Chapter Three
“... Yes, he's got a grindstone in the office, now. If he wasn't the best secretary this side of Canterlot I'd-”
“Keep him because without him you'd drown in paperwork?”
Trixie kept her mouth shut as she opened the door to Ditzy's apartment and walked in. She dropped the box of muffins on the table in the kitchen and floated the basket of apples right next to it. She glanced at the box, then at the basket with its red and yellow apples in it. She walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door and peeked inside. “Got any salsa, Ditzy?”
Ditzy shrugged her uniform jacket off and placed it on a coat rack next to the door. “Second shelf, in the back.” She looked to Trixie, one eye focusing on the mare. “Getting a craving to 'experiment' again?”
Trixie stepped back from the fridge and shut it. She walked to the table, the half-full jar of salsa trailing her. “Some ponies simply can not appreciate my varied palette!” She looked to Ditzy and Dinky as they stared back. “Present company excepted, of course!” She looked back to the table, eyeing the basket. “Now, then. I wonder...” Her voice trailed off as she focused on the basket, or to be more precise, the apples within. “Ditzy, Dinky?”
Ditzy looked over at Trixie. “Yes?”
Trixie pointed at the basket. “This is the same basket of apples I carried from Fluttershy's cottage, correct?”
Dinky walked over to the table. She hopped up onto a chair and leaned in close. “I think so, Miss Trixie.” She twisted her head around a bit, eyes narrowing. “What about it?”
Ditzy walked over, one eye on Trixie and the other on the basket. Her left eye slowly moved from focusing on the unicorn to looking at the basket. She twitched slightly. “The apples, two of them are yellow.” Her left eye rotated back to Trixie, almost snapping back. “All the apples in the basket were red before.”
Trixie nodded. “Good eye-no offense.” She looked back to the basket. “No stems, wrong shape.” Her eyes widened. “I don't think these are apples anymore.”
The basket shuddered. Dinky edged closer, but was suddenly enveloped in a bubble of magic and floated off the chair. Ditzy slid over to stand in front of her daughter. Small wings suddenly sprouted from the round objects and large, shining eyes opened up. A 'cooing' sound emanated from the... things as all lifted off from the basket in a seemingly-rehearsed takeoff pattern. They spread out through the kitchen and living room, becoming a living cloud of cute.
Dinky gasped. She held up a hoof and one of the creatures landed on it. Two more rubbed against her mane, causing her to giggle. “Cute!” She looked to Ditzy. “Momma, can I keep one? Please?” She hopped around, flashing big, shiny eyes. “Please?”
Ditzy shook her head, but an entire squadron of the creatures hovered around her head. A pair of them landed on her left wing. She raised it around and eyed them with her left eye, the right focused squarely on Dinky. “I don't know...” She turned her head to Trixie. “Have you seen anything like these?”
Trixie's right eyebrow raised. She waved a foreleg around, batting away a few of them. “Never seen them before, not sure I want to see them again.” She raised the other foreleg as a few others swarmed around her. “Shoo, shoo!” She glanced at the basket. “Okay, so where did these all come from? Did they... spawn in the basket?” She stepped up to the basket once more. “Fluttershy wouldn't give us a basket of these things knowingly.” She looked to Ditzy. “Right?”
Ditzy's eyes rolled and she let loose with a sigh. “Right, Trixie. Fluttershy's nervous around you, not wanting to send a basket of... whatever these things are after you.” She gasped as a few of them slid their rather pliable bodies under the box of muffins. “Hey, get away from those!" She hopped up, flying over the table and grabbing at the box with her forelegs. “Get away from my muffins!”
The box's top flipped open from Ditzy's hooves and prodding from some of the creatures. Two of them dove at the muffins, their jaws distending and opening impossibly wide. Each one engulfed a muffin, swallowing them with a single gulp.
Ditzy looked to Trixie. “Little help, here?”
Trixie looked around. Her horn glowed and the creatures stopped in midair, held by fine telekinesis. “Okay, got them!” she announced, grinning. “Was there ever any-”
Several of the creatures scrunched up. They coughed a few times before hacking up globs of wet masses. The globs landed on the floor with wet plops. Wings quickly emerged from the rapidly-solidifying bodies and eyes opened up. Within seconds, the number of creatures doubled.
Trixie's jaw opened for a moment. Her cheeks turned green and she sucked in several deep breaths. “Oh, gross!” she exclaimed.
“So says the mare who likes Tabasco sauce and mayonnaise on her hay fries...”
Trixie snorted. “Hah, hah.” She looked back as several of the creatures flew to an open window. “Oh, no you don't!” She slammed it shut, rattling the entire pane. “Got you!” she declared, rising up on her hind legs and striking a pose.
Dinky looked to Trixie and gasped. “Miss Trixie, the door!” she shouted, jabbing a foreleg at it.
Trixie smirked and tossed her mane back over her head. The door, briefly forgotten about and left ajar, slammed shut. The deadbolt also locked. “Good eye, Dinky,” Trixie said, a large grin on her face. She looked about at all the creatures buzzing about in the room. “All right, now let's get a bag, keep them away from the food and-”
“Miss Trixie?”
Trixie paused, focusing once more on Dinky. “Yeah, Dinky?”
Dinky swallowed. “Some of the creatures were on the other side of the door.” She shrank down a bit. “Sorry, I should've said that, right?”
Trixie wheeled about on her back heels, her horn flaring with magic as she unbolted the door and flung it open... only to reveal empty space. She galloped through the door, head darting about. “Where are they? Which way did they go? Which way?!” She skidded to a halt at the top of the stairs leading down to the Ponyville post office. She looked back to see Ditzy flying about, batting at the creatures with her hooves. “Ditzy, some of those things escaped!”
Ditzy's head turned, lining her left eye up with Trixie. “I know,” she deadpanned. “I've got strabismus, not deafness.” She looked over as Dinky waved her forelegs in the air, batting at the flying balls of hunger. “Dinky, be careful!”
Trixie gasped as several of the things flew at her and the open door. She slammed it shut once more. “This is getting ridiculous!” She looked back to the stairs, then to the door. “Wait...” She groaned and stepped up to the door. “Ditzy?”
There was a sudden crash on the opposite side. “Get away from the pantry!” There was a pause before Ditzy spoke again. “Yeah?”
Trixie's head darted from the door to the stairs. “Ah... how is it in there?”
There was another crash, this one louder than before. “... fine, just-GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER, NOW!”
Trixie flung the door open, dashing in and closing it just before the closest creatures could go through. She looked around as the number of the little balls had somehow multiplied. “Wait, what the hay?” She looked at Ditzy as she hovered over Dinky, legs waving about and her eyes bright with an inner fire. “Where did all of these come from?”
The cabinet doors suddenly burst open and a small cloud of the creatures emerged. Trixie groaned and her horn flared with her magic. “Ditzy, I hate to say this, but I'm gonna need Dinky's help with these.”
Ditzy glanced to her daughter, then floated up a bit, close to the ceiling, one eye focused squarely on her Muffin. Dinky swallowed and screwed her eyes shut in concentration. Some of the creatures stopped in mid-flight, flying back against the beating of their tiny wings.
Trixie smiled at her student. “Okay, good.” She looked around. “Got any, I don't know, bags or something?” She let out a sigh. “Until we can get these things back to... wherever it is they came from, it's probably the best we can do.” She winced as a lamp was knocked over, falling to the floor and breaking apart.
Ditzy jabbed a foreleg at a small pile of shopping bags on top of a counter. “What about the ones that flew out of the door?” she asked, drifting to the window and looking out. “They could be anywhere!”
Trixie grunted as she floated the bags up. “Okay, Dinky, right into the bags!” She looked to Ditzy. “One of us has to go after them, at least to warn Ponyville.” Several of the creatures were telekinetically tossed into a bag. “And I hate to say this, but you can cover more ground than I.”
One eye focused on Dinky, the other on Trixie. “My daughter...”
“I swear I'll keep her safe,” Trixie said, a slight edge to her voice. She glanced to the door and a few of the things hovering near it. A few of them landed on the doorknob. “Is it just me, or are they getting smarter?”
Ditzy flew over to the door, waving her legs at them and driving them back. They hovered just out of reach of her hooves, some darting in and out. “Trixie, how fast can you open the door?”
The unicorn grunted as a fine sheen of sweat appeared on her forehead, right below her horn. “Piece of cake,” she muttered. She turned around and focused fully on Ditzy and the door. “I'll count down, okay?” At Ditzy's nod, she began. “Three, two, one... go!” she shouted, unlocking the deadbolt and wrenching the door open.
Ditzy shot past the doorjamb, a few of the creatures trying to follow but Trixie slammed the door in their tiny faces. Ditzy glanced down the stairs for a moment before flying down, emerging into the backroom of the post office–and into another small cloud of them. “Oh, no!” She saw Silver Script at the counter, bat clutched in his muzzle and swinging wildly. “Silver Script, are you all right?”
Silver Script flapped his wings and his eyes bulged out. He swung at a group of them, hitting some and sending them careening into a wall. “No idea!” he spat out. “A few floated down and they seemed cute, then they ate my lunch and hocked up more of them!” His wings buzzed, creating a small updraft that dispersed the cloud. “Shoo, shoo!”
Ditzy growled and flew at the creatures, stopping a couple of meters above Silver Script. “Did any get out of here?” she asked, batting at the balls. She turned her head, her entire body following through with the motion. “Any more food in here?”
Silver Script shook his head, the bat knocking a few of the things away. “Yes, and no.” He thrust a wing at the door. “A few got out before I closed the-DIE!” His face scrunched up and the bat quivered in his mouth. “Why,” swish “won't,” swing “you stand still?! Or... hover still?”
Ditzy swallowed. “Okay, thanks!” She flew at the door, making sure nothing else was near before throwing it open, dashing out and slamming it shut. She looked around, her head, ears and eyes all swiveling independently and quickly taking in the entire street. She flew along, wings taking in every air current, senses alert for the things. There were a number of ponies on the street, and debate flared inside Ditzy. Do I shout out what's going on? I-oh, no, Roseluck and Daisy! Those two would be sure to cause a stampede and-
“Ugh, a parasprite? Now I have to go get a banjo!”
Ditzy's eyes locked onto the voice she heard. She ignored the sudden pain lancing through her skull as she saw Pinkie Pie and one of the things-no, parasprites-hovering right above her head. The pink pony's face twisted in disgust before she galloped off.
Ditzy gasped. Her wings were a blur as she shot off after Pinkie Pie. She knows what they are, and wants a... banjo? She slowed down as Pinkie turned into an alley. “Pinkie, wait!” she cried out, making a sharp turn into the alley's mouth. She threw out her legs and skidded to a halt, turning upside down and backwards in midair Ditzy grunted, kicking and righting herself. “Pinkie, what are-” She stopped talking as she beheld the empty alley. She flew up to each garbage can, each crate and even a piece of paper, examining each one. “Pinkie? Pinkie?” She looked around, a slight feeling of vertigo washing over her from one too many turns and her eyes going straight one too many times. She closed her eyes for a minute before reopening them, hoping against hope that she wouldn't be alone in the alley, and having them dashed against the Canternine Ridge as she was alone.
The pegasus looked around once more before flying back to the street. There were a few more parasprites in the air, and the ponies on the street had begun noticing them in earnest. “Okay,” she mumbled to herself. “All I have to do is find Pinkie in Ponyville before-” She stopped as a parasprite coughed up another of its kind, startling Daisy into rearing back and nickering. “Oh, horse apples.”
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So a Pinkie Chase?
Terror strikes, and the best idea Ditzy has is to follow Pinkie.....
We're boned.
Hehehe. :D
I don't have a banjo... but will a Ukulele do, Pinkie?
Yeah, they're doomed.
Yay, a situation that this version of the main six will deal with more competently than their Equestria Prime counterparts!
...and now I'm just waiting for Luna to make a surprise arrival in a not-destroyed-but-certainly-damaged Ponyville at the end and cause Trixie and company to suffer the humiliation Twilight and company managed to avoid through sheer dumb luck.
So, we're finally going to figure out what it is that makes L!Pinkie Pie tick.
Oh look, this updated. Now I feel sort of bad for poking fun at you earlier today.
Things should certainly get interesting from here on.
"We're all gonna die!!!"
Well okay, maybe not. Still... where would Pinkie Pie find a banjo at this time of the day?
Ah, the family-friendly zombie invasion has begun!
Or really, the tribbles with wings. Which is still a horrifying thought.
"One million, seven hundred seventy-one thousand, five hundred sixty-one. That's assuming one tribble, multiplying with an average litter of ten, producing a new generation every twelve hours over a period of three days – "
955973
To be fair, Ditzy is showing more sense and situational awareness than the regular Mane 6 did when this happened.
958296
i know that, but pointing out the fact the best idea she has is following Pinkie was funnier.
And now we have no Zecora to deliver that classic "You're doomed!"-line.
Ponyfeathers!
783083 Well, we found out now. And what instances? I don't mind corrections pointed out.
787736 Thanks.
And fixed that, thanks.
790620 Actually... not really, since Eventime is the Festival in Boast Busted.
955942 It's the best kind of chase, better than a paper chase!
955973 It's a heck of a lot smarter than what Twilight did in 'Swarm of the Century'...
956016 Don't see why not...
956088 Maybe, maybe not...
956166 LOL, good idea, but I'm not that cruel... perhaps.
956337 Yeah, and it seems the other Lunaverse authors like what I've got planned for her.
956400 LOL, it's cool. Just remember my five other stories going on at the same time.
956415 it's Pinkie. Even this version has stuff stashed all over Equestria, methinks.
956579 Yeah, good thing they couldn't do that in TOS...
958296 Precisely, which is why this one's gonna be shorter overall than 'Swarm'.
958905 Maybe not so doomed as some think... ?
962121
Hey, Zecora wasn't going to say it...
And so it begins...
Keep going, dude, this is great!
I feel that if they tried the parade lie on Luna it wouldn't work...
So not even Love & Tolerance was enough to stop parasprite horde? Yep they're doomed
This is coming along nicely. I especially like that unlike in the actual episode, there is actually someone willing to listen to Pinkie.
tobasco sauce and mayo with fries is mighty tasty, ill have you know!
Trixie and parasprites..... this could get very interesting indeed....
You follow the Great Pink One, she knows the way!
Please complete soon. I'm gonna wait for this to complete before reading Boast Busted.
> “She flew along, wings taking in every air current, senses alert for the things.”
Despite her heightened empathy, she is definitely related to the CelestiaVerse Ditzy Doo we meet in “Ditzy Doo’s Dismally Derpy Day.”
What's wrong with putting mayonnaise on fries?
3558524
Hotsauce mixed with Mayonnaise on fries
.
955973
Hey! Pinks gets the Smart Ball fairly often, and is very Genre Savy despite being looked down upon by those who don't know her enough to let her be the role of a Bunny Eared Lawyer [3 tropes she gets fairly often].
The fun part?
I have a little parasprite croche plush where I do these recordings :)
Anyway, I love the fact that Dinky immeaditelly want to try Pinkie's idea. I think this shows a little more differenc with Twilight and the others vs L6. Not exactly in an insulting way either. More of a, this is what someponies who know Pinkie and those who don't know her diference. To those who do know, her antics seem like her coming up with random things (especially at this point in the bearers relationship) but to those who don't it can seem like a :desperate times call for deperate measures" sitch. To tell the truth, when this eppie first aired, I was on Twily's side.
956579
Actually the Parasprites are far more frightening than the Tribbles. So long as they have a sufficient source of food there is no time constraint on their replication. However putting a cap of one hour per mitotic reproduction, at a one-for-one rate in 22hrs and 45 minutes they could theoretically surpass that number.
Taking into account the fact that the Mane cast let the situation degenerate overnight and assuming the first Parasprite found it's way into town during midday, that is a plausible count for the Swarm of the Century plague. Given the same time frame of three days, 72hrs, from your Tribble example the Parasprite density would be 2,361,183,241,434,823,000,000 strong.
That's about 337,311,891,634 for every man, woman and child on Earth.
Exponential growth can be devastatingly terrifying.
5934768
See the chapter "Flatcats Factorial" in the novel The Rolling Stones (Heinlein) a 1952 novel that influenced Gerold when he wrote the script for the Star Trek episode "The Trouble With Tribbles" According to Gerold, he'd forgotten the story when he wrote that -he was thinking of rabbits in Australia. He said he wrote a letter to Heinlein apologizing for the inadvertent plagiarism. Heinlein supposedly just waved it off.
Mentioned it in his book about his experiences writing that episode.