• Published 19th Aug 2015
  • 2,205 Views, 31 Comments

Teaching Lies - Caffeinated Pinkie

I was just a regular girl. A stable job, good friends, and a prestigious education. I had my whole future planned out, except for the part where I turned into a fuchsia pony.

  • ...

I'm a... Pony?

I was walking through an electronics store looking for the customer service desk when I saw an old guy manning the desk. He wore a grey cloak and a pointy wizard hat that would be seen on Merlin or Gandolf. Astoundingly, he also sported a snowy white beard that could almost drag against the floor and was spouting a bunch of crap about selling 'runes'. I had to go there anyways so I decided to engage him in pleasant conversation.

"Nice dress," I said while looking his clothing up and down.

The wizard looked at me in confusion, "Dress? Dress?! I am wearing a cloak. One that was passed down from my father before he passed away."

"Whoa, dude! Calm down. I just need you to fix my computer and I'll be on my way... with magic!" I broke into a fit of laughter at the insulted look on his face. Unfortunately, that only caused the strange man to start waving his arms around like a madman and shouting various obscenities at me. I wasn't really paying attention as my gaze was focused on the growing intensity of the light emanating from his right fist.

"Hey, man, what's going on with y-" I was cut off by a glowing white fist punching right through my skin as everything went black.

The wizard smiled contently at the spot the human was a second before. "First, the flea market and now here. I really have to find out what's so funny about my clothing."


I moaned slightly as I felt consciousness returning. My whole body felt heavy. Even more reason to go back to sleep. The bed I was on was unnaturally comfortable and... fluffy. And that's why it would be great to go back to sleep.


"Goddammit," I growled as I realized I wouldn't be getting back to sleep anytime soon. I lazily opened my eyes to take in the bland drywall across from my bed. I slowly looked around the naturally lit room. The unfamiliar light pink walls and magenta ceiling. A nice mural of smiling flowers painted the door and a paper covered desk stood next to the bed. My adorable fuchsia fur went... well... with... My mind suddenly snapped wide awake as I stared fearfully at my horrifying fuchsia fur.

"What- I- Huh- WHAT?!" I quickly jumped off the bed only to land face first on the hard wood floor. I need a mirror. I need a mirror. I need a mirror... I continued my rant as a scrambled around the room with my strange new limbs. I had almost reached the door when it viciously swung open, throwing me across the room.

"Cheery?!" Another horse with an identical fur color to mine burst into the room and looked around frantically before spotting me, "Oh, Cheery, I'm so glad you're okay. What happened? I heard a crash and came up here as fast as I could!"

The strange mare stared at me expectantly, obviously expecting an answer. One that I did not have. So I decided to just bullshit my way through it. "Uh ... I'm okay? I just was doing ... um ... horse things... and I, err, practiced...falling out of bed?" I gave my best 'winner' smile hoping that all those years of being a lawyer improved my lying.

The other horse looked a little unsure, but seemed to accept my explanation. "Uh-huh. If you say so. Well, I have to go get my stuff and go to work. See you later." She closed the door with a slight slam and quiet clip-clops could be heard leaving the room. Once I felt she was far enough I began to panic once more.

Why am I a horse? Did I die? I remember that jackass punching through my skin, but nothing else. Oh jeez, am I dead? No, no, no, no, no... I can't be dead! I was too young! No, I can't just assume that. Either I'm dreaming which this is far too vivid to be or... This is real. I nervously glanced around the room for anything that can help. So this is either some drug, dream or afterlife, or it's real. I'll operate under the assumption that it is real. But how did I get here? It definitely had something to with the wizard dude. If this is real, then what exactly did he do to me? I doubt he killed me, so did he cast a spell on me? Pfft. There's no such thing as magic! But right now, I can't draw upon anymore conclusive possibilities. Wait, the mare called me Cheery! Did I replace someone? Oh, great, I think I did. So that's my name? Or a nickname...? Or something completely unrelated to my name? I let out a growl of irritation.

"So what am I supposed to do now? I could tell someone, but I don't want to be locked up in an asylum. Who would believe me anyways? So I guess I have to try to figure this out myself," I said to no one in particular. The first step was figuring out what I- Cheery does during the day. I looked carefully around the room for any obvious indicators, like a calendar for example. Unfortunately, nothing really jumped out as 'DO THIS'. Well there was the desk. I stumbled over to the seat and plopped my rear on the cushion.

Strewn across the table were various papers depicting what looked like hand written passages and formulas, albeit simple ones. But what really caught my eyes were the bright red symbols dotting certain papers. Things like 'A' or 'B-' or... Wait, these are homework assignments! Aw crap. Am I a teacher? Please tell me I'm not a teacher. I leafed through a few more papers before coming to a very unfortunate conclusion. I was a teacher.

Sighing in defeat, I noticed a calendar situated on the right of the desk. No reminders or events besides holidays seemed to be written, the only pen marks were red 'X's leading up to what I assume to be today. And today was... Tuesday.


TUESDAY?! "OH, SHIT! I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!" I shouted as I scrambled up from the chair.

Author's Note:

Boom, chapter one! Not the most entertaining, but it was just the introduction to the story. Next chapter is school. Get ready for a lot of awkwardness.