• Member Since 10th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Twilight Scientist


Beggarly working class.

Comments ( 27 )

"WIP"

Im not sure if this is meant to be this badly written or if your english is just that terrible, but you need a proofreader badly.
I love rape/impregnation stories...but this is just really badly written.

I cant even begin to state the obvious things wrong with this, so ill let someone else come along and do it.
I hope you can find someone to help make this story readable. I'll be watching for if it gets fixed.

Yeah, I remember seeing this on Furaffinity and thinking 2 things:

-I don't think English is this person's first language.
-How did Rarity end up pregnant through no vaginal sex whatsoever?

Brush up on your English and read some of the popular clopfics dotted around here to get an idea of how you should write 'em.

Wait, I can get weird, disturbing line art for only $10 on furaffinity? This is certainly news of some nature.

Hey mods, you are slipping. how did this even get by?

Soooo, how did this pass?

Sigh google translate strikes again also just cause you have a dictionary dosnt mean you have to use the reaally big words

This is so mutha fuckin jumbled up I can't understand half of this

Wtf is up with the extremely awkward wording?

This is so badly writen, it makes me want to kick kittens, burn women, rape churches, and beat the tar out of you with pinkies rubber chicken. Please, do fix you English.

6295388 I think they did. Wasn't that the, um... first hole Twilight decided screwed?

Okay, um, now this wasn't a totally bad story (by now, I'm sure I've read far worse things than this), granted it wasn't the best one either, even by purely clop standards. Might wanna try finding someone who is fluent is English (I'm assuming English isn't your first language, since it's certainly comes off as such; but, if I'm mistaken about that, my sincerest apologies) to help write and edit. Also, not sure if this was on purpose, but if you do re-edit this, please do reconsider potentially reworking the characters a little. Twilight felt either she was in the middle of a psycho moment or very OC. She should have at least feel a little bit of sympathy that she was doing this to Rarity, even if she does decide to go through with it.

One more thing, do try not to get discouraged, it was a bit hard to read, but that doesn't mean you can't improve and get better. That's certainly goes with the English as well, I have a friend where English was a second language, and I've personally tried learning a new language, so I know it can be a bit challenging. We all start somewhere afterall.

6298596 Was it? I kind of got lost in the verbiage and thought she skipped that and went for the other holes.

6298711 Wouldn't blame ya. I actually had to take a step back and reread certain parts while I was reading just so I could understand what was going on properly. I almost missed that detail myself first read through.

Get good English or start writing stories about diamond dogs in the first person. It's bad , real bad

Такс, такс, такс, что тут у нас. ;)
На самом деле ребята правы. Надо было заручиться чьей-нибудь помощью и привести текст в порядок. Тут успех зависит куда больше от грамотности текста, чем, скажем, контента.

Well... aside from the bad grammar/vocabulary, rape is no fun.

interesting grammer. hopefully english is not your first language but if it is you should go back to school.

You should get a spellchecker to go over this, besides that good story

I couldn't finish this story.
I got about 4 paragraphs in, and had to stop.
It was like barbed wire was raping my mind-ears.
:ajbemused:

I could go in and fix the grammar and bad wording it would pass the 15 percent-rule so that tecnicaly and legaly I could claim this as my own...author please fix this before I am tempted.

My English is too bad for this.

Mayhaps you should try writing in your native tongue, then finding someone to translate it for you.

how did this even pass the grammar standards?!

... I'm lost. What just happened?

When it said "nearly 3 feet" it just took me out of the story.

9670158
Yeah, that's the thing that takes ya out of the story. :facehoof:

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