Alibi, a peaceful changeling in Ponyville, is discovered and arrested with a massive hangover.
This story has been written for the Anachronistic Story Contest.
Chapters (6)
- Member Since 28th Jun, 2015
- offline last seen Mar 4th, 2017
Jigsaw
Part-time writer, Full-time student
Jigsaw
Joined 28th Jun, 2015 ·
Offline
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Sequel?
have a like anyway
WEIRD story, at least in formatting.
Other than that, it felt both rather typical and rather abrupt. And "typical" is not something you want to hear describing a story.
The anachronism doesn't even add much to the story - put the chapters in order, and its rather bland. If it were used to subvert our expectations or manipulate the tone of the story, it would be different, but it doesn't.
The story was okay...but that's it.It wasn't great.
It felt not exactly disconnected, but more like the sum of the parts didn't add up to the whole. I feel an epilogue of some sort would do some good, as right now, nothing ties this story together. On top of that, some backstory should be there - there's a lot of information dumped, like the fact that Crysalis is a warmongering tyrant, or the death penalty, etc etc, that needs a reason to be there, an explanation of some sort.
Characterization was...flat, but that could be just out of how freaking short this story was.
tl;dr: Too short.
The story was decent.... but it just ended without really ending.
You screwed up in that you gave us a very simple story with a beginning and end - good for you - but you gave us just enough to make the characters interresting so that I want to know what happens next.
So, where's the sequel?
Review I promised is here! Congrats on winning first place. I hope we'll see you for our next contest too.