A Price to Pay
Rain pattered against the canopy of foliage overhead like distant drums—pa-pat, pa-pat, pa-pat. Her heart pounded along with the beat as she sought a glimpse of something other than twisted trunks of trees, tendrils of fog snaking between them.
"Silent?" she called. "Where are you?"
Every hoofstep sank into mud and had to be forcefully pulled away with an awful, wet schluk. The fog receded as she continued forward but then filled in behind her, shifting the landscape so that no matter which way she walked, nothing changed.
"Silent?"
She knew in her heart that he was there, somewhere. She just had to figure out where.
Everything looked the same whether she looked ahead or over her shoulder. Just a field of fog-wrapped trees in every direction, no shrubbery or rocky outcroppings to give her any sense of whether she was walking in circles or not. But she kept walking nonetheless. She would find him eventually. She had to.
The rain grew heavier, beating against her coat and face with a frigid ferocity, and she raised a hoof to shield her eyes when she saw it: a figure in the fog. Her heart fluttered with joy and relief.
"Silent!"
As she struggled to get closer to him, more figures came into focus, lying prone on the ground all around him. Still. Lifeless. Her blood ran cold at the sight of them. Were they—
"Do not look. Awaken."
Crystal's eyes snapped open and she gasped for air. Fleeting visions of the nightmare faded away into the darkness that consumed her. Her horn flickered, seeking out the nearby lamp and pulling the chain. The shadows fled at the oncoming light, cowering in the corners and behind the furniture.
How was it she could sleep so much and yet still feel so exhausted in the morning?
As she forced herself upright, her joints ached, her head throbbed, and her chest tightened. Where was she? Awake. In the Crystal Empire. At the Fluorite Ferrier. She whittled down until everything felt familiar again and she let out a heavy sigh. Lunch could not come sooner; so many questions bubbled up from the fading haze of sleep.
For the time being, she had to get ready for the day. She dragged herself from the bed and stumbled to the bathroom, where she paused to look at the spa-like accommodations: a bath large enough for two and an open shower large enough for three. A ghost of a smile flashed across her muzzle at the memory of her and Silent's prior stay.
They had learned the hard way that, although intimacy in a shower was depicted as hot and steamy in romance novels, water was ironically a hindrance to being wet—every pun and innuendo intended, of course. Velvet would be so proud of her.
She ached at both the memory and the thought, and forced her gaze to the mirror. How many days had she looked at her reflection and thought, 'You poor mare'? With a determined furrow of her brow, she began the process of putting on her personal armor.
Moisturizing cream softened the ragged lines under her eyes. Foundation smoothed the faded color of her pale cheeks. Eyeliner and mascara drew attention away from her tired smile. And, of course, the heart-shaped beauty mark gave her a strange feeling of strength. What pony could be sad with a heart on their face? Certainly not her.
As long as she looked well, then she was well; it was as simple as that.
With a yellow scarf tied around her neck, she trotted her way to the streets. It had been a while since she had spent time in the Crystal Empire at length, but the unfamiliarity in the air was not due to being away so long. No, the very soul of the empire itself seemed to be darkened by the war.
Cadence had told her that the crystal ponies knew more of war, and it showed in their faces. Though they still glimmered like always, it was the shadows that lurked under their eyes and at the corners of their smiles that gave it away. They hurt just like she did, but without the pretenses and falsehoods.
They knew what war meant, and what it took.
A shiver ran along her sides and she quickened her pace. Perhaps there was comfort in Canterlot's denial of reality on a day-to-day basis. The late winter's air felt all the colder when surrounded by the downtrodden frost that seemed to nip at every pony's hooves.
She made her way to a cafe near the palace where she would wait until it was time. For a moment, she had considered going to the library to research what she could, but to what end? She understood enough to know that she would find nothing in old books. Instead, she would have a cup of tea—perhaps even two—and think on her writing in the spare time she could afford.
Settled at a table by the window, she waited for her order to arrive and occupied herself with gazing outside. The Winter's Soldier came to mind, a nigh forgotten story she hadn't read in quite some time. A smile tugged at her lips. She could delve into frost ponies again. The one she had met over a year ago certainly couldn't represent every frost pony, could he?
After all, she had been told that the Crystal Empire had an entire genre of romance novels dedicated to frost pony encounters. There must have been something there for ponies to keep writing about.
Her mind drew a blank when she mulled the subject over, however. She had hardly noticed the waiter bringing her tea, having just enough sense of self to thank him as he walked away. Idly stirring the light brown liquid in its cup, she pursed her lips.
No, she needed something truly inspiring. Something that would warm her heart, not freeze it over. Not hot like Saddle Arabia, but something still exotic. Then, as she took a sip of tea, her ears perked. Once upon a time, she had wanted to write the love story of Horsey and Savoir, and Prance was certainly exotic enough compared to Canterlot.
The spark of an idea here and a thought there kept her occupied until the clock tower chimed the time: it was, finally, the eleventh bell. She dropped a few bits on the table and made her way to the palace, the peace she had found fading away with every step.
It was no surprise that when she gave her name to a guard at the palace, they nodded and took her straight to Shining Armor's office. He was prepared for her visit.
"Mrs. Wishes is here, sir," the guard said, knocking on the open door.
Shining looked up from a stack of papers on his desk and, as he rose to his hooves, closed the folder that contained them. "Thank you. Dismissed."
The guard nodded, turned sharply on his hindhoof, and walked back down the hall. Crystal, meanwhile, hovered at the door, afraid of what would happen once she entered the room.
Shining's face softened as he looked at her and gestured at the open seat across from him. "How are you doing these days?"
Crystal bit the inside of her cheek, breathed in, and took the first step into his office. It was the hardest, and she felt as though something was left behind as soon as she crossed the threshold, but she made her way to the offered seat.
"Well enough," she finally said with the faintest bob of her head. The folder sitting between them on his otherwise neat and orderly desk looked dauntingly full.
"Good. I'm glad to hear that." His gaze flickered from her to the folder, a grimace flashing across his face. "I was just reading this after-action report. Classified stuff, of course."
She shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat. "Of course."
A sigh escaped him as he took off his helmet to set it on the desk, ran a hoof through his mane, and slouched back in his seat. "You're a good mare. I've heard about all the things you've been up to." His smile returned, albeit only for a moment. "Silent was always proud of you, but I can't imagine how he must feel about you now."
"I—" Her voice hitched and she dropped her head to look at her hooves, clasped in her lap and wringing together. "I wouldn't know." She glanced back up at him. "To be honest, it's not come up in our letters, though that is partly because I don't want to tell him."
Shining made a small sound that verged on amusement but remained in the range of disbelief. "You don't want to tell him that you've started a charity foundation from the ground up?"
She shook her head. "In the middle of a war, that seems like one of the last things he needs to hear. I write to him of my love for him and support of him and leave it at that."
"You really are a good mare." He chuckled softly, then paused, eyes going wide, before he asked, "He at least knows you had a film made about your novel, though, right?"
"No. That is the last thing, in fact," Crystal admitted in a small voice, gaze falling to the folder. "I don't understand the life he is living right now, but I am hoping you can help me with that."
He followed her gaze and frowned. "We can just talk, if you'd like. That's fine with me. I'd actually prefer it, in fact."
"No," she said, shaking her head with momentary resolve, "I'm prepared for the truth. You don't need to sugarcoat things for my sake."
His eyes were just slightly narrowed from the concern that was plastered on his face. Her stomach dropped. If he had good news, then he wouldn't make such a face.
With a roll of his shoulders, he placed his hoof on the folder. "I'll get you a refreshment, then. I'll be right back." His hoof withdrew, somewhat hesitantly, and his voice grew serious. "I assume I will be the only thing to leave this office until I return."
She gave a firm nod, gaze now locked on the folder. "Yes, sir. Everything will be as you left it."
"Good, I'm glad to hear that." As he walked past her, he paused to put a hoof on her shoulder. "Now, I won't be far if you find yourself in need of something while I'm gone. Just outside the door, in fact."
"I understand," she replied, her voice falling to a near whisper that was lost in the silence once the door was shut.
The folder sat in front of her, still and waiting.
Within it were so many papers. What did they say? It seemed so far away and out of reach, as if she was growing smaller. Or perhaps it was getting bigger.
Finally, her magic reached out to levitate the folder over, opening it to reveal the report on top of the stack.
From the desk of Major Silent Knight
Commanding Officer
The Black Dragoons
Her blood ran cold and the world fell away at the sight of his name so close together with the Black Dragoons, but she hurriedly read on.
In compliance with orders from your headquarters, Report After Action Against Enemy for Operation Moonless, with supporting papers, is herewith submitted for this unit.
Under orders from Brigadier Lightning Hammer, the Black Dragoons were deployed to the province of Vinber to secure a site for a permanent camp and to engage any Sudramoar forces found in the vicinity. The Dragoons crossed the border at 0830 and searched and cleared the area. The company proceeded slowly through rather heavy woods at first.
The company received ambush fire of crossbow bolts, primarily from their left flank and rear from within the woods. Major Knight ordered the dragoons to split into two groups to determine the origin of the attack. The gryphons attempted to scatter when charged, but the Black Dragoons allowed none of them to escape. The ambush was successfully routed with no serious friendly casualties.
Crystal found it difficult to keep reading. The words were so cold, so unlike the ones that spoke sweet words of love and longing in letters. Had Silent really written this? She skimmed the rest, trying to find the stallion she knew within the impassive report.
The occupation of Vinber province was untenable, and organized, large-scale resistance no longer existed. The enemy's only significant capability was their ability to organize and reinforce defensive positions South of the Dreyri River. Over the course of the next few days, the enemy took heavy losses during several ambushes by the Black Dragoons, which rapidly degraded and disorganized their forces.
The Black Dragoons systematically eliminated enemy forces unable to get back to the Dreyri River. Resistance began to crumble.
Was it possible for blood to truly chill? If it could, then hers was most certainly frozen. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to block out the endless pages of words so that they would stop resounding in her mind in Silent's voice. Sucking in a breath through her nose, she looked down once more, glancing at the end of the report.
Result of Operation:
SG killed: 13 confirmed. No prisoners.
Killed. Such an ugly, hideous word. How many of them had died at Silent's own hooves? She shuddered and flipped to the next report. A raid against a platoon of invading Sudramoar forces, and at the bottom:
SG killed: 28 confirmed. No prisoners.
Over and over it was the same thing: killed, no prisoners. On the next report, more killed, still no prisoners. Confirmed kills. Estimated kills. But no prisoners, never prisoners. No gryphons escaped the Black Dragoons.
As she continued to flip through the papers with an almost frantic pace, words of his letters started to slip into the forefront of his mind, now backed by the words before her.
I would gladly let this war pull me apart piece by piece as long as I get to return to your side.
Extensive damage sustained from use of bolt thrower against the company. 41 confirmed. No prisoners.
Know that I struggle against aggression. Believe that I will overcome it.
Two casualties within the company during the ambush. 17 confirmed, 3 additional estimated killed. No prisoners.
I will come home to you. I will do whatever is necessary to reach you.
Enemy routed and driven back for an 800 yard gain. 62 confirmed, 10 additional estimated killed. No prisoners.
The enemy has learned to fear me and I am concerned that a dark legend is being born.
Her magic flickered out and the folder nearly fell, but she gasped and caught it just before the papers scattered. The folder landed haphazardly on Shining Armor’s desk while she struggled to keep upright. Everything was spinning around her, foreign concepts invading her throbbing skull.
Killed.
Casualties.
Prisoners.
Enemies.
Silent Knight—no, Dread Knight lived in a world of all these things, day in and day out.
Just as she felt her stomach twisting up in knots and a strangled sob escaped her, the door opened and Shining Armor's voice called in, "Mrs. Wishes? Are you okay?"
Crystal hurriedly brought her hooves to her eyes to wipe away the tears that had started to form. "I'm sorry. I think—I should go."
"Wait, please." He stepped inside and shut the door behind him before walking around to look her in the eyes, his own soft and full of concern. "Mrs—Crystal." Taking one of her hooves in his own, he sat down in front of her and sighed. "I tried to talk Cady out of letting you see these, but she said you'd insist."
Crystal could only whimper a small sound of despairing amusement. Cadence was not wrong.
"I have to read reports like those every day from ponies I know, and ponies I don't. It's hard to stomach all the death that happens on both sides." He squeezed her hooves. "Try to remember that he is still Silent. Dread Knight or not, he's still your husband, and he still loves you. He didn't ask for any of this. Nopony did."
"I understand," Crystal whispered in a voice that cracked and tried to die out. She didn't understand, at least not yet. "Thank you."
When she stood up, Shining didn't stop her and just watched her leave. Uncertainty, doubt, fear, and disbelief all crashed within her, quakes that shook her to the very core. It was all she could do to keep walking, to make her way through the Empire toward the train station. She didn't know when the next train was, but she would wait for it there.
There was so much death. So many 'confirmed kills' of SG. What was SG? Her nose wrinkled. Sudramoar Gryphons? It made sense.
Oh, how woeful it was that anything about those reports made sense to her.
A shudder ran through her as the onslaught of descriptions she had just read flooded her mind. The company ambushed in the forest. Losses of his fellow soldiers under his command. Enemies routed, pushed back, eliminated.
The image of Silent standing in the fog-wrapped forest with slumped, lifeless figures all around him suddenly made sense, and something within her snapped. It was as if a gate had been forced open and everything confined within was now free.
Silent and all of the soldiers of Equestria were living in a veritable nightmare of death. Every day was a struggle to survive, to hope there would be another day. Forget the prospect of coming home—they just prayed to see the sun rise again.
Tears fell down her cheeks, but her hooves moved with more determination than before. She hadn't understood. None of them had understood. They thought they had, but war wasn't meant for ponies. There was no way for them to sit in the safety of Equestria and comprehend all the horrible things that war encompassed.
The Flower Foundation had to do more. She had to do more. If her husband and everypony else came home that day, they would be so vastly unprepared for the burdens the soldiers would bring home.
Whatever it took, Crystal would ensure they were truly ready for when that time came.
Well, I went along my merry way
And I never stopped to reason
I should have known there'd be a price to pay
If you have enjoyed this story so far, please consider taking a look at Anzel and my's website QuillnBlade.com for extra content such as mini stories, an Ask Us form to submit questions, responses to said questions, and special rewards for the awesome folks who support our Patreon.
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Wow....that was a heavy chapter.
That was heavy. It's a good thing yesterday's Trials was so light, or I wouldn't have been able to finish this chapter.
Oh shit.
I'm not unfamiliar with the idea of death in fiction. But reading it like this through Crystal's perspective fills me with the kind of dread that I just don't want to even think about feeling.
How I (re)imagine Crystal's dream. (warning: gore)
I suppose it makes sense that Crystal knew of Dread Knight before Silent came home. The ease of her acceptance of Silent's memories in Trails is much more believable if she had already known about such things prior to having it shoved in her face.
8141382 Very true, especially since she also had to recover from seeing some of Silent's memories through memory crystals, and therefore seeing firsthand what he had to do to come home versus just reading about it
I think I understand some of what Crystal is going through. I recently looked into the western front of both World War I and World War II because I quite simply didn't know nearly as much as I felt I should. Digging beyond the main events that everyone knows to many that are less well-known, finding things that just stagger the mind. I feel it's true what they say: no one can truly comprehend the enormity of the lesser events, much less the whole thing.
But like Crystal, I can't help but try. Those "SGs" were people, no matter what else we might perceive them to be.
It might be too late now, given the progression of Anzel's story, but I kind of expect and would love to see Crystal extend the Flower Foundation to Sudramoar.
“Death wins nothing here,
gnawing wings that amputate––
then spread, lift up, fly.”
― Aberjhani
Cryyyystaaaaall
And to make things worse, Crystal thinks she understands now, but then when she saw Silent's memory of the war... oh boy.
Somepone needs to cheer pones up. Dr. Kitty, we need you!
Little did Crystal know, but SG actually stood for 'Squad Goals'. The Black Dragoons had many of them; making gryphon feather mantles, puppet shows with gryphon beaks, knitting...
Whether or not 'killed' meant that they completed their Squad Goals, or were unable to... we may never know.
Definitely heavy chapter. Cadence should have given her a goodbye hug.
Damm, I was so happy when I saw another chapter for Crystal, but after reading it... Well everyone who has, knows it was a heavy chapter. Excellent Job Crystal, really had the feels going for me.
Hell, *I* need to go see Dr. Kitty after that chapter.
Ooooooo... giddy. :3 This chapter had the same emotional hallmarks of the gifting of Aria.
And today Crystal saw the horrors that would strengthen her resolve to develop the Foundation even more.
I think... I think I need to lie down for a bit. Thought I heard something crack inside. Probably my heart. I'll be fine.
On the bright side this looks like the catalyst for positive changes to come.
ah, Vestis Virum Facit, clothes make the man. Very true
Hah! Even the Crystal Empire loves the Avengers.
I was hoping she'd get another book out.
Of course he wouldn't want to hear of his wife's achievements and successes. That wouldn't help at all.
Because he wouldn't want to hear that his wife is doing well? Sometimes Crystal reminds me of my 13 and 15 year-old nieces when it comes to perspective and foresight. Of course she doesn't understand war, who really does that hasn't experienced it? but to think that Silent wouldn't want to hear about anything that's happening back at home? to connect him to the world he left behind? Arrg! I need ice-cream.
Loved her change of heart at the end, another turning-point chapter in Crystals life (which usually sets up a couple AWESOME chapters afterwards) 3 cheers for character development!
How old is she at this point anyway? I imagine her as similar to an 18 or 19 year old.
[
Oh crap, she's finding out
Ohhhhh, crap
Good timing, Luna.
It would be interesting to learn more about them. Also, The [Forgotten] Winter's Soldier, 10/10 foreshadowing if intended.
Dang, that is a lot of 'No prisoners'.
Great reaction to getting this additional window into the reality of the war. Never let it be said that Canterlot unicorns don't have steel under the fuzzy cuteness.
Cutting it close with the save there Luna.. for what good it did. Have to admit the Black Dragoons are brutally effective. Crystal has alot of work ahead of her. I cant wait to see it. A great chapter
Finally caught up and dang, what a heavy chapter. Reading this and Trials at the same time really gives things perspective and added weight.
This is heavy.
For anyone with a personal interest in historical military documents, this was where I spent days doing research for this chapter:
http://cgsc.cdmhost.com/cdm/landingpage/collection/p4013coll8
Some really... interesting stuff, there, when you dig through the reports.
8141072 Hooboy, I should take a shot for every time someone says 'heavy' in regards to this chapter.
> 1 shot
I'm going to be drunk before I finish this roundup.
8141085 It was... a similar feeling, for me, doing the research for this chapter. I read through many, many after-action reports to get a feel for how they're written. A lot of the sentences, albeit changed slightly for the story, were taken from real reports.
> 2 shots
8141139 It's not a perspective I see in fiction a lot; we see the war side of it much more often than not. It's a very different thing.
8141284 whew! That is uh. Yeah! That is some gore. but I won't say there aren't some similarities there, eh.
8141382 It certainly didn't prepare her for what she saw, but it prepared her to accept what she saw, if that makes sense?
8141475 Yeah, definitely. It's a small ease of the burden, yanno?
8141547 Oh, gosh, yes. I spent days digging through reports for this chapter. And I've spent days digging through so many other things for research for this story as a whole. It really opens your eyes to see perspectives you don't learn in History class.
8142041 Dr. Kitty was originally going to be in this chapter! Haha. But, well, the chapter changed from my original direction, as did the soon-to-be next chapter...
#SQUADGOALS
http://imgur.com/gallery/qxoh5Ht
8142089 Cadence probably would have, but Crystal didn't really give her an opportunity to.
> 3 shots
8142186 Ahhh, sorry ;~; BUT it gets better from here, this was the low, now we climb up...
> 4 shots
8142227 And that's super okay! #sorrynotsorry
8142543 heeheee. That is a high compliment, considering how you felt about Aria's introduction!!
8142809 As has been said by various characters, and Crystal herself, good can come from bad.
8142899 Who needs a heart? Nahhh it's fine totally fine you're good you're okay maybe you should go to the ER but it's fine
8147209 (playful angry) IT'S NOT AVENGERS
I JUST
IT WAS A GENERIC NAME
I DIDN'T KNOW AT THE TIME
UUUUU ;~;
haaahaha. Yeah. Crystal is following the mindset of saying "Oh, I did this great film thing, and this charity" would come across as "my life is all fine and great without you here, oh by the way how is that war thing going? hmm did I mention I've got all this good stuff happening to me"
As far as ages go, I don't like to attribute numbers because they mean different things to everyone. I have a little chart I made with Applejack images...
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/121289410481225728/236846561491943424/pony_ages.png
Crystal is in the 16-30 years bracket. Of course, the Q&B Equestrian Calendar is different from our own, so the years aren't 100% synonymous. It's also like how a 13-year-old today and a 13-year-old 100 years ago are VERY different.
With all of that said, Crystal is about 22 at the time of this chapter
8148450 she knows
8149002 oh my god that foreshadowing was not intended but I wish it was, that is really gorgeous
Yep. Black Dragoons don't take prisoners.
8151059 They get the job done, and now it's Crystal's turn to get the job done, too!
8151837 They're out of sync, certainly, but I do think they provide some great counter-insight to one another.
> 5 shots
8153316 ysi ur right
> 6 shots
teehee
howm nay shots is 2 many??
8153633
You can't say that I didn't warn you, sugar lump.
slap
jesus fucking christ
good to see Crystal truly understanding what war is. I just hope that it doesn't completely wreck her view of Silent.