The Pony Who Goes on Strafing Runs in her Underwear
Dinner the next night was a little awkward.
Mom’s absence really started sinking in, now that everypony else had gone home. In a weird sort of way, having all the drama going on with Derpy had actually helped. It gave me something else to think about. Now, it was just me, Dad, ‘Lula, and the huge gap in the dinner table where Mom should be sitting. The silence hanging over the table was downright oppressive.
What with Dad being in his Guard armor and everything, it was hard not to start thinking about that again. Sure, I’d told the others I wouldn’t be going back in, but to be honest I think it was mostly just that I’d been browbeaten into agreeing. Really, I just didn’t want to fight over it anymore. I was sick of all these arguments. Sometimes it felt like they were never going to end, like things would never just get back to normal again.
I halfheartedly poked at the casserole sitting in front of me. It was a carrot, cheese, and breadcrumb casserole, an old family favorite, but nopony seemed all that enthusiastic about eating it. In fact, it didn’t seem like anypony had much in the way of enthusiasm about anything. Yeah, we were pushing forward, but at times like this it was hard not to feel Mom’s absence.
Eventually, the silence got so oppressive that I had to say something, anything, to break it. “Hey, Alula. How’s school been going?”
“It’s fine.” Sheesh, a recording would’ve sounded more enthusiastic and lifelike than ‘Lula did just then. “I kinda like going to school in Ponyville better. The teachers here are nice, an’ I guess it’s neat havin’ other Kickers around in school, but I miss Dinky and Pip an’ Miss Cheerilee.” She fell silent for a bit, listlessly nibbling on her food.
Well, so much for that avenue of conversation. I decided to try talking to the other pony at the table. “Hey, Dad?” He gave a grunt to let me know he was listening. “Just wondering, how’ve things been going in the Guard? Any word on all the defense prep or what’s going on?”
Dad thought for a moment, then took a sip of water to buy himself a bit more time. “Cloud, I really can’t tell you anything about what we’re up to right now. We’ve been taking security a lot more seriously lately, especially after everything that happened with Nim—after what happened.”
Ouch, nice going, me. I try to get some small talk going, and I end up rubbing Dad’s face in the fact that Mom was gone. Dammit.
Dad surprised me then by speaking up himself. “Are you still thinking about going back on active duty?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. My mind went back to the big argument with Rainbow, Derpy, and Blossom. “I’m a bit rusty to be taking a command in the middle a big crisis like this, but yeah, it’s been on my mind. Even before—before stuff happened, I’d been thinking about it. I guess I just need... I dunno.”
Dad looked at me for several seconds, his face carefully neutral. Last time the subject had come up, he’d been pretty mixed in his opinions. On the one hoof, he wanted me to join the Guard and carry on the family legacy. On the other, after what happened with Mom he was understandably wary of letting me throw myself into the dangerous sort of work the Guard does. I can’t blame him for that; I was worried about him and my cousins too. It was just a complicated mess.
I nearly jumped out of my seat when Dad spoke again. “I have a proposal, of sorts.” I nodded to show him I was listening. “If you’re going to be staying in Canterlot for a couple more weeks, we need to give you something productive to do with your time. Having you lying around the house brooding all day won’t do you any good.”
He had a point. I’d just about forgotten Mom was gone while I was busy trying to keep my love life from falling into a complete shambles, so perhaps what I needed now was something else to just keep me occupied until I got back into the rhythm of normal life. “What did you have in mind? I guess I could do a little temp work with the Canterlot weather team if they’ve got some open space, but...”
“No, nothing like that.” Dad took a bite of his casserole and chewed it over thoughtfully. “You’re thinking of rejoining the Guard, once things settle down. Let’s put you to work on something that’ll help you sort out which direction you want to go with that. Not to mention we can knock the rust off, for if you do end up going back to the Guard.”
It wasn’t hard to connect the dots. “You want me to join the Home Watch?” Dad nodded to confirm it.
Huh. The Home Watch was pretty much the closest thing the Kickers had to an actual standing Clan military anymore. It wasn’t much of an army, since all the ponies of proper fighting age and inclination were busy in the Guard, so the Home Watch ended up mostly being filled out by ponies who’d retired or were too young to be in the Guard proper yet. Hay, back when I’d been around Star’s age, I’d done a bit of Watch duty whenever I was on break for West Hoof. It was mostly a ceremonial formation—stuff like having a couple ponies in Kicker-red standing guard by the main entrance and the like. Every once in a while they did a little bit of keeping the peace if something went wrong within the compound. The Home Watch tried not to step on the Gendarmerie’s hooves or anything, but if a saddlebag-snatching happened right in front of a Watchpony, he’d do something about it. Really, the most exciting thing the Watch did was help with training the kids.
Dad’s idea was a pretty good one. Spending a few weeks in the Watch was as good of a way as any to help me work my way back into fighting shape and get an idea of whether I really wanted back into the Guard life or not. I could get comfortable with wearing weapons and armor again, and if Dad was putting me in a leadership post—which was a safe bet—I could get used to having a command again. Sure, being in charge of some cadets and retirees wasn’t the same as having an actual squad, but it was something.
Then again, being a weather manager probably meant my actual leadership skills were going to be a lot less rusty anyway. Most of the principles that go into being a competent boss are pretty universal at the end of the day. Soldiers and weatherponies both want to feel like the pony running the show is competent enough to get the job done, and decent enough to look out for their best interests.
“Yeah, Home Watch sounds good.” If nothing else, I always did like the way I looked in Kicker red. Though that was going to be the one downside of working in any kind of clan business: all my co-workers were off-limits for banging. Genetically speaking, there were gonna be Kickers who were total strangers to me. Hay, Derpy was a very distant cousin on Mom’s side, and thus probably closer to me on a genetic level than some of the Kickers. But ... well, clan is clan. At the end of the day, anypony whose name ended in ‘Kicker’ was family to me, no matter what their bloodline said.
Now that we’d settled on me doing a quick little stint in the Home Watch, Dad and I managed to stave off any more awkward silence by getting into all the little details. I guess one advantage of the whole informal nature of the Home Watch was that I wouldn’t be stepping on anypony’s hooves if Dad put me in charge of it for a couple weeks. That would’ve been one big issue with taking up Princess Luna on her offer; putting aside the issue of whether or not I was qualified, I would’ve ended up having ponies under my command who didn’t care for some outsider coming in and taking over. For Home Watch, it wasn’t as big of a deal—especially since all of us being family meant I could get a little more sympathy when it came to getting back into the swing of things. The Guard tends to be a bit more hardflanked about that.
Once dinner was over and we’d finished cleaning up, Dad had more work to do hammering out some new duty schedules. I spent a while going over all the stuff for the Home Watch, just to make sure I was up to date. For her part, Alula listlessly poked at her homework; she was normally a pretty good student, but I was pretty sure Cheerilee and whoever was helping keep Alula up-to-date while she was here would be understanding if her schoolwork suffered for the next couple weeks.
Time passed, and eventually ‘Lula started yawning and losing focus on her assignment. Since Dad was still busy, I took it upon myself to get her into bed. I trotted over and picked up her textbook and half-finished math assignment. “C’mon, ‘Lula. It’s time for sleep.”
Alula nodded, and slumped bonelessly in my forelegs when I picked her up. I hated seeing her like this, but I had less than no idea how I was supposed to fix her being sad about losing Mom. I mean, there’s just no way to fix that, period. All I could really do was try and be a good big sister and hope she could work her way through it on her own.
Since it looked like Dad was gonna be up with work for a while, we headed for my bedroom. I got her under the covers, tucked her in, and gave her a quick little nuzzle. Then I turned around and was about to head for the door when a small hoof grabbed me. “Don’t go, Cloudy.” Alula was trying not to sound too upset, but I couldn’t miss the slight note of fear and desperation in her voice. From what Dad told me, she’s been a bit insistent about not sleeping on her own ever since it happened. Not that I could blame her for that in the slightest.
Needless to say, I turned back around and settled down on the bed next to her, giving my little sister a hug. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere, ‘Lula. I’ll just be out in the living room, taking care of a few more things before I get ready for bed.”
My sister gave a couple confused blinks, then shook her head. “Nuh-uh, not that.” She paused, and one of her ears gave an annoyed little twitch. “Well, ‘kay, I don’t wantcha to be gone all night either, but...” Her ears drooped down a bit, and her voice came out in a scared little whisper. “Mom went away all the time, and then she didn’t come back. An’ now you’re thinking of goin’ away too. An’ it’s ... I dunno. Aunt Wind and Uncle Ty tried to talk to me about it an’ stuff, but all the talking stuff is just dumb.” She let out a frustrated little growl and swatted at her bedsheets. “It’s stupid. They’re stupid. Everything’s stupid.”
“Hey.” I gave her a little reassuring squeeze to take the sting out of the upcoming little scolding. “Don’t talk about Aunt Wind and Uncle Typhoon like that, okay? You know they’re just trying to help.”
“Still stupid,” Alula grumbled under her breath. After a couple more seconds of muttering under her breath, she shifted around a bit so her cheek was pressed up against my chest. “Do I still hafta be a Guard when I grow up?” She bit her lip and went quiet for several seconds before reluctantly admitting, “I usedta be all ‘xcited about how one day I was gonna grow up an’ be big an’ strong an’ be a Guardpony just like Mom and Dad, but ... not if it means I’m gonna go away someday too. I dunwanna go away, I wanna stay with you an’ Daddy an’ everypony else forever!”
Oh Shadow, I really didn’t need to face that particular idea right now. ‘Lula was my little baby sister. The idea that one day she was going to grow up into a Guardpony who regularly threw herself into mortal peril ... no. Just no.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I was gonna try and convince Alula not to join the Guard or anything. Mom and Dad had learned their lesson after my rather abrupt departure from West Hoof, and seem to have tried to use a gentler touch with Alula. I think I could’ve handled all the pressure of West Hoof a lot better if I hadn’t felt so locked into it. It’s a lot easier for a pony to snap and do something stupid when they don’t feel like they have any choice in the matter. On the other hoof, I wasn’t bitter about getting Guard training or my time at West Hoof—I might not want Alula to feel like she was being pressured to go into the Guard, but by the same token I didn’t want to seem like I was trying to talk her out of it either. It was supposed to be her choice.
I know there are other Kickers who’ve had trouble with being pressured. Yeah, my parents had been pretty reasonable about it, but the thing about families is that they don’t move in lockstep. Especially since ... well, the internal dynamics of the clan can get a little complicated. See, there are Kickers, and then there are Kickers. My immediate family was currently on top of the internal clan totem pole, what with Dad being the paterfamilias and a top-ranked military official, plus my other relatives like Aunt Wind and Uncle Typhoon held major positions too. For me, my cousins, and Alula if she went down that route, there was never any question that we would end up going to West Hoof and working our way up the chain of command.
So yeah, we’re kind of the elite of the clan, in a way. It was part of what made me feel so pressured, but at the same time it made Dad feel a lot less pressured to make me achieve something. With a lot of other Kickers, there was more of a drive to try and move up the ranks, and a fear of looking bad in front of the family. It was weird, but the lower down you got on the family’s internal structure, the more the ponies tended to be—well, for lack of a better word, Kicker-y. I guess they just felt like they had more to prove. Sometimes, that led to stuff like putting way too much pressure on their kids to live up to some sort of Kicker ideal.
Thankfully, Alula wouldn’t have to deal with anything like that. I gave her one last reassuring hug. “Hey, ‘Lula? I promise you’re never gonna go away like Mom did, alright? ‘Cause Dad and I would never, ever let anything like that happen to you. Okay?”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Okay.” Alula gave my chest a quick hug and snuggled up against me. After a bit of internal debate, I decided to at least stick with her until she went to sleep. From the way she was right now, it might take her forever to get to sleep without somepony else in bed to keep her company. Besides, sticking around until she conked out would save me from needing to deal with any awkward goodbyes.
It didn’t take long for her to close her eyes and start snoozing. Pretty much as soon as they stop having enough energy to bounce off the walls, kids will go out like a light once you put them somewhere warm and comfortable. I was a little tempted to stick with her, but there was still work to be done. Sure, the Home Watch might just be a collection of retirees and Kickers-in-training, but for the next couple weeks it was going to be my collection of old farts and brats. If I was going to do this, I planned to do it properly. And that meant reading up on all the procedures, duties, and expectations.
Dad was still on the couch, working on whatever the Guard needed to get done when I returned to the living room. He looked up from his papers when he heard me enter. “Alula get to bed all right?”
“Yeah.” I debated letting him know about her worries with the Guard, but ultimately decided to let it drop for now. The Guard was a long way in ‘Lula’s future, if she still wanted to go down that path; no sense worrying about it now when we had bigger and more urgent issues on our plates.
I decided to try for a little shop talk. I knew Dad wouldn’t discuss any specifics, but I could probably get away with a few vague generalities. “How’s the paperwork coming along?”
“Could be better,” Dad grunted. “Doesn’t help that Captain Armor seemed out of sorts today, so the rest of us have to pick up the slack. Though I suppose I can’t blame him, what with the upcoming wedding and everything.”
“If he’s not up to the job, maybe they should’ve given it to somepony else,” I grumbled.
“Best secure that mouth of yours if you’ve got an intention of rejoining the Guard.” Dad wasn’t quite snapping at me, but there was definitely a bit of that military authority in his voice. “He’s the Captain of the Guard now, and he’s done the job well enough so far.”
Ouch, Dad-rebuke. Guess I should’ve known better; Dad might not always agree with Shining Armor, but he’s a big believer in the chain of command. The debate over who should’ve been Captain of the Guard was over and done with, and he would toe the line and support his new CO. I wisely opted for a quick change of subject. “So he’s getting married?”
Dad let the question hang for a second or two before answering with a grunt and a nod, then returning his attention to his paperwork. “To Princess Cadance.”
Wow, he’d managed to snag a princess? Granted, Cadance wasn’t quite on the same level as Celestia and Luna, what with being mortal and all, but she’s still a princess. “Not bad. I didn’t even know the two of them were a thing.”
“Apparently they kept the courtship private to avoid having to deal with all the publicity.” Dad finished signing off on what looked like a supply report, though I made a point to not look too closely. “And now the wedding’s being rushed forward. Planning to make it a big event, too. Nopony’s said, but I imagine they’re doing it for morale.”
Yeah, having a big wedding party wouldn’t hurt morale. Everypony loves a party. Plus—with all due respect to a certain pink earth pony—parties tend to feel a lot more meaningful when there’s a solid reason for having them. It made everything seem like it mattered more, and with the prospect of some serious trouble on the horizon, a wedding was just about the perfect way to remind everypony that there was more to life than conflict. Plus, weddings are a great place to pick up ponies for a little funtime. Gets everypony thinking in romantic terms. You just need to make sure you’re clear about what’s what.
Let’s just hope that if there was a war coming, Shining Armor didn’t knock Cadance up, then make a habit of carrying a picture of her around and telling everypony how much he loved her and was looking forward to seeing her again. At least he wasn’t two weeks away from retirement, too.
Things just kind of went comfortably silent after that. Dad and I both had work to get done, so there wasn’t much point in talking or anything. It was funny, but reading up on the Home Watch was actually starting to make me a bit enthusiastic about the whole thing. Sure, it wasn’t the actual Guard, but we still did enough Guard-like things to give me some of the experience. Even if most of it was for show, we still had patrols, guard duty, and regular training exercises. It was a good starting point for getting back into the swing of things, if nothing else. Get used to all the little differences between managing weather ponies and managing soldiers, not to mention working myself back into proper fighting shape. Plus, part of Watch duty was training the kids. I’d always had a bit of a soft spot for doing that. They were all just so ... eager.
As an added bonus, taking charge of the Home Guard meant that, as long as Star was on compound grounds, I could give her marching orders. The clan’s West Hoof cadets usually end up doing a fair bit of Watch duty to help them keep their edge when they’re at school. Sure, Star usually wound up deferring to me anyway on account of me being the cool big cousin and all, but it would be nice to have some formal authority backing me up.
That line of thought came to an abrupt end when I heard a sharp little hiss from Dad. When I looked over there was a grimace on his face and a haunted look in his eyes. After a bit of hesitation, I chanced a look down at the papers he was going over to see what had him so shaken up. It took me a while to figure out, since by all appearances it was just an ordinary supply and readiness report. Then I got a look at which supply sergeant had signed off on it, and it all fell into place.
Mom’s old unit.
I climbed up on the couch next to him, and after a second or two he put a wing around me, seemingly by parental instinct. Then he signed off on the form and got back to work. After taking a bit to make sure he was alright, I got back to work on my end of things too. I wasn’t in any hurry to get off the couch though, and Dad seemed fine leaving his wing where it was.
For the next couple weeks, things slowly fell into a kind of routine. I wouldn’t say they got back to normal, but there was definitely a sense of developing normalcy. I got up in the morning, ate breakfast with the family, walked ‘Lula to school, then went to work.
Sure, work was running the Home Watch instead of being an assistant weather manager, but the basic principles stayed the same: I met up with a whole bunch of ponies, half of whom knew their jobs better than I did, and just told them to keep doing exactly what they normally did before I showed up. No reason to disrupt a system that was already working.
That’s not to say I sat around doing nothing and being a lazy bum. There was all the usual administrative stuff, and every once in a while something happened that I would need to sort out myself. No big crisis stuff or anything, but things happened, and for now I was the pony in charge.
Not to mention that I was putting a lot of hours in on the training grounds to knock all the rust off, and getting used to running around in armor and wing-blades again It took a while to get used to lugging several dozen pounds of steel with me everywhere I went, even with the extra little enchantments on my armor to make it less of a bother to wear.
Really, in a way it was weird how little change there actually was with my work. Granted, a lot of that was probably because I was running the Home Watch and just taking care of the normal day-to-day stuff rather than an actual military unit gearing up for war. It’s a lot easier to go through that period of adjustment when the stakes are lower and there isn’t anywhere near as much pressure to get incredibly important stuff done right away. Not to mention that if I goofed on a decision, I didn't have to worry about my bad call getting somepony killed.
It wasn’t long before Shining Armor’s wedding was on the horizon. The whole city was abuzz with the news of the big royal wedding, if only because it made a welcome change of subject from the way Canterlot was gearing up for war.
Obviously, I wasn’t in the loop on the latest intel, but between the late-night hours Dad was pulling and all the Guard we had roaming the streets, it was pretty obvious that whatever was fixing to hit us was going to be very big and very bad. Hay, they even had a bubble shield over the city, and I don’t think we’d done anything like that since the Siege of Canterlot during the Rebellion. Granted, it probably helped that Shining Armor could shield the city on his own, compared to the dozen top-level mages they’d needed back then.
Okay, credit where it’s due: he’s a damn good spellcaster. I still say Dad would’ve made a better Captain of the Guard, though. Maybe I’m a little biased.
Anyway, I wasn’t all that surprised to learn that Twilight Sparkle and company were going to be showing up for the wedding. Her brother was getting married after all, and the rest of her friends tended to stick pretty close to her when it came to big events like this.
Not to mention that it was only sensible to have the ponies tied to the Elements of Harmony close at hoof when there was trouble brewing. Sure, an invading army might not be something the Elements could fix completely on their own, but I’d still prefer to have the Element-wielders close at hoof. After all, giant rainbow explosions of weaponized friendship are useful to have on your side.
In any case, it’d be nice to see Rainbow and Fluttershy again—especially Fluttershy. Between needing to spend time with my family and the whole situation with Derpy, I hadn’t really been able to give Eepy any of my time, even though she came to support me for the funeral. I felt kinda bad about that; I know she’s not the most social of ponies, and coming to meet my family must have been horribly awkward for her. She deserved more from me after she came all the way to Canterlot just for my sake. I suppose I can’t really be blamed for overlooking stuff like that in the middle of my mom’s funeral, but I still felt a bit bad about it.
A few quick inquiries told me where to find the two of them—apparently, Princess Celestia had roped them into helping set up the wedding. I guess that was no surprise, what with how last-minute everything was getting set up. Two weeks isn’t much time to throw together a royal wedding. I just hoped it wouldn’t be another repeat of the Grand Galloping Gala; Rainbow, Eepy, and the others don’t have the best track record with Canterlot high society. I kind of felt a bit sorry for the bride and groom-to-be; apparently they’d tried to keep their courtship private to avoid being the center of a media circus, and now their wedding was going to be the big social event of the season because Canterlot needed a morale boost.
Anyway, since Rainbow Dash was supposed to pull off another Sonic Rainboom to cap off the wedding, it wasn’t hard to guess where I’d find her. She would need enough open space to practice all of her flying, and there were only a couple places in Canterlot that had that. Between space being at a premium in general and the fact that a lot of Canterlot architecture involved building nice big towering spires, getting a lot of wing-room wasn’t easy unless you wanted to fly well clear of Canterlot proper. And ... well, all things considered, that wasn’t the best way to practice potentially dangerous stunt flying. After all, flying clear of the city would mean she was way out in the open, where it was a long way to the ground.
Since I couldn’t hear Rainbow’s screams of joy from halfway across Canterlot, it was a pretty safe bet she wasn’t using the Wonderbolts’ training facilities. The castle grounds were a possibility, but with all the wedding preparations going on that didn’t seem likely. All it would take was one little incident with her flying, and a whole lot of work could get smashed to bits. So that left the Kicker training grounds or West Hoof’s. Since West Hoof’s grounds were probably tied up with all the military buildup going on, that narrowed it down even more.
So, I’d just spent an hour wandering around Canterlot trying to find Rainbow when odds were that she had been back at the clanhold the whole time. Go me.
Sure enough, once I got close to the fort I could see a rainbow contrail zooming about through the air over the compound. Hopefully Fluttershy would be there too. She did tag along to watch Rainbow’s stunts on a semi-regular basis, mostly because Rainbow always liked to have an audience, and Fluttershy always gave positive feedback. Then again, if she was putting on an informal show over the compound, odds were good that she’d already have ponies watching her anyway.
Compared to the exercise yard at West Hoof, the Kicker training grounds were pretty modest. There are benefits to having government funding. Plus, a private training area for the clan just didn’t need to be as big. Not as many ponies used it, and there was a lot of stuff we just didn’t use. After all, the clan is almost all pegasi and unicorns, so we didn’t really need much of a setup for earth ponies, and we didn’t need a training area rated strong enough for an Alpha-level unicorn to cut loose like West Hoof did. We’ve had some reasonably skilled unicorns in the family tree, but never anypony that dangerous—and if we ever did, it made sense to just have them train somewhere else rather than blow bits on a huge upgrade to our facilities just for a single pony.
Still, even if the clan’s setup wasn’t quite as fancy, it had all the basics. Training dummies, a decent selection of practice weapons, tons of safety equipment to keep training accidents to a minimum and, most importantly for Rainbow Dash, plenty of open space. I think there were some passive enchantments to cut down on the damage from crash-landings too, though I’m not sure how much good they would do against the sort of extreme stunts Dash liked to pull. It’d probably take Celestia-level magic to make plowing into the ground at supersonic speed survivable.
Sure enough, Rainbow had attracted a small crowd of admirers. To my vague annoyance, a couple of my Home Watch were among them. I could definitely understand wanting to watch the show Dash was putting on, but they were supposed to be on the job. “Copper, Shield, don’t you think you should stop gawking and get back to gate duty? Watch the show from the entrance if you have to, but stay at your posts.”
The two ponies in question looked suitably chastened as they trotted back to the compound’s entrance. At least Copper had the excuse of being one of the kids in the Watch, but Shield was one of the old-timers. Ponies who are older than Dad should know better than to let a one-pegasus show distract them from their duties; it was setting a bad example for Copper, and one of the whole points of the Watch was to teach the younger Kickers a bit of discipline before they joined the Guard or hit West Hoof.
“Sheesh, a couple weeks in uniform, and you’re already turning into a total flank-buster.” My ears perked up at the familiar bit of teenage sass, and a quick search of the crowd revealed Sparkler. She offered me a casual little wave when I made eye contact. “Hey. Came in on the train with Rainbow.”
“Yeah? Cool.” I trotted over to her, but halfway there my smile slipped a bit when my brain reminded me just whose daughter she was. Yeah, Derpy and I had done a decent job of patching things up before she’d left, but I wasn’t exactly ready to see her again.
Sparkler must’ve guessed what was on my mind, because her smile slipped a bit too, only to come back with a bit of forced cheer. “Uh, came on my own. Mom’s busy with work, and Dinky’s got school stuff. So ... yeah. Just me, this time.”
I saw a way to get past a rather awkward topic of conversation and seized on it. “So, what’s the reason for coming all the way to Canterlot on your own?”
“Eh, just wanted to check up on you.” There was just a little bit of forced casualness to Sparkler’s tone. “You know, since nopony’s seen you for a while. Figured there was no harm in tagging along with everypony else heading here.”
I gave her a teasing little nudge in the shoulder. “Plus you’ll get to see Star. Did you let her know you’re in town yet, or should I send somepony? She’s got classes at West Hoof, but I bet she’d get a day pass to come visit if she knew you were here.”
Sparkler rolled her eyes and let out a faintly annoyed grumble. “Are you still on about that?”
“Depends. Are you still crushing on my cousin?”
“Cloud, you really need to get your mind out of the gutter.” She gave an annoyed little ear flick. “Seriously, you can be worse than Miss Rarity when it comes to seeing romance everywhere. Well, except you tend to see lust instead of love, but whatever. Look, the bottom line is that Star and I are friends Good friends. But just friends. I mean, she’s fun to hang out with and everything, but there’s nothing romantic going on, okay?”
“Okay, fine, I believe you.” I grinned, and closed in for the kill. “But just to be safe, how about you Pinkie Promise that you’re not trying to hook up with my cousin?”
“Erm...” Sparkler gave a nervous little swallow, and her eyes darted back and forth, possibly searching for a particular peppy pink party pony. “That’s not a bad idea, I guess, but I don't need to—because anypony with two brain cells to rub together can tell that I'm totally not hot for her, so there's no need to bug Miss Pinkie with one of her promises. Y’know, it’d just be too much trouble for her when she’s really busy...”
I brought a hoof up to my chin, and made a thoughtful little noise. “Or you’re just scared of what’ll happen if you make a Pinkie Promise we all know you won’t keep.”
That got another one of her trademark frustrated groans out of her. “Fine! I Pinkie Promise! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye! I do not now, nor will I ever, have the slightest bit of romantic interest in Star. Our friendship is completely platonic and non-romantic. Got it?”
Less than two hours later, I caught Star and Sparkler making out behind the equipment building. So much for Pinkie Promises.
Tempting as it was to pop out into the open and triumphantly denounce them, I decided that the decent thing to do would just be to make a discreet exit, and let them enjoy the moment. There would be plenty of time to rub their noses in it later; for now, they could just enjoy their hook-up. Despite all the teasing, I really did wish the two of them all the best. It was nice to see young love without all the messy history and complications I had to deal with. I hope things stayed that way—after all the horseapples she’d been through, Sparkler deserved some happiness, and I naturally wanted my baby cousin to do well for herself too.
Still. Ruthless teasing would ensue in a couple hours. I might have a bit of a soft-hearted romantic streak, but there are some things a pony just can’t compromise on.
Between trying to make a quiet exit from the scene and being just a little preoccupied with thinking about the kids, I didn’t notice the other pony behind me until her muzzle bumped into my rump. The muffled squeak that produced gave me a pretty good idea of who it was, and turning around confirmed it. “Hey, Fluttershy,” I whispered, so as not to disturb the young lovers around the corner. “Sorry about that, wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“Oh, there’s no need to apologize, I should’ve been more careful.” She wasn’t whispering like I was, but since this was Fluttershy we’re talking about, her normal speaking voice was about at whisper level for most ponies. She gave her muzzle a little rub with her hoof, and it belatedly occurred to me that I’d just shoved my rump into her face. Not that I would normally have a huge issue with that, but shoving your butt into the face of a pony you have a long and complicated romantic history with—and only recently broke things off with—isn’t a great move.
From the faint blush on her cheeks when she delicately cleared her throat, something similar must have been going through Fluttershy’s head. “Um, yes, anyway, Rainbow Dash was wondering where Sparkler was, so...”
My mischievous side got the better of me. “Sparkler? Oh, she’s right around the corner.”
Yes, I was pranking Fluttershy. In my defense, she’s tougher than a lot of ponies give her credit for. I’m not saying it’s open season on her for any kind of prank a pony can think of, but she does have a sense of humor. As long as there’s not the slightest hint of mean-spiritedness to it, you can get away with it. I guess that’s why Dash and Pinkie have their no-pranking policy on her; they’re great ponies, but neither one of them is known for picking up on all the social subtleties that go into stuff like what kinds of pranks are Fluttershy-appropriate. Or maybe I can just get away with more because I’m good in bed.
Fluttershy shot me a grateful little smile, then trotted around the corner. A couple seconds later she very slowly and carefully walked back, her cheeks absolutely flaming. “Um, they’re ... um ... oh dear.”
“They weren’t going too far, were they?” I shot her my most utterly shameless grin. “A little making out’s fine, but if they’ve moved along to the point where they’re getting under each other’s tails, I might have to go find a garden hose and spray them with cold water.”
“Um, no, they were just...” Fluttershy trailed off, substituting vague hoof motions for coherent speech. After a couple seconds of that, her eyes suddenly widened, and a bit of the blush left her cheeks. “You knew what they were doing.” Her eyes narrowed just a tiny bit. “You pranked me, Cloud?”
“Sure did.” I felt a little nervous about confessing it. I’d been reasonably sure I was on safe ground, but what if I’d overextended myself? The instant the prankee isn’t laughing with you, your prank goes from a bit of harmless fun to something a lot nastier.
“Oh dear.” A hint of a smile crept onto Eepy’s face. “I suppose I’ll have to prank you back then, won’t I? Goodness, I have no idea what to do. I suppose Rainbow Dash and Pinkie could help me come up with something.”
Well, that took the prospect of getting pranked by Fluttershy from harmless and innocent to a fairly legitimate threat. At least I could count on Eepy to veto the worst that those two could come up with.
“So, Sparkler and Star are a couple.” Fluttershy shook off the last of her lingering embarrassment at catching the two in the middle of a makeout session. “That’s nice. I’m happy for them.”
“Yeah, me too. It’s—”
Whatever I was about to say next was lost to the sound of rushing air and hooves screeching to a stop as Rainbow Dash landed next to us. “Hey guys, either of you seen Sparks? I’m not worried about her or anything, and I know she’s totally old enough to take care of herself, but since Derpy’s not here I am kinda supposed to keep an eye on her and stuff.”
Fluttershy and I exchanged a look, and a pact was forged. With the most perfectly innocent and harmless smile imaginable, Fluttershy said, “Oh, she’s right around the corner of the building.”
“Cool, thanks.” As was her way, Rainbow wasted no time trotting along to the designated location.
I gained just a tiny bit more fear for Eepy’s prankster potential. Sure, she might be way too sweet to go for any but the most harmless pranks, but when she did decide to pull one, she was just so cute and innocent that you would never see her coming. Maybe I would need to watch my back for as long as she was in town. Every time she offered to do something nice for me could be another potential prank setup, and considering just how often Fluttershy did nice things for ponies ... yeah, I could be in trouble.
The potential prankster extraordinaire at my side gave an awkward little shuffle. “Um, actually, Cloud, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. You see—”
Rainbow Dash trotting back around the corner, her eyes wide as dinner plates and ears pressed back against her skull brought whatever Fluttershy was about to say to an abrupt end. Rainbow thrust a shaky hoof in the general direction of the amorous young couple.
Fluttershy gave Rainbow another smile that was pure innocence. “Rainbow Dash? Remember that time at Flight Camp when you replaced my seat with a thundercloud, and it startled me in front of everypony? Well, we’re even now.”
Okay, definitely upgrading Fluttershy on my prankster dangerousness scale.
Eepy gave a polite little cough to get our attention. “Um, weren’t we supposed to be getting ready for the wedding? I was just thinking that since we’ve found Sparkler now...”
“Yeah...” Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck and let out a forced little laugh. “She—she definitely looked like she was doing fine, and I guess we can count on Star to keep an eye on her and stuff. So ... yeah, I think we’re good here.”
“Wouldn’t hurt to give them a little more privacy either,” I chimed in. Sure, we were being careful not to disturb them, but eventually they were gonna stop making out. When that happened, it wouldn’t do for them to walk around the corner and run into the three of us. They were definitely smart enough to figure out that they’d been busted, and I didn’t want to spring that on them just yet. Sure, there would be ruthless teasing galore, but I wanted to give them some time to work through post-makeout awkwardness first. After all, it was a safe bet that this was their first time: Sparkler wouldn’t swear a Pinkie Promise she’d already broken. Breaking Pinkie Promises is serious business.
The three of us started trotting—or in Rainbow’s case, flapping—away from the young couple. Once we’d put enough distance between them and us that I felt comfortable going back to a normal speaking voice, I turned to Fluttershy and asked, “So, I know Rainbow’s supposed to be performing a Sonic Rainboom to cap off the ceremony, but what are you going to be doing? Another musical performance with your birds?”
“Yes.” She shot a quick glance upward, and when I followed her gaze I saw a small swarm of birds following us. “I was thinking maybe I could practice with them here, so I could watch Rainbow Dash at the same time. And, well, you could stay and listen too, if you’d like.”
Wow. That was a pretty big gesture on her part, given how nervous Fluttershy tended to get whenever somepony was watching her. I think the only way she ever managed to do public bird performances was that the birds had to do all the actual performing. Plus, at things like a wedding the music was part of the background. It was an expected part of proceedings, but all the attention was going to be on the bride and groom. The only time anypony would pay attention to the musicians during the ceremony was if something went wrong. Which, come to think of it, probably just gave Eepy all the more incentive to make sure nothing went wrong.
“Yeah, that sounds great, Fluttershy.” A moment later, I remembered that before Rainbow had interrupted us she had been on the verge of telling me something. “Hey, what was it you wanted to tell me about earlier?”
Eepy shot a nervous look up at Rainbow, who didn’t seem all that interested in our conversation, but that was beside the point. Rainbow was there, and that made Fluttershy clam up. “It wasn’t anything important. We can talk about it later, maybe.”
I might have pushed a bit if it were anypony else, but that would’ve been counter-productive with Fluttershy. She just generally doesn’t respond very well to pressure. Best policy was to just let her open up to me on her own terms. If she was already nervous, getting on her case about it would only make things worse.
After that things went quiet for a bit, until Rainbow decided to break the silence. “So what’s with the new get-up, Cloud? I haven’t seen you running around in red like this since back when you were at West Hoof.” One of her ears twitched, and she amended. “Well, okay, you were in armor when we went looking for your mom and stuff, but that was different. Then, you were wearing it ‘cause we were on a big adventure and everything. Now you’re just kinda running around doing normal stuff, except in full plate and wing-blades. It’s weird.”
“I think she looks really nice in armor,” Fluttershy commented, shooting me a hesitant little smile. “It makes her look very brave and strong. Not that she doesn’t always look that way, but with how the peytral makes her look more muscular there than she already is, the helmet makes her look so noble, and I really like the way the croupiere emphasizes her, um ... erm...” Fluttershy slowly trailed off, and her cheeks pinked. I guess she noticed she’d been gushing just a bit. “It—it looks nice, is all.”
Rainbow, who I was pretty sure didn’t know armor terminology well enough to grasp that Eepy had just complimented my derriere, let out an unimpressed snort. “I bet my grouper-thing would look way better if I was wearing armor like that. And I’d have it in a better color than red. Like rainbows.” She flapped her way in front of us, flying backwards so she could look us in the eyes and offer a big cheesy grin. “C’mon, you Kickers are cool and all, but I could make the best clan ever. Clan Dash! And our armor would be rainbow-colored, ‘cause rainbows are cool. And we’d run around beating up dragons and manticores and being radically loyal and stuff. It’d be awesome.”
Urge to bonk Rainbow on the head ... rising.
Unaware of my budding irritation, Dash continued blathering on about the awesomeness of her imaginary clan for a couple more minutes. Putting up with the occasional bursts of ego is just part of being friends with Rainbow. You learn to love it eventually. That, or you strangle her in her sleep.
Since I’d kind of mentally tuned out Rainbow’s non-stop chatter about the awesomeness of the clan she was going to create one day, she caught me off-guard when she actually broke out a serious question. “So anyway, what was with you ordering ponies around earlier? Not only were you taking away members of my audience—not cool, by the way—but you were acting all authoritative and stuff.” Rainbow looked over my armor again, and grimaced. “Don’t tell me you did something stupid while we weren’t around to stop you...”
Fluttershy shot a worried look between the two of us, sensing a budding conflict. “What are you talking about, Rainbow Dash? Is everything okay?”
“No.” Rainbow let out an angry snort, and waved a hoof at me. “That dumbflank’s been talking about going into the Guard again. It’s stupid. She’s stupid.”
While I was tempted to dispute the point, I really didn’t wanna put up with more arguing over it. Dash didn’t like the idea, and it’s usually close to impossible to change Rainbow’s mind once she’s made it up. Yeah, you can prove her wrong every once in a while, but nine times out of ten, Rainbow doesn’t care for anypony trying to confuse her with inconvenient facts. It was probably best to just let her run her mouth until she got distracted by something else and let the matter drop.
Well, that’s what I would have done. Fluttershy had a different way of handling it. “Rainbow Dash!” I recognized Fluttershy’s tone all too well, and felt a momentary pang of sympathy for Rainbow. A lot of ponies will tell you that Eepy is one of the most naturally maternal mares they’ve ever met. The thing about her maternal knack that a lot of ponies don’t get is, it’s a full-spectrum thing. When she decides to give somepony a lecture about how they’re behaving badly, it really stings. Especially since it’s Fluttershy doing it, so you knew deep down that you must have feathered up big time if she was so angry at you that she felt a need to chew you out. Hay, she made a dragon cry once.
Eepy crossed her forelegs over her chest and hammered Rainbow with her glare of maternal disappointment. “Rainbow, if Cloud Kicker wants to rejoin the Guard, you should understand and respect her choices, not tell her she’s being stupid. It’s her decision, not yours. How would you feel if she told you that wanting to join the Wonderbolts was stupid?”
Rainbow’s ears went flat, and she flinched back just a little. “It’s—c’mon, it’s not like that, Fluttershy. I was just...” She bit her lip, and turned away from the two of us for several seconds. When she finally spoke, her voice came out in a scared little whisper. “Y’know why she said she wanted to go back into the Guard? ‘Cause it was dangerous, and she was worried ponies were gonna die. That means that if something goes wrong with her, then she could...” Rainbow trailed off, waving a hoof vaguely in the air.
Her head dipped a bit lower, and her voice turned just a little husky. “Look, you gotta promise you won’t tell anypony this, but, back in the cave when we were fighting the, uh—” She shot an uncertain look at Fluttershy, no doubt remembering that the Princess had ordered us to keep quiet, “—the thing that got Cloud’s mom. Well, there was this one part where the fight wasn’t going so hot, and I got a little scared. I mean, if things had gone wrong back there we could’ve died. Like her mom did. I mean, yeah, we’ve done lots of dangerous stuff before, but when it was all over everypony came out of it fine. Hay, we took on Nightmare Moon and Discord, and came out of it fine. But if some weird bug thing in a cave can get Cloud’s mom, and nearly get us too...” She trailed off, dropping down to the ground and shuffling her hooves. “It just makes a pony think about some stuff, y’know? Like, mortality and everything.”
Rainbow’s shoulders slumped. “It wasn’t supposed to go that way. Cloud’s mom was supposed to be in trouble, and then we’d fly in, kick flank, and save her. Not...” She waved a hoof in general direction of the clan’s graveyard. “S’not right.”
I stepped up and put a wing over Rainbow’s shoulders; in a rare moment of tenderness for her, she leaned into the touch despite the fact that there were other ponies in eyeshot. It had never even occurred to me to wonder if what happened to Mom might have shaken up Rainbow Dash too. Everypony had naturally focused on the pony who lost her mother.
The thing about Rainbow Dash was that she’d always been a risk-taker. The kind of pony who laughed when you told her how dangerous something was, because she knew she could always beat the odds. Sure, she might have known death was a theoretical possibility, but there’d always been this sense that it couldn’t happen to her. That she could always find a way to cheat death, no matter how bad the odds were. I guess what happened with Mom had changed that; it’d forced her to face the fact that sometimes all the awesomeness in the world wasn’t enough to save everypony.
Rainbow closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, then pulled out of the hug and gave me a quick, slightly awkward pat on the shoulder. “Look, Cloud, I still think going back to the Guard is a really bad idea, but ... just be careful, okay? You do whatever you gotta do and be awesome doing it, but watch your back. If you turn into a Guard, then go and do something stupid that gets you killed, I’m gonna find a way to bring you back to life just so I can kick your plot for getting yourself killed. Got it?”
“Got it.” I gave Rainbow a reassuring little smile. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m not running around in armor and passing out orders ‘cause I’m in the Guard. Just the clan’s Home Watch. Gives me something useful to do with myself while I’m in Canterlot, and lets me knock some of the rust off while I think about things. So far, the worst I’ve had to deal with is helping a really drunk clan-mate find his house.”
“Oh. Cool.” Rainbow let out a relieved little sigh. “Look, sorry about getting on your case so bad last time the Guard thing came up.” She offered me a hoof bump. “We cool?”
I bumped hooves with her. “Yeah, we’re cool.”
Fluttershy gave the two of us an approving smile, which made me feel kind of like we were just a pair of squabbling fillies, and she was the responsible adult mother figure. Which, considering the fact that I banged her, was more than a little awkward.
“Aaanyway.” Dash stretched her wings out along with the word. “Cool talking with you and all, but I kinda need to get back to practicing for the wedding. Gotta make sure my Rainboom is as awesome as possible. Plus, I gotta make sure nothing goes wrong with ... y’know.” She waved a hoof at her eye. “We’re getting something set up to fix it, but the whole wedding thing kinda threw that off. Should be cool, to finally have that taken care of.”
So Rainbow was finally getting her eye looked after and fixed for good? That was a relief. “Good to know, Dash.” On an impulse I leaned over and gave a quick little kiss on her eyelid, earning me some grumbling and a half-hearted swat.
“Better watch yourself, Kicker. Pinkie ever catches you doing that...”
“Nah, Pinkie would know I’m just being friendly, not trying to put the moves on you.” Hay, I would even go so far as to say I’d turn down a threesome with Pinkie and Rainbow, on the off chance that they ever made an offer. Rainbow and I just aren’t the kind of friends who would ever bang, barring some sort of extreme circumstances. There have been one or two times I regretted that, but for the most part I like having Rainbow as the friend I’m never going to bang. It made things a lot less complicated, and let us just focus on being friends.
Rainbow let out a little snort. “Bet you’re going nuts being cooped up with your family for weeks. Kinda surprised you haven’t lost it from lack of banging.”
I just rolled my eyes at that. “Believe it or not, Rainbow, I don’t have to have sex every single day just to function.” Admittedly, the next time I saw Blossom I might end up taking a long weekend to show her every single trick I knew, but that was beside the point.
Rainbow smirked at me. “You’re right, I don’t believe it.”
“Jerk.” I casually slugged her in the shoulder, “So, how’s Ponyville been doing?”
“Same as ever,” Rainbow answered with a shrug. “A little more boring without you around, but whatever. All your stuff was getting a little too crazy anyway.”
“Yeah, it really was,” I conceded. “Part of why I wanted to get out of town for a few weeks. I think the time away is gonna help things settle down some.” I paused, and my wings gave a nervous little flick. “Uh ... how are Blossom and Derpy holding up?”
“Derpy’s good,” Rainbow answered with a smile that seemed just a tiny bit forced. She tried to keep up a happy front for a few seconds longer, but it couldn’t last, and her ears went flat, her voice subdued. “I mean, she’s doing alright and everything, but she’s kinda sad too. I think she misses you. Y’know, having you around and stuff.”
“Yeah.” I sighed and found myself briefly wishing I wasn’t in the compound. One thing about the walls, they meant I couldn’t look down the mountain, and see that tiny little speck on the horizon that was Ponyville. “I miss having her around too. Kinda got used to waking up in bed with somepony, and eating muffins for breakfast.” Sure, Derpy and I had broken things off amicably in the end, and we were still friends and all, but it just wasn’t gonna be the same anymore. Hanging out as friends was going to be awkward for a long time, and there was probably gonna be that subtle little undercurrent of tension between us for a while. Kinda hard to turn back the clock and pretend nothing had happened.
Still, I didn’t regret it. Derpy and I had some good times, and I’d gotten a chance to get a lot closer to her and her daughters. Plus, if not for us having been a thing, Star and Sparkler never would’ve hooked up.
“Um.” Dash and I both jumped a bit when Fluttershy spoke up. With the way Eepy can sort of fade into the background of a lot of talks and is just generally a very quiet, soft-spoken pony, it’s easy to forget that she’s there sometimes. “I’ve been talking with Blossomforth some, ever since the funeral. I think we’re friends now, if that’s okay? She’s doing fine too, but she’s really very worried about you.”
Huh, so Eepy and Blossom were getting along? Well that was good to know. Anything that cut down on the potential drama points in my life was great news at this point. “Well, once you get back to Ponyville, let her know that I’m fine, and I miss her too. And I love her.”
At the mention of the dreaded l-word, Rainbow made some exaggerated gagging sounds. She’s a very classy pony, that way. Mostly, I think she’s just trying to hide the fact that underneath all the brash, tough attitude, she’s a total sweetheart. I hope she gets over that someday; her sweet side is just so nice that it really deserves to be shown more often.
Once she was done acting a couple decades younger than her age, Rainbow shrugged and snapped her wings open. “Anyway, if you guys are gonna get all sappy and talk about feelings and emotions and how you feel about your emotions, I’m gonna get back to flying.” With that, she took off again and got back to what she did best: being an awesome flier.
That left just me and Fluttershy. She shot a slightly apologetic look my way. “I hope you don’t mind, but I really need to work on getting my performance ready for the wedding too. We can still talk some while I work, but I am going to need to focus.”
“Yeah, sure thing, Eepy.” I settled in to watch Fluttershy work her magic. It’s a lot of fun to watch her with her animals, the way she communicated with them and everything. Partly because it’s one of the few times you can really see her come into her own. With ponies, she was usually way too nervous to really show off everything she could do. But put her around animals, or the couple ponies she really knew and trusted, and you could see a whole other side of her. I liked that, and not just because it was nice to see her showing some confidence for once. It felt ... special, having Fluttershy share this whole other side of herself that most ponies never got to see.
For a while I just sat back and watched her work with her birds, throwing together a very nice musical score. Once it looked like she had things well in hoof, I decided it was safe to make a little small talk. “So, how’ve you been, Fluttershy? Feels like it’s been way too long since we had a chance to talk. I don’t think we’ve really had a proper conversation since ... well, that day at your cottage.” The day we’d made love to each other.
“Yes, that day.” Fluttershy blushed a bit at the memories. “That was a nice day.” She let out a tiny little cough and hastily changed the subject. “Anyway, I’m doing fine, thank you for asking. I do miss having you in Ponyville, but it is nice to have things be a little quieter again. I’m glad I’ve had the chance to spend more time with Blossomforth, since she really is a very nice pony, but it's not the same without you. Things are still good, don't get me wrong—just different. We’d all really like to have you back, but don't worry about flying back just for us.”
Well, that brought a few things to mind. Things that I’d kind of been trying not to focus on when it came to the whole question of whether or not I would rejoin the Guard. “You’ve probably picked up that I'm thinking about going back to the Guard. It’s tough. I mean, I feel like I’ve got a duty, but the idea of leaving everypony in Ponyville behind doesn't sit right. But neither does just sitting on the sidelines. It’s just a big mess.” I let out a weary sigh.
“You feel like you have to choose between duty and abandoning everypony you care about.” Fluttershy stepped up to my side and gingerly wrapped one of her wings around me. “I won't tell you what to do or try to make your decision for you. I would be a little sad if you had to spend most of your time away from Ponyville, but I'd also be happy that you're doing what you want to do.” She took a moment to gather her thoughts, and then continued a bit more firmly. “I do think you need to make sure going into the Guard is something you want to do, though.”
Considering I’d been wrestling with exactly that question for a while now, I could hardly argue the point. “Yeah. Either way, it's not a decision to make lightly. That’s part of why I'm doing this Home Watch thing—it gives me some time to sort things out.”
“Well, that does make sense,” Fluttershy conceded. She paused, worrying at her lower lip for several seconds before she spoke again. “There is one teeny-tiny little thing I’ve been worried about, though. I was just wondering if maybe part of why you want to join the Guard is so you can escape from all your problems with Blossomforth and Derpy. If that is part of what’s going on then I don't blame you for that, Cloud. I can only imagine how awful you must be feeling about everything that’s happened.” She gave me a sympathetic little squeeze with her wing. “I know you’re not scared of stepping up and dealing with all of this, especially now that the worst part of it is over. It’s just—well, like you said, the Guard is a really big decision. I just want to make sure that whatever choice you make, you’re making it for the right reasons.”
“Yeah, thanks for looking out for me.” I gave her cheek a quick nuzzle, drawing a startled little squeak from her. “For what it’s worth, the whole Guard thing has been weighing on my mind for a long time. Hay, I’ve been second-guessing my decision to leave the Guard ever since about five seconds after I bolted from graduation. It’s been a long, messy thing.” I groaned and ran a hoof over my face, then hastily changed the subject. “So what was it you wanted to talk about earlier?”
Fluttershy tensed up at the question, pulling her wing back and shifting her focus back to her bird ensemble for a minute or so before she actually answered me. “It can wait for another time. It wasn't all that important anyway.”
“Oh. Alright then.” I was a bit annoyed at her shutting me out again, but there was nothing for it but to give her time. Fluttershy would tell me what was on her mind when she was ready to talk. I won’t deny I was a little tempted to try and squeeze an answer out of her though—I almost certainly could get her to fess up if I pushed hard enough. The problem is, pushing Fluttershy tends to make her get really nervous and uncomfortable, which makes me feel kinda guilty. So instead of lingering on a subject she obviously didn’t want to discuss, I shifted topics again. “Say, how are things going with you and that new special somepony of yours?”
Before Fluttershy could give a proper answer to that question, an enraged cry of primal fury rent the air around us. “Sparkler Doo! You Pinkie Promised!”
Well, somepony just got busted.
Fluttershy shot a worried look towards the building where we’d left the young couple. “Oh dear. We should probably do something before Pinkie gets too upset with them. You haven't seen Pinkie when she gets really, really upset, Cloud. It's scary...”
Admittedly, the list of things Eepy found scary could be rather long. Still, that was worth getting a tad concerned about. “Well, if you’re that worried about it then maybe we should—”
That line of thought came to an abrupt end when I spotted a bit of a commotion on the other end of the yard. A closer look at the cause revealed a pink alicorn decked out in regalia. I’d never met Princess Cadance, but it wasn’t hard to guess that it was her. Alicorns don’t exactly grow on trees. “Sparks can fend for her herself, we’ve got incoming royalty.” It was a pretty safe bet she was here to check on the wedding preparations—one that was confirmed by the fact that she seemed to be headed straight for the two of us.
Once Princess Cadance was close enough, Fluttershy and I bowed to her. Sure, I might not care much for a lot of the lower nobility, but everypony respected a Princess. Even a lesser one like Cadance.
Princess Cadance slowly walked up to the two of us, exuding an air of regal haughtiness that was just a little bit irritating. When she spoke, the slightest hint of annoyed condescension in her voice. “So, you're Fluttershy? The pony in charge of the music for the wedding?”
Fluttershy slowly stood up, her customary nervousness at dealing with strange new ponies reaching new heights now that she was dealing with strange new royal ponies. “Um, yes I am, Your Highness. I've got the best selection of the most beautiful birds I could find to sing for you, and they’ve all been working really hard to make sure your wedding will be absolutely wonderful.”
While Fluttershy and Cadance went over some of the arrangements, my attention was occupied by the trio of mares following behind her, presumably her bridesmaids. It was kind of hard not to notice that one them was Lyra, especially since Lyra was wildly waving to me while wearing the goofiest grin ever on her face. “Kicky! Hey there! Hi, Kicky!” She was practically bouncing up and down in excitement—not that that was anything all that unusual for Lyra.
Cadance took a break from her conversation with Fluttershy to shoot an intense glare at Lyra, which the excited unicorn didn’t even notice. Thankfully, her dentist friend Colgate, who was somehow another one of Princess Cadance’s bridesmaids, had enough presence of mind to whap Lyra upside the head, which seemed to be enough to remind her that she was supposed to be tending to her duties. I had to wonder just how Lyra and Colgate of all ponies wound up being royal bridesmaids; there had to be a pretty interesting story behind that.
Satisfied that her bridesmaids had sorted out their little discipline problem on their own, Cadance turned back to Fluttershy and offered a polite little smile. “Well, it sounds like you know what you’re doing, unlike some of the ponies I’ve talked to today. Let's hear your birds, then.”
Fluttershy gave a little jump at the request. “Oh, yes, of course! Right away, Your Highness.” She fluttered over to her little choir, and hastily urged them all to take their positions. “Okay everyone, it’s going to be just like we practiced, so I know you’re all going to do wonderfully.” She cleared her throat and started waving her hoof in time with her music they would shortly be providing. “And a one, and a two, and a one two three...”
The birds started singing, with Fluttershy playing the role of conductor. As expected, the whole performance was amazing: every single bird fit their role and complimented the others, with Fluttershy keeping them all in perfect sync and even tossing in a few little vocal flourishes of her own. Everything was going perfectly, until about two thirds of the performance one of the birds started singing horribly off-key. I didn’t know much about music other than what I’d picked up through osmosis hanging out with Lyra, but even I knew that bird was messing up.
Unsurprisingly, Princess Cadance didn’t take the mistake well. Between the fact that she was checking up on Fluttershy and the way she’d grumbled about the other ponies handling wedding preparations, I’d already kind of guessed that she was one of those high-strung brides who blows her top over everything not being absolutely one hundred percent perfect with her wedding. Still, yelling at a bird was going a bit far. “What? You think that kind of performance is good enough for my wedding!?”
For an instant after the Princess raised her voice at one of her pets, Fluttershy looked beyond furious, her eyes narrowed in barely restrained anger. The moment passed quickly enough though, and soon she was back to her normal self. “Oh dear. Um, I’m sorry about that, but Percy is really, really trying his best, and he's got a lot of heart, so I just know with enough practice it'll be amazing. It’s just going to take a little bit longer to get everything ready.”
Cadance rolled her eyes, grumbling under her breath. “Whatever. Just makes sure he gets it right in time for the ceremony, or I’ll feed him to the Long Patrol.” After dropping that nasty little threat she stomped off, presumably to go make somepony else’s life miserable. I kinda felt sorry for Shining Armor, if he was facing the prospect of an entire life married to her. The bridesmaids followed along in Cadance’s wake, Lyra much more reluctantly than the other two.
Once I was certain she was safely out of earshot, I cut loose. “Wow, what a complete and utter nag.”
Eepy shot a quick glare at the Princess, and seemed to be on the verge of agreeing before she caught herself and took a single, calming breath. “I don’t think that’s entirely fair, Cloud Kicker. I'm sure she's just stressed about the big day.”
I stared out after the Princess for a moment, then conceded the matter with a shrug. “Yeah, I guess it could just be that.” I’ll admit, I’ve heard plenty of stories of otherwise decent mares going on a rampage right before the wedding. Not to mention I have a hard time imagining that Princess Celestia would tolerate having such an utter nag as a Princess. I’d like to think Celestia has higher standards than that.
After that, Fluttershy went back to work with her birds, trying twice as hard to make sure there wouldn’t be any more problems. I had planned to stick around for a bit longer, but I did have duties to tend to as well. Duties I was quickly reminded of when I saw a pony in the clan’s red armor headed my way. What really caught my attention, though, was the pony walking alongside one of my Watchponies: there’s only one stallion in all of Canterlot who wears that distinctive set of purple armor, and I couldn’t imagine why he would want to talk to me.
Shining Armor, Captain of the Equestrian Royal Guard, seemed to be in bad shape. There was a haggard look in his eyes, like he hadn’t been getting enough sleep and was under a ton of stress. Not that this was surprising, considering the double whammy of an upcoming wedding and all the planning for the current deployment. Either one of those would be enough to put most stallions through the wringer, let alone both at once.
I was surprised when he walked right up to me. “Cloud Kicker. If you have a moment, there’s something I would like to talk to you about.” He paused, and shot a look at Fluttershy. “Alone, if you don’t mind.”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” I had no idea what he could want from me, but I might as well hear him out. I just hope it wasn’t something stupid, like him wondering if I would show up at his bachelor party. I shot Fluttershy a quick apologetic look, which she met with an understanding smile. Then the two of us trotted off to a relatively isolated area of the compound, which actually wasn’t all that far off from where Star and Sparkler had their little hidden make-out nest.
Once we were somewhere private, I waited patiently for Shining Armor to tell me what was going on. Then a bit less patiently. Then I started getting downright annoyed. “Okay, what’s the deal? You said you had something to talk to me about, so talk.”
“Sorry,” Shining Armor answered, sweat beading on his forehead. “It’s just that it’s difficult to—I have to find the right words.”
“Uh-huh.” Well, this was starting to get into strange territory. To be honest, I was equal parts curious and annoyed over it. I wanted to know what the deal was, but at the same time I had to wonder why he couldn’t just get to the point.
“There’s ... something I need to tell somepony,” he began. “I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill. It’s not a problem worth telling the Guard or the Princesses or anypony else important about. It’s just that ... well, I’m worried about the wedding. That something could go wrong during it. And I felt like I needed to tell you that.”
I was about to ask him just what in the feather that was supposed to mean, and why he was talking about it to me of all ponies, when we were interrupted. To my immense displeasure, it was Her Royal Bitchness, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. “There you are, Shining Armor! I’ve been looking all over for you!” One of his eyes twitched a bit when he saw her, and she immediately swooped in, showing off a tender nurturing side. “Oh, my poor Shiny. Are you having another one of your headaches? Let’s go home, and I’ll take care of it for you.”
Shining Armor’s ears went flat, and his shoulders slumped. “That sounds lovely, dear. Thank you.”
Cadance turned to me, still all smiles and sunshine. Maybe the earlier little show of her being a complete and total nag really was just a case of wedding stress. “I’m sorry if he was bothering you. It’s just that keeping the shield up all day, every day is so stressful for him. He gets these terrible headaches, and when they get bad enough he can start acting a bit oddly and saying the strangest things. Just don’t pay him any mind; I hope he didn’t say anything he’ll need to apologize for later.”
“Nah, no damage done.” Ouch, I hadn’t even considered the fact that on top of the Guard duties and the wedding, he was also single-hoofedly maintaining a bubble shield over the city. “Hope your headache clears up, Captain Armor.”
Shining Armor just rubbed the side of his head, looking faintly annoyed by the proceedings. I guess I couldn’t blame him. Nasty headaches do make just about everything a pain in the—well, head, I suppose.
Princess Cadance was halfway to leading her fiance home when she paused, and turned back around to face me. “I just realized, you’re Cloud Kicker, aren’t you? I feel I should say that the incident with your mother was most unfortunate. Her death was a very great loss.” She paused, and her head darted to the sides, as if she were checking to make sure we were still in private. Sensible, considering how the details of what happened with Mom were technically still a state secret. “I just hope that whoever or whatever hired her doesn’t take personal offense at losing such a valuable agent. That could be most unfortunate for you.”
A second later the sound of rapidly displacing air warned me of Rainbow’s impending arrival. I looked up just in time for her to buzz by barely a hoof’s-width over my head. No doubt that was her idea of a prank. I instinctively ducked and flinched away from the incoming pony. “Dammit, Rainbow!”
As the prankster pegasus flew off, cackling gleefully to herself, Princess Cadance blinked and gave a quick shake of head. “Good day, Cloud Kicker.” She turned and started walking off, Shining Armor in tow. “I hope I see you at the wedding. If nothing else, at least come to the reception; I’ve heard the buffet is going to be absolutely delicious.”
“Yeah, sure thing, Your Highness.” I gave a casual little wave as the soon-to-be-newlyweds walked off.
Despite Cadance’s perfectly reasonable explanation for what was going on, and the fact that every single strange thing Shining Armor had done would probably just be written off as pre-wedding jitters if I tried to explain it to anypony, there was something about the whole situation that just didn’t quite sit right with me. Nothing solid I could put my hoof on, let alone bring to anypony else, but I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something about this whole situation felt off. Whatever it was, I planned on getting to the bottom of it.
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Welp, so much for Pinkie Promises.
Silly, hapless Sparky. Still, go SparkStar!
We need a t-shirt: "Keep calm, and don't bonk Rainbows."
Great chapter, as always!
Cloudy, wat r u doin? Cloudy, stahp! We had two chapters of you waffling on the guard, can we please get back to you banging somepony?
Not you Shy, not helping.
Okay, one more time.
Not quite sure that it's Colgate's presence up in there. Makes you wonder what Cadance has been doing to them.
3264326 oR "Keep Calm and don't kill Derpy"
Ahh, those poor, unknowing fools.
They don't know to weep, as we do.
Going about their daily lives without the Blossomforth side story, blissfully ignorant.
Not knowing the world of hurt they will shortly be experiencing.
They just don't know the amount of hair-pulling and frothing at the mouth they will be doing thanks to Fluttershy.
On a happier note: Pinkie Promises are the best thing ever.
I figure either it was this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/19/187348__safe_pinkie+pie_animated_reaction+image_angry_the+last+roundup_pinkie+promise.gif
derpicdn.net/img/2013/4/12/295272/thumb.png
Or ended up with Sparkler huddled in a closet somewhere, curled up into a fetal ball, shivering.
Chengar Qordath, I must say you just made my day perfect. Just passed my driving test and come home to find this story updated.
This story really is the winniverse.
Heheh, Star and Sparkler are an excelent couple, heeheh
Go easy on them Pinkie, love's thicker then promises after all
This is what they call the calm before the storm.
If only they knew what they were in for the next day...
3264326 meaning both meanings of the word bonk
Just a quick thought before actually reading this chapter: This is by far my favorite chapter name yet.
3265852
Though... I mean... technically speaking, she'd have more protection on when wearing underwear than she would have most of the rest of the time.
found an oops
also fluttershy goes for the long game when it comes to pranking. I like.
3264326 Or strangle them in their sleep.
I love the calm before the storm...such delicious anticipation...I can't what to see what happens once everything explodes.
Come on internetz!!! We need a sparklestar story going pronto. Those two are all too perfect for each other and have a feeling that their story could be amazing . Any who, medic out.
Mane medic
3264326Starkler is better ship name than starspark
Cadance seemed a little blatant there...
damn you Chrysy! you leave Cloud alone!
Already posted this in the Octavia story, but I'll just leave this here as well.
Please?
Princess Cadence making thinly-veiled threats about the incident and having knowledge of the Long Patrol seems very suspicious. Sure, as a Princess being married after the incident she might have knowledge of the incident in general terms but she definitely wouldn't know it was Cloud Kicker's mother or that the Long Patrol eats meat or that the Changeling Infiltrator was hired. Of course the readers already know the reason why she knows.
Well the Shining Armor bubble shield reveal was pretty disappointing. Star and Sparks make a cute couple, good for them. I don't like where Cloud being suspicious about Cadance and Shining is going. I wasn't happy with the changeling impostor reveal because I felt it shoved Cloud out of the role of an interesting background pony and into a vital component of the show's plot. Which doesn't work well with her established character or the story as it's been. This feels like it's going to be more of the same.
These chapters are never long enough for me to get my fix of a Winning Pony.
Oh Sparkler you fool, oh well I guess it could be okay.
3265748 I have no clue what you're on about. There's a Blossomforth side story? What did Fluttershy do?
3266124 Yeah I'm still a bit confused on one point, what is the Long Patrol?
3266187
There will be, in a few days.
If Chen had reversed the order, there would be rioting in the streets.
There still might be.
Totally looking forward to it. To share the pain around more fairly.
As for what's with Flutters, you'll see. Sort of.
Since the rest of us saw Blossomforth first, Flutters trying to talk to Cloud was a huge tease.
3266124
In a previous chapter, Princess Luna revealed to Cloud (and us) that Cadence is secretly in charge of Equestria's secret service.
And since she had been doing everything in her power to shift the suspicion to the Griffins, it was kind of obvious that Chrysalis had already taken Cadence's place.
Hopefully that should clarify why the real Cadence would know so much about the Infiltrator killing Nimbus, and Cloud killing the Infiltrator.
3266241 Oh I see, I look forward to that. Sure hope Fluttershy didn't do something stupid.
3266241
Lum, you're a jerk. no fair giving out spoilers.
3266310
I almost hope she did; Fluttershy tends to be the character who can only goof up by not doing anything, so seeing her do something to mess things up would be a really good change of pace.
3266306
and nopony knowing where the Infiltrator came from.
That'll be fun.
The Kicker family guard, huh. That ain't a bad idea, let's CK get back into it without any long term commitments. Plus it's gives her an excuse to be running around in armor when the invasion happens.
Thank you. Respect level for the Kickers, moderately improved.
Time skip forward to the wedding? Hell yeah!
I love these little tidbits that keep getting dropped about what we can expect to see in the Rebellion fic. Also, nice to finally see CK have something positive to say about Shining.
You know, as entertaining as the Star & Sparkler teasing is, I can't help but be a little annoyed at seeing yet another lesbian couple develop. There was a better mix early on in the story, these days it's all mares all the time. Sparkler's previous relationship was somewhat refreshing while it lasted.
Best clan ever? Best clan ever.
Oooooo, so Shining knows something is wrong? Interesting.
Bwhahahahahha!
3266392
Spoilers provide information.
It was a teaser.
Though I might be a jerk for teasing, but that's unrelated.
3266404
personally, I just count teasers as low-level spoilers with twice the frustration potential.
3266163 jeez... you really don't like fun, do you?
3266417
derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/7/318840/thumb.png
Right on the nose, Webby.
If Winning Pony has taught me anything, lately, it's that sometimes you have to tease people.
3266401
Whilst I agree with everything you just said then, two things caught my eye the most-
Right next to each other, too, how convenient!
The Celestia micro-comic that just came out establishes some good canon about that, some great canon even, something I'd love to see explored by Chengar.
His strongest point isn't his stories themselves, which are obviously fantastic anyway, but his character studies, analysis and deconstruction.
I'd just love to see him do something with Celestia because of that.
Personally I think that's just because it makes writing love triangles so much easier and messier that way... He he he.
Whilst this chapter was a bit slow and so-so for the first half it came completely into its own in the second. Cloudkicker and the guard has become almost cliche at this point (not entirely your fault, the Winningverse just exists and Eakin has been exploring it excellently too) but nobody writes Fluttershy like you do. The subtleties of Cadance's actions in retrospect, Shining Armour's... condition- It's just all too well set up. You've struck the perfect balance between canon and fanon and it's simply phenomenal what the end result is becoming.
I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for more despite it being 3am again.
Natch.
3266453
I'll give you that, teasing does seem like a wonderful part of life.
on that note, I'd suggest you read Ravensdagger's Of a Certain Adventurous Pony.
it's pretty much nothing but teasing, in all kinds of good ways.
3266478
Maybe I shall. What's it a crossover of?
3266453
also that pic is incredibly adorable.
Just clarifying here: Dash descended from Clan Charger, right?
Dinky: Mommy, does this mean we get to see Ms. Cloud Kicker more? *puppy dog eyes*
Whoa, I was expecting a few more chapters before we got to the wedding. Looks like our desires for kicking bug butt is coming much, much sooner. Can't wait! Great chapter, CQ!
BEWARE OF PRANKSTERSHY
3266482
it's not, as far as I'm aware. It's (I think) an original story where Twilight rules her own city/school in Base 12
3266486
Yes, Dash gets her long lines of ancestral awesome from the disbanded Charger Clan.
3266442 What would make you think that? I have never said anything or stated that I don't like fun.
Star... Sparkler...
Stark!
Hm...
As long as this doesn't change the fact that Twilight finds out who "Cadance" is, I can live with that.
Don't get me wrong. I do like this representation of Cloud Kicker. But you worked so hard to make it believably complementary to the show's canon. It would be a waste to completely break it now.
...Sorry, I guess I'm making a mountain out of an anthill. You're doing a great job.
3266555
Hush, Tony
Ah Sparkler and Star, we all knew it was coming.
As ever, Cloud is awesome regardless of what she's doing. It's interesting to see her in command, and even more so her suspicions regarding Shining Armour.
Sublime work.
3266306
Damn, I forgot all about that. Thanks for reminding me.
Interesting, it seems that Shining has a suspicion of what is going on and wanted an ace up his sleeve (or whatever ponies have); to bad his wife is too concerned with his well-being to let him talk.
I can't help but wonder if RD dive-bombing helped avoid a disaster she may or may not have seen coming.
So, next chapter we will learn how several dozens of (presumably combat-trained) changelings could lose to a farmer, a seamstress and a pastry chef
