• Published 11th Aug 2015
  • 1,120 Views, 66 Comments

Sweetie Belle Sucks At Video Games - chillbook1



Sweetie Belle wants to get into the wonderful world of video games. Too bad she's awful at it.

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AdjacentTerrain II

Sweetie Belle stood before the rows of games, straining her brain to make a decision. Her local GameStop was running a Four for Ten promotion, in which a list of eligible games was posted. Sweetie Belle could pick any of these four games, for ten bucks collectively. Four pre-owned games for a sixth of the price of a brand new one. Sweetie wasn’t an expert mathematician, but she was sure that was a good deal.

The deal was made even better when Scootaloo offered to go half in on a headset microphone for Sweetie’s gaming, under the express stipulation that Scootaloo picks out the model. True to what she had feared, Sweetie went straight for the one-eared, wireless Afterglows, which she was immediately scolded for. Scootaloo vowed that Sweetie would get a sturdy, quality mic. She found a nice pair of Trittons, which were also on sale, and nodded with satisfaction. Now, all that was left was selecting games.

The first one didn’t take long. All Sweetie Belle had to do was read its name out loud in the store and every employee, shopper, and passerby rushed up to her and wholeheartedly recommended it. So, with the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, tucked under her arm, she went about selecting the other three.

Her next choice, a game she couldn’t understand if she tried, was a Japanese action game called Bayonetta. Sweetie Belle had no clue what was up with this one, but she thought the lady on the cover was pretty, so how bad could it be? Plus, high-heel handguns are considered universally cool, so the choice was more or less made for Sweetie Belle.

This is when it started to get difficult.

“Hey, Sweetie, how about this?” suggested Scootaloo, pointing to the list of eligible games. Her finger found a game titled “DmC: Devil May Cry”. “I really liked this game.”

“DmC? Isn’t that a rock band or something?” asked Sweetie.

“That’s Run DMC, and it’s a rap group. Not the same thing,” explained Scootaloo.

“Oh. What does DmC stand for? The game, I mean.”

“Devil May Cry.” Sweetie tilted her head in confusion.

“DmC stands for Devil May Cry?” she asked. Scootaloo nodded. “So this game is called Devil May Cry: Devil May Cry?” Again, Scootaloo nodded. “That’s SSC: Some Stupid Crap.”

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s to differentiate it from the other games in the series,” said Scootaloo. “None of the original fans really like this one, but I think it’s fun.”

“Sorry, ladies, we’re all out of DmC copies,” said the cashier that was aiding the two.

“Alright, how about Inversion?” suggested Scootaloo.

“Fresh out, sorry.”

“Wolfenstein?”

“Nope.”

“FF XIII?”

“I just sold the last copy, actually.”

“Alright, stop me when we hit something we can actually buy,” said Scootaloo. She peered at the list. “Arkham City, Brutal Legend, Darksiders, F.E.A.R, Halo.” The guy continuously shook his head. “Seriously? Is there anything you guys do have?”

“Uh… We have SoulCal IV,” he said.

“SoulCal?” asked Sweetie.

“Soul Caliber. It’s a fighting game. Not my cup of tea, but you might like it,” said Scootaloo. “Alright, Skyrim, Bayo, SoulCal, and… What? FIFA? Forza?”

“We have Borderlands 2 Game of the Year edition,” suggested the cashier. “That’s a really good one.”

Scootaloo’s eyes widened in shock. She all but dropped her cash in excitement.

“Yup, we’ll take it!” she said excitedly. “Dude, Borderlands 2 is one of my favorites! I play it with RD all the time.”

“Cool, okay. We’re ready then, right?” asked Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo nodded, and the two went on their way to counter. When they got there, they encountered an obvious problem.

“I can’t sell you these games,” said the cashier. “Most of them are rated M. You’re going to need someone over 17 to buy these for you.”

“Crap! I can’t believe I forgot…” groaned Scootaloo. “Well, I can call my dad… He won’t be happy about having to drive all the way out here, though…” Just as Scootaloo raised her phone to make the daunting phone call, the doors opened, and in stepped the unsung hero. Scootaloo was convinced that she had done something to earn herself a guardian angel.

“I thought I recognized that scooter outside,” said Rainbow Dash. “Sup, Squirt? Sweetie?”

“Thank God you’re here! We need your help,” said Scootaloo. “I’m kinda dumb, and I forgot that I can’t buy M rated games yet. Can you help me out here?”

“Sure,” said Dash with a shrug. She took the money from Sweetie and Scootaloo, then slammed it on the table.

“I’m gonna need to see some ID,” said the cashier. As luck would so have it, Rainbow Dash had just turned 17 a week and a half before. All she had to do was reach into her wallet and withdraw her ID.

Her pockets were empty.

“Gah! I left them in my other shorts!” groaned Rainbow. “This is all Applejack’s fault, she spilled a whole bunch of soda all over me and I had to change clothes.”

“Well, guess I’ll call my dad, after all. Thanks anyway,” said Scootaloo. She unlocked her phone, which flickered and faded shortly thereafter. “And my phone’s dead. Geez, guess we gotta come back.”

“I have enough copies of Borderlands 2, but I can’t guarantee that Bayo or SoulCal’ll be here when you get back,” warned the cashier. Following the day’s theme of insane feats of luck, the three teens made a mere step before a solution presented itself. This time, in the form of a frenzy, panting Adagio Dazzle.

“Todd! Todd!” she called as she barreled through the door. “Todd, I need a copy of Borderlands 2, right now!”

“Sure thing, Adagio,” said the cashier, apparently named Todd. “Just let me finish up here.” Adagio seemed to only then realize who was also in the store. She calmed herself down a bit, then tried her best to seem like her normal, graceful self.

“Hello, everyone,” said Adagio stiffly. “What brings you here?”

“We were just trying to buy some games for Sweetie,” said Scootaloo. “Oh! You’re a million years old, right?”

“Careful, kid, those are fighting words,” growled the Siren. “I am exactly one thousand seven hundred thirty-six years old, and I do not look a day over a thousand!” She cleared her throat. “Why do you ask?”

“We picked out a bunch of M games, but we’re not old enough to buy them,” explained Sweetie. “Can you help us out?”

“Why not? Todd, add that copy of Borderlands onto… Let’s see here,” Adagio leaned forward to get a good look of what was being bought. “Skyrim, SoulCal, oh, we have to play that sometime, Bayonetta, and… Borderlands 2?”

“Speaking of which, why do you need another copy so bad?” asked Rainbow. Adagio pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

“I swear, that idiot Aria wants me to kill her in her sleep,” grumbled Adagio. “I was in the middle of an Ultimate Vault Hunter Mode Terramorphus run with some friends, and she comes along and punt kicks my Xbox!” The room gasped in horror. “The console is fine, thankfully, but the disc is laser-burned to Tartarus.”

Todd the cashier put all the items on the counter and scanned them. He bagged them, accepted Adagio’s money, then handed the goods to the Siren gamer. Adagio thanked him, then handed Sweetie Belle her games and headset.

“So, would you care to break those in?” offered Adagio. “Borderlands can be a bit intimidating to a novice gamer.”

“I wouldn’t want to interrupt your Terramorphous run,” said Sweetie Belle. “Whatever that means.”

“Oh, they’re all dead by now, anyway. I insist. We can party up, chat a little.” Adagio smirked. “That sounds fun, doesn’t it? Mind you, anything is a good thing if it’s an excuse to block Aria and Sonata out for a couple of hours.”

“Sure, I’m game,” said RD with grin. “What do ya say, Squirt? You in?”

“Duh. I need to try out Axton, anyway,” said Scootaloo, a smile on her face similar to Rainbow. Sweetie Belle shrugged, not thinking of any objections to be made. Besides the risk of her sucking at video games in front of her friends, there was nothing wrong with it.

It was time for Sweetie Belle’s first proper multiplayer experience, and she was equal parts excited and terrified.


As Adagio bustled through her home, likely yelling at Aria and Sonata, Sweetie Belle got the chance to explore a bit. She looked at Rainbows’ Playercard with a bit of respect, awe, and confusion. Some things made perfect sense, but others… Others were a bit harder to explain. Rainbow Dash, known to Xbox Live as XxRayneBooomxX, had apparently been gaming for a fairly long time. The first thing that Sweetie Belle noticed was the horrendous spelling of the name.

“That is not how you spell ‘rain’ or ‘boom’, Rainbow Dash,” noted Sweetie Belle, adjusting her headset slightly. She was still getting used to the sensation of the microphone on her head, but it was starting to feel almost natural.

“Rayne, as in BloodRayne. One of my favorites from back in the day,” explained RD. “And the ‘Boom’ thing is cause two O’s doesn’t even begin to describe the sound I make when I bust into a lobby.”

“I thought you said that was a typo and you didn’t notice until after,” said Scootaloo. Rainbow grumbled, mumbling about traitorous proteges.

“You have a lot of Gamerscore,” said Sweetie. “30,000! That’s crazy. Hm… What are these in this little box?”

“Oh, those are the games I got all the achievements in,” said Dash. “Soak it in. It’s not everyday you see someone that amazing!”

“Hm… Catherine?” said Sweetie questioningly. “What’s this about?”

“It’s weird. Kinda… It’s Japanese, okay. That wasn’t hard to do, though,” said Rainbow. “Check this out! Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, all Achievements, 100%!” Sweetie heard a bit of rustling through the mic, and the sinking of someone into a bed.

“Couldn’t help but overhear,” snickered Adagio. “That’s rather cute, Rainbow. All Achievements in Revengeance is rather impressive, but take a look at my Playercard.” Out of curiosity, Sweetie Belle maneuvered to Adagio’s name (MadamaDagio), and opened up her Playercard.

“Ho. Ly. Crap,” said Scootaloo. “You have all the Achievements for Super Meat Boy? And… XCOM?! Does that game even have an end?!”

“Max Payne, Devil May Cry 4, Fallout 3…” listed Sweetie Belle. “Did you really complete all of these games?”

“All of them, and more,” said Adagio, pouring out pride. “I’ve been gaming for a long, long time, kids. Stick around, and perhaps some of my prowess will rub off on you.”

“Whatever. You done yelling at your roommates, or should I bust out my homework first?” asked Rainbow.

“So impatient, Rainbow Dash,” said Adagio slyly. “I’ve never seen someone so eager to have their shoddy skills exposed.”

“Alright, alright, when you go down, don’t go begging for my help,” said Rainbow. “Who’s hosting?”

“What does that mean?” asked Sweetie.

“She wants to know who is gonna start the game up,” explained Scootaloo. “You should probably host, since this will be your first time through the game.”

“That doesn’t actually matter,” noted Adagio. “But I don’t really care. Sweetie can start if she wants.”

Sweetie Belle nodded, temporarily forgetting that her friends weren’t actually in the room with her. She booted up the game, endured the loading screen and opening logos, then opened up the main menu. Through the guidance of more experienced players, Sweetie managed to send out three invites to her three friends. Soon, the lobby was populated by Sweet n SourB, XxRayneBooomxX, MadamaDagio, and SchmupGodSquirt.

“I just realized something,” said Sweetie Belle. “I didn’t play the first game. What happened?”

“Basically, Borderlands 1 was about four treasure hunters looking for a big box of money and alien weapons called the Vault,” said Scootaloo. “This Guardian Angel chick tells you where to go, what to do, where to find Vault Key Pieces, all that jazz.”

“Meanwhile, you’re being chased by an officer of the Crimson Lance, this private military thing,” added Rainbow. “Commander Steele—”

“Commandant,” corrected Adagio.

“Yeah, whatever, Commander Steele wants the Vault for her company, you defy her the whole game, and right when you’re about to fight her…”

“She opens the Vault and a giant tentacle monster stabs her through the chest,” sighed Adagio. “Frankly, that was quite a disappointing ending. It almost turned me off from the sequel. Thank heavens I gave it a chance.”

“So… I didn’t miss much?” asked Sweetie.

“Oh, no, you missed a whole bunch,” said Scootaloo. “We’ll explain it as we see it.”

With a shrug of the shoulders, Sweetie Belle started the game. After a monologue delivered by some Russian guy that set up the game’s setting and bad guy. Sweetie liked the opening enough, though she thought the name “Handsome Jack” was kind of pigheaded, especially considering how weird his face looked.

The scene shifted to a desert wasteland, where some sort of wild alien dog lay forlorn on the sand. A large truck drove by, wrapping the beast with a chain and dragging it behind it.

“Oh no! That poor puppy!” squealed Sweetie.

“That’s a Skag, and they’re enemies,” said Scootaloo. “Basically everything is an enemy.”

The truck that had dragged the Skag was filled with what appeared to be more enemies, ones that enjoyed fighting each other. Sweetie was confused by their manic, nonsensical behavior, and was about to ask a question when the truck was struck at high speed by a moving train.

“Get wrecked, losers,” chuckled Rainbow. “Man, that scene kills me, every time.”

“Geez, this game is kinda violent, isn’t it?” asked Sweetie. All three of the other players laughed hysterically.

“Oh, if you only knew, Sweetie,” said Adagio.

After a short movie showing off the four playable characters, Sweetie was faced with a menu in which she needed to choose her character. To her surprise, there were six options, as opposed to the four that she had seen before the menu.

“How come only four characters were in the opening?” asked Sweetie.

“Oh, they came out after the game,” said Rainbow. “Squirt, you’re running Ax, right? What about you two?”

“Maya, duh,” said Adagio. “She’s only called The Siren. Do you really think I could resist?”

“Um… How about this girl?” said Sweetie, hovering over to a teenage character with pigtails. “Gaige? Is she cool?”

“She can be, if you get over how weird some of her skills are,” said Rainbow. “Her power is that she can summon a big robot buddy. I’m gonna go ahead and play Zer0 for this run. Gonna try to take this slow.”

With everyone ready, the game commenced.


Hax!” shouted Gaige.

“For those keeping score at home,” said Scootaloo with a chuckle. She set off to revive Sweetie. “That makes Sweetie's eighth down since we triggered the BNK3R.”

“I know, I know, I suck!” said Sweetie. “I read a bunch of tips on how to play shooters, but none of them seem to be working.”

“In defense of Sweetie, this is a rather difficult boss fight, and Gaige is simultaneously the easiest and hardest character to play,” said Adagio. “Frankly, she should've played Maya. Or Krieg, he is pretty easy as well.” She gunned down a crowd of three Loader bots without much trouble.

“Those tips,” said Dash, pulling off her fifth consecutive headshot. “What were they?”

“Keep moving, lead your shots, stuff like that,” said Sweetie. She deployed her Deathtrap robot and ran for safety. “Oh, and reloading. It said to reload whenever you can.”

Rainbow and Adagio groaned.

“What?! What did I do?” asked Sweetie.

“Did you, perchance, go down the skill tree on the right?” asked Adagio. “The one called ‘Ordered Chaos’?”

“Erm… Yes?”

“Sweetie Belle! Didn’t you read your skills?!” snapped Rainbow.

“I wanted to, but you guys told me to hurry up and leave the inventory!”

“Because we were in the middle of a bitch of a boss fight,” said Scootaloo. Her mother could be heard shouting at her for her language, but Scootaloo ignored her. “What’s that tree? I never played Gaige.”

“That skill tree is all about Anarchy Stacks,” said Adagio. “Every time you kill an enemy or completely empty your magazine, you gain a stack of Anarchy.”

“And for every stack of Anarchy you have, you gain damage and lose accuracy,” continued Rainbow. “Eventually, you’ll be one-shotting Badasses, if you’re lucky enough to hit one.”

“Ooooh!” Sweetie giggled nervously and immediately changed up her strategy. Instead of letting off four or five shots before reloading, Sweetie emptied her gun into any enemy she saw. What followed could be described as an improvement in the most basic of senses. However, those playing would prefer the term “freaking miracle”.

After five minutes, Sweetie stopped dying every time an enemy stood too near her. From there, Sweetie Belle got into a groove of sorts, a decent rhythm of shooting, ducking, tossing grenades, and deploying her Deathtrap. With every kill, her Anarchy rose.

It’s worth noting that, as Gaige gained more Anarchy Stacks, her personality became more and more unstable. The character spoke more wildly, sometimes replacing any sort of meaningful dialogue with giggles and the maniacal declaration that “Everything’s going to die!”. Also worth noting is that it was normal to feel a certain degree of power when playing a video game wherein you could defeat anything essentially by looking in their direction. So it made perfect sense for Sweetie Belle to start feeling confident, perhaps even a bit wild in her own right.

SMASH THE SYSTEM!” shouted Sweetie Belle. She aimed as carefully as her Anarchy would allow and pulled the trigger, dropping the BNK3R’s health down a considerable chunk.

“You’re getting way into this,” said Scootaloo. “It’s kinda cool, actually. Never seen you go completely nuts like this before.”

BWAA-HAHAHAHAAA!

“The BNK3R should be dead soon, eh?” asked Adagio. No sooner did she say this did Sweetie Belle get a lucky shot on the BNK3R, finishing off one of the most difficult bosses in the game. As the BNK3R plummeted to the ground and loot burst from its battered chassis, Sweetie Belle let out a loud, shrill, unimpeded cackle.

A gun tumbled just to Gaige’s feet, with an orange rarity indicator.

“Orange? I’ve never seen orange before,” said Sweetie.

The entire party exploded.

“Legendary! Legendary!” That was the best Sweetie could make out of the mass of shouting. She moved forward, looked down, and investigated the weapon.

“The Bitch?” she said questioningly, for that was the name of the gun. “Why’s it called the Bitch?” Sweetie didn’t much care, because the Bitch had really good stats. Very powerful, very accurate, very fast, and a legendary to boot. She was just about to pick it up when...

In a blink, the TV and Xbox shut themselves down. Sweetie sat, open-mouthed, attempting to keep the sadness from leaking out of her body. Of all the times to have a power outage, now had to be the absolute worst time.

“Sweetie!” Her mother called, sliding into the room. “Sweetie, I hope you weren’t in the middle of anything important, because I may have accidentally shorted out a circuit or something. We should get our power back soon.” She seemed to only then notice her daughter, trembling and almost crying in the dark. “What’s wrong, hon?”

Sweetie Belle wasn’t thinking.

“Mom, you just made me lose my Bitch,” whined Sweetie. Her mother said nothing for a moment, turned on her heel, then walked off.

“Sweetie, you’re grounded,” she said as she left. Sweetie dropped her face onto the floor.

“Son of a…”

Author's Note:

What? This story... Lives? Well, hang me upside down from a telephone pole, cover me in honey, and leave me to a slow death at the hands of hungry spiderants! A new chapter? That's like a unicorn!

In any case, I totally forgot about this story. Sorry... More chapters will be coming. Can't say when, but they will be. Hope you enjoyed and, if you did, be sure to tell me why. If you didn't, tell me why you didn't, as well. Really, I just like getting comments.

The next chapter will either be one of my favorite stealth games or one of my favorite nonsensical action games. I'll let the coin decide.

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Comments ( 8 )

Plus, high-heel handguns are considered universally cool

You are not wrong.

“DmC stands for Devil May Cry?” she asked. Scootaloo nodded. “So this game is called Devil May Cry: Devil May Cry?” Again, Scootaloo nodded. “That’s SSC: Some Stupid Crap.”

Yep.

“We were just trying to buy some games for Sweetie,” said Scootaloo. “Oh! You’re a million years old, right?”
“Careful, kid, those are fighting words,” growled the Siren. “I am exactly one thousand seven hundred thirty-six years old, and I do not look a day over a thousand!” She cleared her throat. “Why do you ask?”

This is amazing.

“I swear, that idiot Aria wants me to kill her in her sleep,” grumbled Adagio. “I was in the middle of an Ultimate Vault Hunter Mode Terramorphus run with some friends, and she comes along and punt kicks my Xbox!” The room gasped in horror. “The console is fine, thankfully, but the disc is laser-burned to Tartarus.”

WHY!?

“It’s weird. Kinda… It’s Japanese, okay. That wasn’t hard to do, though,” said Rainbow. “Check this out! Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, all Achievements, 100%!” Sweetie heard a bit of rustling through the mic, and the sinking of someone into a bed.

Oh that is cool!

“Maya, duh,” said Adagio. “She’s only called The Siren. Do you really think I could resist?”

Fair point.

In a blink, the TV and Xbox shut themselves down. Sweetie sat, open-mouthed, attempting to keep the sadness from leaking out of her body. Of all the times to have a power outage, now had to be the absolute worst time.
“Sweetie!” Her mother called, sliding into the room. “Sweetie, I hope you weren’t in the middle of anything important, because I may have accidentally shorted out a circuit or something. We should get our power back soon.”

Oh poor Sweetie Bele, you have my most sincere sympathies.

Mom, you just made me lose my Bitch.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Best thing ever!!!!

Oh Sweetie Belle, sharing my love of Gaige! Best playable Borderland character! :pinkiehappy:

Honestly, though, I'm surprised you didn't make any jokes about all the Pony references in Gaige's skill tree! "Fancy Mathematics!" Is AJ's saying after all. Then there's "The Stare" and "20% Cooler". Hell Rainbow could have asked about that last one! :rainbowlaugh:

Another fun chapter and another one where Sweetie Belle didn't suck too hard! She's learning!

Keep on keepin' on! :pinkiehappy:

p.s. Why did Aria drop kick Adigo's Xbox? Or is that left to our imaginations?

7265026 I didn't want to do any of those references because I couldn't think of a way to make the joke without just being like "Durr, look, MLP quotes".

I will keep keeping on.

Aria kicked the Xbox because it was a quick way to piss off Adagio.

please tell me in this universe Button is a twitch streamer that would be awesome

7275463 Never considered that. Will go in the "we'll see" pile.

“Mom, you just made me lose my Bitch,” whined Sweetie. Her mother said nothing for a moment, turned on her heel, then walked off.

OMG XDDD

“Ho. Ly. Crap,” said Scootaloo. “You have all the Achievements for Super Meat Boy? And… XCOM?! Does that game even have an end?!”

Enemy Unknown or Enemy Within?

And yes Scootaloo, the game does end when you take out the Elders.

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