• Member Since 23rd Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Monday

TwilightXLuna


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Twilight was going to the Canterlot Train Station after a party on Hearthswarming Eve that Moondancer and her other friends invited her too. What will happen when she thinks she spots a Lunar Princess sitting at the fountain in the Central Area of Canterlot? Read to find out!

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My little pony charters are owned by Hasbro
The cover art is not mine. Do not know who's it is
The only thing I own is the story I write for fun so you can read it :pinkiesmile::twilightsmile:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 28 )

What will happen when she thinks she spots a Lunar Princess sitting at the fountain in the Central Area of Canterlot?

Ooh, ooh, I know this one! No, no, no, don't tell me! The fountain ties the Lunar Princess to himself and blasts away with his jetpack, towards his ultra-secret cave-lair-fortress, and it's up to Twilight to save the princess before the evil fountain extracts her soul and uses it to power his death laser and destroy Equestria! Am I right?

Three Minutes Later

Luna smiled and let her arm slip back to his side

What am I reading?

didn't know it snowed in Auzzie :derpytongue2: although its freezing on this side of the ditch.

this was good fluff. I was hopeful for some kisses or even a hug. But at least this was good TwiLuna centric fluff.

6287423 no not where I'm from in wa but we do have snow in Australia

Comment posted by Knight N Gale deleted Jan 12th, 2016
Comment posted by TwilightXLuna deleted Jan 12th, 2016

I think this is the first Twilight + Luna story I've read. :moustache:

Nice. Great bit of fluff. I'm kinda a TwixLuna fan myself. Thanks for the great fluff read. I really did like it.

6291836 I just love to write TwiLuna :twilightsmile:

Gosh darn it you made me cry:raritycry::fluttercry: Love this a lot though.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

6295518 It's not meant to make you cry

6296483 But it did. Still though great job:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by livinthelife deleted Jan 12th, 2016

It was a good concept for a nice little fluff-story, yes, but. It's always the 'but's, isn't it?

You should read it again or let someone else read it, since there are some minor mistakes (grammar and stuff) here and there. As I said - minor. What bugs me more is your way of showing 'this is a flashback, now Twilight's 'talking', now it's Luna's turn'. The flashback could've been separated by writing in italic, maybe? And instead of plain stating who's talking, just try to make it clear within the first sentence?
It's just that, well, suddenly there's a different color and text that doesn't belong as part of the story, although it's embedded in it. I don't get involved in the story as much as I could if I constantly have to wonder 'why the heck is it a different color now?'

Just my opinion, though.

You lost me halfway through this. It seems like you jump all over the place. I have noticed that you often use "hear" when it should be "here." I know I may sound like I'm nitpicking but that is one thing that does turn away a lot of readers. I would suggest reading through each chapter of a story the moment you finish it and fix any grammatical errors and any word usage errors. It would help you out tremendously. I'm not going to give this an upvote or a downvote but I do hope you take my advice. Cleaning up the errors would make this a more enjoyable story to read.

That was so sweet.

7328150
Thank you for following yay nkw I just need one mlre follower and then I can throw a party! :pinkiehappy:

cute story

7621534 you"re welcome :)
i always try to leave a comment to show the author some love when i like a story :)

Luna called Twilight her little one...Squee!!:pinkiehappy:

Only just read this again.
Brilliant, short and sweet :twilightsmile:

I loved this story:twilightsmile:

9386052
Thanks, I just love to write love stories especially about TwiLuna. :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

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