I am not contained between my hat and my boots.
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Rarity has a secret hobby that she'll never tell a single soul about ... until her friends come barging in.
A lighthearted and touching story about secret freedom and following your dreams ... with the help of your friends.
Cover image vector custom made for this story by Thak.
My thanks to him for creating it, and my apologies for taking so long in doing so.
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6279082
Thanks. ^.^
Glad you liked it!
That was actually pretty sweet. I was expecting a lot of ridicule on Rarity's behalf but all of this was played petty straight.
6286185
Playing it straight: It's what I do... sometimes.
Now that was quite the interesting story. :)
I respect you. From a person who doesn't feel quite at home in their own body, this Is an excellent portrayal of who someone really is.
You are a king/queen/non-gender-specific-ruler among men/woman/intersex/neither.
Have a song on me:
6286997
Thanks! ^.^
6286999
Now that's a compliment! I'm really happy I was able to pull that off well.
6287018
My own problem doesn't deal with gender, but with race.
Being half-black wasn't the way to grow up in a country with 0.5% black population, especially when this population concentrates in just a few regions and leaves the rest of the country black-free. I grew up wishing I was more black, or more Amerindian. Now as an adult, I see myself in the mirror and wish I was more black.
6287018 You're welcome.
These are nice horsewords
Very nice story. I can actually see Rarity's character secretly harboring this trans-tribal desire. Good on her for pursuing it.
Wow. I would've never thought of Rarity having a character trait like this (which is actually kinda ironic, since I actually wrote a Zecora/Rarity ship on this site), but it feels surprisingly fitting of her. Even though the whole "transformation" process feels a bit rushed, it was still sweet to read the unicorn's feelings and thoughts as she does all of this. I kinda wish there was more detail about how she came to feel the way she did, or how long she wanted to pursue this type of change, but this story overall is a pleasant read. 8/10
This carries all sorts of unfortunate implications, given that Rarity is universally applying those qualities, however complimentary they may be, to an entire group.
To put on permanent zebra stripes and hide them from the light.
It's not good.
It's not right.
It's just a habitual lie for the hypocrite .
Ain't that pretty much black-face?
Okay. I just finished reading this story. The premise struck me as being very similar to a story idea I did a while back when I was still fresh here.
I don't have a lot of words to offer up. All I can say is that I liked it a lot.
6287614
Only if she were doing it to mock Zecora and other zebras. Rarity's doing it out of love for zebras, and possibly this whole transracial identity movement.
I don't really think this deserves the comedy tag. Sure, Rainbow was being a little humerous, but comedy wasn't one of the main features of this fic.
Not gonna lie, the title instantly made me think of Frosted Flakes.
Sorry about this, but I simply had to.
i1.wp.com/ramrants.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/CHeBOepWsAAiZwW.png?resize=554%2C409
6287104
I can see why you'd identify well with this, then!
6287150
Heh. I try.
6287166
6287197
Thanks! ^.^ Yeah, I think it really fits Rarity to have a secret like this.
6287207
All part of character.
I make no claims for Rarity being politically correct.
6287575
Well, yeah, but she can't let her clients know about it.
6287614
What she was doing before kinda was. By the end of the story, though, she had been accepted.
6287698
What was the one you did before?
6287774
Yeah... I wasn't too sure about that either... but SoL alone was looking so lonely.
6287840
Did they run that slogan for a while?
6287947
Lulz.
Did you know, I live in Spokane, where that lady did her thing. ^.^
6287952
The story was Confessions of a Fashionista. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/92095/confessions-of-a-fashionista
6287954 They did. Apparently, marketing works!
6287952 She wouldn't jeopardize her business on a whim
But Pinkie would 
img12.deviantart.net/4f95/i/2015/095/8/4/raritys_egg_colored_by_hillbe-d8oj3qg.jpg
Hmm, the concept is interesting, but it somehow seems to have fallen a bit flat. I am not sure what could be done to spruce it up, so to speak, but I found it to be much less of a comedy and more of a drama piece. What first appears to be a cringe-worthy habit of Rarity's, perhaps borrowing some topical comedy from the recent Rachel Dolezal situation, ends up being more about exploring identity, much more spiritual than comedic. The ceremony at the end with Zecora is a nice touch, I don't think anyone has done that sort of thing with her before, at least not that I've seen. Then again, I have not looked into Zecora/Zebra fics too much. She's certainly an interesting character to flesh out, with an entire culture behind her apparently, which we've seen next to nothing of in the show so far.
So, the skinny: Well written, but does not seem to deliver what was promised with the tagging. Still worth the read, but slow moving in parts. Interesting conclusion. Would recommend to friends to check out, if for no other reason but to hear their opinions as well. 7/10
Rarity wanted to become a zebra, so she could feel free? Why does she believe zebra-kind are more free than pony-kind?
You don't have to pretend to be what you are not, in order to be free. What imprisons you is in your mind, not on your hide.
too bad being transracial isn't actually a thing :^)
Awesome.
Though I must say, Rarity's belief that zebra's are more free/wild and all that, comes across somewhat ignorant and (theres a term for viewing another race/culture as being more primitive yet somehow less restrictive then ones own. And so somehow superior/simpler/freeing in some ways ), whatever its still good. And Rarity with stripes is a wonderful idea.
Reminds me of Anne McCaffrey and her books of Acorna the unicorn girl. The third or fourth book where she shows her people images of zebras. It was all ready common to dye ones fur a different color. But they stayed within traditional horse colors. Acorna changed that, so non traditional colors and patterns where introduced. Ive read most of the series. Its rather good.
Your story reminds me of that series.
Honestly, it felt... rushed. The character interactions were short and did little to really explore her relationship with her friends and how it would be affected. Rarity's 'drama' felt forced... and it's a shame.... this whole story could have been a lot more--you could have described her journey to show how much she wanted it, to begin with. Had Zecora explain what it means to be a part of her Zebra heritage rather than just pretty much say, "it's not for everyone". Show how much Rarity was willing to actually risk and how much her friends helped her achieve what she wanted, instead of jumping scenes and she was done.
I don't dislike it, but it just makes me feel like I read an outline of what this could have been.
Interesting idea, Rarity Dolezal. I wonder if the day will come when she's willing to wear the stripes everywhere?
6288054
Exactly.
A million different kinds of adorabuu.
I loved it, have a fave.
6287984
Heh, I can see the resemblance.
6288003
True. She's worse at keeping a secret than Rainbow... unless you can extract a Pinkie Promise from her.
6288012
Either I'm doing things right and extremists on both sides are dissatisfied, or my pacing in this was awful -- rushed in parts and dragging in the wrong places.
Oh boy... slow moving in parts? While other people say it's rushed.
And yeah... that [comedy] tag was probably a mistake, in retrospect. I just didn't want SoL to be the only tag. I think maybe I intended for it to be more comedic while I was writing it, but it sort of went a different direction on me... but then when tagging it, I still had comedy in my mind.
6288054
6288625
Somepony needs to tell her that!
6288170
Or is it?
Nah, it's not! ^.^
6288342
'Racist'?
6288410
Hm... yes.
Thanks for that. This is the kind of comment that really helps me do better in the future!
6288555
We can only hope. ^.^
6288711
Thanks! ^.^
You know, the funny thing about this story is that, to me, the best part of it was that it gives a kind of candid look into the mind of "mighty whitey" - the kind of person who thinks all that "noble savage" bollocks is actually how people live or think. It doesn't work for me as what you wanted it to be, but it sure as hell works as that.
6289871
Heh, who says I didn't want it to be that?
(I should stress that Rarity's views here are not the same as my own. I can definitely see Rarity as being a little bit racist, even though she thinks she's being complimentary.)
6289889
Maybe it was just my impression, then. It just seemed a little too straight-faced, but then again, I've learned to expect the worst out of people here and it makes me leap to that kind of judgment sometimes. It's a bad habit, I know. I hope you don't take it personally.
So ponies do blackface now? That is strange.
6289866 Theres an actually word, I think other then the one you mention.
Its rather archaic though, and for the life of me I cant recall it.
6290532
Hm... I don't think I've heard that word... but I'd like to.
6290190
Well, sorta.
They call it stripeface.
Nice story.
6290969
Thanks! ^.^
What was your favorite part?
That was a nice little story
It reminded me a lot of bronies. Some of us brave the danger of judgement & choose to bare our stripes; we come out of the closet. We don't care that we show who we really are or who we want to be. I proudly bare my stripes & will continue to do so. "Follow your dreams..."
6291585
Hehe, yeah... I hadn't even thought of it from that angle!
Living your dreams, perhaps the most important part of living. Lovely story!
6291999
Of course the most important part of living! ^.^
So the biggest theme that stood out to me for this story is contrast.
You have the most obvious symbol of the contrast between the black and white stripes, that together makes for a striking pattern. You have the contrast between expectations and reality, of high-society and... not high society. And so on.
I'm not entirely sure where I was going with that.
I'm here because I generally like ocalhoun's work, and have enjoyed the whole feedback process with him several times now. Additionally, this story features the favorite half of the M6 on my personal ranking chart, so that caught my eye. While the lack of romance tag is slightly off-putting, slice of life comedy is right up my alley as well in terms of comfortable reading material.
There be spoilers ahead.
What we also have is a short character piece. It sets out to explore Rarity's character in a new and unique way. While I've seen several fics that have Rarity unveil a "dark secret" that she revels in while being ashamed in, this is the first time I've seen her explored in this particular way. So there are some definite marks for originality, in the accepted usage of taking something and putting a new-feeling spin on it, rather than the objective definition.
This story also features Zecora, which is something of a gamble for fics. She can be done badly. She can be done entertainingly. Her rhymes are something of a challenge to get just right, and the ones in this story feel rather natural.
I wish I could say more about the positive side of things. On to the technical.
As I've come to expect from ocalhoun, there aren't really any outstanding grammar problems. While I don't see any credits to editors/proofreaders, I'm assuming that since he's writing "for pay" that he has retained some. Either way, since this is marked as being related to his Patreon, I'd honestly be shocked if it wasn't polished.
Nopony felt out of character. This is especially important for the main character, Rarity. There was a notable degree of blowing a little thing up into a big thing that felt spot-on for her. The others got by with a sort of light-hand approach. They played roles, but the roles were subdued and minor, which helped prevent anything from standing out as really wrong with them. There was even a slight nod to Fluttershy who, despite not even being present, was in-character in that Rarity wasn't able to immediately exclude her from being outside her door simply because she couldn't hear her.
The pacing was incredibly fast and rushed. We were never given any opportunity ever to really soak in anything. The story feels like speaking with a young child who is excited to show you his or her toy, but then snatches it away to show you the next one and the next one. You leave the visit without any of the toys standing out in memory because you hardly got a look at any of them to form any kind of lasting impression. Unlike with a child, we can't tell the story, "hey, wait and show me that one again. I had something similar to it when I was growing up."
On to the negative stuff.
So, as I mentioned at the start, the story is about contrast. Except there is a distinct lack of it in the story. Rarity has a dark secret, and it is that she wants to be a zebra. While it is "explained" in the story that this represents some sort of freedom and wildness that she finds attractive... the explanation is found wanting, and I'm never really sold that this is all that important to Rarity. If anything, one could argue that her own existing passion for fashion is itself free and wild. Creativity is that and even if it follows certain rules, it also breaks them and flaunts them. Rarity has been shown, such as in Rarity Takes Manehatten, to do just that with her Hotel Chic line. In order for the main premise to be real and relevant to us, it needs contrast. Why is it necessary for Rarity? How is she not free and wild? Show us the normal and why the normal isn't tolerable, so we can empathize with her desires. Show us how those desires serve to solve her normal.
Instead of being an obvious solution to her normal, Rarity's desire to become a zebra comes dangerously close to making light of some racially sensitive stuff, and further comes dangerously close to presenting Rarity not unlike Trenderhoof: showing interest in something without really understanding it, and being offensive and obtuse.
I have a black uncle, while the majority of my family is white. There have been tensions in the family because of this, when my aunt married him her parents (my grandparents) weren't the most supportive. Furthermore, my great grandfather was openly racist, and that created all kinds of drama until his death. The changes that our family went through, especially for my great grandmother who disagreed with her husband, were a huge contrast. Furthermore, my two cousins had all sorts of issues in their lives trying to find acceptance and being less than fully embraced by either white culture or black culture. This entire dynamic is something that it feels like Rarity is an intruder upon, and the story comes dangerously close to pulling a Trenderhoof towards.
This could have been used to create some conflict, as was done in Simple Ways, or perhaps even like some of the individual events that happened over the years in my family. But unlike with Trenderhoof where Applejack becomes rightfully offended by his shallow behavior, nothing comes of it from Zecora, the most likely source of such conflict, nor of her two friends.
There is a glimmer of a conflict in the form of some quest to a volcano to fetch a rare herb. We skip past that to the conclusion where they've finished said quest with nary but a few singes to show for the hardships and hazards they overcame.
The only real indication we have that Rarity is serious about this is that a) she read up on it a bunch, and b) she goes through with the permanent change in the end. While we're told those things happen, we're never really shown Rarity's sincerity so it comes across as incredibly flat, and fails to really assuage the worries presented above.
This could have been a great story. With perhaps Rarity being shallow at first, but having some real but hard to explain drive. Being taken not seriously at first by her friends could have formed some early conflict that developed into the stated theme of "following your dreams." There could have been some conflict with convincing Zecora of her sincerity. THis could have drawn out this inner drive and eventually swayed Zecora to accept and help. We could have tagged along for the adventure they went on, to get some easy demonstrations of Rarity's resolve when she doesn't back down from opposition.
But what we mostly lack in this story, is a reason to believe Rarity wants to be a zebra, and why this is at all important. What even being a zebra actually entails.
What we have is a story where Rarity expresses liking a particular look, goes about getting said look with only a little bit of self-created drama in the process, then proceeds to spend most of her time covering up that look. None of the character exploration of the story is actually present within the scant 4k words of this piece, and we're left with... nothing really.
And that's all the slice of life stuff. This story is also marked comedy. I have no idea why. Nothing in the entire story stands out as even really attempting to be funny. Is it supposed to be funny that Rarity wants stripes? Or is the joke that this story wasted however long it takes to read 4k words worth of your time without delivering anything?
Honestly, if this is the product of the Patreon system motivating you to write stuff within a deadline, I'd be motivated to remove a pledge if I had one. Because it seems to motivate you to throw words at the screen just to have done so, rather than to tell stories.
6292330
Ooh, ouch!
Yeah... I probably deserved that. I'm not sure I really thought this story through.
Gotta love Dash's enthusiasm once a more interesting thing to participate in shows up. The very word 'delegation' just screams 'boring' after all.
Hahaha! Hey, lyrics can make for the best quotes. Same for literature.
Heh.
Hahaha, and of course Zecora already knows.
That was interesting.
6292704
Heh, thanks. ^.^
Good to know it has some redeeming qualities, after some of the cutting reviews I've gotten.
So not a total failure... although I do still know the story was thematically confused and often failed to hit its mark.
6291062 The part when Rarity gets discovered by her friends.