Harry Houdini: The Great and Powerful

by CrackedInkWell

Chapter 21: Do Spirits of Chaos Return?

Author's Note:

A little heads up, I must confess that this was difficult for me to write, and I'm not sure if it's any good. I really do hope you at least enjoy this.

“Just a moment, your Highness,” Houdini told Celestia, putting both of his hands through his curly hair. “Let me see if I’ve got this right. You’re telling me that there’s a spirit out there that’s the main source of disorder, that has apparently turned ‘good’, and goes around doing weird things like it’s a cartoon?”

“That’s correct,” the Solar Princess nodded. “I don’t quite understand why you find this so hard to believe.”

The human folded his arms. “Okay, I for one can come to grips with talking ponies, pegasi, and unicorns since I can actually see them and feel them. I know they’re real. However, you had me until you said ‘spirit’.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Trixie questioned.

“I still don’t know much about this place. I had somewhat hoped that since there’s an extreme lack of mediums to fool people that this place would be much more evolved than my own country. So tell me, how exactly are you planning on manifesting this ‘Spirit of Chaos’? Shall we go inside a dark room with a magically moving table? Will I be hearing disembodied voices that ring bells and blow whistles?”

“Um… no?” Celestia responded despite her complete confusion. “That’s not what I was planning on doing at all. Why are you suddenly against this, Mr. Houdini? He’s someone that can help you all return home. Have you met him before?”

Harry guffawed. “No offense, your grace, but I don’t think meeting him would be necessary since I know that he doesn’t exist.”

Everypony within earshot stood in complete and utter shock.

“What did you just say?” one of the Solar Guards spoke up.

“This Discord,” the human illusionist repeated, “this ‘Spirit of Chaos’ doesn’t exist. Anyone that has ever tried to prove to me that spirits are real has turned out to be mediums using the same tricks that I use for my shows, like making things float with fishing wire or using their legs to knock things over. Unless you can produce him in a lit room where I could physically see and touch him, I’m afraid that this spirit is nothing more than a product of your imaginations.”

With a sigh, Celestia lit her horn. She stayed like that for a few moments before it faded away. “I think you’ll want to hold onto something.”

Before either Houdinis could ask what she was talking about, there was an audible bump from the stage floor. Looking down, ponies and humans alike saw a handsaw blade emerging from the wooden planks. It moved up and down, curving around until it cut a circle. The black wood fell below, and out popped a weird-looking creature with the head of a mule, the horns of a dragon and an elk, and a grey headband with rabbit ears poking out. He was also munching on a bright orange carrot.

The thing looked confused, pulling a roadmap out from underneath the floor and holding it with a lion’s paw and an eagle claw. “Huh, I knew I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.”

“What is that?” Bess asked.

“I’m a Who, not a What,” the creature corrected, crawling out of the hole. “Whats don’t ask questions like I do. That’s why I’m a Who. Now, if any of you don’t mind telling me where I could take my complaint to the Wheres, I’m going to be late to Who’s place to give him a message from Ms. Why. Actually, since I appear to be lost, could any of you point me to Idaho Falls? I think I can make my way from there.”

Celestia cleared her throat, causing Discord to look up. “Oh hey there, Sunbutt. Do you have any idea where I am?”

“Manehattan,” she deadpanned, “and I asked for you.”

“Did you now?” The draconequus folded up the roadmap. “Well, since I’m here, what can I do for you this time?”

Celestia said nothing, instead pointing a hoof at the two humans. Discord snapped his neck to them, both of whom were as pale as clouds. The one in the suit had his mouth wide open, which the chaotic spirit shut with a claw.

“Do keep your mouth closed. It’s rather rude to leave it open for everyone to see, you know. Wait… do I know you from somewhere?”

Harry was a bit too stunned to reply. Realization crossed Discord’s face as he quickly snapped his tail, causing a camera to pop into existence. “I do know you! You’re Harry, right? Harry Potter in his later years.”

“What?”

“Let’s get a picture of us.” Before Houdini knew it, the thing was suddenly right next to him with a wide grin while his tail reached to press a button on the camera. After a blinding flash, Harry rubbed his eyes while Discord reached for the developing photograph. “Name’s Discord, by the way. I’m a big fan of yours, Mr. Potter.”

“My name is Houdini, whatever you are.”

The draconequus blinked. “Houdini? Oh, that Harry! Sorry, I mistook you for someone else. Happens all the time.”

“What in the name of sanity are you?” Bess asked.

“We’ve already told you,” Trixie told them. “That is Discord, the Spirit of Chaos.”

“So… just to be clear.” Harry pointed at the mix-matched creature. “He’s actually real?”

“Eh, more or less,” Discord shrugged, turning to Celestia. “So, Harry Houdini’s here. Is that all?”

“Did you bring him here?” the alicorn asked.

“I think…” The spirit started to hover over the black stage in thought, turning his attention to the blue magician. “Oh wait, I remember you! You’re the other Ms. Narcissist with the magic show, aren’t ya? No, wait, don’t answer that, you are. Yes, I remember you. You were doing your little show and constantly bragging about how ‘Great’ and ‘Powerful’ you are.”

Trixie blinked. “What did you just call me?”

Discord waved his lion paw. “You were quite entertaining to me for a while. But halfway through, you just got boring. Especially when you brag that there’s not a single pony in Equestria that could surpass you. But then, I had this wonderful idea. What if I bring in someone that isn’t from Equestria that doesn’t have any magic at all, but can do magic shows better than you, just to make you go crazy?” He sighed. “Boy, it was really entertaining watching you go cuckoo.”

Celestia cleared her throat once more. “Just to be clear, you are responsible for making an entire theater appear, with innocent humans inside, just to torture Ms. Lulamoon?”

The mad spirit shrugged. “I was bored. Harry here was the perfect entertainment.”

Trixie looked over to Harry as Discord and Celestia talked. She trotted over to check up on them. “Are you two alright?”

“I… I don’t know,” Harry admitted. “All of my years of debunking supernatural spirits, and now I finally encounter one that’s beyond the grave.”

“I didn’t say I was dead.” Discord made a second face on the back of his head. “Besides, the afterlife isn’t my territory anyway. Now pipe down kiddies, the adults are talking.”

The two humans fainted at the sight.

Comments

[Jlargent]

We already knew that Discord was two-faced but this is the first time he was literal about it. Also nice use of Bugs Bunny.

[Southern Moon]

Discord, let's try not make this weird for them ok?

This quickly followed by two humans fainting at the sight of Discord’s second face.

You made it weird Discord.

[JFalk]

I guess that somepony should have told Mr. Houdini that the term "spirit" in Equestria didn't mean quite the same thing than on Earth...

[CrackedInkWell]

6390400 *Looks at their fainted bodies.* I think the Houdini's just got the message.

[DracoDarastrix]

Well that happened. I wonder if Trixie and Houdini will team up to get even against Discord by tricking him.

[Emperor]

You'd expect the Houdinis would be a little bit more open-minded after coming to Equestria, also a little bit more understanding that local lingo may deviate from what they understand it what with all the mentions of hooves instead of hands . One only needs to see Discord once to remember him quite clearly, though.

Rather disappointed that Discord didn't care to make a reference to the other other Harry...you know, Dresden. Also, he may inadvertently have just given Trixie's ego a boost since instead of finding another pony to outdo her he pulled in Harry Houdini, thus saying Trixie truly is the greatest pony.