The Koopa King

by KiwiFreakinBlitz

Prologue: Let me just gather my thoughts...

Dear Diary Journal,

It happened again!

Why do I always lose?!

I don't understand it! I'm bigger than him, I'm stronger than him, I'm tougher than him, I have more magical affinity than him, and I definitely have more resources than him! Yet how is it that time and time again my evil plans are foiled by that darned plumber Mario?!

This last time was even worse. I had got my grimy claws on the legendary Crystal Star that Kammy told me about, and it worked just like it said in the book! Get the Crystal Star, wear it on you, become invincible! It was amazing, to be sure, but I've had plenty of magical artifacts of great power tote the "invincible" thing before, so I wanted to stack the deck a little, you know? I didn't just go right into kidnapping my beloved Princess Peach this time, oh no, I went to round up some a little "assurance". I had my minions nab my nemesis' green brother Whatshisname, and to imprison that pesky little race of dinosaurs that have plagued me since I was a child! I had my armies gather ever single flower they could find, they plucked every songbird of every single feather, and I had some of the mages perform a ritual to make sure it wouldn't be even 1% humid or dark for weeks in advance to cut mushrooms out of everyone's diet! I had doubled the guards on my palace, I ordered the Koopalings to take a regiment each and start attacking different parts of the Mushroom Kingdom simultaneously to give them all something to keep their attention, I had taken all the precautions I could think of! (And several that never occurred to me before...)

By all rights I had NO BUSINESS losing...

Then Mario showed up.

Like usual, he seemed to have just mowed through my minions and defenses like a freakin' laser grass-trimmer, and in record time, to enter my throne room and do our age old song and dance like it was second nature. The fight was going well! I was actually, truly and sincerely, invincible and he went down hard. I was on top of the world! And the world was actually going to finally be conquered by me! But lo and behold, the legendary Crystal Star had a flaw. It made whomever possessed it to become invincible and all powerful, but that same buff apparently didn't extend to itself! Who freaking makes these stupid mythical trinkets anyway?! Why would someone make an "all powerful artifact" and incorporate such an intentional sounding flaw?

So the little Italian meatball somehow dug deep inside himself or something of that cliched nature, gather all the hope and love and strength he had left, and did what he did best.

He jumped.

Leaped at me like a missile shot outta heck, and thinking I was covered on all of my bases, I stood there laughing at his, what I thought to be, feeble attempt at one last bit of defiance. I took the hit, but the greasy pain in my butt managed to hit the Crystal Star and shattered it into tiny little fragments. I can only imagine my look of shock... I probably looked really lame! Ugh!

So, apparently super uber powerful magic artifacts don't really like being broken, as I soon learned. The mana infused into the darn thing must of gone unstable, because the moment it no longer was confined to it's properly enchanted vessel, it decided to explode into a brilliantly white light, engulfing all in the room.

Next thing I know, I'm freezing my generous green butt off in some arctic wasteland over looking a nearby kingdom made entirely out of the same cruddy material that seemingly teleported me to who know's where this is! Gah, it's bugging the heck out of me! This is definitely what I needed! No sarcasm there! Get my butt whooped for the umpteenth time, and now the universe is mocking me! And here I am, just a half ton spike-shelled dragon who just wants to taste victory once in his miserable little life, all alone in his latest defeat!

...

Is that Kammy sticking out of the snow over there?

Huh.

Maybe this isn't as bad as I'm making it out to be.

Yours gruesomely,

King Bowser.

Comments

[Texus]

very nice, i am curious right now.