A Teen see's a special News report that changes his life for the better UPDATE: So I fixed a lot of the errors.... made the story less rushed..... Please reread this story august 2015
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 30th Jul, 2015
- offline last seen January 25th
Hoops
I periodically check this. Don’t like ponies anymore, I think it's weird as fuck I used to like that shit
Hoops
Joined 30th Jul, 2015 ·
Offline
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.075 seconds
Total duration
974 users online
1,449,181 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Good idea but fast paced to where I can't really tell what is going on
I noticed that myself
Its just that i did it last night and I had little time and i did it today were i had little time
6274802 I think i fixed a lot of it.. come read it.. i changed some stuff
There are three errors in the title alone, and another six in the first sentence of the description.
Get an editor.
Yay i used one.. i see no errors.. don't even hate
6284836
A few things:
1. It feels really rushed, everything happened way too quickly and all of a sudden the story's over.
2. Grammeratical errors.
3. I think you should try to link this story with Vinyl-and-Skull-King's story. It could be interesting.
Thx! Yay i know it is rushed..... Also i will try to link the second chapter a little more
6285590
The fact that you don't see errors is exactly why you need an editor. And if you really are working with an editor already, either he/she skipped over your title and description, or he/she lacks the knowledge needed to edit for you.
1. There needs to be a space after the comma that comes before the word "comb".
2. There needs to be an apostrophe in the word "I'm", just like with any other contraction.
3. There's no capital letter in the middle of the name "Thunderlane".
1. "Troublesome" is one word"
2. The word "me" should not be capitalized.
3. There needs to be a comma after the word "me".
4. You spelled the word "course" wrong.
5. The word "who" should not be capitalized.
6. There should not be an apostrophe in the word "sees".
Like I said, three errors in the title, six in the first sentence of the description.
6286217 Really? NO! also i did use an editor for my actual for my story.. stop hating now
6290217
The story isn't enough. Your editor also needs to look at all of the others areas where you made tons of horrible mistakes.
And I'm not hating; I'm looking down on you. There's a difference.
6303005 Im sorry!!! I feel so bad i was so mean. I was just mad that week because I felt like My parents did not love me. Because long story short my sister goes on trips every year for her birthday. I just have school :( and i was think about it a lot. Im still sad and mad but I'm in the sad stage!! thanks for the suggestions i took it down so i could fix it
6303005 Can you reread and give me your feedback? I fixed it (I hope)
6285900 Please reread i fixed a lot of it
6274802 Please reread i fixed lot
6328085 Yay
6328380 Did u reread? if so please rerate it. People don't read it because of bad rating
6303005 U too
6274802 U TOO
6340820 Guys!!?!?!?!!!?
Ya know what, other than minor misplacements of "his" and "her" it makes for a pretty good story. 5
6347694 Thx
Also thx for liking it. BEAT BACK THE DISLIKES
6303005 when you come and read this. I used to suck at writing XD. you were totally right BTW