• Published 5th Aug 2015
  • 472 Views, 21 Comments

Wake up,comb my hair, I'm ThunderLane? - Hoops



A Teen see's a special News report that changes his life for the better UPDATE: So I fixed a lot of the errors.... made the story less rushed..... Please reread this story august 2015

  • ...
9
 21
 472

The Wierdness begins

It was about 10:24 PM on a Thursday night, Me and my family where sitting on the sofa when suddenly my program was interrupted by a special report. Upon a podium, were two alicorns, in all their beauty. Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna. Seeing them up on the podium was just mind wracking, and when Celestia begun to speak, it just blew me away. Luna never spoke, but still. My sister looked at me with much confusion in her eyes, as I did. My sister turned her head back to the screen, and fumbled the remote in her hands as if he were going to change the channel, but with being so shocked she couldn't work his fingers right and gave up, as we listened to Celestia speak.

She was talking about how she was really Lauren Faust, who had turned into Princess Celestia, and how Luna was the same thing, but it was Tara strong who had become Luna, but why Luna? Ah forget it, it's just all too confusing. Anyway she went on about how every day, more and more people would be affected by this, and that she wanted and Elements of harmony to travel to New York to fight off Discord who they believe is responsible for this mess. Eventually, she ended by saying "No further comment." As she and Tara walk off the podium, heads hung low.

"Sure that will happen." Mom said.

"I know right so Photoshopped." Dad said "Well bed time." Dad said.

"C'mon!" Mia my sister said.

"ehh I don't really care." I said.

"I would like to become Soarin." My brother said.

"I would like to become ThunderLane. I could soar through the sky and make storms." I said with my head held high.

"Well goodnight." My brother said.

But I didn't sleep much that night. I kept thinking about the news report

In the morning my brother was screaming for no reason I did not pay attention and went to school.I walked into school to notice a lot of people were ponies. Even Seth Rogan. Well not the Seth Rogan. Her parents named her that for some reason I can't remember. I still can't believe that this is happening. It's so weird! School was the same... I don't need to talk about how boring it was. When I got home my family was not the same.

"I just passed out and then it happened!" Mia said.

"Same here!" Mom and Dad said.

"What the-." I could not finish. I passed out.

When I did wake up I was not a pony, Very reluctant I wasn't.Yet. Why was this happening, How is this happening. Wait if we are becoming ponies what is taking the place? Our bodies are taking their sou- I got a bucket of cold water on my face.

"Why you do tha-." I stopped"No. AM I A PONY?!." I said as I ran into the bathroom "Good." I mumble I walked back into my room to see my family as ponies.

"Who are you ponies?" I said "Wait a minute, Mom? Dad? Mia? Is that you?" They nodded.

"Oh my god." I said "HAHAHAHAHAH SUCKS DOESN'T IT!!!"

"Nicky you stop that right now." Mom said.

"Well I'm the boss now! I'm the bigger one!" I said as I picked her up by the neck where moms and dad lions hold there cubs. But I used my hands. Obviously. " Oh my god I'm dieing this is so hilarious!" "Well I'm going to my room. Me and Kevin (my brother) are going to stay up for a while tonight."

"Where is your brother?" Mom said.

"He is coming from soccer practice don't you remember signing him up for it-?" I stopped what saying because the Soarin was here. We call him Soarin because he forced us to. No other reasons... I opened the Door to notice Soarin but as Soarin! We are brothers if you haven't noticed.

"Woah when did you transformation happen?" I said.

"When I woke up this morning." He said "you didn't notice when I was screaming?"

"No." I said with a derpy face.

"Well what do you want to do?" I said.

"You want to read my 10,000-word discord fimfic? Soarin said.

"Sure!" I said.

"Well that was two hours I will never get back." I said when it was done

"What did you think?" Soarin said

"Like I need to go to bed. I'm so tired from all this pony stuff."

I felt a bit nausea but I though it was from the fish I had for dinner. It was odd watching them try to eat food. I tried not to laugh. The next day was weird..

"*yawn* Hello Soarin" I said.

"Hey Nicky." He said.

I sat up in my bed. I thought it was a dream and when I looked over at Soarin and he was a pony I was like dafaq? Then I realized it wasn't a dream. I acted like nothing was wrong and got out to comb my hair and take a shower before school. When we went downstairs I saw my mom trying to make pancakes with hooves and her mouth. Again very funny to watch. Eventually she gave up and I got cereal for my brother and I. When we got to school we have all the same classes so we went with each other. Today though I was one of the last human left here. In biology every pony was looking at me. I felt like the north pole, and all the eyes where compass pointing toward me. Soarin eventually got sore hoofs so I put him on my shoulder and carried him around. He is even lazier than ThunderLane. In science our teacher Mr. Beckons took a hair sample from me and tried to see why I was still human. But we ran out of time before his computer could start it took a while. It's very old. By lunch time I was so done. I could not wait until tomorrow. Me and my friend Seth Rogan (I talked about him earlier) are having a boys night out. While I was eating lunch I suddenly felt very nauseous. I thought I was going to puke so I went into the bathroom. I came out 15 minutes with my stomach okay. But right when I got out I felt very nauseous and fainted. It was in between classes when it happened so the only pony who noticed me was Soarin. I sat up.

"Are yo-" He stopped examining me from top to bottom.

"What?" I said.

Then I sat up but fell over. When I finally stood up after I failed 14 times. I pulled up my hand up to my forehead to see if I had a fever. What I noticed was that it was no hand anymore. It was a hoof. I was very surprised by this.... When I stopped screaming and yes I did scream I was surprised and very happy. I WAS THUNDERLANE! He is my favorite pony. He was a Wonderbolt, he had awesome cyan and white hair. "I can live with this." I said. After that no pony even cared that I was a pony. Except for the science teacher, yes we had science twice. He took a sample of my hair now and he had kept the one before. He tried to scan them but his computer took the whole period. He needs a new computer.

When I got home I noticed I wasn't the only pegasus! I guess my mom was Rainbow Dash? And my dad was Filthy Rich? My sister was Blossom Forth? I guess because my sister is always getting me in trouble. My mom always says that I'm lazy and i need to exercise and work hard. And my dad works, thats the best lead I got. The reason I noticed was because my mom was rushing to pack her clothes and tooth brush.

"Whats going on?" I said

"I have to go with my 'Friends' or the elements of harmony to defeat Discord!" She replied

"Ok?" I said. "How did you know this?"

"Celestia came to our door and told me"! She said

Ten minutes later she left. "Well ok?" I said
I told my Sister and my Dad How I can fly. How the whole thing at school went down. How all my clothes was changed into WonderBolt clothes. And my hats were flight goggles. Dinner was hard to make now that I had hooves. We made the simplest thing, a Peanut Butter and jelly. By that time I tried to go to sleep. But That night I could not sleep, Because pegasus can't sleep in beds. So I went up to the clouds very wobbly at 2 AM and brought one down into my room to sleep on it.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Author's Note:

I used way to many caps and !?!?!!?!?

Comments ( 21 )

Good idea but fast paced to where I can't really tell what is going on :derpytongue2:

I noticed that myself :facehoof:

Its just that i did it last night and I had little time and i did it today were i had little time

6274802 I think i fixed a lot of it.. come read it.. i changed some stuff:derpytongue2:

There are three errors in the title alone, and another six in the first sentence of the description.

Get an editor.

Yay i used one.. i see no errors.. don't even hate
6284836

A few things:
1. It feels really rushed, everything happened way too quickly and all of a sudden the story's over.
2. Grammeratical errors.
3. I think you should try to link this story with Vinyl-and-Skull-King's story. It could be interesting.

Thx! Yay i know it is rushed..... Also i will try to link the second chapter a little more

6285590

i see no errors

The fact that you don't see errors is exactly why you need an editor. And if you really are working with an editor already, either he/she skipped over your title and description, or he/she lacks the knowledge needed to edit for you.

Wake up,comb hair, Im ThunderLane?

1. There needs to be a space after the comma that comes before the word "comb".
2. There needs to be an apostrophe in the word "I'm", just like with any other contraction.
3. There's no capital letter in the middle of the name "Thunderlane".

So this story starts with a trouble some lazy teen (Me of corse) Who see's a news report on how people are turning into ponies

1. "Troublesome" is one word"
2. The word "me" should not be capitalized.
3. There needs to be a comma after the word "me".
4. You spelled the word "course" wrong.
5. The word "who" should not be capitalized.
6. There should not be an apostrophe in the word "sees".

Like I said, three errors in the title, six in the first sentence of the description.

6286217 Really? NO! also i did use an editor for my actual for my story.. stop hating now

6290217
The story isn't enough. Your editor also needs to look at all of the others areas where you made tons of horrible mistakes.

And I'm not hating; I'm looking down on you. There's a difference.

6303005 Im sorry!!! I feel so bad i was so mean. I was just mad that week because I felt like My parents did not love me. Because long story short my sister goes on trips every year for her birthday. I just have school :( and i was think about it a lot. Im still sad and mad but I'm in the sad stage!! thanks for the suggestions i took it down so i could fix it

6303005 Can you reread and give me your feedback? I fixed it (I hope):derpytongue2:

6285900 Please reread i fixed a lot of it

6274802 Please reread i fixed lot

6328380 Did u reread? if so please rerate it. People don't read it because of bad rating
6303005 U too
6274802 U TOO

6340820 Guys!!?!?!?!!!?

Ya know what, other than minor misplacements of "his" and "her" it makes for a pretty good story. 5:yay:

6347694 Thx
Also thx for liking it. BEAT BACK THE DISLIKES

6303005 when you come and read this. I used to suck at writing XD. you were totally right BTW

Login or register to comment