Nope
The room was upside down.
The whole damned library.
Up. Side. Down.
Spike drew in a quiet breath, standing in the doorway, comic books in claw, peering in at Twilight and Trixie, who were sitting with their backs to each other. The entirety of the inside of the library had flipped on itself, so technically, they were sitting on the ceiling. Or, would that technically be the floor? Spike groaned. Regardless of the technical aspects of it, the two unicorns were sitting in opposite ends of the library, forelegs crossed, glaring at the wall.
"Welcome home, Spike. How was the comic convention?" asked Trixie, Twilight's voice flooding from her mouth.
"Yes, Spike, how WAS the convention? Did you get hurt? Did you break your arms and legs? Did you forget how to open doors and feed yourself?" growled Twilight, with Trixie's voice spilling past her lips. One of the books on the shelf sprouted chicken legs and hopped onto the floor. It raced out of the room.
"I was just a little worried, okay?!" barked Trixie, who turned towards Twilight, watching as the purple mage jumped up and chased after the book, disappearing into the kitchen.
"A LITTLE worried?! None of this would have happened if you were just a LITTLE worried, Twilight!" Twilight screamed back from the kitchen.
Spike sighed. He did not care.
Slowly, the little dragon took his comic books, and started up the staircase. Downstairs, the duo continued to yell at each other. Spike continued to not care. Suddenly he was tired. So very, very tired.
"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO BROKE THE 7TH SEAL AND READ FROM THE OBSIDIAN BOOK!" screamed Trixie (Twilight?) from downstairs.
"NO, YOUR THE ONE WHO OPENED THE PORTAL TO THAT HORRIBLE MONKEY DIMENSION!" screamed Twilight from downstairs.
"THAT'S 'YOU'RE THE' ...WAIT...WHY CAN WE SEE THAT?!!" screamed one of the horses downstairs .
Spike still didn't care. Upstairs, there were exactly forty-seven garden gnomes scattered all over the floor. He made his way over to his basket, stepping over each one carefully. Once he made it to his bed, he slowly pulled out his blanket, and unfolded it neatly. He took his time, taking great care not to pay any attention to the cacophony of chaos coming from downstairs. On the bed, a club sandwich quietly watched his every move.
He shuddered. He was allergic to pickles.
He grabbed all the latest comics he'd gathered from the convention and put them on the blanket, turning it into a bindle. He found it was often best to just avoid asking questions all together and right now he had lots of questions. None of which he was sure he wanted to hear the answers to. Downstairs, something exploded. Didn't matter. He wasn't going to let his curiosity drag him into whatever was happening. He snatched a picture off the nightstand of himself and Twilight and added it to the bindle. Was that everything? He had everything, right? Now if he could jus- Wait, no. His toothbrush.
With a quiet sigh, the little dragon turned and sauntered into the bathroom to grab the last item he needed. At the door, he paused when the toilet turned towards him with a big and toothy grin.
"Soon..." whispered the toilet. Spike slowly backed out of the room. Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
He bounced down the staircase, idly wondering why it had a railing on it, but he shook the question from his mind. He didn't want to spend anymore time thinking about...whatever it was that happened in the library. In the living room Trixie and Twilight were still screaming at each other. Still sitting on the ceiling. Wait, did that mean he was upside down too? The tree looked normal when he stepped into it. It was only when he passed the threshold of the doo- He stopped himself. He was thinking about it again. Nope. In front of him, the two unicorns raved.
"THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! JUST FIND DISCORD AND TRADE YOUR POWERS BACK! " Trixie snarled.
"IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! YOU'D THINK IF I COULD CONTROL IT, WOULDN'T I HAVE FIXED THE LIBRARY BY NOW?! " Twilight snapped in response, her words floating up from her mouth as if a speech bubble in a comic. Spike rolled his eyes, and adjusted the bindle on his shoulder, waiting for the two of them to notice him standing at the bottom of the staircase. Which really was the top of the stair case. Or, wait, no. No no no. Just. Leave.
"Spike? Where are you going?" Twilight asked, who now had Twilight's normal voice.
Which was nice.
"Yeah, we have got the BEST story! You gotta hear abou-" Trixie began but Spike held up a claw.
"NOPE," said Spike. Trixie frowned in confusion.
"You DON'T want to hear about ho-" she asked before Spike quickly shook his head.
"STILL NOPE," said Spike firmly, holding up a claw in a stopping motion.
"But we-" Twilight began, before Spike zipped over to her and put a single claw on her lips. Shhh.
"Nope. I woke up this morning, and said to myself: Spike? What are you willing put up with today? NONE of this was on that list, Twilight. None of it! Do you know the upstairs toilet can talk? It's got a face and everything. That is all kinds of wrong. I put up with a lot Twilight, okay? I do, I really do, but talking toilets? No. Nope. Nu-uh. Not happening, na-da. The line has been drawn! I'm goin' to Applejack's until this is done! GOOD DAY, MA'AM!"
"But Spike listen-" Trixie began.
"I SAID GOOD DAY MA'AM!!" Spike barked. And with that he turned around and marched out the door. Neither of them could blame him.
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Neat.
that was pretty enjoyable.
Loved it!
This is pure gold.
A story with 16 views in the Popular Box just about made me question my deities, but this story deserved it.
Perfect. Absolutely.
I wish more people would include pictures.
This is perfect. 11/10.
I am with spike. #NOPE
The sandwich really makes the story for me.
6364941 Exactly.
(To those who may not understand that reference.)
6364941 That maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay have been inspiration for his speech. ;)
Just another Tuesday for Spike.
This was just so funny on so many levels. Thanks for the laugh...I really needed it today. You're beautiful!!
6365278 ALL OF MY YES :D
Spike was like
6365562 This also may have had a hand in my inspiration.
Oh, wow. I think I remember the movie that toilet's from.
I'm glad it's just an image and not a gif. The scene was horrifying.
6366179 TIS a gif, darling!
6366194
Huh. So it is.
Must have repressed notice of it as some sort of mental defensive mechanism.
img08.deviantart.net/cff4/i/2015/236/9/b/spikey_spy_0000_by_hillbe-d971ws4.jpg nope nope nope nope
well that was random
This is nice
This works better without the pictures (your prose and descriptions are actually good enough--believe in them), and the parts where you referenced Egoraptor and whatever other personalities were the parts where Spike's dialogue stopped making sense.
The core conceit, however, is hilarious. I tend to avoid fics starring Spike because far too many of them turn into sob stories about how
the author'she's soooooooo downtrodden by the others in his life, but no. That's not his life at all.This, however, most believably is. :D It's literally only because I know your name that I gave this fic a chance and I was largely not disappointed.
But yeah, with the help of a prereader with a head on their shoulders, this could have gone into my super-all-time favorites instead of my almosts. Still, not bad!
This is awesome. And no, I can't elaborate. My brain is currently unable to put how I'm feeling about this amazing story into intelligible words.
You made my day with the your/you're bit.
6367990 The pictures go with the story, as it is a non sequitur. Crazy situation and suddenly BAM, picture of a sandwich! I know if it makes me giggle while I'm writing it, I must be on the right track. XD
6369010
Oh, non sequitirs are well and good, and I'm all for authors having fun. (I'm not quite sure if the term is being used correctly here, but we'll shelve that and move on.(
My point was that the use of the pictures in a non picture-based story like this undercuts the reader's ability to imagine, say, the sandwich for themselves, resulting in a less powerful and even less funny scene than what could be accomplished otherwise.
The timing and nonchalance of the sentence where the sandwich shows up, for example, is hilarious on its own, and my imagination instantly dreamed up its own image of a club sandwich that could potentially watch Spikes every move. In other words, I created your non sequitirs intentions myself and enjoyed playing in the playground that was set up for me.
Then the picture came up, dictating what I was supposed to be imagining, thus killing the fun of my own n.s. with swift efficiency.
I'm not saying your intentions are off, I'm just saying reader empowernent goes a long way. The prose invites reasers to have fun but then the pictures dictate how, which is why I felt they were at odds with what you were trying to accomplish with the story.
That could have just been my experience reading this, however. 'Tis your baby, and as usual, in the end, the market decides.
Suddenly, barely coherent shouting could be heard all across the entire breadth of Ponyville.
"MUCKLE DAMRED PONI! 'AIR EH NABMLIES BE KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN!?!"
Oh no...I'm getting a "Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes" Vibe from the end.
This is funny! Sometimes you just need to know when to walk away! Great job!
Now usually I hate comedy stories, but I loved this.
6375339 Thank you darling! <3
6370657
sweet jesus they summoned Henderson
no wonder space and time went all wonky
honestly they should be happy they got away with their lives, though they may wanna heed spikes advice and send the gnomes back like, NOW
Madame you have received exactly one chuckle, no more no less. Spend wisely at your own discretion.
That sandwich...
Nothing but absolute, utter nonsense...
Have some moustaches.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7287925504/hC0627E27/
This was a nice, silly short piece. Nonsense only tends to hold up in pieces, but this didn't go on for too long, so it was perfect.
6369120
For someone with a severe lack of imagination, like me, the picture and gif work perfectly. Nobody ever puts such things in their stories...
Nope nope nope! Just nope! Those two have been taking Chaos lessons from Discord.
Just.... nope.
* shakes head and puts claws over eyes* that toilet...... nope. That would have been the last straw for me. I'd be fine with the rest. In fact.... it's comforting. Nice to not be stuck in a rut. But that toilet. Just....... no.
Sleep carefully.
The Garden Gnomes are free.
The talking toilet... should've used this:
Oh god the toilet from Look who's talking 2 that used to scare the shit out of me when I was little
6390010
It's called "Look Who's Talking, Too" (it's a sequel, you see). I don't remember it being very good.
I... could show you the scene...
If you really want...
It's laughable now, but when you're younger things are different.
Buck this crap. I'm out.
Nope.
What am I smoking right now?
I think not.
Girls! I had that ordered as a present for Shining Armor's daughter and you opened it already? That was expensive!
I hate those hairless apes too.
Fourth wall! You're breakingt he fourth wall! For some reason I think Twilight would be more prone to less than perfect grammar than Trixie.
Reasonable reaction.
That's enough cocaine sandwiches for one day.
Pinkie would take him in, but she's too close to Twilight.
Again, a more than reasonable reaction.
Spike is me when things makes no sense to the point of insanity.... As well as when I wake up and realize I want NOTHING to do with it.
That sandwich...
The Sandwich stares into your soul, it knows all, and no matter where you run... The Club Sandwich on the Bed WILL find you, and stare at you.
Deep into your soul.
Until you renounce the BLT, BPC (Bacon, pepperoni, and cheese) and chicken sandwiches and admit club sandwiches are the superior sandwich, even thought that's a total lie, BPC is the superior sandwich OH GODDESS THE CLUB SANDWICH IS BACK, THE EYES! THE EYYYESS!
Looks at toilet.
Nope. Nuh-uh. See, YA! Ahm gone! Good day, sir!
i.imgur.com/s2IbaW1.gif
6376595
According to the original thing Henderson had over 200 of them. But yeah, still a good idea to send those things away before things get Derailed.