The Pony Who is Addicted to Winning
Sweet Apple Acres was the last farm the weather team needed to handle for the day, so after the rather bizarre ... encounter with Applejack and Rarity I was done for the day. I guess the only question left was whether those two are going to bang or kill each other. Either way, I could offer them some equipment and a couple pointers to get the job done. I’m a mare of many skills.
Now that I’d taken care of work, I could finally get back to dealing with all the fallout from my personal life. Since I didn’t want to deal with Blossom just yet and the boss was leaving town soon, that just left my fillyfriend. It was just a short little flight to get there; I thought about stopping to pick up some kind of gift for her or something, but I couldn’t think of anything that would work.
Derpy’s got a pretty nice little place. Well not all that little really; it’s a three-bedroom place, so it’s not exactly small even if it’s only a one-story house. The only reason she could afford it is because when she got it the place was a real fixer-upper. Lucky for her, she had some awesome friends who were happy to help with that. Her brother took some time off to come to Ponyville and lend a hoof too. Seven years of living there had given Derpy plenty of time to transform it from a basic functional living space to a home. That’s really the only word I could use to describe it. The place was ... homey.
Derpy opened up the door and smiled when she saw me. “Hey you.” Her voice was full of its usual cheerful bubbliness, but a second later her smile disappeared when she saw my downcast expression. “So I’m guessing there’s something to all those rumors floating around town.”
I struggled to put it into words for a bit. “Yeah. I’ve had a really rotten couple of days.”
“Oh.” Derpy opened up her door and stepped aside, inviting me in. “Wanna tell me about it?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I needed somepony to spill all this to, and since I was on the outs with Blossom that pretty much left me with Derpy. I guess I could try Rainbow Dash, but the boss was kinda mixed up in everything. Plus, if I’m honest she just wasn’t that good at being sensitive and comforting. That’s not to say she wouldn’t try, but it’s not her strong suit.
Derpy led me over to one of the couches in the living room, then frowned in thought for a second before changing course and heading for the bedroom instead. “You could use a preening, and a backrub is always nice after a stressful day.”
I certainly wasn’t about to object to either one of those. I got comfortable on the bed while Derpy trotted off to the kitchen to grab a muffin out of her fridge for me. A minute later I had a beautiful mare rubbing her hooves along my back and gently nipping at my wings while I munched on a chocolate chip muffin. Gotta say, it was doing wonders for my mood.
That is, until things went wrong. “Ow! Derpy! That’s a pinion! Don’t–OW!” In hindsight, I should’ve remembered that there are downsides to banging a mare with a clumsy streak.
“Sorry!” To my immense relief Derpy took her teeth off of my flight feather. For a second I’d been worried she might yank the thing out. The last thing I needed was to spend a couple days flying like a filly fresh out of Flight Camp until it got around to growing back..
I shifted around so I could get a good look at Derpy’s face, and my annoyance with her instantly faded away when I saw her sheepish little nervous grin. It was the same look she always got on her face after she had one of her little accidents and it was so endearingly cute that staying mad at her was pretty much impossible. "Sorry," Derpy apologized again. “I guess I’m not very good at wing-play, am I?”
“It’s fine, sweetie.” A delightful idea sprang to mind, and with a quick shift of my haunches I had Derpy on her belly with me on top. One of the neat things about hoof-to-hoof combat training is knowing a couple moves that can have some very fun applications in the bedroom. “I bet you just need somepony to show you how it’s done. Now pay attention, ‘cause I don’t want you missing a single bit of this.”
Within minutes I had her melting like butter in my hooves. I’m no masseuse like the ones at the spa, but when it comes to filling a pony with warm fuzzy feelings I’m a pro. It’s a very useful skill to have for any playpony; you’d be surprised how many ponies will warm up to the idea of letting you into their bed after a good backrub or a nice preening.
I started things off nice and simple; if she was going to be preening me on a regular basis, I needed to show her how to do a good job of it. I leaned forward and traced one of her pinions with my lips, straightening the barbs of the feather out towards the end of her wing. It took a few passes to even things out; given her inexperience with me, I wasn’t surprised that she’d done a less-than-perfect job with her own feathers. Every once in a while I’d throw in a gratuitous tug–not a painfully hard tug, but definitely enough to send some sensation down her wing. I knew I was getting the job done when she let out a contented sigh.
It took a while to straighten out the worst of her feathers, but eventually I got everything reasonably groomed. Derpy was starting to furl her wings back in when I stepped things up a notch and ran a hoof down her back, eliciting a very interesting reaction. I recalled as much as I could about nerves and muscle mass from my krav pega lessons as I worked my hooves over her flight muscles, finding and kneading tense spots until they melted beneath me. Her work as a mailmare must’ve been pretty hectic given how much tension I found.
Derpy looked over her shoulder at me and stretched her neck a bit until she was in range to meet my lips with her own. A couple seconds into the kiss, I heard the front door opening and Derpy’s girls calling out that they were home. An instant later Derpy’s wings snapped shut and she shot from under me fast enough to bounce my skull off of her bed’s headboard.
Things went from bad to worse when I discovered that Derpy’s bedroom window had been painted shut. The worst part was that when I’d helped her fix the place up back when she first bought it on account of being pregnant with Dinky (cloud-houses don’t really work for baby unicorns), I was pretty sure I’d been the one to paint the window shut. It was like I hadn’t planned on needing to make a quick and stealthy exit from the bedroom when Derpy’s girls came home. Curse my lack of forethought.
After a bit of evaluation I decided that breaking one of Derpy’s windows wasn’t worth it just to make a clean getaway. That left me with no choice but to face the music.
I snuck out of the bedroom with a vague plan of finding some other way to get out unobserved, but Derpy’s house had a distressing lack of cover available. I guess she wanted to minimize the number of things she could bump into or knock over. Unfortunately, that meant I didn’t get more than five steps before I got busted. “Hi Miss Cloud Kicker!” Dinky called out with all the innocent glee of a filly who had no idea what was going on.
Well, there was no point in running for it now. All I could do was try to cover our flanks, though judging by the horrified look on Sparkler’s face it might be a bit late for damage control. Not that I blamed her for being freaked; it was kinda hard to miss your mom coming out of the bedroom, and then her fillyfriend trying to sneak out of the room a minute later. It was a good thing we’d heard them come in, or life would’ve gotten really, really awkward. Again.
Sparkler, Derpy, and I were all frozen in awkward silence, but lucky for us Dinky was there to fill the gap with childish enthusiasm. She trotted right up to me and proudly presented me with a simple drawing of herself, Derpy, and Sparkler having a picnic in a grassy field. I was a little surprised to see that I was also in the picture, pushing a cloud out of the way so they’d have plenty of sunshine. The words ‘Mommys friend Miss Clowd Kiker’ written above the figure in the drawing removed any doubt Dinky’s less-than-refined artwork might have left that it was me. I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about being included in Dinky’s family picture, even peripherally.
“I made this in class today,” Dinky declared cheerfully, pointing a hoof at the drawing of me. “You’re in it, see?” Before I could come up with any kind of answer to that she continued on. “Did Mommy invite you over for dinner?”
Derpy and I wasted no time jumping on the excuse Dinky had so helpfully provided for us. “Yes muffin,” Derpy said just a touch too hastily “I asked her to have dinner with us. That’s why she’s here.”
“Okay!” Dinky accepted Derpy’s explanation with the innocent naivete of a filly. Her mother had said so, and that was good enough. “Can I help you make dinner, Mommy?”
Derpy beamed indulgently at her daughter. “Of course you can, muffin.”
The two of them trotted off into the kitchen together, leaving me alone in the hallway with Sparkler. Well, this wasn’t awkward at all. I gave a jerk of my head towards the living room, and the two of us trotted over to a couple of comfortably broken-in couches and took a seat. “So...” I began uncertainly. When in doubt, go with the direct approach. “I guess you know I’m banging your mom, right?”
Sparkler let out a strangled sort of gasping sound. Maybe I’d been just a bit too direct. “Oh Celestia,” the teen groaned.
Maybe a joke would help lighten the mood? “Funny, your mom says the same thing sometimes...”
Sparkler gagged and glared at me. Okay, so much for that idea. Thanks to Rule Eleven, I’m not exactly experienced when it comes to dealing with the bangee’s kids. “Sorry, that joke sounded a lot funnier in my head than ... yeah.”
Sparkler finally spoke up. “Just ... don’t ever mention anything like that again. Ever.” The unicorn still looked a little nauseous.
“Yeah. Okay.”
Awkward silence ensued. What could I talk to her about? She was what–fifteen, sixteen? When I was that age I’d been going to West Hoof and doing the sorts of dumb things most teens did. Well, since she wasn’t being trained to lead ponies into battle I could probably dump the military school experiences for common ground. If there’s one thing anypony her age is interested in (with the occasional exception like Rainbow Dash), it’s romance. All those teenage hormones will do that to anypony.
Well, I did have a decent grasp of that kind of thing; certainly better than most other topics I could take a try at. “So … got your eye on any cute colts? Or fillies? Or anything else?”
Sparkler glared at me suspiciously. “So help me Luna, if you’re about to try to offer me some kind of advice about mating I’ll–”
“No! Celestia no! Why would you even think that?” Oh right, this is me we’re talking about. I don’t even want to think what Derpy would do if I tried that. Doesn’t matter how good I am at eating her muffin, there’s some lines you don’t cross. “Okay, look, it’s not like that. I was just trying to–”
Sparkler cut me off with an upraised hoof. “Alright, that’s enough horseapples. What’s your angle here? I mean, really?”
So, guess we were going with the direct approach after all, just from a different direction than I’d expected. “Okay, here's how it is: I want to do right by your mom so I can keep doing your mom.” That got a shudder of revulsion out of Sparkler. “Oops, my bad. I didn’t think about that. Anyway, I just--well, this goes against some of my rules but...you're part of the package that comes with seeing Derpy. I guess it's fair to give you time too.”
Sparkler went silent for almost an entire minute before she finally responded to my initial question. “His name’s Ratchet. He’s an earth pony.”
Yes! I was making progress. So an earth pony? Not a bad choice; that natural stamina of theirs can be very, very useful. “So...” I leaned forward and did my best to mimic the sort of gossipy mannerisms I’d seen other ponies use. “Is he cute?”
Sparkler blushed just a bit when she answered. It was kinda hard to see with her pinkish coat, but it was definitely there. “Yeah. He’s really good with tools and designs–we met working on a project for school. He was really good with keeping all the little details straight, and he’s got these grass-green eyes that–” Sparkler cut herself off with an embarrassed little squeak that painfully reminded me of some of the other ponies in my life.
I did my best to put that aside and focus on the present. I forced a grin onto my face and gave Sparkler a playful little nudge. “Well go on, you were just getting to the good part.”
Sparkler’s blush deepened a bit, but she kept talking. “Well, his uncle Tool Time taught him a lot about working with his hooves and–um–well, it’s really paid off.” I cocked an eyebrow and gave her a knowing smile, this one genuine. After a few seconds she let out an embarrassed little mutter. “Flanks of an alicorn.”
She looked so embarrassed about her admiration for the colt that it was hard not to chuckle at her. Celestia, had I ever been that shy about banging? I kept that urge in check; making it look like I was laughing at her would destroy all the progress we’d made. First loves are a really big deal to everypony. “Sounds like he’s quite a catch. Since Tool Time works with your mom, you’ve got a nice little inside track too.” A worrying thought occurred to me. “Um ... you two haven’t been banging or anything, have you?”
Sparkler immediately turned redder than one of Applejack’s apples. “No! Of course not!”
I let out a relieved breath. “Good. I know I’m the last pony who should be telling anypony this, but you don’t wanna do that.” Admittedly, it was a little hypocritical for me to say that when I had been a couple years younger than Sparkler when I lost my virginity. “It’s fun, but take my word for it–doing that kind of thing before you’re ready can cause all kinds of problems.”
Sparkler nervously shuffled her hooves on the floor for several seconds before she finally spoke. “Um ... I know it’s probably just a silly rumor, but–”
I sighed and cut her off. “No, Dinky’s not mine.” I suppose it was really just a matter of time before that one cropped up again. The fact that I got around was more or less common knowledge, and being an old friend of Derpy’s had naturally put me on the suspect list when everypony was speculating on who had gotten her pregnant. Dinky turning out to have coat and mane colors pretty close to mine had done absolutely nothing to help there. Guess it figures that Derpy and I hooking up would start that old rumor circulating again.
Needless to say, it was completely ridiculous. Female-female pregnancies only happened when some very high-level and hard-to-get (not to mention expensive) unicorn magic was involved, or when the Magic of Love gets tossed into the mix. A one-night stand between two pegasi wasn’t likely to include either of those factors. Not that crazy rumors have ever been deterred by a few inconvenient facts.
Sparkler seemed a bit relieved to learn that Dinky wasn’t my lovefoal. “Sorry, had to ask. It’s just–well she sat me down for a talk about all that a few weeks ago after you and her ... yeah. You wanna talk about awkward...”
“Oh. That talk.” Might’ve been good if Mom and Dad had given me that talk before I’d gone and worked out some of it myself. “Yeah, I can see how that would be a bit awkward.”
“Trust me, it was,” Sparkler agreed flatly. “I think she’s warming up to Ratchet since she works with his uncle, but–well, she's trying to be a mom while being Mom. You know–'learn from me' with the bubbly offer of a muffin is kinda counter-productive.”
I giggled at that. “I think I know what you mean. Even after she had Dinky it took me a while to get used to the idea that Derpy was a mom.”
Sparkler snorted. “When she brought me home and said I was going to be a sister from now on, I thought she meant I was gonna be her sister. She was so … young. Hay, the first clue I had that something was off was when we got to the house.” She pointed at the front door. “One of my first memories of Ponyville is walking through that door and seeing this little thing in a blanket wriggling away from Rainbow Dash and waddling towards us. Dinky had Favorite over her face and couldn’t really see where she was going, and she latched onto me by mistake. Mom said she was happy to see that Dinky liked her new big sister.” Sparkler shook her head. “Lemme tell you: Mind. Blown."
“At first I wasn’t sure to think of it all. Here was my new mom, eight years older than me, and Dinky was just this little tiny thing she would probably want me to help her take care of...” Sparkler trailed off and warm smile appeared on her face. “But then Mom got this look in her eyes. She saw me and Dinky together and she was just so happy, like everything was right in the world. I think that’s when it first clicked for me, that this could all work out. That I had a family now.”
Sparkler looked over at me and I had this feeling, like something had changed between us. I’m not sure why, but it felt like I’d just passed some kind of test. I was Sparkler-approved now. Derpy’s daughter continued. “Mom’s almost always happy, but sometimes there’s this special kind of happy, you know? Not just the normal bubbly-happy, but something a lot bigger than that. She gets that way when Uncle Cirrus or Grandma and Grandpa come over to visit, or when she can do something special for Dinky and I. And–well sometimes she gets that same look when you come over.”
That caught me by surprise. I mean sure, Derpy and I enjoyed our little get-togethers, but what Sparkler was talking about sounded like a lot more than that. “Really?”
Sparkler nodded and gave me a knowing little grin. “Yeah. Sneak a look next time she’s doing something. You might surprised by how she looks at you when she thinks you’re not watching.”
I tried to ignore the implications of just what Sparkler was telling me right now, and instead smirked at the unicorn and gave her a playful little nudge with my wing. “What’s the deal here? Are you giving me advice on how to win some muffin points with your mom?”
Sparkler frowned in confusion. “What do muffins have to do with anything?”
I chuckled and decided to spare her any more trauma. “Long story, and in any case you’re avoiding the question.”
Sadly, Sparkler was sharp enough to put together some of the less wholesome implications of my question. She put her hooves to the sides of her head and groaned. “Oh Celestia, I did not need to know you could use the word muffin that way!” I gave her a few moment to recover from the unpleasant realization and hopefully drown out the traumatic mental images. “Please, if you do nothing else, never, ever talk about muffins in a remotely sexual context ever again.”
“Don’t ask me to make promises I won’t keep.” Sparkler glared at me, and I gave her a reassuring little pat on the back. “Relax, I’ll try to avoid ruining any more of your favorite snacks. Now, if you can drag your mind out of the gutter, how about answering that question I asked?”
After taking a few more minutes to rid herself of her self-inflicted mental trauma, Sparkler finally got around to giving me a straight answer. “You make Mom happy, and I can tell that you mean a lot to her. I guess that means you’re okay in my book too. I mean ... she’s a good mom. She deserves somepony who can make her happy like that.”
So I had Sparkler’s approval on top of Dinky’s family picture. First time I needed my bangee’s daughters to give the okay. “So does this mean that from now on when I come over I don’t need to sneak out to avoid you?”
“Let’s not go too crazy.” Sparkler was starting look a little green around the gills from all this talk about her Mom’s sex life. “I’m okay with you and Mom, but I really don’t wanna know when you two are ... y’know, doing that.” Sparkler shot a look over at me. “You know, your parents had sex too. And I bet they liked it.”
I giggle-snorted. “Please, you can’t get to me with that.”
Sparkler had evil little smirk. “Just imagine your mom and dad in bed. They’re all alone, and he gets on top of her and starts–”
I hastily cut her off. “Okay, that’s enough.” Apparently I’m not quite as jaded as I think I am.
Sparkler grinned. “Payback’s a bitch, isn’t it?”
“Still banging your mom,” I countered.
Sparkler shuddered and offered me a hoof. “How about we call a truce?”
I shook her hoof. “Works for me.” One of the lessons I learned back at West Hoof was how to recognize a no-win scenario.
After we declared a cease fire there was another lull in the conversation. This one wasn’t awkward and uncomfortable like the last couple had been though. I guess that’s another sign that we were starting to get along better. I might just be in this to get a couple more chances to nibble on Derpy’s muffin, but I did wanna get along with her kids too. After all, even if we stopped banging, Derpy was still my friend.
Maybe I should look into doing a little something to help cement my new status with Derpy’s elder child. “So, have there been any problems from my whole ... thing?” I guess that was as good a word as any to use for my colossal lapse in judgement. “I know ponies have been talking about it, so I’d feel kinda responsible if anypony ... y’know, gave you or Dinky or Derpy a hard time over it.”
Sparkler shook her head. “Nothing serious. Uh–Mom told me about the thing with Sticks and Stones back when she first moved here. I think after that everypony got the message that she was off-limits. The colts and fillies at Dinky’s school are too young to understand what happened with you, and me... Growing up in the system meant learning how to take care of myself when the adults weren't around to keep an eye on things. If anypony gives me trouble, I know how to handle it.”
Oh. Not the happiest place for this conversation to go. Not everypony learned how to fight from taking classes like I did. “Yeah, I’m sure you can take care of yourself. I was just thinking ... well if you’re having trouble there’s things I can do to lend a hoof that Derpy can’t. Not every problem can be fixed with a smile and a muffin.”
“Thanks for the offer, but I really don’t need that kind of help.” Sparkler sighed and sank down into the couch. “Back when I first moved to Ponyville there was this one filly in my class who called Mom a ... well, she called Mom something really bad. So I beat the stuffing out of her to teach her a lesson. I expected Mom to get mad at me--shout at me, spank me, something like that. Instead she just gave me this disappointed look and sent me to my room. Like she expected better of somepony she’d made part of her family.” Sparkler burrowed down a little further into the couch. “I mean, she never said that and I know she never would, but … I think I would’ve preferred getting hit or yelled at.”
Nice going, me. Tried to do a little more bonding, and instead I went and brought up some unpleasant memories. I rubbed a hoof nervously behind my head. “Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to go and remind you of anything painful.”
Sparkler waved my apology off. “It’s fine. You spend enough time in the system, you start picking up some bad habits; I've come a long way, but every once in a while I slip up. Mom's been really cool about working with me on that, though.”
“Yeah, Derpy’s one of the best ponies I’ve ever known.” Probably why I decided to upgrade things with Derpy from ‘impulsive one-time fling with an old friend’ to ‘steady relationship.’ That and the muffins. Both the baked ones and the other kind.
I was about to change the subject to something a little happier when Derpy poked her head into the room to announce that dinner was almost ready. She took one look at me and Sparkler sitting together and talking, and I got a good look at that extra-happy smile Sparkler told me about earlier. Welp, that confirmed it.
Horseapples.
When we’d started this whole thing up Derpy and I had kept it all very casual. This wasn’t some big romance or huge commitment, we were just friends with benefits. It was a perfect relationship. Friendship, banging, and baked goods all in one neat little package.
So why had she gone and fallen in love with me?
What the hay was I gonna do about this?
Rule Seven and Rule Eight were coming up again. If Derpy had gone and fallen for me, then didn’t I have an obligation to end things here and now? Otherwise I was leading her on, encouraging her to try to keep the relationship going under false pretenses. Derpy deserved better than that. Better to end things now and spare her the heartbreak.
Except it was too late to do that. I was already in a relationship with her. Ending things now would hurt her just as bad as if it fell apart later. Maybe even worse. If it all fell apart because I went and feathered up our relationship–as I inevitably would–by cheating on her or doing something else stupid, she would at least understand why things hadn’t worked out. If I broke up with her because of the rules ... she wouldn’t understand. Not in the same way. She’d try to change my mind, convince to me to make an exception to the rules in her case. As long as she was holding onto the hope that she could change my mind she’d keep holding onto those feelings for me, and those feelings would keep hurting her.
On top of that, I didn’t want to end things with Derpy. Not like ‘I enjoy banging her and wanna keep doing it.’ I mean I really didn’t wanna stop being in a relationship with her. The thought of just cutting her out of my life like that ... it hurt.
My face must have given away some of what was going on in my head, because Derpy was looking at me with a worried little frown on her face. “Cloud Kicker? Are you okay?”
I forced a carefree smile onto my face. “Yeah, fine. Just got a lot on my mind is all.”
Judging by the little frown on her face, Derpy wasn’t buying it. After a couple seconds her normal bubbly smile replaced the frown, but I had a feeling that Derpy was going to revisit the topic once she put her girls to bed. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you two know that dinner was almost ready. There are just a few little things left to take care of, but I was hoping I could have my daughter back so she could lend a hoof in the kitchen.”
Getting a little private time with Derpy in the kitchen would be the perfect opportunity to discuss some of those problems that were hanging over my head. Maybe even resolve one or two of them. “Actually, I could–”
I didn’t get any further before something adorable wrapped itself around my leg. I looked down, and Dinky smiled innocently back up at me. “Hi Miss Cloud Kicker! Can we play? Can we? Please? Mommy said it was okay as long as you didn’t mind!”
“–play with Dinky while you two take care of that,” I finished. Not at all what I originally planned to do, but one look at Dinky’s cute little face and I knew that I didn’t have any choice in the matter. Nopony could say no to that face.
“Yay!” Dinky jumped up and latched her hooves around my neck. Once she let go and I was finally allowed to breathe again, she beamed up at me and started bouncing up and down in excitement. “Can we play Battle Clouds? Can we? Please?” Before I could give her an answer she added. “Oh, hey Miss Cloud Kicker, guess what?”
Where do kids get all that energy from? “What?”
“I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue, see?” Dinky proceeded to demonstrate her new skill for me. “Ithn’t tha’ neat?”
I chuckled and ruffled her mane with a hoof. “Yeah, that’s very neat.”
Dinky pulled her tongue back in and grinned at me. “Uh-huh! I bet you can’t do it, can you?”
“Nope, I sure can’t.” I decided there was no harm in feeding her ego a bit more. “You’re one talented filly.”
“I’m not a filly,” Dinky insisted with a petulant stamp of her hoof. “I’m a muffin!”
“Then you’re a very talented muffin,” I conceded.
Judging by the hug I got, that satisfied her. “Can we play Battle Clouds now?”
“Sure thing, little muffin.” I have to admit, after some of the jokes I’d made about Derpy’s muffin, it was gonna take a bit of mental adjustment to get used to using that particular nickname for Dinky. I’ve dealt with worse, though.
I got up and was about to trot over to collection of board games sitting under the coffee table when Dinky put a hoof in front of me. “Wait, I wanna show you another really neat thing I learned how to do. It’s even cooler than touching my nose with my tongue!”
I sat down and waved a hoof for her to proceed. “Alright, show me something neat.”
Dinky screwed up her eyes in a look of intense concentration, and after a couple seconds a weak golden glow appeared around her horn and a box began slowly wobbling its way through the air in our general direction. It took nearly a minute for her to move the box across the room, but she got it done.
Once the box was finally in place Dinky relaxed and let out a breath. She was sweating a bit and looked like she’d just run a twelve-mile jog. I guess when you’re that age, using even a little magic takes a lot out of a pony.
I stomped my hooves in a quiet little round of applause. “Okay, you got me–that was pretty neat.”
“Thanks!” Dinky said in between gasps. “I’ve been workin’ really hard with Miss Twilight on my levi–levitat–lev–” Dinky gave up on the word with a frustrated little grumble. “Making stuff move.”
“Levitation,” I provided.
“Yeah, that. It’s kinda hard, though.”
“But it is really neat,” I encouraged her. “Besides, most things that are worth learning don’t come easy. If it wasn’t hard to learn then you wouldn’t have anything to be proud of when you got good at it. Some day, I bet you’ll be so good you can pick up your mom.”
Dinky’s eyes widened in amazement at that idea. “Really?”
“Really.” I grinned and tousled her mane again. “Hey, when you get really good with your magic do you think you could teach me how to do that too?”
Dinky let out a merry string of giggles. “You can’t do magic, silly! Only unicorns can do magic. You’re silly, Miss Cloud Kicker.”
“Yeah, well how about if I beat you in Battle Clouds you have to teach me how to do magic?” That got Dinky frowning in thought. “And if you beat me in Battle Clouds, I’ll show you a really neat little trick I know how to do.”
Dinky raised a hoof to her chin in thought and answered. “Well, I guess I could do that. But I’m really good at Battle Clouds, so you’re not gonna win.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” I teased her. “I’m the best Battle Clouds player in all of Ponyville.”
“Oh yeah? Well I’m the best Battle Clouds player in all of Equestria!” Dinky countered with childish assurance.
“Well I’m the best in the world.”
“But I’m the best in–” Dinky paused for several seconds before asking. “Um–what comes after the world?”
“The universe?” I suggested.
“Oh yeah, I’m the best Battle Clouds player in the universe!” Dinky declared.
“Well in that case you shouldn’t have any trouble beating me.” I pulled out the boards and started setting up my pieces. Once Dinky was done too, I made my first move. “Sky one.”
We swapped a couple turns of back-and-forth salvos without scoring any hits. I was spacing things out in a nice methodical search pattern, while Dinky seemed to be placing her shots with random childlike glee. Which I guess figured, since she was a filly. Tactics beat randomness and I got her bumblebee first.
“No fair!” Dinky whined. “You’re not allowed to get my bumblebee yet! Cloud nine!”
I checked my board and subtly nudged a piece over one space. “Darn, you got my weather pony.”
“What does she look like?” Dinky asked.
“What does who look like?”
“Your weather pony,” Dinky said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Is she pretty?”
Ah, fillies. “Yeah, my weather pony is very pretty. She’s got a grey coat and a nice blond mane and golden eyes, and her cutie mark is a bunch of bubbles.”
Dinky fell back on the floor giggling. “That’s not a weather pony, silly. That’s Mommy!”
“Well your mom helps me with the weather sometimes,” I argued right back. “So that means she can be a weather pony, right?”
Dinky took a few seconds to mull that over. “Well, I guess so. But that was no fair tricking me into zapping Mommy.”
The two of us went back to the game for a bit. I’d already gotten a pretty good idea of where her pieces were, but since I wasn’t really playing to win I just used that knowledge to drag things out. Not that I went too easy on the filly; she’d enjoy it a lot more if she won by an appropriately narrow margin.
“Hah!” I cried out in exaggerated triumph. “Now I’ve gotten your weather pony!” I let out a couple evil cackles. “So what does your weather pony look like?”
Dinky smirked at me mischievously. “Well she’s got a purple coat and a yellow mane and purple eyes and her cutie mark’s a cloud over the sun.”
I adopted a very exaggerated thoughtful pose, sitting back on my haunches and rubbing a hoof under my chin. “Why does that sound so familiar?”
“It’s you!” Dinky gleefully announced. “You just zapped yourself!”
“Oh darn.” I crossed my hooves over my chest. “You tricked me into zapping myself. You sneaky, sneaky little muffin.”
Dinky giggled again. “You’re funny, Miss Cloud Kicker.” The little filly and I got back to the game for a bit, until she paused and very hopefully asked. “Hey, next time you come over to visit Mommy could you bring Alula over too? I wanna play with her again.”
Huh. Hadn’t expected that. I mean, Dinky and ‘lula had gotten along well enough during the disaster that had been the sleepover at my place, but I didn’t think they’d gotten to the point of being friends. Not that I was complaining; my little sister getting along with Derpy’s little girl worked out very neatly for everypony. It was a lot easier for both of us if we could just have those two keeping each other entertained whenever I came over. Anything that meant more private time for me and Derpy was a good thing. Plus it saved us the bits and bother of finding a foalsitter.
Too bad it wasn’t an option at the moment. “Sorry Dinky; ‘lula lives with my parents and she’s already gone back to my mom’s place. Next time she comes over to visit me I’ll be sure to bring her over here though.”
“Aww...” Dinky looked down and scuffed a hoof on the carpet in obvious disappointment. “When’ll she be back?”
“I’m not sure, but when I know I’ll let you know.” ‘lula used to come over to stay with me pretty frequently, but ever since Mom started having problems with me and Dad the visits had kinda stopped being such a regular thing. “My dad moved to Canterlot a while back and Mom has to spend a lot of time out of Ponyville for work, so I don’t get a chance to see them as often as I’d like.”
Mentioning the capital caught Dinky’s attention. “Oh, that reminds me! Uncle Cirrus is coming this weekend to take me and Sparkler to Canterlot so we can see Gramma and Grampa! Maybe ‘lula can come visit us while we’re there?”
“Well that’s up to my Mom or Dad, but I’m pretty sure they’d be fine with it.” Well, Mom was a bit more of a wild card there, but she’s not completely unreasonable most of the time. Besides, the Canterlot branch of Derpy’s family was well-off enough to be ‘respectable’ to a pony who cares about that kind of thing. That cut out one thing Mom might make a bit of a fuss about; Mom cared way too much about maintaining the honor and dignity of the family name. I’m pretty sure Mom would’ve completely flipped if she’d been there back when Shadow Kicker turned down a chance to tack a horn onto our wings and join the ranks of all-out royalty.
Wait–didn’t the boss say something a while back about Twilight Sparkle having a time travel spell? Might be a good idea to make sure Mom never finds out about that.
Let’s just move away from that very strange line of thought. “So what’s the occasion with Cirrus taking you two to Canterlot? Just giving you another chance to visit your grandparents, or is there something special going on?”
Dinky thought for a bit and nodded. “Yeah, Mommy’s gonna be busy next week. Something about torn nados. What’s a nado?”
Oh, right. Tornado Duty was coming up, and Derpy had wings. The official announcement hadn’t gone out yet, but the boss probably gave Derpy a bit of advance notice so she could make arrangements for the girls. Derpy knew the basics of weather work, but from what I’d seen of the boss’ plans pretty much everypony involved was going to be busting their flanks to make this work. Didn’t leave Derpy much time for her girls, so this was the perfect time for a little vacation.
“Sparkler told me that Uncle Cirrus was also taking us to Canterlot so you and Mommy could have some private time together,” Dinky cheerfully informed me. “Are you gonna play Battle Clouds with her too?”
“Yeah, we’re gonna play some games and have fun.” Always nice when you can find a way to answer those kinds of questions honestly without destroying a filly’s innocence in the process.
“Okay.” Dinky frowned in thought for a moment. “Tell Mommy I said it’s okay if you borrow my Battle Clouds board.” She shook a chiding hoof at me. “Just as long as you don’t lose any of the pieces.”
“I’ll make sure we keep a very close eye on them,” I assured her. Have to say, a week of no fillies around should give Derpy plenty of time to find my weather pony and zap my thunderbolt. Maybe I could even talk her into raining on my cumulus ... Whoa, why does that last one sound way too dirty even for me?
Dinky’s face brightened up and she tugged on one of my hooves. “Oh, hey! I just had an idea Miss Cloud Kicker! Maybe instead of bringing over Alula you could bring over your friend Miss Blossomforth!” The unexpected mention of Blossom hit me like a kick in the gut, but Dinky continued on obliviously. “She was a lot of fun to be around, even if she did say some weird stuff before you brought Miss Cheerilee back. Plus Mommy was saying she wished she could get along better with Miss Blossomforth, though I don’t think she meant for me to hear that so it’s gotta be our secret, okay?”
Dinky got a couple words into her plans for what she could do to help Derpy and Blossom get along better when she trailed off, frowning at me. I guess I wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding the fact that hearing Blossom’s name kinda stung. I’d been trying to hide it–Dinky didn’t need to know about that kind of thing–but Blossom was still a pretty sore point for me.
It would’ve been a lot easier to sort out if I could work out whether I should be madder at her or at myself. On the one hoof, I’d gone way over the line using the crush she’d been nursing on me to hurt her. On the other hoof, she’d used Fluttershy against me. I told her not to go there, and she knew that was probably the nastiest, most hurtful thing she could possibly do to me.
It was a big nasty mess, and I had no idea how I was going to fix it.
Suddenly I was on the receiving end of another one of Dinky’s hugs. This one felt different from the previous enthusiastic little displays of childish affection. It’s hard to put into words exactly what was different about it, but it felt meaningful in a way that the cheerful little hugs she’d given me before hadn’t. It felt ... comforting.
She pulled back with an almost comically serious look on her face. “You looked sad, so I gave you a get-better hug. Get-better hugs fix everything. Do you feel better now?”
“A bit, yeah.” There must be something to those get-better hugs if one could make me feel a bit better about the whole thing with Blossom. Maybe all it would take for the two of us to sort things out was for Dinky to give us a bunch of hugs? Probably not, but it would be nice to think we could solve our problems that way. “Hey Dinky? Can I get another one of those hugs?”
Dinky didn’t hesitate to give me another one of her get-better hugs. They really did help.
“Hey Miss Cloud Kicker?” Dinky asked mid-hug.
“Y’know, you don’t have to call me miss,” I told her. “We know each other too well for that. Besides, it makes me feel old.”
“Okay!” Dinky declared with her usual enthusiasm. “You’re right; we’re not strangers! We’re family, and family doesn’t call each other stuff like ‘miss.’”
Whoa! Family? Where the hay did that come from?
Actually, I could see where she got the idea. I wasn’t just banging Derpy anymore. I was eating dinner with the family, bonding with her girls, stuff like that. That’s ... well that’s a bit past the kind of thing that’s part of the friends-with-benefits package.
This went so far beyond my rules … and yet, I wasn’t nearly as upset about that as I should be. Hay, I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I was breaking my rules. That’s bad news. Really bad news. I made those rules for a reason, and if I start breaking them willy-nilly without bothering to think things through...
This whole thing, from start to finish, had all been one big mistake. I never should’ve banged Derpy in the first place. Rule Four. All my talk to Blossom about how Rule Four didn’t apply with Derpy and me because we were sensible enough to deal with the fallout of mixing friendship and banging was sounding pretty hollow right now. Derpy was in love with me, and I was getting sucked into her family and breaking more and more rules the deeper in I got. The worst part was that there was a significant part of me that wasn’t convinced that was a bad thing.
Just to put the icing on the cake Derpy walked into the living room, took one look at Dinky hugging me, and started smiling that damn loving smile again. I’d really gone and gotten myself into a big mess this time.
“Hey you two,” Derpy called out to us. “Dinner’s ready.”
My stomach gave an appreciative grumble at that news. Apparently I hadn’t quite made up for not eating properly yesterday. I took a few sniffs in the hopes of catching a whiff of whatever Derpy made for us (assuming we were eating anything other than muffins) and instead encountered... “Uh, Derpy? Why do I smell smoke?”
Derpy nervously flitted her wings. “That’s ... that’s not important.”
“Do I need to go get the fire extinguisher again?” Dinky volunteered helpfully.
Derpy gave her daughter an affectionate little nuzzle on the head. “No need for that muffin, Sparkler and I already took care of it.”
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Derpy and Dinky were talking about a kitchen fire so casually. Living with Derpy does require that one do a reasonable amount of disaster planning.
Derpy’s dining room was a nice enough little place. Perhaps a little too nice; the tablecloth looked suspiciously clean, considering the fact that two fillies and Derpy regularly ate at this table. For some reason, that tiny little detail really bothered me. She’d cleaned the tablecloth because I was eating dinner here. I mean, it’s nice that she’d go to all that trouble just to make a good impression, but at the same time that’s not something you do when an old friend’s coming over to visit. Well, not unless you’re a total neat-freak.
Dinner came out and another minor little wave of dread hit me. She was using the nice plates this time, not the cheap and nearly-indestructible ones she’d bought when she got the place. Oh Celestia, she really was trying to make a good impression on me. Why? We’d known each other since before we had our cutie marks, there was no reason for her to be making such a big deal out of all this. It was just dinner.
Unsurprisingly, muffins in several different varieties were a major part of dinner in Derpy’s home. Not that I was complaining, since our mutual fondness for the things was what brought Derpy and I together back when we were fillies. Seriously, if I’d known that banging her was the key to getting her to share her muffins with me instead of snatching mine away in a sudden fit of excitement, I might have done this years ago.
That’s not to say we only had muffins; there are simply some foods in the equine diet that can’t really be put into muffin form (though I wouldn’t be surprised if Derpy had tried at some point). I filled my plate up with a healthy serving of alfalfa–while it might taste like, well, alfalfa, it was kind of was a necessary part of our diet. Besides, I found out a few years ago that a side of alfalfa is a mild aphrodisiac. So there is that going for it.
Grabbing one of Derpy’s carrot muffins brought a nice topic of conversation to mind. Something not-at-all related to wall-eyed pegasi who seemed to be trying to make me a part of their family. “Hey, you get your carrots from Carrot Top, right? Reminds me, the weather team did a round of farm irrigation today; we got Carrot Top’s place along with everypony else’s.” That naturally got everypony else on the table talking about work or school. A nice and safely boring topic.
Or at least it was until Dinky suddenly perked up, swallowed the rest of her muffin, and eagerly turned to me. “Hey Miss –” Dinky went quiet with a thoughtful frown. “Wait, I’m not supposed to call you miss anymore, so what do I call you?”
“Just Cloud Kicker is fine, Dinky.” I swear, if she starts calling me mom number two, I am getting out of here so fast that the boss won’t be the only pony to have ever pulled off a sonic rainboom.
“Okay!” Dinky agreed brightly. “Cloud Kicker, there’s a school talent show in a couple weeks and I’m gonna be in it. It’s gonna be really neat! I’m gonna sing the Muffin Song, and Mommy made me a muffin costume to wear while I sing it. She even got Miss Rarity to help her make it!”
Dinky was going to be in a talent show singing something called the Muffin Song while dressed up as a big muffin? That whole idea just sounded sickeningly adorable.
“Anyway,” Dinky continued. “It’s gonna be really, really neat! Like, almost as neat as Rainbow Dash neat! So are you gonna come to the talent show? Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?”
I’d been planning to go to the talent show anyway; even when Alula wasn’t in it, the show was usually entertaining enough to be worth watching. If nothing else, I wanted to see if the Crusaders would manage to top their performance last year. Still, there’s a big difference between going to the talent show just for a little casual entertainment and going to it for Dinky.
Not that I had any choice in the matter; one look at the hopeful little smile on Dinky’s face and I knew I was stuck. It’s not like I could tell her no and watch her get all heartbroken. “Sure, I’ll be there.”
“Yay!” Dinky let out her happy little cheer, while Sparkler gave me an approving nod and Derpy gave me yet another one of those damned loving smiles. Oh Celestia, no matter what I tried I just kept getting pulled in deeper and deeper.
After dinner Sparkler volunteered to put Dinky to bed and discreetly let me and Derpy know that she was putting up a silence spell over her and Dinky’s rooms. Gotta admit, having unicorns around can be really handy sometimes.
To my disappointment, Derpy headed for the living room instead of the bedroom. She looked over her shoulder and gave a knowing little smile. “Later. We need to talk first, and if we got too comfortable I suspect talking would be the last thing on our minds.”
Well, she had a fair point there. With just a bit of reluctance I moved over to one of the well-used living room couches and took seat. Derpy settled in next me and gave me a patient, expectant look. I knew what that meant; the girls might have delayed things for a bit, but I had come here to talk with Derpy about everything that had happened over the last couple days. Time to spill the beans.
For a moment, I almost wished Dinky would wake up and provide a convenient distraction to get me out of this conversation. Figuring out Derpy’s feelings for me had added a whole new level of potential awkwardness to ... well everything I needed to do with Derpy. Unfortunately, it didn’t look like there was any way I was getting out of this one.
“Alright, I guess I’ll just start with what happened in Cloudsdale.” When in doubt, begin at the beginning. “I–in hindsight I made some bad choices there.” I paused and thought things over for a bit. “Actually, I’m not even sure if some of them were bad choices so much as just a case of me not thinking through all the consequences of my actions. Celestia, it’s just–look, I never meant to bring any trouble down on you or your girls, okay?”
Derpy gave me a reassuring little nuzzle. “I know you didn’t. That’s why I’ve already forgiven you.”
Well, that was one less thing to worry about. Not that I should’ve been surprised; you had to be a pretty spectacularly rotten pony to move beyond what Derpy was willing to forgive. Hay, she’d forgiven quite a few ponies that I personally thought she should still be holding some very justified anger towards. She’d even forgiven her parents for tossing her out while she was pregnant with Dinky, something I hadn’t been willing to let go of until she sat me down and asked me to do for her sake.
I’m pretty sure the only thing a pony could do that would ever put them past forgiveness in Derpy’s eyes would be hurting her daughters. To date, nopony had been that stupid.
“So, what happened after Cloudsdale?” Derpy prompted.
“Well, Blossom flew there to pick me up, but she was pretty upset with me.” I sighed and gave a nervous little flutter of my wings. “She had a lot to say. Most of it wasn’t very nice, but that doesn't mean that some of it wasn’t true.”
Derpy snuggled up close to me on the couch, pressing her body against mine and wrapping a comforting wing around me. I leaned into her for a bit before reluctantly moving on to where things started getting really bad. “Blossom and I–we got into a bit of a fight. Not just a normal little tiff, a real nasty one. She–she brought Fluttershy into it.”
Derpy pulled me closer and made a few wordless murmurs of sympathy. Just as I was starting to relax and let her start comforting me, she pulled back and hit me with an uncompromising frown. “Wait, if Blossomforth did that ... Cloud Kicker, what did you do to her?”
Horseapples. Derpy would know just how badly I’d take anypony dragging the Fluttershy thing into the middle of a personal argument. “You know Derpy, now that Sparkler and Dinky are in bed we’ve got the house all to ourselves. How about you and I shelve this discussion for a bit and eat some muffins instead?”
Derpy pulled away and held me at hoof’s length. “Oh no you don’t, you’re not getting out of this one. Whatever happened has you in bad shape, Cloud Kicker. You need to get that out in the open first. Then we’ll see about some muffins.”
I started idly stroking her foreleg. “Aw, don’t be like that Derpy. C’mon, I’ll do that special thing you really like. You know, the one where I–”
“Cloud Kicker,” Derpy interrupted me with a tone she’d obviously perfected while dealing with her girls misbehaving. “Do you really think you’re fooling me? Do you think that I can't see an attempt to get out of an awkward conversation? I'm a mother of two young fillies, I’ve got lots of experience with ponies trying to distract me from things they don’t want me to know about.”
Perhaps she does have experience, but I’ve got a few tricks in my arsenal that Derpy’s daughters would never use on her. I fluidly slipped around Derpy’s blocking hoof and started stroking one of her wings while I leaned in to nuzzle her neck. “Hey Derpy? Less talking, more banging.”
Derpy pulled back and gently but firmly removed my hoof. “Cloud Kicker, if you keep this up I might have to ground you for a bit.”
I spread out one of my wings so the feathers could travel slowly along Derpy’s side. “So we’re roleplaying now, are we? Great! I’ll be the naughty little student who needs a couple extra points to pass her class, and you can be the teacher.”
Derpy pulled back until there were several paces of empty space between us. “Do you know what I do when my daughters try to avoid talking to me about something?” She turned her back on me and trotted towards the kitchen. “I don’t talk to them about anything else until they decide they’re ready to tell me what they need to.”
I followed shortly behind her, enjoying the view all the while. “That’s fine Derpy, I’m not really interested in talking to you right now. Well, unless 'Oh Celestia, don't stop Cloud Kicker!' counts as talking.”
Derpy ignored my advances as she went about getting herself a glass of ice water. She didn’t seem to be flustering the way Blossom did when I tried this; maybe saucy flirting isn’t quite as effective of a distraction when you’ve already banged the pony in question several times. “Don’t get me wrong, Cloud Kicker, ordinarily I'd be right on board with what you’re suggesting. On any other day you and I would head to bed and get to work deciding who would get to start tonight. But right now, I think you need to chill out.”
And then she dumped the ice water over my rump, aiming it so it trickled down to some very sensitive places.
Gyah! That was cold!
“Derpy!” I whined in between shivers.
Derpy gave me an obviously faked sympathetic smile. “Oh, poor foal. That was a little mean of me, wasn’t it? Do you want me to help you warm back up?”
“Sounds good to me!” When several seconds went by and she did nothing to actually make good on her offer, I figured out the catch. “Let me guess: that offer is conditional on me spilling the beans on what happened with me and Blossom, right?”
Derpy gave me her most perfectly innocent bubbly smile. “That’s right, darling!”
I considered trying to hold out, but another wave of shivers convinced me that she had my number on this one. “That’s just mean Derpy. When did you learn how to fight dirty?”
“I’m raising a teenager,” Derpy answered as if that explained everything. Actually, it kind of did.
I sighed and reluctantly gave in to the inevitable. “Alright, fine. Confession time. I–well, after she dragged the whole thing with Fluttershy into our argument, I might have brought up that crush Blossom has on me. In a less than entirely positive manner.”
“Sweetie, tell me you didn’t...” Oh. There was that disappointed ‘I expected better of you’ look Sparkler had been talking about earlier. She hadn’t been kidding. I think I’d’ve preferred Derpy being angry with me; she’s really mastered the guilt-trip. Guess that figures, with her being a mom and all.
I sighed and hung my head. “I’m not exactly proud of myself for doing that.” Derpy just kept hitting me with the look of guilt-inducing until I caved completely. “Alright, so I was way out of line with that. Doesn’t matter that she went there first, I still went and said the nastiest, most hurtful thing I could possibly think of.”
That got a small, satisfied nod out of Derpy. “You are going to apologize to her.” That wasn’t a question or a request, it was a statement of fact.
“Of course I am.” I’d decided on that about five seconds after I’d gone and opened my big stupid mouth during my fight with Blossom. I felt another one of those flares of anger I’d been getting ever since the whole thing with Blossom blew up. “It’s not like I’m the only pony who has something to apologize for though,” I began hotly. “Blossom knew Eepysqueak was off-limits and she still–”
“Yes, she owes you an apology too.” Derpy cut me off before I could start ranting. “Both of you have things to settle if you want to get back to being friends.”
“Yeah, friends.” Of course, now that Blossom’s crush on me was out in the open instead of buried back in the little corner of my subconscious where I put all those unpleasant or inconvenient facts that I’d rather ignore... “Derpy, what’re we gonna do about the fact that she’s got a thing for me?”
“Fix your friendship first.” Derpy advised me. “Then we can deal with the rest of it.”
She had a point. No sense in worrying about my best friend having a crush on me when she might not even be my best friend anymore. Deal with one problem at a time.
“Right, so that’s everything settled.” I grinned and stretched my hooves out toward her. “Now, it’s banging time!”
To my immense disappointment Derpy put a blocking hoof on my chest again. “Not just yet, there’s one more thing we need to talk about.”
“You can top first,” I magnanimously offered.
“Thank you, but that wasn’t what I meant.” Derpy let out a resigned little nicker. “There’s something else bothering you. I don’t know what’s going on, but there a couple times when I caught you giving me these really weird looks.” I opened my mouth to try for my usual awkward topic evasion strategy, but after a second’s consideration decided there was no point. I do learn from my mistakes. Eventually.
Well, guess there was no avoiding it or putting it off any longer. Well, maybe I was worrying over nothing. Maybe I’d misinterpreted those looks Derpy’d been giving me. “Hey, uh, Derpy? Do you love me?”
Derpy didn’t even hesitate before she answered. “Of course I do. What’s–”
“Horseapples.”
Derpy’s ears fell flat on her head and a look halfway between shock and pain appeared on her face. “Huh? W–why did you...”
Oh for the love of Celestia, when will I learn to stop putting my hoof in my mouth? “I–it’s just ...” I sighed and took a couple breaths until I got my thoughts in order and calmed down a bit. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m flattered you feel that way about me Derpy, I really am. It’s just that I–well–you know, Rule Seven and Rule Eight.”
That seemed to clear up the worst of Derpy’s confusion and pain. “Oh. Right, your rules.”
“Exactly.” I leaned in and rested my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry it came to this Derpy. It’s my fault in the first place; I never should have broken Rule Four to be with you. I never meant to hurt you or lead you on or make you think I was taking this relationship in that direction. That’s why I have those rules in the first place; to try to keep stuff like this from happening. If I’d known we were going to end up here when I just went up to you on a whim and asked you if you wanted to eat some muffins ... well if I’d had any idea it would end up taking us here I never would’ve done it.”
Derpy took half a step forward and wrapped her forelegs around me. “I don’t think you made a mistake approaching me, Cloud Kicker. I admit I didn’t expect things to end up here either. I half expected you to be gone in the morning, and I would’ve been fine if that happened. But you stayed, and what we’ve had since then... I wouldn’t trade it for anything short of the girls.”
I sighed; she just wasn’t getting it. “That’s exactly what the problem is, Derpy. You’re a mom, and you’re my friend on top of that. I made those rules to keep problems like this from cropping up, so I wouldn’t end up causing other ponies problems. Banging is supposed to just be a bit of harmless fun for everypony involved, not some big complicated mess where I end up ruining somepony’s life by getting involved the wrong way.”
Derpy just tightened her hug on me. “Cloud Kicker, you’ve been involved in my life for a long time before we ever became involved romantically. You were my friend at flight camp, and you were one of the few ponies who went out of their way to help me when I moved to town. I always appreciated that, and after that first night I–well, I wanted you to keep involving yourself with me.” Derpy started gently stroking my mane. “I like what we have Cloud Kicker. I like having you in my life.”
I made a half-hearted effort to break out of the hug, but Derpy wasn’t letting me go. “Derpy, I wanna be in your life too, but now that you're ... we can't–” I took another moment to figure out how to say what needed saying. “Look, I can’t just go ignoring my rules. They’re there for damned good reasons. Hay, if I didn’t have those rules I would’ve banged you seven years ago.”
If not for the fact that it would’ve been close to impossible to pull off with Derpy wrapped around me, I would’ve facehoofed. That time she came on to me seven years ago she’d been feeling emotionally needy and was riding the pregnancy hormone roller coaster, and I was there. Naturally, I turned her down on account of Rule Three, and afterwards we laughed it off and agreed to forget it had ever happened. I just hope she wouldn’t be too upset that I–
“Knowing what I know now, I wish you had,” Derpy answered matter-of-factly.
“Bwuh?”
Derpy sighed and relaxed contently in my hooves. “We could’ve had seven more years of what we have right now.”
“More likely we’d have seven years of you hating me after I took advantage of you and broke your heart.” You’d think one of my oldest friends would understand how I worked. “Look Derpy, I wanna be in your life too. I’ve always wanted to be a part of your life, but I can only do that as a friend. Now that you're ... we can't keep banging now that–”
Derpy switched to a one-legged hug and gently put a hoof on my mouth. “I’m not her, Cloud Kicker. I know how much what happened hurt you, but you can’t spend the rest of your life running away from that. Holding onto what happened like you’ve been doing ever since then is only hurting you in the exact way your rules are meant to prevent.” Derpy moved her hoof off my mouth and tenderly stroked my cheek.
“Well better me getting hurt than anypony else,” I mumbled bitterly.
“No,” Derpy shook her head. “Cloud Kicker, please. Just ... just forget about some of your rules for a bit. I’m not asking you to completely rearrange your life. I’m not even asking you stop sleeping with other ponies. Just let me make you happy. Let me feel something more for you.” Derpy started moving in for a kiss and whispered one last thing before our lips met. “Let yourself feel something more for me.”
Could I really do this? Could I become something more than just friends-with-benefits with a pony like Derpy Hooves? I don’t know. That’s a pretty big thing. This wasn’t just two friends who banged each other every once in a while, it was the whole package. Feelings. Intimacy. Commitment. I didn’t know if I could handle it. But I think–I think I wanted to try.
I closed my eyes and slowly, almost tentatively started kissing Derpy back. The two of us slowly drifted back towards her bedroom, closed the door behind us, and settled down on the bed.
And then we made love.
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This is probably my favorite chapter so far just because of the sheer amount of character development.
And adinkability. If this keeps up, you're going to need to hand out insulin shots.
I also agree that this chapter has some wonderful character development. I really liked seeing Cloud Kicker interacting with Ditzy, Sparkler, and Dinky in turn. I wonder how she will react as Sparkler and Dinky increasingly treat her as a second parent figure. Ditzy Doo certainly seems to be pushing Cloud Kicker into that role slowly over time. Cloud Kicker is quickly finding herself getting in much deeper then she ever intended. I look forward to seeing how she balances this relationship and her crumbling friendship with Blossom.
Careful there Chengar, the FDA might shut down your story if you start to become a leading cause of diabetes with Dinky's heightened levels of sugary adorableness.
That was really heartwarming at the end there, I have got to say. You're really good at writing stuff like this.
Life and Times updated? There goes my fanfic writing time.
1164957 Agreed, on BOTH counts.
God, how can Derpy be so damn cute???
Oh god, the sheer weapons grade adorable in this chapter... and character development abounds
Oh this chapter was just full of awesome and d'aaaw moments....also a few cringe worthy moments of awkward, but that's to be expected I guess.
Two questions: your characterization of Cloud Kicker, were you the first to do it? I read in the "Prince of the Everfree Forest/Prince of Ponyville" series that CK had a similar personality and relationship with Blossomforth. Did you get the idea from the author of that series or vice versa?
Also that scene Sparkler described of meeting Dinky for the first time...is that from a particular story you were referencing?
I'm reading your reaction stories to Comma-Kazie's fics and they are amazing. I am SO watching your stories! They are pure win!
Derpkicker is best OTP (or would it be Cloudderp?). My only question is, was this the direction you wanted the story to go in the first place or did it just kind of happen? Either way, definitely one of my favorite stories. Ever.
Ooh... now that's different. From a pony that uses the word 'bang' like the average person uses the word 'dinner', the phrase 'And then we made love.' Very nice touch that author.
I love reading this, every time it updates. And I know this probably isn't right, but come on, allow me this fellow fans; Blossom and Cloud Kicker for my OTP. Those two would just work in the same way that they did as friends, but every waking moment instead of just until they parted ways for home. That, and they'd both get muffins. Just saying.
Alright, we've had our fun, time to bring it home in three chapters or less! Go for it!
This made my day. Huzzah!
The 'fix' that Derpy mentioned... I still think there should be a three-way around here somewhere... buried in the back seat...
I have full faith Cloud Kicker could successfully arrange that...
And another thing... What's with everyone talking about diabetic sweetness? Where did that stem from?
god yes, every feel perfectly placed. this is so good! the difference between this and the dense mind of rainbow dash is just huge in terms of the depth of character and emotional writing. I love it
All that development! Seriously, theres more character development in this one chapter than most books, save it for the rest of the fanfics!
This story just keeps on getting better, the massive internal struggle is really interesting to read, and the romance is done so well i don't even like the DrWhooves/Derpy shipping anymore, its cloudkicker all the way!
3 and 3/4 ponies is best 2 & 1/2 men!
I love this story and it EASILY my all time favourite, having me give a cheer every time i see an update (note to self: lower volume of cheer if after 1am) but i am not really sure if i like where this is going, you make me love derpy and her family ( dinky scenes are cute, but the sparkler one was awesome) so much that i cant help but think about the ending. I've been rooting for blossomcloud since the start and i think it is the overall best outcome, but that will leave derpy, and with how deep that has gotten it will most likely hurt everypony. Another option is of course derpycloud, but that will result in no blossomcloud, which is what i've ben waiting for the last 7 chapters.
But no matter what ending this will hae, i cant wait for more chapters, because as i said this is my all time favourite fanfiction and i need to read more of it
Your choice of a different phrase in the last line is significant, I'm assuming.
I know it has been said, but I sense the idea of a very happy and loving, if somewhat (or heavily) dysfunctional threesome coming from this. I am sure that the three of them would get along fine as a menage a trois. Of course, the individual dynamics are very murky for that, but I am sure it would work. Somehow.
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Solution... root for threesome.
Someone needs to make that Dinky in a muffin costume a picture. And if it has been already then do it again and put her on a stage. Dinky is too cute.
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I imagine that that will be the first fanart of this chapter.
*Reading another fic*
*Sees 'The Life and Times of a Winning Pony' has updated*
*Stops reading previously mentioned fic*
this was a good chapter it is good that cloud kicker is getting some things off of her chest...
on a seperate not i found a song that i think fairly accurately describes cloud kicker "sexy Naughty Bitchy Me"
1165311 that might be one ending, but i find that to be just as bad of an ending as cloudkicker suddenly gets depressed and dies. When it starts off with a pony banging everypony it would be rater pointless with all this plot just to end with the pony just banging more ponies, if this had been a clop it COULD have worked, but who reads clop for plot anyways? (plot as in story, no dirty thinking here)
Ifnthere is one thing i hate it is awesome stories with a good plot end up with the main character back at the exact same place hey started.
If I had a complaint, it would be the number of asides Cloud Kicker takes while narrating. It seems that every development or line of dialogue gets a bit of Kicker commentary. Things like "I guess that made sense," or "That was unexpected, but I wasn't complaining." Not a major issue, but it does mess up the flow a little bit. Even so, this is absolutely great.
After reading the ending i'm guessing that Cloud Kicker and Fluttershy must have a history togather... or i'm missing the point 'shrugs'
I really want Cloud Kicker to be with Blossom. I really want Cloud Kicker to be with Derpy. Sigh...
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Ah, but this actually can work. It may seem pointless. It may seem like a bad ending. But it is not if handled correctly. If handled with care. If done well. It can be written so that it doesn't come across as a cop-out. For one, when the issue is first brought up, on of the two characters who aren't the focus is shown to be quite open-minded and understanding, and willing to work with things. I did not mean just a sexual threesome. I mean a three-way marriage/partnership of sorts. These can and have worked in the past. They are not easy. But love is never easy. It is complicated. This isn't where she started. But it can be where she ends.
The point you made on clop is my bigger point of contention, though. The answer to your question is a lot of people. A lot of people don't want something mindless; rather, we want the sex to be a vehicle for the story and the emotions. When sex is used by a skilled writer, it is standing for something else. In fact, a good plot can make the audience care for the characters, to the point where we are drawn deeper into the sex itself, especially if the sex is essential to the plot of the story itself. Sex is an intimate part of the human experience, and, if handled correctly, can be a powerful vehicle in fiction.
If you want an example, read Romance Reports or Like Fine Wine by SleeplessBrony, who taught me much about what I know about writing that kind of story. Both the sex and the plot are intimately connected. I assure you, it is written well. Don't be afraid to accept something different. I am not angry with you.
“Funny, your mom says the same thing sometimes...” This actually made me cry
Curses! I am having an internal conflict over which pairing I wish to prevail derpyxcloudkicker or blossomforthxcloudkicker. Before this chapter it was definitely the later, but now WITH this chapter it just broke even. I'm having conflicted feelings of which side to root for. GAAAAH! *flips a table*.
I commend you my good sir, I have never felt this way about pairings before. I look forward to your next chapter with great enthusiasm
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Banking on a threesome. And not merely the sexual kind.
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Threesome. There is a possibility towards it that has absolutely minimal evidence against it. It is not easily dismissed, either.
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I don't usually find threesomes romantic, personally. However who knows, I may be surprised.
Absolutely wonderful! Really, I've had to retype this comment several times already to remove excess capital letters.
My heart is now a puddle.
I always tell myself not to check this before I go to sleep, yet I always do.
On the plus side this story is one of my favorites, and is definetly worth losing some sleep.
She said "made love," not "banged." Character development perhaps
...
Did you just imply that Fluttershy and Cloudkicker were in a relationship...and that Fluttershy broke CLOUDKICKER's heart?
...
Mind. Blown.
In all seriousness, that does kind of make sense. Perhaps it wasn't that they were even in a relationship though, but that Cloudkicker fell for sweet, beautiful, Eepysqueak and got shot down.
Also, as a single parent of a five year old, I find myself relating to Derpy in this story in all sorts of ways. Though, despite her being derpy, she's still got her life together better than I do. But hay, it's Equestria. The world is practically a utopia compared to our home.
On a side note, I've always wondered why some people people think calling the character "Ditzy" is better than calling her "Derpy". At best it's the same thing, at worst, being derpy means you're clumsy and or absintminded. It's like calling them...Goofy. Ditzy, on the other hand, means the person is an airhead at best or just flat out stupid at worst. So she'll always be Derpy to me.
Anyway, this was another great chapter. And on my birthday no less. Best present this year (that says as much as you want it to).
So keep up the good work on this awesome story.
Makokam out.
You have no idea how happy I was when I saw this was updated...and it was a great chapter!
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It can happen. And, it can work. Takes a good deal of skill, though.
Derpy's Muffin: Turning players into marefriends since whenever.
That last line hit me right it the feels. Every chapter keeps topping the one before it, I don't know how you do it! But it is amazing. You're amazing.
Oh my Celestia.... I..... love this....
So much. This chapter.... it was greatness.
Never stop sir... *sniff* keep it going! At least until it's conclusion.
Cloudkicker used Rules!
It doesn't effect enemy Derpy.
Derpy used Feels!
Critical hit!
Its super effective!
I teared up there at the end. I didn't cry, but it was a darn near thing. And I am not ashamed to admit that if I did cry they would not have been manly tears... they would be those ones you don't want to admit you got when you watched some "horrible" romance movie with your girl/filly friend. And that's OK.
Awwwww no
I love this chapter (It's just marvelous 
) but I kinda want cloud kicker to be with blossomforth 
“His name’s Ratchet. He’s an earth pony.”
... Isn't Ratchet a town World of Warcraft? Did I find a reference? :D
This comment is to support the writer, cause I know I read mine and what it means to get positive support.
I want the author to know the s/he's awesome.
With this fic, you've progressed solidly through entertaining and engaging on to significant. The power you wield in making me feel for/with these characters... Brobdingnagian props to you.
Holy shit. Getting a better idea of what happened with Fluttershy, what Derpy is after, and why the rules came into place. Also, the banged/made love differentiation: brilliant.
Woo-hoo! Not "we banged"! I see what you did there!
And nononononononono! What about Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth? I mean, I do really like Derpy, but wasn't that the original intention of this fic? As a ship between them?
GREAT chapter. I have no idea if you're even going to use Blossomforth as a romantic interest though so I'm kinda teetering here...