Caught Up in a Daze
Victory in Djarsker
This was why Crystal had avoided the newspapers.
Victory was such a positive word. The headlines painted things as either black or white; it was either a victory or a tragedy. They were either on the cusp of winning the war or utter defeat. From Silent's letters, and from the letters her support group members received, however, things weren't so simple.
Her eyes scanned the dark letters set against off-white paper, seeking details that were hard to find. Few things were specific, most instead focusing on the war as a whole, a division of the Army, or sometimes a high-ranking officer.
Equestrian Forces Run a Gauntlet Through Langreid
Cultural Landmark Preserved by the Salvagers
Lily Forest Raises Morale in Margull
General Superior Swims River Under Fire
Dragoons Carve 5 Kilometer Gain in Hvassdalr
Dragoons? Crystal paused and glanced underneath the headline to see two words that jumped from the page to grab her by the heart. 'Dread Knight'. Her breath caught in her throat and she forced her gaze to the beginning of the article.
Brigadier Hammer's Black Dragoons, led by the Dread Knight of Dreyri River, have made another valiant assault against the Sudramoar forces, pushing them back five kilometers in the province of Hvassdalr.
Dreyri River. Crystal knew that place—the place where Weather Front had lost his brother. What did Dread Knight have to do with that awful memory?
Her horn shone brighter as she levitated Silent's letters in her magic along with the newspapers she was scouring, surrounding herself with a veritable wall of paper. Which was it? Where had he written about it? Had she just been too blind to see the truth at the time?
A low hum filled the air, a hollow ringing sound that halted her thoughts and demanded her attention, so she stopped to look at Aria.
The crystal was hung by the window so that it would catch the light during the day. At this hour of the morning, there was no light to be caught, but Aria glowed all on her own. Different hues of pink faded in and out within her faceted walls, bright and dark at the same time.
Normally, she sang a beautiful song, one that lifted Crystal's spirits. This time, however, her voice seemed to carry a feeling of grim determination—low and slow, she echoed on a single note before another would join just as the previous faded.
It was a foreign music to Crystal's ears, reminiscent of but not quite like striking a large wind chime. Was this the sound of her feelings brought to life? She felt so much more chaotic, so much more like hooves racing across the keys of a piano or a drum rapidly struck over and over.
Crystal furrowed her brow as Aria continued on, and, slowly, she smiled with realization. Aria's chimes brought her a sense of peace the longer they filled her ears, and she returned her gaze to all the papers in front of her. "Thank you," she whispered, concentration renewed.
Each letter she skimmed filled her with a conflicting sensation of loving nostalgia and fearful apprehension. She could hear his voice in his words, and she was terrified of what she might find.
Finally, she saw it: Dreyri River.
We have been routed. We made our stand at a place called Dreyri River and failed. Many ponies were slain, far more than the tragedy of the Harmony. It was a day that will haunt me forever and it is best left there.
Aria hummed loudly. Crystal chewed on her bottom lip. The letter quivered in the flickering embrace of pink magic.
No, there was nothing concrete here. Silent Knight was haunted by the loss of life. Dread Knight could be anypony. She sighed and looked away from the letters to the newspapers, and finally let them all fall to the floor.
She needed answers, and she wasn't going to find them sitting still. Rising to her hooves, she marched out of her condo to begin the walk through Canterlot with all of her focus on getting to the train station as soon as possible.
The Crystal Empire would have exactly what—who—she needed.
♡
"This is a pleasant surprise," Cadence said with a soft smile as a servant set a tray of tea and biscuits on the table between her and Crystal. "I understand why you moved back to Canterlot, but it would be a lie to say I don't miss our lunch dates."
Crystal bobbed her head with a slight sheepishness. "I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize." In a quiet voice, Cadence added, "To be honest, before the war started, I wondered how long it would be before Silent Knight missed Princess Luna and found a way to return to her side."
Crystal's lips twitched with amusement, but her heart sank and she struggled to hold Cadence's gaze. "To be equally honest, I wondered the very same."
They exchanged a quiet laugh and both paused to sip from their respective teacups. Tension slithered into the air as Crystal tried to find the right moment to ask her question, and Cadence watched her with a curious smile and knowing eyes. Cadence seemed content to wait for Crystal to break the silence, and so she did.
"I'm afraid there is a reason for my sudden visit," Crystal admitted with a bit of guilt creeping into her voice.
Cadence's magic lowered the teacup to its saucer. Her expression didn't change, instead remaining that enigmatic look she often had. "Isn't there always?"
It was a response Crystal hadn't expected, and it set her guilt on fire. She shrunk back into her seat and felt suddenly small under the weight of Cadence's featherlight smile. As a governor and a lady of renown, Cadence must have been far too used to ulterior motives.
"I'm sorry," Crystal blurted. "I'm sorry. But please understand that I have to abuse our friendship this way. I understand if you'll think less of me, but I don't have many options that I can rely on."
A soft sigh escaped Cadence and she shook her head. "It's all right, please. I'm sure I already have a notion as to what this is about."
"You do?" Crystal found it difficult to breathe. The thought that Cadence herself knew the answer hadn't crossed her mind, and it chilled her blood. "I—I need to know, then. Please, I need to know who Dread Knight is."
There was a distinct perk of Cadence's ears at the name, and Crystal's stomach clenched into a tight knot. She knew.
Cadence said nothing for a while, her hoof raising to trace the rim of her teacup while her gaze—somehow both soft and stern—never left Crystal's. Finally, she lowered her hoof back to her seat. "I see. Are you asking me as a governor and wife to a brigadier, or as a friend and spouse to a military officer?"
Crystal swallowed around the lump in her throat. "As an understanding and sympathetic friend."
"Of course." Cadence's head slowly lifted and dropped in a single nod. "Are you quite sure you want to ask me this?"
"Completely," Crystal whispered. It was hard to do more than that with the weight of the situation pressing down on her. "Please."
Cadence released a sigh and nodded again, smile returning to her muzzle. "Well, then, why don't you drop by Shining's office tomorrow? I'm sure he'd love to see you."
It almost didn't seem worth the trouble. Cadence's reaction alone was all she needed to know. And, yet, there was a part of her that hoped she was misreading the situation. Perhaps Dread Knight was somepony else she knew. Perhaps Dread Knight was simply just so dreadful of a knight that Cadence worried for Crystal's sensitivities.
"Thank you." Crystal's magic wrapped around the teacup, but it trembled with her uncertainty and clattered against the saucer. "Cadence?"
"Yes?" The word came out like a tired sigh, but Cadence kept her expression pleasant.
Crystal glanced away from her. "What did you think I was going to ask? It clearly wasn't about Dread Knight."
Cadence seemed to ease at the question, especially when she laughed behind a hoof. "Oh, well, yes, you're right, it wasn't. I assumed you were going to ask for classified information on the war and how Silent Knight in particular was faring. Which, in a way, that is what you asked, so I suppose I was both right and wrong."
"Yes, I suppose," Crystal mumbled, lifting her cup and taking a sip. The warmth soothed her throat, but was otherwise lost to the chill in her bones. She forced a smile into place. "Let's discuss happier things, such as your foal-to-be? Do you know the gender yet?"
With a sincere smile that wrinkled the corners of her eyes, Cadence put a hoof to her stomach. "Yes! Can you believe it? We're having a little colt!" She giggled and rubbed a small circle. "He kicks just like his father does in his sleep."
"I'm sure he'll be just as strong and handsome as him, too." Crystal reached across the table, and Cadence took the offered hoof. "I'm so happy for you two! Let me know when he's born so I can come meet him as soon as possible."
There was a pause before Cadence squeezed Crystal's hoof, the smile fading with a gentle melancholy. "I look forward to you having one of your own, too. You and Silent will make wonderful parents."
Though she knew it was an earnest statement meant to reassure, Crystal felt suddenly suffocated under the depth of its meaning. It assumed Silent would come home, and that if he did, he wouldn't end up like his father. That their fleeting moments of wedded bliss weren't far behind them.
"The Flower Foundation is going well," Crystal said, her hoof recoiling and her smile returning as she forced her mind away from the spiraling thoughts. "We're looking for a building to move to as our official headquarters. Canterlot isn't exactly forthcoming in opportunities, but we'll find one."
Cadence eyed her with a sympathetic look before she relaxed into a nod. "I've heard very good things about the work your foundation is doing. I believe there is a branch starting up here in the Empire?"
The tension dissipated at the comfortable topic and Crystal straightened up with pride swelling in her chest. "Yes! There is. One of those 'friend of a friend' situations. One of my group leaders knows somepony who lives here. They're supposed to be handling all the business of permits, which makes things so much easier for me."
"Which I'll approve when they arrive on my desk, of course." Cadence sipped her tea. "What about your writing?"
Crystal's ears gave a sheepish dip against her mane. "I've been distracted as of late. I need inspiration, and I haven't had my head in the right place to seek it. I'm sure something will come to me when I least expect it, however." She waved a hoof in a quick, dismissive gesture. "What of you? Are you still enjoying your position?"
There was a pause as Cadence's gaze wandered out the open balcony doors to the endless expanse of the Empire and beyond. The buildings that stretched out from the palace glimmered in the setting sun, but there was an intangible haze of tension that covered it all from the wrinkles that formed along Cadence's brow.
"When Shining and I first arrived, the citizens of the Empire were lost. A thousand years had passed like a dream to them. But they were so eager—so desperate to return to normalcy, that they dove headfirst into their new lives. They learned Modern Equestrian, they built Glimmer World, they did anything and everything to become accepted as a part of modern-day Equestria.
"And yet this past year, I have worked with them to bring back the days forgotten to all but them. When Equestria was not so harmonious, when war was not such a foreign concept; we look to them to teach us now as we taught them. We've forced them to remember times they would rather not, but they do so out of love for their kingdom."
Cadence's eyes closed a moment and she slowly shook her head. "It is awful, and I feel responsible. I should do more to protect them from the memories they dredge back up to train others. In a way, it's ironic, as well."
Crystal tilted her head just slightly. "Ironic?"
"Don't you think?" She faced Crystal again with a wry smile. "Crystal ponies are the most beautiful with their glimmering coats, and yet they know more of the ugly thing that is war than even the pegasus warriors of Cloudsdale."
"Oh," was all Crystal could say as she returned her gaze to the view outside and they fell into a somber silence. With a sharp intake of breath in, she said, "I can't begin to understand the weight on your shoulders as a governor, but I can at least offer an ear to listen." She tried to smile. "Two, even."
This earned a soft laugh from Cadence, who waved a hoof. "I appreciate it, but perhaps not now. I think there is enough burden on the both of us these days. I would rather speak of more pleasant topics, such as your friend, Velvet."
Crystal's heart dropped.
"She hasn't written to me in quite some time. I assume she is busy, but I hope she's well?" Cadence asked, and when Crystal hesitated to respond, her ears flicked. "Is something wrong?"
"I wish I knew," Crystal admitted with a sigh and a drop of her shoulders. "As far as I know, she's well, but we spend so little time together. I'd love to say I didn't know why, or that it was simply a natural course of things, but neither is true. I know full well and why she avoids me."
Cadence leaned in with sympathy in her eyes and voice as she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?" After a pause, she continued, "I also have two ears, after all."
She couldn't help it. Crystal laughed; it hurt, as though her throat were raw and she was trying to swallow salt. "I thought you wanted happier topics?"
"I am entitled to change my mind as I see fit." Cadence put her hooves on the table and leaned in to lock Crystal in her gaze. "What happened?"
A soft, choking sound caught in her throat as she bit back a sarcastic remark. She turned her head to look at the sky that shifted between hues of orange and purple, feeling enough peace in the natural beauty to find her voice. "She doesn't understand war, which my life is entirely engulfed by. She can't forgive Silent for leaving, and—" Her breath hitched.
Sometimes, she couldn't forgive him, either.
Shame and guilt crawled up the back of her neck and she tore away from Cadence's soft gaze. She didn't deserve that gentle sympathy; she couldn't share that awful thought aloud.
"I'm sorry," Crystal said hurriedly, rising to her hooves. "It's late. I should let you enjoy the evening with your husband." Envy bubbled up and mingled with the dark feelings she tried to suppress with a smile. "Thank you for letting me steal your time from him."
Cadence had the distinct look in her eyes to argue, but she nodded and rose to see her out. "Do you have somewhere to stay tonight? You're more than welcome to stay here."
"No, thank you." Crystal's steps were almost frantic; she was desperate to escape the weight of Cadence's kind gaze. "I already have a room booked."
"All right. Good night, Crystal," Cadence replied softly, watching her leave without another word, and Crystal was grateful for it.
Outside of the palace, the air was cool against her coat that was hot with regret. She stopped and closed her eyes to focus on nothing but breathing for a moment until it became an easy, thoughtless action again. That was when she was ready to divert attention to walking where ponies could see her, to keep a pleasant expression on her face so that nopony would stop her and ask if she was all right.
The Fluorite Ferrier Resort came into view and Crystal felt a strange sense of blissful nostalgia and bitter regret. Perhaps she should have taken Cadence's offer; perhaps this was a mistake. Her hooves kept guiding her toward the inverted gemstone-shaped building that harvested the last rays of sunlight into the rivets running down its sides.
She remembered how much awe had filled her when she and Silent had first walked into the tall, glittering lobby. It filled her with a moment of warm nostalgia and she was able to, briefly, smile with sincerity. How happy she and he had been; how many tender moments they had shared in this place. The warmth was replaced by the chill when she thought about how long ago that was.
"Hello," a soft voice greeted, and her attention was drawn to the crystal pony standing behind the counter. "Welcome to the Fluorite Ferrier Resort. Have you been here before?"
Crystal's ears perked. Was this the same mare from her last visit? She didn't recognize her, but perhaps—
The mare smiled at the stare she received. "Most ponies are struck with awe at our lobby, but you walked straight for the desk."
"Oh." Crystal bobbed her head. "Yes, once before. I've booked a room under the name Crystal Wishes."
After a pause to look through a book, the receptionist finally nodded. "Yes, here you are." She reached behind her to retrieve a key from one of the several hooks on the wall. "The Ruby Room is ready for you, Miss Wishes."
"Mrs.," Crystal whispered under her breath, then winced. The mare didn't seem to hear her, and that was probably for the better. "Thank you," she said in a more conversational tone, took the translucent ruby key in her magic, and trotted away. She just wanted to lie down, to close her eyes, and to disappear from the world for a while.
The room was small, nothing like the suite she and Silent had shared, and that was all right. It allowed her to walk to the bed without distraction, without pain. She dropped down onto the comforter that was as puffy as a cloud and sank into its embrace, her eyes closing as soon as her body relaxed.
She was so tired. Tired of climbing into a sense of normalcy only to fall back into these feelings of guilt, regret, shame, and—at times—anger. Tired of the uncertainty and the doubt. Tired of being naive and unaware.
Slowly, the world faded away, and a sense of calm started to wash over her before sleep took over.
Afraid to be strong
And too strong to be afraid
Caught up in a daze
Between staying and running away
If you have enjoyed this story so far, please consider taking a look at Anzel and my's website QuillnBlade.com for extra content such as mini stories, an Ask Us form to submit questions, responses to said questions, and special rewards for the awesome folks who support our Patreon.
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....
You're still my friend.
She's growing still...
Marvelously done.
I needed this. Very well done.
"The basis of any wisdom is patience" - Plato.
8114786 It's like war on your wedding day?
8114959
8114786
Oh my god I just got it
That was not intentional at all
8114970
Well in that case, you're still my turbo-friend.
Wait, Flurry is going to be a colt in this universe? Or did I miss something?
Either way, VERY well done! I hadn't even thought about the Crystal ponies' warlike history before.
8115029 Flurry comes well after our divergence from canon; Anzel and I chose a colt to accentuate this point. ;)
8115029
Very interesting. I can't wait to see. :)
I'm also tired of Crystal being sad.
*punches out a Sudramoar gryphon* Stop making Crystal sad, already! Punchings will continue until Crystal's morale improves! *goes off looking for more Sudramoar gryphons*
Colt huh? I wonder how much of a difference it will have on ponies. Also wondering about the name. Pony names almost always have some sort of prophetic quality to them, and i'm looking forward to what the colt's name will say about his future.
Another excellent chapter, sad discoveries may lay ahead, but until next time.
I wonder whether they will have kids, bearing in mind what I've read in "Trials of a Royal Guard" and that I haven't read any other of there(/your) stories.
(I will eventually, promise.)
I bet the reveal will be like when Padme found out that Anakin had turned to the Dark Side.
Skies above, this chapter just makes me all kinds of sad,
From the now-(seemingly) strained friendship between Crystal and Cadence.
To Crystal losing touch with Velvet, and her conflicted feelings about Silent going to the war.
Just sad days. Can't imagine that learning about Silent being Dread Knight is going to make it any easier on her either. Girl needs a friend over there with her, stat.
I thought Cadence said this to Crystal. You nearly gave me a heart attack...
Also, I think this story is slowly turning me insane. I have started ranting (a good rant) about the story in front of the mirror...
Poor Crystal, Nopony at the moment to turn to, a horrible feeling.
I had a feeling I should play morose and melancholy music while I read this chapter. Looks like my intuition was correct.
It's chapters like these that make me consider who grew/changed more during the war. Crystal or Silent? It's easy to suppose that those who go to war get scarred the most, but there's plenty of quiet suffering that happens back home as well.
8114802 Soon she won't have a choice to remain naive; sometimes, personal growth is forced upon us... or, in her case, forced to be forced upon us.
8114831 Thank you!!
8114975 ty ty I would hate to lose our friendship because my subconscious was having a gaff with me.
I don't know if that's a real saying, but I like the way it sounds.
8115045 ROCK'EM SOCK'EM SHACHZBOT
8115105 Yup, no magic alicorn mega-wing baby in Q&B!
8115204 No worries on the side/other stories! Everyone reads at their own pace of their own preferences. It's a buffet of literature here; pick what you like!
8115280 And then Crystal loses the will to live and dies
abandoning her newborns
I never understood that part.
8115468 Time alone can do painful things to relationships; the strain of war even moreso. It's not always fun to write, but thankfully we all know I am not one to let things whither with sadness.
8115529 Hah! There would be quite a lot of explaining to do on Crystal's part if that were the case!
8115620 It's never easy trying to face hardships alone—or seemingly alone, as the case may be.
8116462 That's something I... for lack of a better word, enjoy about sharing this story. The suffering at home is often overlooked. Of course, the suffering of those at war is immense and not to be thought light of at all. But it doesn't all happen on one side of things, for sure.
8116724
Well, it's a real saying now and nobody can tell us otherwise!
Oooo, so now that Crystal knows the truth about Dread Knight, there's plenty of details that can be put together. Especially if Silent has been commonly reported on in the press under that moniker.
Hmn. Salvagers? Random unimportant headline? Foreshadowing? Something that long-term readers should know about and I've just forgotten?
Oooo, a meeting with Cadance. That's a contact that is probably in the know. I mean, Crystal is friends and/or acquaintances with pretty much all of the royals, but this is a bit less of going straight to the top than calling on Luna or Celestia would be. (Surprise everyone, go meet with Blueblood. He's probably drunk and regretful somewhere.)
Ooo, that should be interesting.
Someone turned Flurry into a colt!
I shall call him Stormy.
Huh. Man, now I'm really spacing on just how MIA Velvet has has been out of recent chapters. I can remember scenes that it feels like she might have been in, but maybe that was always just Golden instead?
I'm looking forward to that conversation with Shining.
AH IM LATE! -dies- ahem, anyway. I liked the headlines, it really fleshes out that there is more involved with the war, than just the Dragoons. As for Crystal, I have a feeling that this war is affecting her just as bad, although in a different way than what Silent is going though in his respective story. This was a great chapter. cant wait to see more.
Great work so far on this one! Loving each struggle she's going though and rooting for her with each little victory she gets.
8135645 You're right, this is not related at all, and doesn't belong here.
You're welcome to put this on a discussion forum, or, If this is a serious problem, consult professional help.
If you're not serious, then please go away and stop making unrelated comments.
8136206 sorry man, I forgot that fourms existed. I'll take my biz elsewhere
8114970 I don't get it
8139760
I accidentally quoted the song Alanis Morissette - Ironic
So I was watching season two recently, to refresh my memory, when the episode "sweet and elite" came up. So I watched it and they mentioned something about a jet set and a upper crust. It took me a couple of seconds, then I did a double take.
8139824 Ah, well, I don't know her stuff so I suppose it's unsurprising it passed me by.