The Plagued Ones
“Woof!” A wooden wolf barked at me, as it looked over it’s shoulder. I was quickly chasing after it as fast as I could. The wolf came to me a few minutes ago, and from what I could gather, one of it’s pack was sick, but they were unable to bring it to me, so I was going with them. Unfortunately, I’m not as fast as a wolf, so I was quite a ways behind it.
It took about half an hour, and a small break, but we got to the wolf’s cave, where I noticed a wolf waiting outside for the other to return. They shared a quick conversation using common signs I remember seeing in my own dogs when I was a child. They motioned me to come in, and I carefully did, unable to see in the dark cave like the wolf’s can.
I felt a tingling in my head, and the cave quickly illuminated. “Weird.” I muttered under my breath, getting used to these weird abilities. ‘I don’t recall a disease that could make me see better in the dark.’ It didn’t take long to see the pack of wolves huddling around one laying on the ground.
I calmly walked up to them, noticing how they parted ways for me, before I crouched down in front of the sick one. I put my hand on it’s side, and noticed the lack of a tingling in my head. “It’s not sick.”
Some of the wolves had confused expressions on their faces. “Definitely not sick. But it is showing symptoms of something. Shortness of breath, as if something is preventing oxygen from getting in, as if it’s choking on something.” My face fell for a second as I realized what I said.
I take a deep breath, and gently grab the sides of the wolf, before squeezing tightly, causing it to cough up something. I put the wolf back down, and walked over to the object, before picking it up, not worried about the sap covering it. It was a chewed up bone. Sighing, I turned around, to face the wolves. “You should really be more careful about what you eat.” I took my cue to exit the cave, and the seconds after I left, my eyes started to burn from the light, before they tingled, and everything dulled again.
“I’m glad the wolf’s okay, but I don’t want to be called whenever someone seems sick. I’m not that kind of doctor.” I said out loud, as I started making my way to my cave, and stumbled on a root hanging out of the ground, causing me to impact the ground, breaking my arm, as I held it out, trying to catch myself. “OW!” I yelled, as I nursed my broken arm. I noticed the bone protruding from it, and started looking around for something to act as a makeshift cast, when it cracked back into position. “I have the strangest body.”
I heard footsteps behind me and felt a massive tingling in my skull, and turned to find myself faced with a towering. hooded figure. He stood at about ten feet, his appearance hidden behind a black cloak and hood other than a pair of blue points of light. Flinching in surprise at the new creature, I quickly moved away, and felt my body crack, as my bones forced me down to a crouched position, as if ready to pounce on a prey. ‘Great, now I probably look more like a hunter.’ “Who are you?”
The figure spoke in a deep, rough voice.
“The name’s Jack. And I take it you’re this world’s Displaced then, Mr…?”
“Doctor. Doctor John.” I corrected. “My last name doesn’t matter anymore, so why use it?”
The figure chuckled. “Understandable. Though I am rather curious why you’re out here alone in this forest?”
“I arrived here about a month ago. The only sentient life I’ve seen was three little fillies. Everyone else have been strange animals. From the wooden wolves, to Manticores.” I was still wary of the stranger. “Now, who are you?”
“Like I said, the name’s Jack. And I suppose the best term for my current purpose is being a traveller.”
The figure reached a hand out from the cloak and pulled back the hood, showing himself to be wearing some sort of armored helmet, which seemed to be the source of the twin lights. He reached up and triggered some sort of mechanism, and it unfolded and retracted into whatever armor he was wearing under the cloak. He had a square jaw, and for the most part appeared human, but with alien traits. He had black, inky skin, and long dark hair, and a pair of burning yellow eyes.
“I assume you already know of the Displaced? That would simplify things a great deal in my explanation.”
I stood up, and took off my own hood, exposing my rotting face, and raised an eyebrow. “Never actually heard of it. I’ve been cut off from the world for a while.”
“Hmm… Alright. Well, it’s not something from your world. I’m not the best source of information on this, but from my understanding the Displaced are beings from across the multiverse, taken from their own versions of Earth and thrown into some version of Equestria. They can form ties to each other with the use of ‘tokens’, these being items bound to their maker and scattered into the space between spaces, the void between universes. I myself am travelling across the worlds of other Displaced in search of my family, whom I believe may be somewhere out in the multiverse waiting on me. That’s the short version of things, anyway.”
“So you were once a human?” I asked, ignoring the massive tingling in my skull. He nodded.
“Yes. See, most Displaced are humans that have been transformed into the forms of beings fictional to them but otherwise real in the multiverse. I personally was transformed into a Necromorph, a creature from a video game known as Dead Space. Though I no longer resemble the base creature I was forced into becoming…”
He pulled back the cloak for a moment and I glimpsed the strange techno-arcanic armor he wore, but more so noticing that he had not two but four arms to him.
I flinched a bit, the tingling turning to throbbing. “A necromorph, as in dead? Is it some sort of virus or sickness that spread rapidly?” I reached up, and started grabbed my head, desperately hoping to stop the pain.
“In a way. Necromorphs are comprised of formerly dead tissue reanimated and reconstructed by something known as a Marker. Though they do have the ability to infect still-living creatures in a manner similar to a traditional pathogen.”
“That...explains...why...my...head...is...throbbing. Powerful...pathogen. Very...powerful.” I managed to blurt out, as I crouched down, trying to get my head to stop. Out of a reflex I didn’t know I had I raised my arm, a blood red glow surrounding it in the same way as most of my other abilities did. I slammed it into my head before it dispersed into my body, and the pain faded from my head. I stood back up, and shook my head. “That was getting annoying.”
“I’m assuming that you have some kind of affinity for things of the biological sort, then?”
I nodded. “Anything related to diseases. Bacteria, viruses, parasites, fungi, prions, nanoviruses, bioweapons, neurax worms, necroa viruses, and even that disease from the planet of the apes movies.”
Jack nodded and put a hand to his chin in thought. “Hmm. That’s a pretty wide area of influence. So, why’re you out here then?”
“I have no where else to go. Plus, I like to help these animals, as they can get sick a lot.”
“Hmm… Yeah, I get that. Though personally you could probably find a place to stay in Equestria should you desire such. Of course that’s up to you. And speaking of animals it seems my wolf’s done hunting.”
I felt a puff of warm breath on my neck, and I slowly turned to see a wooden wolf such as those in the forest, but the size of a large manticore and patterned in different types of wood. Along with that, his ‘fur’ was a lot less ragged and his muzzle was a lot less jagged, looking more dog-like than the others. I stood stock still as it sniffed me, only to let out a booming bark and then walk past me, sitting by Jack.
I took a step back in surprise, not expecting the creature. “You tamed a wooden wolf?”
“They’re called Timberwolves, and I had… help.”
His eyes lost focus for a moment and his expression softened, seeming to be thinking back on a fond memory. He shook his head and he refocused on things.
“Yeah, I’ve had Fefnir here for nearly a thousand years, if you care for them properly then they can last as long as a sequoia tree. And of course, they do tend to grow over time just like a tree, hence Fef’s size.”
“Timberwolves…” I deadpanned. “I think I prefer wooden wolves, over that pun.”
“Believe me, I fully agree. They already had a name back home that stuck, so I ended up getting over it. Still, a bit of respect and care and even a timberwolf can be befriended. I didn’t necessarily tame him, more like… Made him a ‘pack’ member. Think a regular dog, but with some extra loyalty and intelligence mixed in.”
“I kinda have a pet of my own, but he’s more of a small fox. Reminds me more of a cat than a dog.” I heard some yelping, and the exact same fox I was talking about ran past us, before quickly running back, and hiding behind my back. “What the? Hey buddy, where you going?!”
A loud roar permeates the air, and a huge dragon landed on top of the trees. I took this time to piss my pants, and try to process this information. “On second thought, I think my fox had a good idea.”
The dragon roared and lashed out with a claw, sending me and the fox flying back, straight through a tree. We both landed landed hard, and I heard a loud crack, as I felt my back break, along with the rest of my fragile body. Everything went black, and I lost consciousness.
When I opened my eyes I heard pained roars echoing through the forest, and I looked around, to determine what happened whilst I had been unconscious. I locked eyes with the small fox, who was whimpering and trying to free itself from under a destroyed tree. There was a puddle of blood underneath it, and a lot of it matted into its fur. “Hey… buddy… you alright?” I managed to ask, light-headed from my own blood loss.
It looked at me, a sense of helplessness in his eyes. I grit my teeth, and look at my own injuries. Every single bone in my body felt broken, with several sticking out from my skin. I had a few fragments of wood spearing me.Strangely, I didn’t feel any pain but I imagined that this was very severe. “So.. is this how I’m going to die?” I asked out loud. I looked back at my whimpering buddy, and I felt a tingling sensation spread across my body. “No, I won’t die today!” I screamed out loud, as my body glowed blood red and my muscles started tripling in twisted mass. All my wounds forced themselves back together, and I quickly got to my feet, only to have to hold my body up with my two arms. I looked down at myself, noticing my similarity to a Tank from Left for Dead. ‘Green flu?’ I looked to my fox friend, and picked up the tree untop of him with ease, before throwing it towards the dragon. “Stay here. I’ll take care of this.” I ran forward, slamming trees into the previously wounded dragon, before jumping into the air and punching the dragon straight into its face.
I landed on the ground, and looked to Jack, who looked surprised at my appearance.
“This part of your disease powers?”
“Green flu. A disease that spread in the Left 4 dead world. Can cause serious mutations in those it infects. I guess my powers aren’t limited to just real world diseases...”
“That… Could prove dangerous. You may your work cut out for you in keeping control in a lot of cases. Still, at least you can defend yourself.”
Jack turned to the dragon and lashed out, planting a hand onto one of the ridges along its back and pinning it.
“Alright big guy, what’s the big idea with going after the tiny fox? I doubt it could’ve done that much to harm you, so what’s up?”
The dragon roared and struggled, finally letting out a booming voice.
“This forest is MY realm demon! That thing forgot its place and it is time that I show you to YOURS!”
The dragon let out a wave of flames, missing Jack, the fox and I all but setting a patch of the forest ablaze unintentionally. I picked up a huge rock from the ground, and threw it into it’s mouth, blocking the flame. Jack rammed a fist into the side of its head and it ceased efforts to escape.
“Jack! I have an idea! Distract it long enough so I can mutate!” I yelled, as a red aura surrounded me, and the muscles disappeared, before I felt my face change the most, as a huge long tongue fell out of my mouth, and a stinky aura surrounded me. I flung my tongue at the dragon’s neck, sticking to it, and instead of it being pulled towards me, I pulled myself towards it, landing on it’s back, and quickly mutating into a hunter, and climbing up to it’s head. “Time to stop you.” I put my hands against its head, both of which glowed with a red light as I placed a disease straight into its brain. “Now! Leave us alone! Go back to your cave!” I jumped off, and the dragon stopped thrashing, before flying away. I mutated back to normal and turned to face Jack. He deactivated his helmet, which had been turned back on sometime during his fighting the dragon without me.
“What… Did you just do?”
“Neurax worm. Basically, I took control of his brain. Once he returns to his cave, the neurax will die off harmlessly, as it has fulfilled its objective.” I smiled, glad I didn’t have to worry about it spreading and taking over the world. Jack nodded, seemingly put off by this somewhat.
“Yeah, it’s a very dangerous power. I can understand why you might be a little worried.” I said with a chuckle, before I remembered something. “Crap! The fox!” I turn around, and start running back to where I left him. When I found him, I noticed that his legs were more mush than they should be, and he was bleeding even more than before. “Darn it! Don’t die on me!” I yelled, as I fell to my knees, ignoring the blood soaking into my torn pants, as I put my hands against his body. “GRR! No diseases! How am I supposed to heal this?!”
Jack looked down at the fox in consideration and then spoke. “Well… You could potentially rig a virus to create a mutagen. Something to alter the fox’s genetics to elicit some a positive mutation to improve its ability to heal itself.”
“Create a virus?! I know I can replicate some diseases to heal minor wounds, but I’m not sure if I can create a whole new virus with new objectives....” I looked at my hands. “But, if it’s to save a life, I will try.” I clap my hands together, before pulling them apart. “Hopefully it’s not that different that what I’m used to.” The area between my hands glowed red, as the Plague symbol appears, and floated between my hands. I grit my teeth. “I can’t access anything other than from the game!”
“But this isn’t ‘the game’. It’s real life. That means that the rules are changed and you have more free will. Now listen, try and use something as a base. Something simple, a virus that barely does anything, something that spreads but doesn’t cause any serious effect. Now look through the fox, every little cell with every little widget of DNA. If you can manipulate diseases, then it’s only a few steps up to do the same thing with a more complex creature. Find whatever traits you need there, whatever needs changing, and then reconstruct your virus with the substitute you wish to replace it with. From there it’s a simple matter of letting it loose…”
I nodded my head, and created a basic virus, as if I was about to play Plague again from the start. I watched as the small creature floated in between my hands. I concentrated on upgrading it. “There aren’t any symptoms from Plague that can allow stronger healing. Do you have any suggestions from another form of media? If I can utilize the green flu from Left 4 Dead, then maybe I can create something else, and give it to him.”
Jack seemed to think for a moment before kneeling down on the other side of the fox and placing all four of his hands on the sides of mine. A red glow of his own went over them, and a patch of static distortion went over a blank patch of the available upgrades that I could sense possible. I watched as a new mutation option appeared in the now distorted area, shown as ‘Necromorph: Regenerator’. I mentally selected the upgrade, and I watched as the small virus quickly squirmed, as it mutated and became more jagged. I thought of another upgrade, and selected it, before selecting more and more upgrades that came to my mind. I started laughing at all the ideas, imaging all the infections. My laughter turned crazed, before Jack snapped me out of it.
“Hey, I’m taking a risk on your skill so don’t go losing your head!”
He jerked his hands away from mine, and all the new upgrades faded, sans the first few I had selected. I sighed. “Fine. I guess my fox won’t be immune to mind control then.” I clapped my hands together again, creating the virus, before putting them against the fox’s side, as a red glow went across his entire body. His leg’s quickly turned back to normal, before it’s entire body grew larger, until it stopped around half my size. It’s fur grew a greyish color, as it’s muscles increased, making sure it wouldn’t be put in a situation like that again.
I stood up, a smile on my face. “There. I guess I should probably give you a name or something now. No way I’m letting you wander off after that super upgrade.” I rubbed the fur on his back. “I’m glad you’re okay.” I turned around to face Jack. “Thank you for the help.” I blinked in surprise as I noticed something. “Hang on, you got a bit of green flu on you.” I grabbed his shoulder, and pulled the greenish aura off his body. “You aren’t going to want to spread that around.” I pulled my hand away, before shaking it off, trying to get rid of the brown aura on my arm. It quickly grew up my arm, turning it into a blade. “Nope!” I yelled, as I forced my arm to mutate back to normal.
Jack narrowed his eyes in concern upon seeing this.
“That… Is worrying. One second.”
He held a hand out in front of himself and a holographic screen illuminated in front of him from his armor. A light went over me and something appeared on it. Jack spoke slowly.
“Well… It seems with your abilities you’ve taken on some minor traits from exposure to my influence. Nothing major, but you seem to put off a slight amount of Marker static… Normally I would be extremely worried, but it’s weaker than even the natural signal my body produces to maintain itself. Enough that you should be able to access some minor necromorph capabilities and mutations. You should be able to handle it, but if you go too far it could easily get out of your control.”
“Well, I just won’t use it. It seems way too deadly to infect someone with, and I hate death. If I need to, I’ll turn my own arms into blades, or just mutate myself in another way.” I snapped my fingers as an idea popped it my mind. “In thanks for your help in saving my fox friend…” My hand glowed red, and I squeezed it, before holding it out, as a small ball of shifting colors floated in my hand. “Here. It’s an ever changing disease. It only has one use before it stays like that, and you can copy it if you need to. If you ever lose your powers, then you can use it to change back. Also, no one can copy it, unless it already becomes a disease. Also, it’s definitions of disease are as unclear as my own. You could infect someone with a temporary Wolverine healing factor if you want.”
“Hmm… Alright then, that could prove useful.” Jack reached out and took it, placing it into a slot in his armor.
“Still, I think I’ve stuck around here long enough. Still, before I go do you need anything?”
I put my hand on my chin, and thought about it. “I remember you mentioning something about tokens earlier.”
Jack nodded. “Oh right. A token is something used to summon other Displaced to your universe, or vice versa. If you’d like I could assist you in constructing one before I leave.”
I nodded. “Some help would be nice. What does the token look like?”
“Well… Anything you desire really. Just choose an object, usually one relating to you, and you can use it for a token.”
“Should I try and do the Plague Inc. symbol? Or maybe some kind of disease you have to give yourself to summon me? I think the disease one sounds better, I could make it a beneficial one. One that increases any attributes you need temporarily.”
“Again, it’s up to you.”
I had my hand glow red, and clenched it, creating a glowing red ball, and I smiled as I noticed the Plague Inc. sign floating in it. “Should I leave a message in it? People might get the wrong idea seeing this.”
Jack shrugged and nodded.
“Okay… My name is John, the Plague Master. If you ever need help, with sickness or disease, don’t hesitate to call. I will help anyone, friend or enemy who needs help.” The ball glowed red, as it somehow recorded the message, and disappeared in a flash. I created another one, before handing it to Jack.
He nodded and tossed it forward, where it drifted through the air for a moment before fading into nothingness.
“Before I go, here’s my own token if you have need of me.”
He held out a hand, and a disc of red metal appeared in it, bearing an image of two spires curving around each other with a sword tearing down the middle of them. I took it and he waved to me as he drew a sword of black metal, swinging it and tearing a rift in the air.
“Before you go. Don’t you dare use that thing I gave you for evil. If I sense it being used as such, I will deactivate it from wherever you are in the multiverse.” I threatened. Jack deadpanned at me.
“I’ve spent my entire life literally dedicated to defending my world and guiding it. I have no plans for ‘evil’. Like I said, I’m just looking to find my family and then head back to my world. Now then, fare thee well ‘John the Plague Master’”
He waved goodbye as he stepped through the portal, followed by his wolf.
“See ya. Good luck on finding your family.” I waved, my own fox right next to me. I turned to face my new pet. "Still gotta think of a name for you. Something plague related." I felt a small and faint tingling in my head, and turned around to see a rainbow maned blue pegasus floating behind me, against everything my physics teacher taught me.
"You're the one who helped out Scootaloo, Applebloom, and Sweetie Belle the other day, right? The doctor?" She asked.
"Yeah..." I said, taking a step back.
The pegasus sighed. "I need you to come with me, Ponyville needs your help. Ponies are getting sick and falling all over."
'I'll never get a chance to name my fox, or change my pants, will I?'
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Black or Epidemic
Simian maybe?
Wonder how long it will be before he finds the FEV. That could cause all kinds of interesting things to happen.
Edit: I'm probably gonna get flamed for this one but, Fawkes. Like the super mutant from fallout 3.
I had a thought, do you think the arc from Infamous would count as bio weapon
that made me think of prototype
This is too good to be true! I love this story!
6488659 I like Biohazard.
Fox's name should be Bubo like "The Bubonic Plague" and it's cutesy enough for the Equestrian setting.
that one fox's name from the Disney movie
Epedimic if male of biohazard if female.
awsome story by the way.
6488706 you too eh? How about we name the fox prototype
For the fox...Viral?
Flus
Can't wait for the next chapter.
So... Displaced is somewhat self-aware of the situation? Okay, I'll roll with it for now.
No...no no no no no! Do NOT use the Technocyte Virus for ANYTHING. I made that mistake once, and I am still suffering from it. Yes, it would make your skin so harder, but the mutations, pain and the chance of contaminating others are not worth it. I evolved it, and I lost half my body. If there is one virus or disease to never touch besides the Black Death, it is the Technocyte. Do not risk it for anything.
Dementia (I know its more of a symptom than a disease, but it seems like a good name!)
Bubon. For Bubonic plauge.
Ebolus?
Malari?
Salk? (The guy who made the polio Vaccine)
6488753 I agree, bubo would be an awesome name for his dog.
6488816 W͘h͞y̵̢͘ ͠͞d̡͝o̵͘ ̕y̵ơ̛u̢ ̧́͡ŕ͠ej͏̨ec̴͞t̨͝ ̢u̶̡s̢? ̕Y͝o̢ų ҉͏͏a͡r͝e̡͏ òų̷͟r̷ ̨̡o̡͏w͘͡n͏ ̀͏f̸͟͜l̕͜e͞s͏͢h ̡͘̕and́ ̷͟b̀l͞o̡o̧d̴̕͟.̧
6484544 wrote : "I wish to see something amazing, new, other than the usual human hero saving lives. I would like to see a story were a pony who is native to Equestria to be the hero, or maybe a Griffin or a creature of different origins to take that role, other than a human. Not to sound mean, but I've grown tired of these kinds of stories?"
Then why are you reading a Displaced story now?
The Displaced are always humans with powers.
And the Displaced are always the main characters in Equestria now.
Sigh whel this was disappointing I suppose it's par for the cors when it comes to displaced storys. In my honest opinion the story wuld have been better if it was it's own thing
Wow, his ability is really frikking powerful now that i Think about it......and scary.
Epidemic is taken by A Displaced Dragon so how about Mercer, as in Alex Mercer
Great chapter, this also opens the possibilities of this story.
Can John make and control Blacklight?
6489193 i don't know what that is
Damn it, random human randomly pops up to our protagonist for no reason. I was never into these kind of things, I kind'a just like it as a solo-human. (And him talking about Displaced is a huge punch in the fourth walls face.)
With a super sad Pinkie Pie face on, I must unfavorite.
You can keep the like, though.
6489198 The virus that gave Alex Mercer his powers in Prototype.
6489283 i've never played the game, so don't expect any references from it.
i know this has been used before but "Lupus" is actually a disease for humans where someone develops a rash that looks like a wolf bite.
"Lurgi" is also an informal synonym for disease.
6489256 Mm, same here.
Also, author, you might want to slow you're pacing. It felt more like a summary than a story.
Now that I think about his powers he could be vary dangerous if he gets a disease like F.V.E. The Zerg virus that he could get from the three Zerg Displaced Dahaka, Marsara, or Abathur. The Blacklight virus. The Flood from Halo since their a Parasite. The Black Death. The disease spread by rats in Dishonored. Tiberium poisoning. The T virus. And the Metroids just too name a few.
6489369 I think Lupus would be a pretty cool name. "It's never Lupus."
Actually, that could be good for some jokes. Fox accidentally breaks something, doesn't get blamed, because it's never Lupus.
Personally I was thinking it could be something along the lines of Pestilence, one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hm. How about Flu?
6489110 I don't think a single person understood what you said. Also, you biologically cannot tell your brain to "redesign your immune system", it's constantly doing that in the first place. Rhinovirus, or the common cold, has no vaccine because it can't be synthesized fast enough, so your body has to be faster than the fastest laboratory on the planet, and suddenly having control over it and setting your "Standards" would mean your body would have to not only apprehend the virus before it begins to multiply, but it would have to synthesize the entire thing and then eliminate it. This would have to be reevaluated constantly in order to compensate for OTHER pathogens that AREN'T viruses. Maybe you have a strong immune system, and don't get sick often. But there's not even a documented case anywhere about an immune system being manipulated by willpower besides placebo effect.
Keep the like, but I'm moving off this train now. The random human showing up was just... random and out of place and the pace feels very rushed.
Hmmm. Fictional viruses eh? Can anyone say Blacklight from prototype?
more please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well this chapter was more of a filler chapter than an actual chapter, because absoltely nothing was being done at all. He became even more powerful than he already was and got some explanations from another Displaced.
Diseases grant night vision apparently.
I got a number of issues with this text.
First of all.
That's a long ass time for the wolf that's choking to stay alive, most people don't have half an hour for the ambulance to arrive. Then again I have trouble seeing the need for animated wooden wolves to need oxygen anyway.
Secondly.
So choking is not a reason to get a doctor? Now the guy could have been pestered with little ailments, but choking would be considered something worthwhile for most doctors.
firstly from how high did the guy fall? You don't get a broken arm by just falling over your feet. Unless you fall from quit a height or you have very weak bones.
Secondly. Oh so we don't only have immunity to diseases, but also regeneration now?
Don't Displaced need tokens to get summoned so how is this Jack guy capable of just popping in? Now okay perhaps he does have a power that allows him to cross the borders between universes. However that doesn't explain how he managed to find our MC. The tokens summon a guy/girl to them, so it's only logical that the Displaced meet hat way. This however is just abig deux ex machinima.
You can't prove nanoviruses as they don't exist in Equestria, besides controlling nanovirusses would mean he also has technological powers.
The MC wasn't unconscious for long now was he?
"No, I won't die"+ sudden unlock of convenient powers. Part of the Gary Stu trope.
Bad guy has a totally cliche reason of being evil, namely being evil just to be evil.
Okay, so he chased a tiny fox for... reasons? If he said it was because he got bored of sitting in his cave I would have said "Okay totaly possible", but this is just bad reasoning.
That dragon has bad aim.
So first he needs someone to distract the dragon and mere seconds later he does it within seconds?
you didn't say he picked the fox up, so how did the dragon miss a completely stationary target? Also if the fox's condition is as bad as you described it, then that little thing would have bled out before the battle even ended. You bleed out a lot quicker than movies show you.
Please do some research over mutagens and viruses. I already explained how virus work in a previous post. Positive mutations are extremely hard to get. Why? Because changes in the body have an effect for the entire body in the sense that a change in one part of the body needs to be accepted by the entire body. Don't use Resident evil games/movies as research.
A few steps up? Nope go and do your research.
t
Wow this chapter has so many points of critic I need two of these reviews to do them all and I don't write short ones.
So the guy figured out mere minutes ago that he could create new diseases and already he managed to create an ever changing disease, capable of giving somebody's power back and other radom stuff?
So is the guy capable of following his diseases across the bounds of universes now too?
Funny this story does the exact same for me for my biology teacher. Also deux ex machinima how does every body find each other so easily in a huge ass forest. you would think people stay the fuck away from the place where a dragon just thrashed everything?
I am really starting to believe you just want to write a Gary Stu character.
The grammar... so bad... cant... Read!
Seriously though, this story really needs some work.
6490051 okay, one... thanks for trying to apply logic to this, seeing those comments, in whatever story or movie, or whatever is always funny (no offense). Also, the reason why Rainbow Dash finds John, is explained in the next chapter. She was basically flying around, looking for him, and noticed the fire raging on farther back in the Everfree. This also just reminded me that i completely forgot about the fire.
In response to some of your other points, the night vision was actually a mutation, like something you might expect from the X-men. Because when you think about it, people might consider mutations to be diseases.
I should have thought better than to do a choking scene, as I originally planned it for John retrieving Jack's token, but then Archon told me that Jack has the power to just show up from universe to universe.
I never thought about choking to be a reason why you would get a doctor.
He breaks his arm easily because his body is dying. He might be immune to plagues, but his body isn't. It's slowly attracting every single possible disease.
He already tested out creating a nanovirus.
I would go through all of these and respond, but I just want to say, I don't want him to be a Gary Stu. I have trouble with that in the beginning of my stories, but he will definitely not seem like one later in the story.
I kinda wish I didn't need to create this chapter, but I needed someway to have John learn that his powers are greater than he thinks. Plus, he gets a pet fox.
Thanks for pointing out some flaws in my story.
I wouldn't call the necroa virus and simian ape flu real diseases!
6490270 he thought he could only create plague inc diseases, and any disease that exists in real life, but now, he can create diseases from other universes.
Ooh this is getting more interesting by the minute
6490306 Okay, that makes more sense.
Why not name the Fox Nurax
6490257
Yeah, I got a couple of issues with your reply, could you please elaborate on them.
Uhm... where in the story did this happen? In fact how did he create nanobots? Is this more minecraft logic again. I thought you said you fixed it?
Please explain to me how he can be immune, but his body isn't. Are his body and he two different entities completely?
So...is this your way of telling me you needed a way of having him discover more powers by having another character completely irrelevant to the story appear out of nowhere and tell him of a way how he might be able of utilizing his powers? First of all why another Displaced and not just a doctor or a magcian from Equestria telling him about theories about possible ways of utilizing his powers.
Secondly why did an insanely OP character need even more powers on this very moment. It makes this story boring, because the MC has no real obstacle. Almost any obstacle that's thrown at him can be insta killed with this level of power. Let me guess he's going to save ponyvile from the bioweapon/disease next chapter isn't he?
I couldn't think of any reason why not after all he can alter diseases, pull diseases from other universes, create new diseases himself. Honestly how could he lose to the bioweapon, especially since first time he didn't ad he was weaker then.
And finally the fox was following him around and being buddies with him last chapter.