• Published 26th May 2012
  • 6,951 Views, 153 Comments

Ill Communication - RK_Striker_JK_5



Parasprites are coming, and Trixie needs Pinkie's help to stop them.

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Chapter One

Trixie approached her destination, hoofsteps growing more and more hesitant as it loomed in her view. She took a deep breath and squared her upper body, making sure her hat was on straight and her cape hung over her body as a makeshift armor against the task before her. I am Trixie, she declared to herself. I am the personal student of Princess Luna, bearer of the Element of Magic! She stomped a hoof into the dirt.This is nothing for me. I faced down Corona, saving Equestria! I can do this. I must do this!

She trotted forward, not even stopping as she entered Sugarcube Corner, the bell above the door jangling. Behind the glass-paned display counter stood Carrot Cake, co-owner and current salvation for Trixie. She trotted up to him and smiled. “Hello, Mister Cake.” She looked down at the counter and the wares contained within. “I'd like a dozen muffins, please.”

Carrot Cake nodded and leaned down, sliding the back door of the display counter open with a hoof. “Why certainly, Miss Lula–“ A soft chiming from behind the service door caught his attention and his head shot up and back. “Oh, dear. Cup Cake, how's the product?”

Cup Cake poked her head out the saloon doors that led to the back areas of Sugarcube Corner. “I might need some help,” she said to her husband. A sudden banging sent her a few inches into the air. “I'll send Pinkie Pie out to mind the counter.”

Carrot nodded and looked back to Trixie. “Sorry, Miss Trixie. Just be a second.” And with that, he walked back to the kitchen.

Trixie's eyes widened even as a pink bundle of hyper-condensed energy bounded out, landing right in front of the counter. “No, no...” She took a step back and lowered her head, letting the brim of her hat shade her eyes. Why, Princess Luna, why?!

Pinkie Pie waved a foreleg as Trixie, grinning madly. “Yes, yes!” She hopped up on her hind legs and leaned on the counter. “So, Miss Lulamoon, what'll it be? Do you want cake, pastries, gumballs?” Her eyes widened. “Ooh, maybe some cupcakes!” She leaned down and grabbed a tray of expertly-decorated cupcakes, the frosting covering the tops with little smiles and hearts. “I bet it's cupcakes you want!”

Trixie's mane bristled at her hated last name, but she simply shook her head, sliding another hoof back. “I simply want a dozen muffins to go. No cakes, no pastries and certainly no cupcakes.” She jabbed a hoof at a tray laden with blueberry muffins. “Those are fine, Pinkie Pie. Just box them up an-”

Pinkie Pie groaned and twisted her head around almost one hundred-eighty degrees, rolling her eyes to the floor. “Oh, come on! Muffins are so boring!” She twisted her head back, causing Trixie's eyes to spin and a mild wave of vertigo to hit. She slid the tray of cupcakes forward, almost to the edge of the counter. “They're so pretty and colorful and fun!” She batted her eyelashes at Trixie. “So, whaddya say?”

Anger built up in Trixie's torso, but she squelched it and stepped right back to the counter. She leaned over the top, cocking an eye at Pinkie Pie. “I am going to Ditzy's house this afternoon for lunch,” she said through gritted teeth. “She and Dinky like muffins, Pinkie. Not cupcakes, muffins. And I know their favorite is blueberry. So box up one dozen blueberry muffins!” she said, her voice rising with every word.

Carrot Cake's head popped out over the saloon doors, his lantern jaw covered with a fine layer of flour. “Everything all right?” he asked, eyes slightly wide.

Trixie glanced over and the corners of her mouth turned up in a forced grin. “Just fine, Mister Cake.” She looked back to Pinkie Pie and fixed a glare of death upon the pink pony. “Miss Pie was just about to box up one dozen muffins for me, right?”

Pinkie's head and neck drooped and she sighed. “Oh, all right!” She gripped the tray of muffins out with her teeth and slid a box over with a hoof, letting a dozen tumbled into it. She closed and tied it shut before plopping it onto the counter. “Fifteen bits for the bo-ring muffins.”

Trixie's cape fluttered as fifteen bits floated out of her saddlebags and over the counter. Pinkie jabbed at the till and the drawer popped open, allowing her to float the bits inside while also levitating the box of muffins up and to her side. “Thank you,” Trixie said before turning on a hoof and marching out.

It was a full two minutes of trotting away from Sugarcube Corner before Trixie slowed down to a slow gait. She breathed in, slowly letting the air out. She felt a few stares from others on the street, but paid them little mind, not wanting attention this time as she resumed her journey to the Ponyville post office.


It was nearly 11:30 when Trixie reached the post office, the two-story building that kept Ponyville in contact with the rest of Equestria. A few pegasi milled about the entrance, each one clad in the blue uniform of the Equestrian postal service. She quickly focused on one particular gray-coated pegasus, as she exited the building. “Ditzy!" she called out, waving a foreleg at her fellow Element of Harmony.

Ditzy's right eye slid over and locked onto Trixie and she turned, trotting over. “Hi!” she shouted. Her muzzle twitched and her nostrils flared as she approached. “Are those... muffins?” she asked, turning her head to focus one eye on the package floating next to Trixie. “Blueberry muffins?”

Trixie bit her lip, but a snort of laughter still escaped. She looked back to the post office, then to Ditzy and her empty saddlebags. “Your shift's over?” At Ditzy's nod Trixie arched an eyebrow and looked her over. “I'm not the most patient pony, but even I can wait for you to change out of your uniform.”

Ditzy shook her head. She hopped into the air and jabbed a foreleg in the general direction of the Everfree Forest. “Dinky's waiting for me,” she stated, landing and beginning to trot off.

Trixie nodded. “Of course, her job with Fluttershy.” She suddenly stopped and looked back at the post office and the apartment on the second floor. “Perhaps I should wait here for you two to come back...”

Ditzy placed a hoof on Trixie's shoulder and shook her head. “Dinky's been looking forward to this all week, and you wouldn't want to disappoint your number one fan, would you?” She leaned in and forced an eyelid close for a close approximation of a wink.

Trixie let out a sigh and placed a foreleg to her forehead before trotting off down a long, meandering side road that led from the post office to Fluttershy's cottage. “For her, of course. I just hope nothing...” Her voice trailed off and the package tilted, showing the top and the Sugarcube Corner logo on top. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Just that Pinkie Pie and gyah!” Trixie threw her hooves into the air. “Why is it every time I go in fate conspires to have her waiting on me?!”

Ditzy shrugged as they continued walking. “She means well, Trixie. And her parties can be fun!” At a sidelong glance from the unicorn, she scratched the back of her head. “Well, in small doses they can be fun.”

The pair continued in silence for a few minutes before Trixie spoke up. “I try, Ditzy. I swear I try, but no matter what she just pushes my buttons, and she makes about as much sense as Ivory Scroll's plans for Winter Wrap Up!”

Ditzy's mouth puckered slightly. “But the mayor didn't have any plans for – oh!” She shrugged. “Well, you don't see her every day, right?”

“And thank Luna for that,” Trixie muttered. She glanced up at the sky and shivered slightly as the sun reached its peak, her hat tugging down over her head as much as possible without obscuring her vision. “I shudder to think what my mind would be like if I had to understand her for something important or vital. Might as well just sit back and wait for the sky itself to fall if it ever came to that!” She chuckled, but her head suddenly shot up and she looked out at the bright expanse of blue. She held a hoof out and waved it about.

Ditzy stopped and looked back at her friend. “Sky still in place?” she asked, the slightest hint of sarcasm in her tone.

Trixie nodded and continued on, speeding up until she was once more by Ditzy's side. “Never hurts to be too careful.”