• Published 5th Aug 2015
  • 1,148 Views, 15 Comments

Friendzoned: A declassified survival guide - Marshall_Evergreen



Before finally hooking up with AJ, Spike spent countless nights under the iron fist of the friendzone. It's a wonder he even survived.

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Struggling To Survive

Sometimes,
it is best to remain a friend,
Sometimes,
things are less strained once you let go and come clean.
The true test of survival is moving on.
Staying jealous and lonely will only harm.
It is vital that no matter what,
You are content with the outcome.


Spike and Applejack walked for a bit through the seemingly endless acres of apple orchards. Though at times silence, Spike managed to hold some conversation with her. His attempts at small talk were extremely sloppy and Applejack could tell something was bothering him, but she didn't want to bring it up, not yet. For now, she'd just try and enjoy his company.

Spike and Twilight had first moved into Ponyville one or two years back. Applejack still remembered the day fondly. It had been a pleasent day, and having most of her extended family there had made it even better! Then out of nowhere came the most clueless of Unicorns and her pet Dragon.

Applejack chuckled aa the memories rushed back. Then she paused. Something she'd thought hadn't seemed right. What was it? That was it. 'Pet Dragon'. What was Spike anyway? He wasn't a pet, yet a wasn't exactly treated as a peer.

She continued to ponder this question in silence while she starred at Spike who was looking at the sky. He was the fascinating creature she'd ever seen. His scales glinted brilliantly in the setting sun's light and his eyes were both soft and piercing. He was a dragon, the fiercest of predators. With strength to move boulders, fire to burn down forests, fangs to rip at and pierce through anything, and finally, his intellignet claws, for careful, precise work or for hacking cutting things with such ease, it would be like cutting through butter with a hot knife!

But that wasn't Spike. He was intelligent and optimistic. Humble and selfless, always willing to help when anypony needs it. He loved it, and though Spike would have thought himself greedy and self-centred, Applejack saw his heart to be purer than any gem or jewel. Yes, he could be prideful and obnoxious when joking around, but it was his attempt at being funny, trying to lighten the mood. But when ever duty called, he was hard-working and dilligent.

It seemed increadible that anypony could undermine him, a person so loyal and hard working as Spike, as being some kinf of pet! Then Applejack's expression fell in sad realisation. She looked up again and saw Spike walking forward, a serious look in his eye. He'd always been undermined hadn't he? His entire existance seemed to be for some sort of cruel comic relief! He be pushed aside as just moral support or an assitant, but he did so much behind the scenes, never asking anything in return. Or maybe he had...

It crossed Applejack's mind that a person like Spike, who was always optimistic and submissive, would probably live in denial of the fact that they were lonely or seemingly unloved. Spike was infact loved by all his friends, but were they truely his friends? did they act like it? They rarely displayed any signs of affection towards as a peer or even a person, they'd just excuse anything he said as being cute or ignorant rather than take him as a serious friend. She, herself, had rarely sought out time with him. It was just whenever they had seen Twilight he'd been there, like a parasite or tag on, never actually part of the group.

For what had seemed like forever, he had worked and toiled for unrequieted affection from friends and his beloved Rarity. He had cluung onto every hope of someday having his feelings taken seriously. Maybe that was what he honestly yearned for; his feelings and himself in turn, to be taken seriously for once. Maybe that was what Rarity represented to him. Not just a person, but she embodied and personified all the attention and love he inwardly desired; if she could notice him, he would finally feel like a real person.

Maybe he hadn't realised it yet, but it seemed pretty clear to Applejack this was the true reason he loved Rarity. And the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. he worked and toiled for Rarity and the hopes of returned affection that she represented.

Then Applejack turned her head to the ground in anger and shame. She grit her teeth and kicked a rock under her hoof as she continued onward. She had part of that! Why had she not loved him sooner? Why hadn't she been there for him? Would he ever forgive her?
A tear slid down her cheek as she wallowed silently in her self-inflicted misery. Even if this wasn't the real reason for Spike loving Rarity, Applejack had still managed to convince herself of one thing. She could have been a better friend.


Spike looked ahead as the sun continued to set, paitning the horizon line in a dazzling crimson. He'd come here for one reaon. To ask Applejack for help. Both the guide and Discord had said he needed to be honest, and if there was one pony who could help him with that it was Applejack. But at the sametime, he didn't want to call her out here, just to talk about his mare problems, she was a friend, and deserved his attention also. So he'd let them walk and talk for a bit, but the night was coming and Spike knew now that he was just stalling.

"Can we stop here AJ?" Spike asked looking out over the beautiful landscape.

"Sure thing Spike." Applejack said, sniffling slightly.

This caught Spike's attention. His eyes widened at the sound of her slightly stiffled whimper. He turned his body to face her. She looking away her face turned, her eyes to the ground. Her cheek was tear stained and the moisture in her eyes glinted in the intense light of the sunset, her hair flowing in the light breeze. it was a perfect day, but its beauty was swiftly silenced by Applejack's own beauty.

'Wow.' Spike thought.

Spike's brain went completely dead. Why did she look so cute when she was upset?

They both sat on a hill, facing out to a clear and open field, the sunset setting a peaceful and magical atmosphere.

Magical ...gosh, that's cheesey...

In the perfect setting with a beautiful mare, Spike couldn't help but feel flustered. Here he was, asking for advice on how to ask out Rarity from a mare who was just as beautiful and caring.

Truth be told, spike would have been lying if he said he didn't hold any sort of feelings for Applejack. Frankly, why wouldn't he? She was cute and hard working and honest and dependable. A good friend. He often took notice of these things, but always gave all his attention to Rarity. So yeah, he did have a bit of crush on AJ. He had often thought of her whenever his attempts at wooing Rarity had ultimately failed. But felt she deserved more than that; she deserved more than just being someone's 'plan B'.

Spike then shook himself from his thoughts. Enough about him and his problems! Applejack was upset and something needed to be done about that.

"Applejack?" Spike asked, gaining her attention.

Applejack looked at him, smiling. "Yeah?"

"What's wrong?" Spike asked in concern.

Applejack forze up. Great, he'd noticed her cry. Why did she only let Spike see her emotions?

'Bit of a stupid question Applejack...' Applejack thought.

Truth was, Applejack liked Spike. No, scratch that. She loved Spike. He was the best person she'd ever met! She must have started falling for him back last hearth's warming. They'd had a sleepover at Twilight's and she'd been sleepless. Spike stayed up with her so she wouldn't be lonely. Just another thing to add the list of reasons why Spike was amazing. Anyway, they'd passed the time talking. She'd felt herself open up to him like she had to no one else. After that, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She noticed everything he did and how giving he was. The more she'd thought about him, the more she'd grown to love him.

But she couldn't tell him that. She couldn't get in the way of him and Rairty ...no matter how much she deeply wanted to.

"It doesn't matter none, sugarcude, don't you worry." Applejack said smiling. Technically, that wasn't a lie. She didn't matter, so long as Spike was happy. At least, that's what she told herself.

"But it does." Spike tried again, "You matter Applejack, so come on. What's up?"

Applejack felt her heart skip a beat, before she broke. It was pointless trying to resist him anyway. She'd never lie to him, and he was Spike, he wouldn't give up until Applejack was happy. In that aspect, they were very similar. His caring personality frustrated her and made her love him even more. Love is weird.

"Spike, sugarcube," Applejack sighed in defeat, "I need ta ask for yer forgiveness."

Spike was taken aback by this. "For what?" He asked confused.

"Fer bein' such a horrible friend."

"What! AJ, you're a great friend." Spike said, inching closser to her, hoping to comfort her further.

Applejack shook her head her lip quivering slightly as a tear escaped her eye. "No, Ah haven't."

She proceeded before he could interupt her. "You're so kind and generous but you never get anything back. You never complain about it neither! An' yet, Ah've treated ya like you don't even exist, it's disgustin' an' I'm terribly ashamed fer never including you, I mean truely including ya, Spike! So...I'm sorry, truely sorry."

She held her hat to her chest as she looked up at Spike who sat wide-eyed in silence. "Can ya ever forgive me?" She asked as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Spike sat for a moment in silence, causing Applejack to quake inwardly in fear of his answer. But then, he just smiled and hugged her in his arms.

"Oh, Applejack..." Spike chuckled lightly comfortingly, "You have nothing to apologise for. Not to me."

"But..." Applejack began in protest.

Spike pulled away to look at her seriously. "So yeah, I'll admit I was a bit upset that I was seemingly left behind a lot. And there were times I felt I was being treated like a clueless child. I'm even guilty of once thinking that I wasn't a friend to you guys. But after growing up, I realise that it wasn't my place to be always there. It wasn't my duty or destiny to do what you six always did. plus, I'm a boy and you're all girls. I get that you guys need your girl time, in the same way that I've now got Discord and Soarin to hang out with. The only thing that still ticks me was that I wasn't able to use the element of loyalty..." Spike said lightly, pouting slightly after his final remark.

Applejack fell into his chest, crying freely now (which was a rarity in itself). "How? You should hate me! Maybe I'm just over reacting...but still. How can ya forgive me so freely?"

"Simple." Spike stated lifting her head up by the chin so she could look at him, "It's because you're my friend Applejack. You'd do the same for me. I guess I just know that it's pointless to feel sad, it doesn't do anything for you, unless you turn that frown upside down."

Applejack giggled lightly, chocking a bit on the tears. Spike was just amazing. Being there in his arms with the sunset just beside them was paradise. For lack of a better word, it was down right romantic.

To Applejack, Spike was just the embodiment of happiness. It wasn't that he denied sadness, but rather he chose to be happy. He didn't feel wronged by fate or reality, because if he allowed himself to he'd only find pain and depression. So instead, Spike took comfort and happiness in service, helping others and just being a background helper. It just seemed to make him even more aweome in her eyes.


They'd both chosen to sit there looking out at the sunset as they made light conversation. One thing had been apparent to Applejack the entire time they'd been talking. Spike hadn't come here just to see her for her sake, he had something else on his mind. Applejack didn't want to break the moment, which was to her, as close to perfect as her relationship with Spike would allow. But, she knew she had to help him, even if it did break the scerenity.

"Why'd you come here Spike?" Applejack asked, cocking her head to one side, allowing her blonde mane to fall across the side of her face.

Spike seemed to hold his breath, apprehensive to answer the question. "I came to talk about Rarity." Spike said slowly, picking and choosing words closely. "Not that I'm not interested in how you and your family are and such...it's just..."

Spike paused, taking his time. Applejack held her breath, knowing what was coming.

"I'm going to ask her out. Tonight."

Applejack smiled, but no words came to her. All of a sudden, she felt cold, and there was a deep emptiness in her chest. Why couldn't breathe? Her vision seemed to blur and she found herself looking straight towards the horizon. The vibrant colours seemed to fade a bit, her eyes open and unblinking. She was looking, but she saw nothing. There was no focus. Then there was that shadowy emptiness eating at her. Why couldn't she feel the heat of the sun? She was alive, but to her, she felt dead.

"That's great." She heard herself say.

'No it ain't, say somethin'!'

"Really? That's why I came to you, see. You're the most honest and dependable pony I know. I just thought I could get some advice on how I should present yourself."

'Ya don't need to change Spike, yer perfect! You are ta me.'

"Just be yourself. Honesty is the best policy." Applejack smiled weakly.

"That's what everyone else told me! But I'll sound like such an idiot if I blurt it out."

'You aren't an idiot Spike, you're the most wonderful person I've ever met.'

"Then don't blurt it out. Be cool and calm, but be honest."

"Cool and collected...okay. Thanks AJ," Spike said embracing her, "I really needed that. You're a great friend."

Applejack smiled back at him and yelled out to him, as he left down the path, out of Sweet Apple Acres. "Go get her tiger!"

'You desrve her...' Applejack thought solemnly, as she stood alone on the hill, a tear rolling silently down her cheek.


Spike arrived at Rarity's house at Eight O'clock. It was dark outside and the stars were out, silently cheering him on. Spike was cooling himself down.

'Here goes nothing,' Spike thought as he adjusted a tie he's put on for the occasion.

'...Or everything.' He finished grimly.

His heart beat could be heard, ringing in his ears as he knock once, twice.

Then he waited.

Oh, Celestia...What was he doing out here!?

He rocked back and forth on his feet in an attempt to calm his nerves. He had to be in control.

Hoofsteps could be heard from inside. Then the door opened.

Rarity looked out to see Spike smiling nervously at her. She was about to speak before Spike began, speaking confidently.

"Rarity, I've had feelings for you for along time now and I can't hide it anymore. I love you. You're the most beautiful mare I've ever met and you have a heart of gold. It's killing me, not knowing how you feel...so I guess, I came here to ask. Rarity, I love you, but what do you. I need you to know that."

Rarity chocked on her words, not knowing how to respond. Why now?

"Spike, darling, you are so kind and generous, a real gentledrake. But I'm sorry...I can't. I don't love you."

Silence.

Spike felt his mouth go dry and his heart stop. So there it was. Her answer. No.

It had all happend so fast, it didn't seem real. It couldn't have happened! What does one do in this situation? He couldn't breathe and he could feel himself suffocating.

He felt himself nod and back away.

"I understand." Spike said, trying furiously to swallow down the sadness. To survive the agony he felt.

But by now, he was long dead. All hope for him and Rarity was dead.

"You know I'll always love you as a friend, Spikey-wikey." Rarity said softly, in a voice that reeked of pity.

That just made it worse. Spike chuckled weakly and walked away, allowing himself to be swallowed up by the shadow of the night.

It's increadible that the heart makes no noise when it cracks.


Rarity leaned against her door flustered. Why now? Why had she waited to tell him? At least she could have spared him the humiliation of being rejected.

Rarity had known for quite some time that her dear Spikey-wikey professed to loved her. But Rarity had always been hesitant to tell him the truth. She's had to break it to him somehow, that she just didn't like him like that, but she'd never found a way. She'd known something was wrong when he'd come by earlier and she had guessed it was this. Why had he done it? Didn't he see she didn't love him? Not like that...

Rarity loved her friends, and would do anything to give them the best of the world. So when confronted with this dilema she had done nothing. She couldn't have just crushed poor Spike, it was so cruel, but how else could she get him to leave behind this fantasy? So she'd done nothing, caught between a rock and a hard place, fearing every outcome, but knowing at heart, that heartbreak was inevitable. So when Spike had confronted her, she just had to stop and be honest. He would get over it, she hoped, but she couldn't help but feel for his torment. It was like hell, with no clear sight of any end.


Applejack was in hell, with no clear sighet of an end to her torment.

A friend, that's what he'd called her...just a friend. She'd never be anything more.

When Spike had left, Applejack had cried as she ran to her house and straight up to her room, where she dived onto her bed and cried in pain and sadness. She'd never been painted as a girly-girl, but when it came to boys and heart ache, she could certainly cry like one. She never let anyone see this side of her.

It was all one cruel cycle, the same cycle she'd imagined Spike in. Some kind of sick joke. The devil's comic relief.

Or Discord's. Frankly, she couldn't tell the difference.

Spike was just some kid, to be laughed at when thrown aside by somepony who was considered to be far better than them, the audience laughing on at his stupid hopes of happiness with an untouchable girl. The person who lived only to be rejected, and people would find cruel amusement in his foolish tenacity. Sad comdedy.

All of a sudden, Applejack felt herself at the end of the sick and twisted joke.

Spike deserved the best.

He'd be better off with Rarity.


It was now nine O'clock at night and most of ponyville was happily asleep.

After Big mac had tried comforting his little sister, threatening to clobber whomever had caused his sister such pain, Applejack had gotten up, cramed her hat on her head and left for her night job.

Applejack often worked off feelings of anger and sadness; work gave her something else to focus on rather than what she saw as pure selfishness. She worked hard to keep the farm alive, and so worked part time as a bar made in the local pub.

And who have guessed on this fateful night, two sad and dejected persons would meet in that same pub the next four days, wallowing in the pit that was the friendzone. But so it was, as Applejack walked in, taking no notice of the customers, as she worked her way behind the bar.

"A can of cold root beer." Came a voice in a cold and icey tone.

Applejack looked up and saw Spike, his eyes burning with venom and menace. Applejack felt her heart break as she saw the mess Spike was in, but she obeyed and gave him what he wanted. Then, he lumbered back to his seat in the corner where he'd spend the next four days of his miserable life.


Spike sat heavily in his seat and drained the can of its contents in one, before turning his red, puffy eyes to a book, that lay tattered and used on the table. It was open to last page. Spike read on.

Well done for surviving the friendzone,
But your true test brother is living with the outcome.
Accepted or rejected,
Take comfort in the knowledge that you are now free of having to hide your feelings.
Your quest is now complete brother.

Spike read it once more, then closed the book.

He then proceeded to insinerate the survival guide.

"Useless garbage." He muttered.

Big deal, he'd told Rarity about his feelings and he'd conquered his mental barrier of the 'friendzone', but what did it matter if she didn't return them. The thought of it tore him apart.

And he wondered how he'd ever survive something like that.

The End.

Author's Note:

Tah-dah! Thus it ends.
I hope I provided good closure on the characters and enough character development and depth.
Hopefully you are all satisfied with this read.

There will be a bonus epilogue chapter, set after the events of the first book. So I'll leave this story labelled 'incomplete' for now. But as for the story in this time period, it is finished. :moustache:

Please do leave a comment, like and fave (if thou art feeling generous :raritywink:)

Marshall Out.