Prologue: First Paycheck (REWRITTEN)
And there it was, the final brushstroke. No, I didn't paint some grand painting to be hung in a museum forever. I more simply had just finished with my boring job - wood sealing a wooden (duhh) walking bridge with the ever-smelly Armor All.
This meant that I no longer had to be outside with this unbearable heat, and I no longer had to deal with coming home smelling worse than a guy who puked on his own clothes last night, and then left them on all night so the smell would fester.
This also marked the date of my first paycheck. First job done, first paycheck received. I know it won't be much, considering it's just an on-call sort of thing, but I'd like to think that I now won't have to ask my mom for everything I want.
Maybe I could even save up for a better desktop. I mean, mine can play most games, but, being a hand-me-down from my parents it was a pretty old one. It was a simple single core processor with only two gigs of RAM. I say was because I had saved up my allowance for a painstaking year when I was fourteen to buy a custom dual core, and a higher capacity RAM chip.
But hot damn, does technology change fast. Now there are freaking octuple core processors that you can get... I think. I never really did search anything up about them because I knew I'd never be able to afford one, so it could have been just a hoax I had seen on Facebook, too... There seem to be a lot of those now.
Though my paycheck, which I'd estimate to be around two or three hundred dollars, probably wouldn't get me very much. I'd still have to wait until I got a few more to even decide on what I'd want.
Sadly, in order to get my paycheck I'd have to go through Sally...
Sally is basically your stereotypically mean and lazy boss. Kinda like those you'd see in the movies. Figuratively hanging lead weights on your back while you are working, and choking you with rage every time you talk to her. I mean, she just has that snootiness to her voice that just makes you want to punch her in the face and then tear her throat out and shove it up her a--
Yeah, I dislike her quite a lot, same with many other people. She got herself a bad reputation after hours, too. Many people even call her, "The Bitch of the Village." though I'm not sure if she knows that or not. This is a small town, after all, and word tends to get around fast.
Don't know why she seems to hate me so much, though, I'm just some mostly average guy with a weird choice in hairstyle.
Yeah, before I go and make fun of myself, I should probably explain myself.
I'm a guy, I hope that was obvious, I have an average build, but some people comment that I might be a little skinny... Which the Wii fit also tells me, when I do the BMI scan thing, it places the marker right on the line of 'underweight," and 'Ideal.'
My eyes are lightish blue, and I have short, silver hair -- No, it's not natural (sadly), when I was like, twelve, I decided that I really liked the color silver, asked my mom to dye my hair that color, and it just stuck from then on.
From afar I look like some old dude, though. The way the sun reflects on my hair makes it look more white, so some people will mistake me for some old guy and ask me if I need help crossing streets every now and then... It gets annoying sometimes... I mean, don't you see the unwrinkled face?
I broke myself out of my thoughts, I still had to carry the empty cans of wood sealant back to the garage after all.
oOo The most innovative chapter break in the world oOo
Holy hell, who would have thought that carrying three empty cans of sealant and a couple of brushes and rollers would be so hard. I must have dropped each item at least three times! They do not fit well altogetherin my hands. Though, this also might be why I usually take a few trips to get all the stuff...
Meh, it was still faster this way.
I stuck the empty cans on the shelf inside of the garage labeled 'empties.' Turning around from the shelf of empties, I almost thumped right into Sally's face... That horrible, horrible zit filled face....
"I wrote your paycheck," She grumbled as I began to choke on her breath, "I factored in today's work too. Enjoy your first paycheck, you little gray shit. Now go home!" Then she slapped the cheque into my arms.
You thought I was kidding when I said, 'Bitch of the Village,' didn't you? Sorry, but I don't like to lie often... Except when I'm in trouble... But that's aside the point. I'm pretty sure if Sally had her way, she'd start World War Three through Seven.
I looked down at the paycheck I received. Two hundred, seventy-three dollars and twelve cents. Sweet! I'm richer than I was before!
I looked up from the cheque to kind of thank her, but she was already half way to the other side of the garage.
Once she was out, I counted to thirty so she wouldn't be anywhere near and then left also. It was time to cash this cheque. To the bank!
oOo The most innovative chapter break in the world oOo
Walking into the air-conditioned bank, I sighed. This is simply the best day I've ever had... Kinda. If you factor out the meeting with Sally then it was.
I walked up to the bank teller, feeling slightly nervous because I've never done this before, and looked up at it.
"Hello, what services do you need," Read the screen of the obviously not a bank teller. Motherfu- Really? Am I that dumb?
I turned away from the bank machine and shuffled my feet to the front desk, "Hello, sir. How may I help you?" The real bank teller asked with a smile on his face. I looked at his blue shirt and read his name tag. He was labeled, 'Bob.'
Who names their children Bob? That's so rude. It's like your parents walking into your school and formally asking all the bullies to bully the hell out of you... Though I should probably stop internally ranting and answer his question.
"Uhh, yeah. I'd like to cash my first cheque please." Just have to rub it in that I got my first paycheck.
"Your first one, eh? Who do ya work for, son?" He held out his hand for me to drop the cheque into. Which I gracefully replied with by handing it over.
"Well, your gonna hate me for this, but I work for... Sally" That was painful to say.
The teller looked shocked, "Oh, shit. That must really suck man, I feel like blowing my own brains out whenever she walks into the bank, how do you put up with her all day... Every day?" He then looked down at the cheque I handed him and started pushing keys on the computer that sat on top of the desk.
"Mostly just try not to get murdered. Don't talk, and just do what your told." Advice from a slave. Take it or leave it.
"Damn, pretty harsh. Anyways, do you have a bank account here already or would you like to set one up?"
"Oh, I have one, just hold on a sec..." I reached into my left pocket where my wallet stayed at all times and pulled it out. Once I had it out I slid the bank card out of its holder and handed it to Bob, "...Here you go."
He refused to take the card and said, "Nonono, I got the cheque on the computer here. All you have to do is plug your card into the debit machine and transfer the funds." I withdrew my hand and waited for him to pass me the machine. Once he did, I inserted the chip side of the card into the bottom and clicked accept when it asked me to confirm the amount transferred. After that I put in my pass code and holy crap that was easy.
"Thanks, I'll be back next month... Hopefully!" I told Bob, to which he replied with a 'have a good day' or something like that. Wasn't really listening. Too excited about money.
I walked out of the bank and headed to the village library, where my mother worked... Which was way across town. Even though this was a tiny village, I still felt too lazy to walk all the way there.
About halfway to the library, my quiet walk was interrupted by a familiar voice calling my name -- er, nickname.
"Hey, Silver! Wait up man!" Definitely Haddon's voice. And yes, he did call me 'Silver.' It was a nickname the bullies gave me when I had first started dying my hair silver. I used to hate the name a lot and would, in my step-father's words, 'Freak the fuck out on those little bitches.' Whenever somebody called me it. But then practically my whole family started calling me it, starting with my mother. They had done it just to annoy me at the time, but it just kind of... Stuck.
I stopped walking and turned around to wait for Haddon. He was a tiny guy, and was about four foot seven when he was in grade ten. This year, in grade eleven, he has not actually told us his actual height, but I'd say he only grew about two inches. Though like they say about small dogs, he acts a lot tougher than he actually is so he can scare away the bigger dogs with noise. He had black hair and light green eyes.
But the major thing that set us apart, was that he had a girlfriend and I did not. Forever alone, my friends. I wouldn't know much about her though, she doesn't even go to the same school as us. All I know from the few times I've caught a glimpse of her is that she had long blonde hair and either uses a ton of makeup, or is a natural model.
Once Haddon caught up to me I looked to him and asked, "Did you just get off of work too?"
"Yep. But I'm pretty sure that job underpays me. I swear, if another five year old walks in again and asks for ice cream, I swear I'll murder it." Haddon looked really angry. It should be noted that he also hates kids. He always talks about how 'those little snots will ruin me one day.' Though that day has yet to come.
"Well, at least you don't have to work for Sally. Although, speaking of that, I just got my first paycheck today!" Rub-rub-rub it in! Rub-rub-rub it in!
"That's sweet, how much?"
Aw crap, I forgot the exact number now, "It was like, two hundred and seventy something." I answered.
"Oh, and here I thought you would get hazard pay, not just minimum wage - That's fucking cheap!" Huh? Why would I get hazard pay? I was just painting a walk bridge. I voiced my exact thoughts.
"Oh that's easy, you have to work with Sally. That's hazard enough."
"Oh... Heh." I then proceeded to slowly fall into a fit of laughter, along with Haddon.
Once we had calmed down, I looked over to Haddon, "Welp. I've gotta go, my mom will be driving me home like usual, so I gotta hurry over to her work. See ya!"
Suddenly there was a honk coming from the road beside me, "Huh, speak of the devil, I guess we chatted longer than we thought?" It didn't seem like it was that long at all. Maybe she got off work early? Haddon waved to me and then left, so I turned around...
...And it looks like she went home and got the Beefed-Shit mobile. My step father got this little tiny Kia Rio, which has like fifteen horsepower, and he went and he painted fucking racing stripes down the center and put a dumbass spoiler on it then named it, "The Lawn Mower Hot Rod."
Our family has never felt so ashamed before.
Anyways, she pulled the little car up beside the sidewalk and I hopped in.
"Hey Silv, late again?" The evil ladymy mother asked.
"Er, yeah. But I got my paycheck today! It was two hundred and seventy something dollars!" I began to do the 'Rub it in' dance in my head.
"Yeah and I got my paycheck yesterday -- It was three thousand, five hundred dollars." Fucking bitch, why would you so rudely rub it in like that...? Oh, wait... Oops. I was quietly poutinglistening to music for the rest of the ride.
Once I got home my usual routine commenced. My 'usual routine' was actually very closely followed by myself, and it went in this exact order:
1. Clean out the dishwasher
2. If Thursday, Vacuum house (which it was not Thursday today, it was Tuesday.)
3. Scoop shit and piss from kitty litters.
3.5 Wash hands three times because I accidentally touched the scoop end instead of the handle.
4. Clean room, then proceed to play Robocraft or other significant game.
5. Eat what mom cooks.
6. Hopefully don't get forced to do the dishes after dinner, go back to playing on my desktop until 3 AM.
Don't judge, my life is organized... Probably better than yours - er. Well, talking to myself and saying my life is more organized than my life. Seemed pretty disorganized really.
I followed that exact order of business, -- and luckily did not have to do the dishes. Dinner was good though. We had nachos, which I hadn't had the pleasure of having for like... Three months. IT TASTED SO GOOD ... Ahem, sorry about that.
After that I started up my computer and looked through my library of games to play...
But then came midnight. I was still playing From the Depths (a game which I had just found the night before), and had finally managed to capture the first resource zone that was a little to the right of my main fortress. Rockets and torpedoes rock, man. You can make a twelve block long rocket and take down half of the enemy's boat... And then build six more rockets the exact same way and put it on a turret with heavy electric shielding on the front.
Though that's not the tactic I used to take the resource zone, all of that was in the ftee designer, just messing around with stuff. My actual tactic was to use stolen ships. The revelation that you could steal ships led me to just ignore making fleets all together and just wreck their ships from the insides. I made something simple and resource friendly (like the Swift from the Deep Water Guard) that flies super fast and will dodge most bullets and missiles, then I would swim over to their boat and take over the AI mainframe and let the boat I infiltrated destroy the rest of the fleet. No loss because I wasn't the one who built the boat, and if it got destroyed, well, it got destroyed. Simple enough plan, and it worked. The two Marauders and a Riverhome I had stolen right off the bat could prove that.
But now I could feel the urges of a piss incoming... It would be a big one, probably a killer.
I quickly turned off my computer, then jumped up and out of my seat and ran into the bathroom to relieve myself. I then didn't flush, but proceeded to wash my hands, and accidentally, somehow, splashing and soaking my socks in the process. Why didn't I flush, you ask? Well, we have this SaniPlus shit pump thing -- Basically how my mom explained it was that it was a 'Place a toilet anywhere' pump. Even if the toilet was beneath the sewer lines. It would just pump it up, loudly. It had a sensor inside of it that would automatically turn the pump on once its reservoir was full, but the sensor was broken, so we had to go out of the bathroom, reach into the roof, and plug it in and unplug it from there.
Sadly there was no towel, so I stepped out of the bathroom, hands and feet still soaked, and reached into the roof to plug the machine in.
BZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS WHAT REAL PAIN FEELS LIKE AGAGAHGAG
...ZZZRZZZRZRRRZZZZZRZRRZRZRZRZRZRRRRZZZRRRZZZZZ...
GRRAAAAAAAaaahhh.... ...Well, I think my nerves are all dead now. I wonder if I'm screaming. Can't feel a thing anymore... Oh wait... I can.
There's a weight in the back of my pants. I shat myself.
...ZZZRRRZZRRZRRRRRZZXXXXXXZZZZZRRRRRZZZZRRRRRRRR..
PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO DIE! NOT THIS WAY! PLEASE LET ME LIVE!
...ZZZZRRRRT
I promptly fell to the floor, it seemed that the circuit breaker finally did it's job and shut down the damn power. I moved to get up, only to find that I couldn't move my arms... Or my head... Or my legs. Hell, It didn't even feel like I had crapped myself anymore. Instead I just felt... Nothing. At all.
Then it all faded to black.
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
1,008 users online
16,662 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like the abrupt electrocution, nice touch
So... Does this guy turn into a hedgehog? Because that'd be somewhat funny.
He's off to a great start.
'You can mke a twelve block' - make
'resourxes' - resources.
ahh death by electocution.. not fun, been there, done that, well near it.. as a kid, all I remember is changing light bulb, pain, then woke up in hospital, told that I was a bit crispy around the edges, but damn lucky that my heart was strong enough.. so.. I can relate to his pain.
I'm rereading my own story so I can work on continuing it, and the amount of puns/stupid jokes/inside jokes my slightly younger self put into this is phenomenal.
Dude ends up in equestria after death by electrocution. That's a new one. Also the crapping himself was a nice (if fairly disturbing) detail.
this is one of the most ridiculous deaths