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One day the mane six get bored waiting for the train that will take them to the Crystal Empire to arrive so they decide to play a very interesting game.
Note: This is a parody of the short skit ‘Bulbous Bouffant’ by The Vestibules. If you haven’t listened to the skit I highly recommend that you do before reading this fan fiction for some context.
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Me and Ember created the FOOT DIVE song.
And even I have to admit.
...wat?
6316615 This is a major parody of the short skit ‘Bulbous Bouffant’ by The Vestibules. The story reads as being random on its own without the context, but it also helps to listen to the skit/ song to understand some of what is going on. :S
Okay, I came into this thinking I would be able to figure out what the game was before it was revealed.
I never stood a chance.
I left my head scratching and had to look up the original material you were referring to. Upon seeing and hearing the game, I now have a better appreciation for the game and can imagine Pinkie starting a game like this.
Two things, though.
1.
2. The moment at the end where you tell the reader to sing along with Bulbous Boufant? I'm not against doing things like this, but I would have done it in a more subtle way instead of outright stating it. Maybe a link? The way it was done completely ruined my immersion.
As a silly little story with Pinkie being Pinkie, it's not bad. But if I had known about the game and how it is more of an AUDITORY one at that before I dove into this, I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more. There certainly were your clues and word choices that stressed the auditory importance of the delivery of these words, but I didn't really catch on to these until it was too late. My bad.
Keep up the good writing and stay awesome.
6326875 Yeah, I wasn't sure how to handle the song part. I wanted to change the lyrics so they related to pony things, not the lyrics of the original song. But I also kind of wanted people to get the reference, so that is why I put that one part about following along with the song.
Do you think it would be more effective if I just alluded to the song? Like write something like, "A strange song resembling 'boulbous Buffount' started up in the distance as the mane six shouted out words to the music beat one by one."
Do you think adding something like that would make that part read better? Thank you for your great feedback.
6326950
To me, pointing out the name of the song is still fourth wall breaking (and thus immersion breaking). I really can't come up with a solution atm.
6326971 Okay, I edited the portion when it turns into the song so it flows a little better. Let me know if that reads a little easier. Thank you again for the great feedback.
That was surprisingly wonderful. I don't know how, but this story really made my day.
9238682 Aww thank you very much. I am happy that you enjoyed reading it. :)