Note: I put the entire story into one chapter so the chapters would not be so short!
I remember how I loved causing chaos as a young draconequus. Chaos is fun, what can I say? I loved
the feeling of being a puppet master, pulling at the strings of other ponies.
One day, while I was up in a tree making it rain chocolate milk on two little fillies, a voice, very delicate
and deep, almost made me jump out of my skin.
"Why are you up here?"
I turned around, startled. There, sitting on the same branch as I, was the most beautiful pony I had
ever seen, with a sleek white coat, bright magenta eyes, and a lovely pink mane.
I didn't want her and I to be on bad terms, so I put my hands behind my back and quickly snapped my
fingers to make my chocolate milk cloud vanish. "N-nothing,' I sputtered, my eyes wide. She looked at me
closely. "You seem lonely. Would you like to play with my sister, Luna, and I?"
"Sure," I said, a little too enthusiastically.
"Wonderful! My name's Celestia."
"I'm Discord."
...End of preview.
I might take this down. Thoughts? Any objections? It's just kind of old and amateur
Thanks! That's exactly how I feel with this story too. It was my first fanfic after all. I will try to remake it, but not anytime soon. I'm developing a new story and working on another. I appreciate you being brutally honest because sometimes it's best not to sugarcoat it.
I do think you should remake it so it would look a lot more professional. And it would give me a nice long Fluttercord story to read. I have no objections to this story other the
An the fact that it was a little rushed, but my first one is still in need of a lot of editing. But good work! I love it!
Did you write this in wordpad or something similar with wordwrap? Because that tends to lead to awkward line breaks like you have and makes it a bit hard to read.
If this is your first I never want to see your last. It was cute and lovable with all the fluff of a Fluttercord story I always love! Always keep writing because it will only get better.
*Slowly starts applauding with tears in my eyes*
Beautiful. Just... beautiful.
😄😍
Oh yeah all over now. 😂
LUNA OMG QUEEN 💙🖤