• Member Since 14th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen Nov 23rd, 2015

goldentig3r


i was born in january my eyes are brown just like on my avatar and im short for my age

T

Scootaloo wonders around the streets after a failed attempt to get a cutie mark and finds her special somepony and is in love with her but after that it kind of turns int a cuse soon leading to suicide.

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 74 )

Just a little note that Sugar Cane is just a character that i made up and the divorce chapter i've expearianced in my life

Well not the suicide par but the rest if seen also not the murders

"Bu... Bu...But why for the sake of me." Scootaloo questioned.
Scootaloo's father gave a detailed speech.
"Because we don't want you to hear us argue so that you don't have treated like your not important." Her father continued.
Scootaloo was very sad about the divorce, but she managed to stop crying.
"I'm glad you understand Scootaloo" Said her father which then walked out of the room.

media.giphy.com/media/JhEJs4WhYKsZq/giphy-facebook_s.jpg

For the love of all that is good let this be a fucking joke.

Comment posted by Boop-Happy Lass deleted Aug 21st, 2015

They got the gear and stuffed ti right out of the clubhouse and on to a short hill top.

uhm you have a mistake sir on the 'ti' part is it suppose to be 'it'?

is Sugar Cane a stallion or a mare? if mare then the kiss wouldn't even happen cause Scootaloo's a mare

I tried to put a smile but then I vomited now i'm sick :pinkiesick:

And then Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle went to the club house and fainted from what they saw
THE END

Like if you agree at my opinion.

i.imgur.com/yUZGUen.gif

Dude... This fic is so bad that it made me laugh. Even at the kill scene I laughed. Yeah I am a sick person. If you weren't serious about this fic then it's ok, it made me laugh. If you were serious, then I am sorry about you. You suck at writing (for now). Either way you get a like.

6342735 I can spot his mistake at chapter 1 :raritywink:

Hey dearie! I just wanted to say for your first fic, this is pretty good. I have soooo much trouble writing in Scootaloo's perspective, and I think it's awesome you made her a main (or mane, geddit? :rainbowlaugh:) character.

I think what I'd love to see from you is some editing. While you had a clear story, there were a lot of punctuation errors that made it a liiiitle difficult to read. I'd also like to see longer chapters, that would help flesh out your characters a little more! Plus it will make the audience get more engrossed in the story. (Not to mention, it will also make them more upset when you inevitably kill of your characters. :pinkiecrazy: But that's good! When you write stories that give people extreme emotion, it keeps 'em coming back for more!)

I'll be watching you closely--you have a lot of potential as a future writer and I can't wait to see how much you improve! :twilightsmile:

6342711
Maybe they are lesbian.

You forgot to put the story as Complete.

Wat da fak did I just read

Umm... why do you have your character freaking out over a tiny insult?

Overall, very bad grammar and overall awfulness.

It's amazing how some of these stories can make it past the mods.

"Now Listen Closely, I know we're way to young to do this, but we are going to kill Scootaloo's new friend." Diamond Tiara said.

Well this escalated quickly

6343334
That's a bloody good question. I can only assume that either the mods themselves are completely ignorant of basic spelling and grammar, or that they just don't screen for anything more than blatant violations of policies like "no stories in script format", "no MST3K-ing other stories", etc.


6326820
Sorry, mate, but your writing really needs a lot of work. How far along in school are you, exactly?

6343394

And no way would Diamond do that, even though she is admittedly a bully.

Maybe Diamond knows something about her that we don't....:pinkiecrazy:

1/16?

Can it be that bad, really?

*Reads first line*

:eeyup:

6343456

Just wait 'till you get to the murder subplot.

6342711

In MLP, most ships are girl x girl.

But even so, Scootaloo isn't an idiot. She wouldn't kiss somepony she only knew for 2 days.

6343435

The mods are basically there to make sure it's pony enough and that it doesn't otherwise break their rules. Everything else is unimportant. :derpytongue2:

Scootaloo suddenly felt better and when Sugar Cane was about to let go Scootaloo pressed against her lips even tighter.
It was about five minutes before they both let go. When they stopped they knew that there love was meant to be.

Ignoring all of the grammatical errors, there is still so much wrong with this paragraph. They only knew each other for a week! Didn't you watch Frozen?

Also,
img1.derpicdn.net/img/2013/3/25/278987/full.jpeg

Scootaloo likes Tiara (or AB, SB, or any other pony really).

What did I just read?

It's obvious someone drugged you into making this story. I'm watching you...

And Diamond Tiara was hailed as a hero for killing this awful Mary Sue self-insert. She got the Key To The City, which she promptly sold on EHay because it didn't do anything.

First off, the chapters are way too short: One hundred and twenty words in the first chapter? That has to be one helluva chapter if it's that short.

Also, there are countless grammatical and syntax errors.

As Scootaloo was walking home she saw a filly walking all alone walking down the sidewalk.

That should be written like this:

As Scootaloo was heading home, she saw a filly walking on the sidewalk by herself.

Gonna be honest with you, it seemed like you half-arsed this instead of putting actual effort into it.

Have a nice day.

L

6343596

I think he just wanted to write a sad attempt at a 'feels' fic.

6343596

First off, the chapters are way too short: One hundred and twenty words in the first chapter?

Haven't you read it? I'd say it's about 120 words too long.

6343776

Ha! I like the way you think.

L

This has gone down the drain faster than the goldfish epidemic following Finding Nemo

Maybe you should combine some chapters with some transitions, besides that it was an ok story.

2197 words / 13 chapters = average of 169 words per chapter. That's a bad sign.

Scootaloo wonders around the streets after a failed attempt to get a cutie mark and finds her special somepony and is in love with her but after that it kind of turns int a cuse soon leading to suicide.

Ow. That hurts a little to read. First, that's a run-on sentence.

Second:
wonder - To be struck with astonishment; to be amazed; to marvel; to ponder; to feel doubt and curiosity.
wander - To move without purpose or specified destination; to go somewhere indirectly or at varying speeds; to stray from one's course.

Third, what's a "cuse"?


Edit after reading: Wow, that was even worse than I thought it would be. You really need to start paying attention in English class.

6342788 Thanks for being a kind soul with actual constructive criticism.

Pffffffff...

Even my fics are better than this. You're starting off bad. If you don't have the English language under your belt, go to a different website for a different language. Fanfiction.Net is good enough for it, as well as Wattpad.

There's a load of grammar and spelling mistakes. And that's not the heart of it.

This is trying too hard to be edgy. In one chapter, all that's interesting is that I haven't read it.

6342831

They got the gear and stuffed ti right out of the clubhouse and on to a short hill top.

The bold word is the mistake from chapter 1

6344778
There are tons of mistakes in all the chapters. Spotting just one is no special accomplishment.

6345073 I know I know but thanks for reminding me! :scootangel:

6343471 I believe 'ignored' is a more accurate term. 'Unimportant' implies these things don't matter. They do, it's just that the bar really is this low.

6346072 Better than FF.net. It needs to be vaguely readable and understandable to make it here. Vaguely.

i literally read this piece in 1 minute, think more next time

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