821 Yeah, probably
And good luck, I'm not even sure how many changeling Twilight stories I've read 
The prologue has been re-edited! All chapters in the future will go through my new editor before releasing, the down side is that release may take a little longer as a result but hopefully it should be worth it!
Hm, there's not a whole lot to say about these two chapters. The extra detail on how Twilight found out she was a changeling was nice but not especially exciting, and Chrysalis failed to reveal herself to Twilight which is kinda disappointing because it killed a lot of interesting possibilities. I'll stick with it for now because you might have something good planned for the invasion, but the warning signs are definitely starting to pile up which has me thinking this is probably going to wind up being a flop.
6567043
Heh, I know that feeling. Now onto the subject at hand.
Yeah, but that is kinda mandatory. After all, the field of communications is so big that no one person can possibly know all of it so there is no possible way I could give anything even remotely close to a full depth discussion on the subject.
You also can get bearing information to give a direction estimate as well. Depending on the sensitivity of your gear, your knowledge of the terrain, and the computing power you have at your disposal, you can actually get a decent estimate of the source location from a single receiver. Of course, that only applies to a simple case with only one transmitter and one receiver rather than a network of computer (or brain) controlled two-way radios which can use numbers to triangulate relative locations and then map that location information using known terrain features and sensor (eyes) data from the platforms (changelings) to give a crystal clear picture of who is where.
That only applies to the simplest case and rapidly breaks down in larger organizations as the military has learned so it is not applicable here. In order to effectively network a large number of individuals, you have to have a huge amount of location (and time) information flying around to coordinate everything, direct data to where it needs to go, and avoid spamming everyone with useless garbage. Based on this article, the military is either using or developing this these large networks to provide constant positioning, navigation, and timing data without GPS signals because it really is inherent in the nature of large-scale communications.
Yeah, no. It is entirely possible to learn to force yourself to go to sleep basically on command in situations that are not conducive to sleep (from what I hear, this is common among veteran soldiers) and I have also heard of people taking conscious control of their heart rate. Really the only one that isn't overridable is body heat generation, and that is because of the importance of effective thermoregulation to the human body which makes screwing with it downright dangerous.
This falls apart because there is an obvious survival advantage to knowing who is and isn't a changeling. After all, they obviously cannot feed off each other so it is apparent that they need to be able to tell if a "pony" they are talking to is another changeling to avoid wasting valuable time and energy. Similarly, knowing where other changelings are is critically important for cooperative tactics where one sets the other up and also for determining if they are over-saturating a population and need to spread out more so there is an obvious strong advantage to having access to this knowledge.
While this is a theoretical concern, you seem to have done a decent job convincing yourself that it is not the case.
That said, it is worth noting that it is not that hard to drill that kind of thing into an instinctive check in combat training, especially if it is something mental rather than something you have to look at. After all, you are always aware of where your limbs are without thinking about it and this would probably wind up being somewhat similar.
Well, I have not read that story so I cannot say anything for sure, but it looks to me like it is more about exploring world building than any particular conflict which gives it a major advantage in avoiding most of the stupid contrivances I mentioned, although it does come with its own set of potential concerns which sound like they are a serious problem based on your comment. Regardless, I think you see the issue now and understand why I felt the need to bring it up.
On the contrary, that is exactly why it is so important to bring this up early. If I say something now, the author may reconsider his/her original ideas, make some easy changes now, and create a much stronger story in the long run with minimal pain. If on the other hand I were to wait until it goes to shit, there would be no realistic hope for the story to recover because it would require a near-total rewrite and most people would loose interest between the original shit and rewrite delay which would leave the story dead despite a lot of major work to fix it.
6567051
It is, and that is exactly why the military is so interested in it in the real world.
Yeah, that whole comic is just sorta...yeah, that. It kills its own canon status without any help from outside sources so there is really no reason to worry about it which is also why I never cared enough to remember the details.
Anyways, I am fully with you on the rest so I won't bother quoting it.
This could definitely use a proofing pass, but this is pretty good thus far. Looking forward to more!
I demand MOAR! Pwetty pwease, with sugar on top.
There are a fair number of minor mistakes, but nothing an editor couldn't fix! Despite them, these past two chapters were interesting and I like how you have strayed from the original instead of just copying it.