In the Eyes of Beauty

Rarity loses a beauty contest to a guy named Zander. However, Rarity soon notices there is something different from Zander that separate him from the other guys that she has come across. Will she learn there is more than one way to look at beauty?

This story is for the What is Beauty contest for Weekly Contests.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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A Hollow Shell

A Hollow Shell #1 · Aug 3rd, 2015 · 2 · ·

Aaaugh...

Aaugh..

It's BEAUTIFUL

Truly BEAUTIFUL!!

There are a ton of past-present tense, punctuation and capitalization errors that distracted from the story, which is the only reason that it isn't my Number One all time favorite romance story thing ever.

Still, it was super duper sweet and adorable and cuddly and squishy and warm and guzzy and I need to find a college I've been distracting myself with fimfiction too long but THIS IS WHY I DISTRACT MYSELF WITH FIMFICTION IT'S BECAUSE OF THESE STORIES AND GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

Well done!!

Good day and Good Health
First Spark

Autistic Writer

Autistic Writer #2 · Aug 3rd, 2015 · · ·

6275781

Thanks for the great comment. Hope you find the right college. :)

misskoifishpony

misskoifishpony #3 · Aug 4th, 2015 · 2 · ·

Yay AW's beauty contest entry is here! And I have to say...it is pretty different from what you usually do yes, but it still holds similarity to your other works. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect from this story. Before, during, and after my read. And in my opinion that's a good thing.
Now, before I do the good, let me critique first:
I wasn't a big fan of the beginning because of how Rarity was portrayed in the beginning. She was getting all frustrated because if getting second place in a high school arts beauty contest I'm a Rarity fan, and I would think that Rarity just entered into this contest for fun and be a good sport whether she got first place or second place. I can see her getting mad or sad or frustrated if it was a fashion contest in front of designers in New York or something. And she was the clear choice for first place. But this is just a nitpick. Another thing that got slightly annoyed with is that Zander kept saying that he sees beauty in sounds and hearing the world. It's fine that if he said it once and I know that it's part of the story moral(which is a great moral). But I felt like Zander could have expanded on his definition of beauty by stating how he can find beauty in touch or his other senses or beauty he sees in his mind. He sees great beauty in creativity and imagination yet also he tries to see the true hidden beauty in simple or over look things. Also, I felt like Zander should have been more torn in his answer or truly want to see the world he has imagined. This moment should have been more emotional and not as black & white because this is a big question to ask a blind person. It's so hard for them to imagine seeing the world, it would be like an impossible dream coming true, you don't know exactly how to feel about it. Also, it was a little odd and slightly out of character for her to reach for a guy's cheek and touching it just because she's mesmerized by his eyes. I mean, it's cute that she finds his eyes alluring, but when she did the first time randomly was odd.
Other than that, this was a wonderful story. Great OC, great romance, and a wonderful entry for the contest:)

Autistic Writer

Autistic Writer #4 · Aug 4th, 2015 · · ·

6280519

Thanks, surprised you didn't enter, but i guess you are busy with stuff. Don't worry, i am sure you would have won if you did enter.

Thanks for the honest critique. I knew there were holes in this story. Getting Rarity right wasn't exactly my strong suit. It's also added to the factor that Rarity isn't my favorite out of the mane six.

Since i am not blind, i can understand that i wasn't able to get my OC just right. I just wanted Rarity to see love out of a person who couldn't see. Not sure how many Rarity/ Blind OC stories there are, but i wanted this story with that pairing in mind.

Glad you enjoyed it and i can't wait to see any stories that you come up with.

misskoifishpony

misskoifishpony #5 · Aug 4th, 2015 · 1 · ·

6280792
Yeah, that's the reason why I didn't enter into this contest or any contests lately because I've been busy this summer and busy writing my other stories that I need to get out in my spare time.

Don't worry, i am sure you would have won if you did enter.

Oh, I don't know about that Believe me, last contest I entered in, I didn't do so hot. But I appreciate the flattery
I know it's hard to speak from a blind person perspective when you are not blind. I'm not blind either, but as writers, we try our hardest to put ourselves in that perspective.
I hope that my honest critique wasn't too harsh because these are really just my nitpicks.